Hidden Scars | Teen Ink

Hidden Scars

April 15, 2011
By EmilyKatherine, Hagerstown, Maryland
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EmilyKatherine, Hagerstown, Maryland
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Favorite Quote:
If all the world's a stage and we are the actors, there must be no script because we're all doing improv.


Author's note: I hope that people will see the difficulties that teenagers are put under now and how even the weakest people can make themselves stronger, and vice versa.

Chapter One

I slipped into a pair of brown cargo pants and adjusted my baby blue polo. I looked in my full-length mirror and frowned at my reflection noticing my mess of dark brown hair. I quickly grabbed a green scrunchie and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. My converses were stained with grass from mowing the lawn yesterday, but I didn’t care, it made them look cooler. Before heading downstairs to breakfast I grabbed my water bottle and took my morning dosage of Protonix.

I walked into Mr. Fink’s class and took my usual seat in the room. There I waited patiently for him to once again mispronounce my name.

“Alright, role call everyone. Henry Avery?” Mr. Fink said lamely and waited for Henry’s normal “Sup?” but it never came so he continued on down the list to my name,”La-Lae-Laretta Baxter?” Once again he’d forgotten that it was Laeretta Baxter. I responded with a simple, “Here. Oh and it’s Laeretta. Like lie, as if I were lying to you.”
He nodded his head making a mental note for next time, even though I knew he’d forget by the next day. As he continued on down the list my brain tuned out his voice and focused on Daxon Wilde who had passed me a note beneath the desks. I smiled at his boyish scrawl of, “LAERETTA, UNDER THE BLEACHERS TODAY RIGHT?” I quickly wrote back “Yes” as my response and passed it back to him. I looked up and noticed that Mr. Fink was glaring at me. I coughed loudly and grabbed my stomach. Mr. Fink instinctively wrote me a pass to the Nurse’s office since I had stomachaches quite frequently.

I slipped out of the Nurse’s office after taking some painkillers and resting on the cot with a nearly water bottle in my hand. I glanced sideways at the clock and headed to the cafeteria.

I got to the cafeteria a few minutes early and sat at a table in the far corner by the back door which led to the football field and those rusty, faded blue bleachers. But better than that, was the spot where I met Daxon two days a week for three weeks.

I saw Daxon walk into the cafeteria and he came over, handed me my bag and opened the door. As we walked over to our usual spot under the bleachers I stole a look at his gorgeous lips. Such succulent and kissable lips they were. “Now if only I could get him to kiss me.” I thought to myself.

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Daxon was on the football team, so he saw EVERY cheer routine. I craved being on the cheer squad to be closer to him. I myself had never seen myself as a cheerleader until two years ago when I met Daxon and became his friend. Of course, I always more than friendship, but I never hinted that to him. Daxon was teaching me the routines so that I’d have a better chance to get on the squad. Unfortunately we had to practice in secrecy so that nobody would catch him teaching me. It gave people who were trying out a big disadvantage and then I’d never get to be on the cheer squad, and that stupid preppy Phoebe Williams would get it. She just wanted to be closer to Daxon, she was jealous of how close he and I were. But she had a bit of a reputation and I couldn’t risk my chances.

“Okay Lae Lae, right foot..” I followed Daxon’s steps but I wasn’t paying any attention to his instructions. I was more focused on his smoldering brown eyes. I loved watching the flecks of green in them dance around his pupils. There was another color in his eye but I didn’t get to see what it was because I noticed he had stopped and I was still going. I then thought about my own boring brown eyes, there was nothing special about them, just very plain brown eyes. We walked out from under the bleachers and sat upon the topmost bleacher to eat our heinous school food. Daxon didn’t seem to care or notice that our legs were touching, and I hoped that he couldn’t hear my heart pounding erratically against my chest beneath the soft fabric of my polo.

After we finished eating we started to get up from the bleachers but I lost my footing and started to slip. I felt his warm hand wrap around my arm as he caught me in my fall. He pulled me up and asked me if I was okay.

“Am I okay? I’m a complete klutz. And I probably look really stupid right now.”
He looked at me again before saying, “No. You... are beautiful.” I was stunned. I couldn’t respond to a comment like that, but it didn’t matter because I wouldn’t’t have had very much time to say anything anyways. He put his hand beneath my chin and kissed me. It was short but it was electrifying. He took my hand and we walked away from the bleachers together. I would never forget those bleachers for the rest of my life. I rested my head on his shoulder and about how we’d be coming back to those blessed bleachers yet again. I sighed and walked away on sunshine.




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Chapter Two
Two weeks later.

I woke up remembering that I was no longer single. Wow, two years of waiting actually did pay off. And better yet, it was finally the day for cheerleading tryouts. But when I thought about it, I didn’t need to be on the squad to be with Daxon anymore. I smiled as I got out of bed. As I was changing out of my Paramore tank-top and sweats into my favorite pair of shorts and a green halter-top, my iPhone beeped out the alert for a new text message. My eyes lit up as I read Daxon’s text, “Mornin’ beautiful.” I quickly typed in a response and bounced down the stairs.

While I was sitting in my chair in Fink’s class I waited for yet another name-pronunciation-mistake but it never came. “Henry Avery?” “‘Sup?” “Learn a new phrase Mr. Avery.” “Aight.” Then he got to my name, “Laeretta Baxter? Did I get that correct?” “Here and yes.” I knew today was going to be a good day just from that one correct pronunciation of my name. Daxon walked into class late, which was odd because he was always here on time. When he went to go and sit in his seat he and I both noticed Frank Ming took it. Daxon asked Frank to leave, but he insisted on sitting next to me; that’s when I heard those amazing words for the first time, “Well I’m insisting on sitting next to my girlfriend. So, if you wouldn’t mind sitting next to Phoebe, in fact I think she’s looking for some new arm-candy.” I stifled a giggle as Frank practically jumped into the seat next to Phoebe as if I was no longer good enough to sit next to. I smiled at Daxon and that’s when I noticed that his eyes had some blue in them too.
At lunch Daxon insisted on practicing the cheers behind the bleachers again even though I had them down pat. After a quick run through of the cheers Daxon grabbed my hand and pulled me to a little area where he had set up a picnic for us. We sat down and started eating the fried chicken he’d made hours beforehand. Daxon leaned over and kissed me, “For good luck.” he said. I smiled, no wait, I actually blushed. I was still speechless about all of it, but I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. His stubble brushed my cheek and made me giggle. I stopped giggling when I noticed a red-stain on his collar. “Um Dax, what’s that on your shirt?” I watched as he looked down at his shirt, “Oh, that, it’s just barbecue sauce. What did you think it was Lae?” He looked disappointed in me; I quickly covered and said I thought it was ketchup, even though he and I both knew that it matched Phoebe’s lipstick perfectly. I told him I had to go get changed for gym. As I was standing up, he pulled me down and started kissing me intensely. I went weak in the knees as he started playing with the button at my shirt. I tried pushing him away, but he was too strong. He won that fight, and he claimed his stupid little prize.

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Chapter Three
Depression sucks. I had cried for a week now. All I became to my entire school was a $100 bet. I really thought that Daxon cared about me. No, he and his friends had made a bet that if he could get in my pants, he’d get $100. I can never get my reputation back. Daxon tried calling me all week, but I would never answer. He tried calling my house, but even my mom wouldn’t answer the phone after what had happened. She was in the process of moving me to another school, Lake Friedan Preparatory School. I’d be starting the school on Monday. I heard a rock hit my window and I looked down to see Daxon standing out in the yard. I did what my mother told me to do if this happened. I grabbed the bucket of sour cream and guacamole and placed it on the bedside table next to me. He tried saying that he was sorry, but I wasn’t buying any of that shick. I grabbed the bucket of the sour cream and guacamole hit him straight on the head. I closed the window and started laughing hysterically.

I walked through the hallways of my new school hopeful and confused. Suddenly a very tall boy walked up beside me, “Hey, you’re that new girl right? I’m Ian. Do you need help around the school?” I felt automatic relief and responded, “Hey, yeah my name’s Laeretta, and I definitely need some help.” He looked down at my schedule and walked to the class with me, “Hey, we have the same schedule. Don’t worry the school will get easier. Just stick with me and you’ll know your way around in no time.” I smiled at Ian and he blushed. His blue eyes shone beautifully and matched his dimples and blonde hair. When we got into the class I noticed we had tables instead of desks. Ian and I sat down at a table together; when we got to the table, he pulled the chair out for me. Then it was my turn to blush.

By lunchtime I had almost completely forgotten about the bleachers until I looker out the window and saw the cheerleaders practicing on the field. I was about to start crying when Ian looked up from his turkey and pest sandwich, “Hey, Lae Lae, are you okay?”
I about burst into tears from the nickname that Daxon used to call me
“Yeah I’m fine, but, Ian, would you mind maybe calling me Retta?”
“Uh sure. Is that what people used to call you?”
“Yeah, that’s what like everyone called me.” I felt bad lying to him, especially as I looked into his pool-blue eyes. He smiled at me, aware that he really was my friend.

Since he lived two houses away from me, he walked me home from school. We walked past some Lilies and he picked one for me. I blushed, reminding myself that not all guys are big dumb jerks like Daxon, especially not Ian.

When we got to my door I realized that I had forgotten my keys and my mom’s car was nowhere in sight. It started to pour down rain, so Ian and I ran to his house where his mom greeted us and let us in.
“Oh Ian, you’re home, who’s your friend? Oh wait a minute! You must be Laeretta Baxter. You and your mother just moved in down the street didn’t you? I’m sorry we haven’t met formally yet. I was just making some brownies to bring over, but here you are. Oh listen to me babbling on, come on in dearie, you’re soaked.” She pushed the door open further and the aroma of those brownies she’d been making filled the air. She pointed to a door down the hallway and told me I could dry off and use their phone to call my mom to tell her where I was.

As I took a bite out of my brownie, I was careful not to get any crumbs on my school uniform. I looked over at Ian who was drawing a map of the school so I asked him, “For me?” I had started him and he quickly jumped out of his seat. “Oh sorry, I didn’t see you there Retta,” he responded. Ian and I both heard a doorbell ring. He held up his pen and took a picture of me.
“Oh cool, is that one of those really tiny pen cameras?” I asked. He nodded and smiled in response. He was so awkward, but that’s what made him so sweet and adorable. As I was leaving his mom handed me some tin-foiled brownies, and gave me a hug goodbye, “You’re welcome here anytime darlin’.” I smiled and walked over to give Ian a hug goodbye, but he did one of those awkward one-armed things. I left his house feeling better than I had in a long time.

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Chapter Four
Two months later.
I woke up screaming, again. The images of my past haunted me not only in my nightmares, but in my day-mares as well. It had been one month exactly since it happened. I still couldn’t bring myself to say the word. I was just glad that this was my last year in high-school, and I’d never have to deal with immature high-school jerks like Daxon again.

I slipped out of bed and walked over to my dresser. I pulled my uniform out of the top drawer: A pleated navy blue nearly knee-length skirt and a navy blue sweater vest to be worn over a button down shirt. I decided on a blue button down and added the official school uniform tie as my finishing touch. I washed my face quickly and avoided getting my clothes wet. I was planning to skip breakfast so I brushed my teeth as well. I combed the strands of hair that always stuck to my forehead out of my face.
When I was finally ready for school, I walked down the hall and into the kitchen to say goodbye to my mom. As I slung my backpack over my shoulder an envelope fell out of the side pocket. I grabbed the letter opener from the pencil cup we kept on the counter and opened the envelope. Once it was open I slid my fingers inside and pulled out a piece of paper. On the outside there was a map of the school, but when I unfolded it and turned it over, a pencil drawing of me was unveiled. It captured every trait of me, right down to those silly little strands of hair.
I stood out on the sidewalk and waited for Ian to come and walk to school with me. I looked out across the street and saw Daxon sitting next to a pregnant Phoebe Williams and the bus stop bench. They must have been heading to Medical Center on Frankton and 5th street which isn’t a round bus trip from the bus stop around Phoebe’s house. I started laughing, but then I realized how terrible Phoebe must feel. I started to think about how far along Phoebe must have been since she was showing so much when I was interrupted by Ian joining me on the sidewalk.
He handed me a bouquet of Lilies and pecked me on the cheek. I grabbed his hand with my free hand and thanked him for the flowers along the picture he drew. I leaned up and returned his peck with another one on his cheek. He turned beet red which made me giggle. That was when Daxon noticed us.
He walked across the street while Phoebe trailed behind him in a half waddle-half walk.
“Hey slut! What’s new with you?” Daxon walked up to me and put his arm around me. Ian looked disgusted but noticed Phoebe was standing awkwardly so he pointed out the bench behind her. Daxon looked at me, grinned, and said, “So listen, I was wondering if maybe you would want to work on some cheer routines behind the bleachers today?” He moved his arm off me and leaned down to kiss me, but instead of his lips meeting mine... his face met my palm. I slapped him across the face with as much power as I could which made Phoebe grin from ear to ear. He started to stand up straight and looked like he was going to do it to me again right there on the spot as punishment but Ian swung his fist and punched Daxon in the nose. His nose started to bleed uncontrollably. Phoebe stood up briefly to give Daxon some tissues. She didn’t comfort him or anything, and I didn’t blame her.
“Now, Daxon, you keep your filthy meat-puppets off my girlfriend. Haven’t you already caused these girls enough trouble?” He stated while motioning to Phoebe and I before continuing, “I mean really? You get this one,” Phoebe stated her name for Ian so he could continue his statement politely, “Phoebe, pregnant. And then as if that isn’t bad enough, you rape Retta behind your school bleachers. Did you ever realize that you’ve scarred her for life? You are pure evil scum. Leave her alone, and get the hell out of my neighborhood before I kick your ass.”
Ian linked his arm through mine. Phoebe came up to me before Ian and I left and she asked me if I would consider being the baby’s god-mother, because after the baby was born she didn’t want Daxon anywhere near her. She told me she didn’t have a friend in the world after it happened so I told her I’d be honored to be the baby’s god-mother.
As Ian and I walked away leaving Daxon to clean up his mess, I persistently asked Ian how he knew about Daxon raping me, but he just shushed me and told me that he would tell me when it was the right time.
Somehow I knew I had never made a mistake in trusting Ian.

Chapter One

How could Ian possibly have known? He lived two towns away from Daxon and my mom hadn’t made any friends in town yet to tell them about the incident. I certainly never told him. My heart pounded erratically beneath my school uniform as the nervousness of it all settled in my brain. I was worried. But I didn’t know why. Was it the fact that Ian knew something about me that he was never told? Or was it because I almost felt comfortable that he knew? He stopped short and I continued to walk. I turned around and asked him what was wrong.

“You seem upset about something Retta. Do you want to talk about it?”
I still hadn’t gotten over how magnificent his comforting voice was. I walked up to him grabbed his hand and walked him away from the sidewalk until we got to a stranded meadow of lilies. When we finally stopped at the meadow I set my books on the ground. I sat down on the warm spring grass.

“Why don’t you sit down Ian?” I croaked while trying to hold back tears.
The whole way here I held them back. I had listened to the pounding of my own heart. The eternal echo of boom-bum-boom-bum-boom-bum continued to resonate in my ears as Ian joined me in the meadow. He sat across from me mimicking what I supposed to be my posture. Unfortunately, while I probably looked like a complete slob, he looked like a Greek statue that was chiseled by the iron fist of the gods. I tried to postpone asking him how he knew by imagining what he was thinking about at that moment. It must not have been very pleasant thoughts because he had to look at me.

Wow, just look at her dull brown hair, it’s such a mess. And her eyes are so boringly brown. What did I ever see in her? Maybe I should just leave now while I have the chance. That’s all I was able to think about. It’s what he must have been thinking. But my thoughts were interrupted when he looked up at me and said, “Retta, if there’s something wrong, you can tell me.”


“Ian, how.. um... how did you know about what he did?”
“Retta, I feel really bad when I say this, but, I think that’s something you should learn that in due time. I don’t think that you’re in a proper emotional state right now to hear the truth.”
“Well, that’s just swell. I mean, you’re the one person I’ve trusted since it happened. Why can’t you tell me? I just can’t... you know what... forget it. I’m leaving.” I grabbed my bags quickly and started to walk away but my books fell out of my hands. I bent down to grab them but Ian got to them first. Our hands brushed each others as he handed me my books. I had started to turn away but I felt his big strong hand on my arm. He turned me around, looked at me with loving eyes and pressed his lips to mine. At first I wanted to resist him but I let myself give in.

As we kissed I felt his strong embrace surround ever fiber of my being. His lips caressed mine and a thought flashed through my mind. It was a comforting thought, but a strange one for me to have had. It had taken place about 10 years into the future. Ian and I were married with two daughters. We lived in a modernly suburban neighborhood and lived in a two-story beige house with a cheesy white picket fence and a vibrant, freshly mowed, green lawn that was perfect for picnics and playing.

My mind snapped back into reality as Ian cautiously released his hold on me. He grabbed my things off the ground that I had dropped (again) when kissed me and handed them to me. When he turned around after grabbing his own things... I was gone.

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I didn’t go to school that day or the next day. I sat at home both days and did nothing but cry. I had fallen for Ian. I had fallen for Ian in two weeks. just like I had fallen for Daxon in two weeks. The first two years I just had a crush on Daxon, but on the fateful day I realized that I had fallen madly in love with my best friend. My brain was throbbing in my skull and my eyes were swollen and red. My trash can was full of tissues, and my floor was littered with empty tissue boxes. I felt bad that I hurt Ian, but I couldn’t risk getting hurt again. I felt even worse that I didn’t trust Ian. But then again, maybe it was myself who I didn’t trust. Ian was the most trustworthy person I knew. I decided to go back to sleep.

It was the next day when I woke up. I woke up screaming. I always woke up screaming.


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Chapter Two

I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I examined my face in the mirror. The face that looked back at me was red and swollen from crying. As I splashed cold water on my face I noticed the scar on my shoulder that I thought I had hidden so well. I turned around so my back was facing the mirror. I lifted up the back of my shirt cautiously and swathe three long scars engraved in my back that I had always tried so hard to forget about. I shuddered at the memory of the rocks that caused those scars. Those rocks were so jagged.

Flashback

Our family had gone camping for the weekend in the mountains. Back then my mother didn’t know about my father’s long lasting Depression. None of our family had known. One day, we all went swimming and my dad and I found a tall cliff about 10 feet off the water. I was 6 and I was really scared to jump off. My dad said that if I didn’t jump I’d always be a loser. When I decided not to jump he picked me up and threw me off the cliff. I screamed the entire way to the bottom. My back got scraped on some rocks and my shoulder was pierced and scratched nearly halfway down my back. My father, believing me to be dead, took off into the forest. When my mother saw what had happened, she raced over to me. The water was murky and tinted with blood. Even though there was no one for miles she yelled out for help. My breathing was thin and my heartbeat was scarce as she carried me through the water to the cabin we were staying in.

When we finally reached the cabin, my mother was covered in blood. She laid me on the floor and grabbed the phone off the wall. I could barely see or hear anything. The last thing I remembered before waking up in a hospital bed was my mother’s hand on my face telling me that everything would be okay.

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As I blotted the tears from my eyes my mom walked into the bathroom. I didn’t notice her come in but I knew she had come in when she touched my scars. She kissed my cheek and told me I had a visitor. She touched my forehead and walked out the door. I racked my brain as I walked down the stairs simply trying to think of who might be here to see me. But as I reached the door I realized that it was Ian.
The minute I opened the door I was bombarded with a long winded speech that I think I only understood half of from the most amazing guy in the world, “Retta, I can’t get you out of my mind. I should have told you the truth from the start. You deserved to know. It wasn’t right of me to keep something like that from you. I’m so sorry about everything. I mean, the only reason I can possibly think of as to why I didn’t tell you was because I didn’t want to hurt the woman I love. Because when you’re in love with someone who’s so amazing you can’t even form words to talk to her, then you want nothing more than to please that person and never hurt them, especially when they’ve been hurt so much in the past. And when I look at you, my heart just goes like, one hundred miles an hour. You are so beautiful, and although we’ve only known each other for a few months now, I know that I want to be with you and try to help you through what you’re struggling with right now. So please, don’t shut this door or lock me out, because, I think that now would be a good time to tell you how I knew about Daxon.”
As he took a breath I reached up and grabbed his cheeks. I stood up on my tiptoes and I kissed him. Suddenly his arms closed around me and made me feel whole. The world around us fizzled out of focus and I let my mind forget about how my life was spiraling out of control because the only thing that was important was that this one human being who promised to help me was binding me to the earth with one kiss that had so much passion I think that the world had actually stopped.

He released me and I stumbled backwards. When I regained my balance I whispered to him, “You just told me you loved me,” He smiled back at me and replied with just one word, “Twice.”

Chapter One: As Told by Ian My family used to live in the same town as you and Daxon. That however was before my parents got divorced. All the neighbors had brought over housewarming presents. Well, all the neighbors except the Wilde’s. So my mom told my brother Kyle and I to go and say hello to them. When we got there Daxon was playing basketball. Kyle immediately started playing with him, and they became fast friends while I always tagged along and tried to be really close friends. Daxon was my age but my older brother had gotten held back. A year passed and I still wasn’t quite fitting in. At that point my dad and my mom were fighting a lot. My brother and Daxon hung out a lot then and I was stuck at home during all of the fighting. Almost every night Kyle would sneak out and hang out with Daxon. A few weeks later the police brought Kyle home but Daxon hadn’t gotten caught. That night my parents officially decided to get a divorce. Kyle decided to stay with our dad, but I moved out with my mom. Ever since Kyle and Daxon have been really close. In fact, they’re still best friends now. He went to school with you and Daxon. I started school here at Lake Friedan the same year. I kept tabs on Kyle as he and Daxon went to school together. You moved to town during Sophomore year. The only reason I know is because Kyle talked about you all the time. About 3 months ago Kyle, Daxon, and I were all hanging out and we were looking through their yearbooks. Eventually we got around to class photos and I noticed yours. I pointed you out and Daxon and Kyle said, “Who her? Laeretta?” I looked at them like they were crazy for being skeptical, “What? She’s really pretty!” And then Kyle looked over at Daxon and said, “Yo Daxon, I bet you a hundred bucks you can’t get in her pants.” “Oh yeah, I bet you I can.” “Fine deal.” I was shocked to hear them talk about you like that. Although I didn’t know you then, I still knew someone that pretty shouldn’t be the victim of a stupid bet. Kyle looked over at me and asked me if I wanted in on their bet, but I just walked out of the room and drove home. But as I was leaving I heard them talking about Daxon’s girlfriend Phoebe, who I didn’t know at first. Of course now I do. I ended finding out about him raping you instead of just “getting in your pants” when I was visiting my dad two weeks ago. That’s when I finished the drawing of you. Kyle was on the phone with Daxon at the time. I picked up another receiver in my old bedroom to hear the entire conversation. Daxon: Kyle, man I’m telling you, I finished the bet, now pay up. Kyle: You’ve been saying that for a month now, and you didn’t really finish the bet. Daxon: Yes I did. You bet me that I couldn’t get in her pants, and I did. Kyle: That may be so, but your ethic wasn’t worth 100 bucks. It was worth more like 5 dollars. Daxon: So I “raped” her to finish the bet. So what? A bet is still a bet. Kyle: Well why did you rape her? Why couldn’t you just wait till she was ready? Daxon: Look I have to go, but I will tell you this. I would have waited, but Phoebe told me that morning that whatever I had going on with Lae Lae had to end. I told her we were just friends, and we had been for two years. But then she told me, she knew about our covert relationship. At that point I asked her why she didn’t just break up with me. Kyle: And what did she say? Daxon: She told me she was 2 months pregnant. She’s about 5 months now. Crap Kyle, I really gotta go, Phoebe’s here, and my mom isn’t happy to she’s her. Kyle: Sh** Dax, I’m sorry. Hey, I’ll call you later. Daxon: Seeya man. &lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt; Chapter Two: Afterglow as Told by Laeretta I slapped him across the arm and then apologized abruptly. “Oh, sorry, you just kind of took me off guard. So, it was your stupid brother who made my life miserable? God your brother is a d*bag.” He laughed and responded, “Yeah, sorry about that. I really wish there was something I could’ve done.” He and I both stopped talking and looked into each other’s eyes. Oh how I loved his gorgeous eyes. They were melodically blue. The kind of blue that you could just completely get lost in. Before I knew what was happening Ian’s lips were caressing mine. His lips were soft, and plump. They were perfect, more perfect than I could have ever known. We moved back on the bed and continued to kiss. When we emerged from beneath the sheets Ian and I both looked at each other in complete awe. I was the first to talk, “Did we just?” He nodded his head at me. I kissed him on the cheek and said, “Well, um, I liked it.” “Yeah, me too.” I began to think to myself of how awkward it was lying in bed with my boyfriend of a month naked. Although, it did truly feel right. While Ian washed up in my bathroom I threw my sheets and our clothing into the washing machine. After pouring the detergent into the machine and turning it on, the incessant hum of the clothes swishing around surrounded me. I ran up the stairs and pulled my robe out of the closet and threw it on. The green cotton tickled against my bare figure. I flopped onto my nude bed and pulled the journal I had begun writing after Daxon from beneath the bed-skirt. I flipped through the pages until I found the first entry. It was written the day after Daxon raped me. Dear Journal, I used to think that Daxon was a great guy. In fact, I thought that I loved him. But as it turns out he’s... well, an a-hole. As I’m writing this tears are staining the pages. Yesterday, Daxon and I had a picnic under the bleachers. But when I started to leave, he took control, and abused his strength. I don’t know how else to say it, but he, deflowered me. But the way he did it, it was like he was ripping the petals off, instead of gently caressing each significant petal and then tugging it off slowly. No... he ransacked me. It was like the old saying, he was a bull in the china closet. I have to go now, someone is coming upstairs. I’m pretty sure it’s my mom. Lae Lae Baxter Just before Ian came out of the bathroom I finished writing in an entry about him. I watched as he walked out wrapped in a blue and green towel. His hair was drenched with water and little drops dripped from the shaggy ends. My eyes trailed down to his glistening chest. True, it wasn’t as muscular as Daxon’s was, but it didn’t matter... Ian was hotter. I held in a girlie squeal as he sat down at my desk. When he looked up at me I realized how awkward it was to sit in the same room as him knowing he was half naked and I was half naked. My mind passed over those thoughts and I quickly stuffed the journal underneath my bed. “I’m going to take a shower now. Just in case my mom happens to come home but doesn’t check on us, you can come in and grab my robe to wear.” “Okay, but... I don’t want you to feel awkward or anything. Not that you should.” “I meant AFTER I was in the shower, Ian. Geez.” “Oh, right. I was just joking you know.” “Mmhmm.” I finished as I walked over to him quickly to kiss him on the cheek before trailing into my adjoining bathroom. &lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt; Chapter Three I let the hot water pour out from the shower head as I slipped out of my robe. I was almost completely beneath the running water when the door opened letting a rush of cold air filter in. I felt Ian’s presence behind me and I freaked out and ended up slipping and falling over. Before I hit the ground I felt human skin against mine. Ian had caught me and wrapped the robe slightly around me. “Retta, are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for catching me.” “Sure, anytime.” “Well, here’s the robe.” “Wait, Retta. What’s on your back?” “What? Oh, that. That’s nothing. It happened years ago. Don’t worry about them.” “Retta, those are huge scars!” “Yes and I said that they were no big deal.” Ian left on that note and I stepped into the shower. I let the hot water rush over me as lathered, rinsed, and repeated. I let myself hum a nameless tune as I mulled over the day’s events in my head. They felt wrong, but they also felt like they were meant to happen. It was as if some cosmic power had brought Ian and I together. But that couldn’t be so, because I had been brought up an atheist since the mishap with my father. When I stepped out of the shower Ian was nowhere in sight. I got dressed quickly and ran downstairs to change the laundry over and my mom was channel surfing on the couch. She didn’t look up from the T.V. as I ran back upstairs to look for Ian. I finally found him crouched in my closet wearing a very feminine blouse. I stifled a giggle and pulled him out of the closet. He looked at me deadpan and started to talk with a very effeminate lisp, “So Retta, what do you think of my outfit? Do you think my boyfriend will just love it?” I tugged at the shirt slightly and circled him like a vulcher before replying, “Oh Ianna... I think he will just die. But I think we should head up to the attic and find something a bit more masculine.” We walked out to the hallway and quietly walked up the hidden stairs that led up to the attic. When we got up there everything was boxed up from the move. I held Ian’s hand in mine with an extremely fierce grip as we meandered through the boxes until we got to a door that led to a room that branched off of the attic. I opened the door and my magnificent art studio and writing desk spread out before me. The walls were splattered with dried paint and the floor was roughly carpeted with rugs. It was a 15x12 room and allowed a surprisingly large amount of space. In the far corner of the room was a small bed that I would sleep on if I almost fell asleep while working. The bed had a comforter on it and bed sheets. All of them I tie-dyed myself before we moved. I looked around the room for a second and realized that Ian was in my way. I motioned for Ian to sit on the bed, and as he moved over to the bed I got down on my knees and pulled a rug back. Beneath the rug was hardwood flooring, the kind of hard wood flooring that always has loose floorboards with hidden space beneath them. I slipped my hand into the space and grabbed the flashlight off of the shelf inside. I flicked the switch on the flashlight and the light illuminated the small space. There were two boxes in the hole, one that contained art supplies and pieces of writing, the other contained remnants of my past. I pulled out the box of remnants and set it delicately on the floor beside me. I replaced the floorboard and laid the rug back down. I set the box on the writing desk and began to rummage through it. The top layer of things were old photographs. All of which I had punched my father out of the picture. When I got to the next layer of contents in the box my fingers touched soft fabric and denim. I pulled the contents out and handed them to Ian. As Ian mulled the contents over in his hands I could tell he was wondering what they were, well more like who’s they were. I kept going through the box and found three spiral-bound notebooks that were tattered and frayed from age and usage. I finally decided to tell Ian whose clothing he was holding in his hands, “They were my father’s. I kept them after he left us when I was six. I haven’t seen him since then, but I always kept remnants from that time. I don’t remember much of what happened between the ages of seven and ten. I wrote it all down in these notebooks so I’d always be able to look back.” He didn’t say anything, he just got off the bed kissed me on the forehead and left the room. I sat there in the studio by myself as the sky outside turned orange.

Chapter One

In the studio that branched off of the attic I sat at the solid oak desk with my brown hair swept up into a ponytail. My bangs hung low in front of my eyes as I bent over my sketch pad. I had a critical amount of time to draw the sunset that was unfolding before my eyes. I captured all that I could of the gorgeous sunset as my paintbrush fumbled quickly to capture the colors and shapes of the quickly changing marvel. I finished quickly before a thump on the door startled me. Expecting it to be Ian I quickly pushed the canvas aside but I was saddened to discover that it was simply my mother, home from work, coming to check on me. She had a distraught look on her face as she looked at me and said two words, “Downstairs… now.”

I followed her down the stairs in full hysteria but tried to keep a blank face. I stopped abruptly as we reached the final step, but my mother continued walking until she took a seat in the red leather chair that my father left us. I remember a time when he would set me up on his knee and sit on the chair, he would read me a story and I’d fall asleep on his lap. I couldn’t believe how comfortable she looked in the chair. I looked around the room with its maple flooring that matched our maple bookcase. My eyes landed on the couch where Ian was sitting half naked. His bare torso was covered only slightly by a thin cloth. My mother averted her eyes but mine were glued. She motioned with her eyes for me to sit down. I sat on the couch next to Ian and scanned the titles on our maple bookcase.

We sat like that in silence for several minutes until my mother finally cleared her throat and said, “I’m not the type of mother that truly wants to talk about this sort of thing.” I interrupted her only to say, “Mom we weren’t-“but she cut me off, “Retta, I know exactly what you two were doing. Honestly I’m not stupid. I come home and the washing machine is running with only two outfits in it and then when I come to check on you, I run into Ian without a shirt on. Look, I’m most definitely not saying that I’m okay with this, but you’re both eighteen, so you two can technically do what you want, but you had better be prepared for the possible consequences.” She got up from her chair and smoothed out the wrinkles that had formed on her pant-suit. She told me briefly that we would be going out for dinner after she got out of the shower. Ian gave me a worried look as he put on my father’s shirt and headed towards the door. I just faintly smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek telling him that I would bring him his clothes tomorrow after they finished washing. It was hard to believe that only it was only two months ago that we’d first met.

Chapter Two
Four months later.

Ian and I were corsage shopping for the prom when my phone started singing out Fernando: There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright, Fernando. I answered the phone and heard Phoebe’s voice fill the speaker, “Laeretta... could you please come to the um, the hospital. My water broke.” I looked over at Ian who had just picked out a gorgeous pink lily corsage. I whispered in his ear and we paid and left.

When we arrived at the hospital Daxon was nowhere in sight, but Ian’s brother Kyle was there with Phoebe. I scowled at Kyle and he looked over at Ian with hurtful eyes. Before I could say (more like scream) anything to Kyle, Ian asked him what he was doing there.
“Well, phoebe called me about a month ago and told me she had a paternity test for the baby, and it turned out to be mine.”
Ian and I both yelled out, “WHAT!?”
Phoebe continued their forbidden love story, “You see, around the time you and Daxon started getting close, our secret relationship was kind of on the rocks. So I decided to make him jealous and slept with his best friend, Kyle. Which reminds me, how do you guys know Kyle?”
Ian began, “Well, actually Phoebe, Kyle here is my brother. Laeretta knows him, because he made the bet with Daxon about Retta and him getting in her pants.”

As Kyle and I exchanged menacing looks Phoebe had a very painful contraction. Ian and Phoebe relocated to a birthing room and left Kyle and I to “deal with our issues”. That probably wasn’t the best idea on their part.

Chapter Three

“You ruined my life you know that?”
“I’m so sorry Laeretta. I had no idea something like that would happen. You never deserved to be treated like that. And I totally understand if you hate me. But do keep in mind that you should hate Daxon more.”
“True. But, why did you make that bet anyways?”
“The truth? Well, I guess it’s because I’d always wanted to ‘get in your pants’. I mean, not like that, I mean, I wanted to be with you. I guess my little brother beat me to the punch.”
“Really? That’s kind of sweet in a douche-y way.”
“I know this may sound odd since you’re engaged to my brother, but I could I just kiss you once?”
“Engaged to your brother... what?”
“Oh crap, he hasn’t asked you yet. Oh yeah that’s right, he was going to ask you at the prom. Please don’t let him know you know and that I told you.”
I was astounded and overjoyed. I was so overjoyed I pecked Kyle on the lips and skipped down hall to the waiting room outside Phoebe’s room. Kyle walked into the room and Ian walked out. He joined me on the couch I was sitting on. The couch suddenly felt more comfortable with him sitting next to me. I leaned over and kissed him.

We had to refrain from making out in the middle of the hospital because the nurses were giving us dirty looks. Ian grabbed my corsage box out of the bag at his feet and pulled the corsage out. He told me to look at it again and make sure that I liked it. He bent down to tie his shoe and that’s when I noticed the diamond ring taped to the wristband of the corsage. Ian took it in one hand and took my left hand in his other. He placed the ring on my finger, kissed me on the lips and with loving eyes recited the lyrics to Bruno Mars’ Marry You. I whispered yes into his ear and kissed his nose. My happiness could not be easily defined by words. It had to be defined by action. But I wanted so badly to tell him why I loved him. So I did.
<><><><><><>

“Ian, I’ve wanted to tell you why I love you for quite some time, but I never got to. So I’m going to tell you now. I love the way you’re fingers fill the space between mine effortlessly. I love how when we kiss, my heart pounds so much I think I could die. When you smile your teeth aren’t perfect, but that makes you perfect. I love how we can make it through anything and everything. I love how we’re going to college together. You make me feel invincible, all the time, and I’ve never felt that way before. I love how you love me. I love how your hair is always a little bit messy but you don’t know. I love how you were so awkward when we first started dating.

“I love how when we’re together, nobody can separate us. And lastly, although you don’t know it yet, I’m pre-“I got cut off when Kyle walked out of the room and announced, “It’s a girl!”
Ian congratulated his brother and told me that I should just tell him what I was going to tell him at the prom the next day. I decided to take his word in that.”
<><><><><><>
Chapter Four

My mother took millions of pictures before Ian and I left for the prom. Ian and I talked about baby Lorita, our goddaughter on the way, as well as the hotel room we’d gotten for after the prom. Ian told me I looked beautiful, and I kissed his neck. He then pulled a crumpled envelope out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Phoebe had Kyle give to me before we left yesterday. It’s for you from Daxon.” I sniffled as I grabbed it from his hands and opened it. I read it aloud because Ian and I had no secrets.

Dearest Laeretta,
Although you probably hate my guts and might not even read this, I wanted to write a formal apology for you. So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night and I wish I could take it back all the time. I’m truly sorry. And I ran away from home because I couldn’t live with myself. I wish you all the happiness you deserve and I can only hope Ian will treat you right. Trust him. He’s a really good guy.

Yours apologetically,

Daxon Wilde
“Wow. He totally quoted Taylor Swift’s Back to December. But, at least he finally apologized. And, Ian, I have two really important things to tell you. Do you remember the night we first had sex and you asked me about the scars on my back.”
“Yeah, why?”
“Well, my father was the cause of that. When I was six my father attempted to kill me due to his depression. I’ve hidden the scars for 12 years, and it’s a huge relief to finally tell somebody.”
“Wow. Retta, I am so sorry. I can’t believe how much you’ve been through. But umm, what else did you want to tell me?”
“Ian... I love you. And, I love... this little human being that is growing inside me. Ian, I’m pregnant.”
We arrived at the school then, and Ian got me out of the car, he kissed me a thousand times over. He told me he loved me and lead me towards the gymnasium.

Our school gym was filled with streamers and banners. The ceiling was lined with twinkling lights. I could tell that the decoration committee had attempted to mask the scent of sweat and feet, but the smell was still there. Ian grabbed my hand and whisked me away to the dance floor and we simply danced the night away. At the end of the prom they announced the king and the queen. Ian and I stood with the rest of the crowd but it was as if he and I were in our own little bubble. The bubble was popped only when he and I heard our names being called over the speaker system. It was the best night of my life.

The night ended in a hotel room, with me wrapped in Ian’s arms. Ian was my Prom King, and I was his Prom Queen. But all we were thinking about was the little “Prom Prince or Princess” that we were going to have. We fell asleep together.

Final Chapter
Five years later.

“Rose, breakfast.” I called out to my daughter, the same daughter I carried while taking Freshman year online courses from the three bedroom apartment Ian and I lived in. Addie was so excited to be starting kindergarten and Ian was headed off to work. Ian kissed me goodbye and took our daughter Rose to school.

I walked over to my laptop and began to write my story. I wrote it all down, in hopes that one day some dear person would pick it up and read it. As I finished typed away at the keyboard my eyes filled with tears from the memories of my past. Some was traumatic, while others were light-hearted, but all of them were important.

I wrote as long as I could on a single train of thought but I was interrupted when Phoebe walked out of the bathroom that was adjacent to my desk. She and Kyle moved in with their daughter when their apartment building burnt down. She told me that Lily (my second daughter) had just woken up from her nap and was asking for me. Lily was born the year after Ian and I graduated. She, much like her sister came as a surprise. Lily had crimson red hair much like her sister. Although Ian and I didn’t have red hair, apparently his mother’s natural hair color was red before she colored it blonde.

I looked at Lily as she sat on the couch next to ‘Auntie Phoebe’, as Rose called her. Phoebe was watching something on MTV and Lily was drinking a bottle of milk. I smiled and continued to write my memoirs to the sound of some mindless television.

Three months later.

I closed the lid to my laptop and picked up a hardback cover of my memories. I handed it over to Ian, who kissed me on the cheek and began to read it while I tucked Rose and Lily into bed. Above their head was a picture of Ian, Rose and I at our college graduation. I kissed Rose and Lily on their forehead and read her a bedtime story. As I walked out the door she told me she loved me and I turned out the light.


The End



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This book has 2 comments.


on Apr. 26 2011 at 5:39 pm
EmilyKatherine, Hagerstown, Maryland
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
If all the world's a stage and we are the actors, there must be no script because we're all doing improv.

I completely understand about the dialogue. My friend was pushing me to finish it because she wanted to read it so I didn't put as much work into the dialogue as I initially wanted to. Thank you so much for the support :)

on Apr. 26 2011 at 4:58 pm
leaf44 PLATINUM, Rehoboth, Massachusetts
20 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense."
"Be careful, or you'll end up in my novel."

Amazing!!!!  Loved the book, however some of the dialog seems a little too cheesy, nothing big, just a little.