Author's note: I hope people understand that depression and suicide are really important issues and more and... Show full author's note »
This is it. This is the moment before the pain ends. The moment before my mind stops reeling and my heart stops aching. I think of all the bad memories so I don’t change my mind. But somehow my mind wanders to the good, sweet memories. The memories that make me smile. They flood my brain and start to chase the bad memories away. But I can’t think about the good times. I won’t. So instead I push the good memories out. I stare at the bottle in front of me and smile while a tear runs down my face. You might think I’m crazy for smiling at a time like this. Maybe I am. But I don’t feel bitter anymore. I don’t feel depression or anger or regret. In fact, I don’t feel anything at all. All the longing to feel wanted suddenly disappears. All my memories—good and bad--fly away. And all that’s left is me.