“That Night”
“Dude c’mon we’re going to be late!”
“One second Jason, I forgot my cap!”
“Isn’t your brother coming with us?”
“No, lets just go,” Tom said.
“Fine, it’s not my fault if you get in trouble for leaving him behind.”
“Whatever man, I only have one summer left to put up with him anyway. I’m just living for the day I get dropped off at college.”
Tom’s always getting in trouble with his mom about his stepbrother. I don’t have any personal issues against Derek, but if Tom says he doesn’t like him I won’t argue with that. He’s my bro, I’m not going to be friends with the guy causing so much anger in his life.
Anyway, we were driving to our graduation rehearsal when I nearly kill my neighbor’s sketchy black cat. I was just listening to some music when I heard Tom yell, which made me slam on my breaks. “Good thing I stopped, the last thing we need is bad luck the day before graduation.”
“Dude we’re going to be fine, we only have one day left! Tonight’s the last night of highschool, we have to do something we’ll remember,” Tom said, “something where I don’t have to think about Derek.”
“Yeah, definitely, lets try to get the whole crew together.”
“Hey look, there they are now! GUYS, WHAT’S UP?” Tom screamed out the sunroof. Riley, Matt and Dave were all standing together in their caps and gowns talking about who their college roommates are going to be. “Guys we need to figure out what we’re going to do for our last night of high school!” Tom said, still in a yelling type of voice.
“I vote we go up to the quarry just like how we used to” Matt said.
“All in favor of going to the quarry say I!” I exclaimed. Everyone in unison yells “I.” “Okay looks like we’re going to the quarry! It’ll be just like old times.”
“As long as I’m not forced to invite Derek. I swear to God if he comes there’s no way I’m going to be able to enjoy myself. If he doesn’t fall off that cliff I’m jumping.” Tom said sarcastically.
“Tom, don’t let him get to you, just ignore him.” Matt chimed in.
This whole feud between Tom and Derek started about two years ago when Tom’s mom and Derek’s dad began to get serious. Back then, there were no problems between them, except for the fact Tom was sort of resentful of Derek’s dad because he didn’t want to see his mom with someone else. He still looked up to his own father and the divorce was only three years prior. Because Tom and Derek would be living together and probably going to be brothers, Tom wanted to become friends with Derek. So Derek started to hangout with us and he seemed pretty chill. He was a fun kid and nobody bothered being with him. The strangest part was Tom actually seemed happy and was almost proud to be Derek’s step-brother. When Derek and his dad officially moved into Tom’s house; Tom was excited. It’s weird, thinking back on these times, when everything seemed so one dimensional. This is the story of how things came to be so angry between Tom and Derek.
There was that “one night,” that very cliche moment where our hearts seemed to stop, our lives just went on a downward spiral from there. There was no way of digging ourselves out of this mess. “Our parents are going to kill us” was the only thought running through our minds. Except maybe Tom, I’m betting he was thinking more along the lines of “I’m going to kill Derek.” This mess being a giant party with alcohol, drugs, girls and more alcohol. Us being the “sexy six:” Tom, Derek, Matt, Dave, Riley and me. This all started when Tom and Derek convinced their parents to “go away for a weekend,” because “it’ll be fun,” and added “don’t worry, we’ll take good care of the house.” God only knows why they trusted two high school boys to stay home for a weekend and “keep the house safe,” but somehow it worked and Ms. Silver and Mr. Wentworth were on their way to Orlando, Florida, only a two and a half hour drive from good ol’ West Palm Beach.
“Open house at 152 9th Street, tell everyone you know!” was pretty much all I ever heard come out of Derek’s mouth the whole week before.
So basically what happened was, Derek and Tom’s parents lefts for their weekend in Orlando and we got right to business. We had all of the details figured out, leaving no room for an error. Something inside me told me that there was no way this would actually go as planned and something was bound to go wrong.
It was finally Saturday night and the party was full out insane. Derek invited people from his old school, and they invited their friends, and somehow it seemed like the whole world was at their house within the hour. I know I was having a good time until about 11 pm when when it all started to go downhill. Some huge, pretty intimidating guys walked in and I was pretty freaked out by them so I watched where they were going. We followed them all the way into the kitchen where we saw Derek They started arguing about who knows what, but it was getting pretty heated. Next thing I know Tom is jumping out trying to fight the guys talking to Derek. Tom, being the star quarterback of our high school football team for the past two years, knew how to fight and was not afraid to. I, on the other hand, am afraid of fights. I was only the defenseman for the soccer team, not super huge and strong. I slowly walked out from behind the wall, because of course I had to back up my friends. I’m not fully sure what happened after those few minutes. There was a lot of screaming, something about how Tom owed these guys an amount of money that was impossible for any teenager to get their hands on. The fight started to get physical and I saw one guy pick up a glass bottle. Then everything went black.
I woke up in the hospital the next day to my mom standing over me, with tears running down her face. It appeared that she had aged 20 years in two days, which made me feel really bad because I knew it was my fault. Apparently the doctors told her that I may never be the same mentally, but of course they exaggerated and worried my mom sick. I kept trying to convince my mom and the doctors I was totally okay, but they still gave me tons of test and all these papers, then finally released me.
The next afternoon I drove to Tom and Derek’s house, hopefully going to figure out what happened. When I saw Tom, he went on to explain a rather vague summary of the night, then how his parents and Derek reacted. Apparently Derek told his parents that the whole party was Tom’s idea and that he never even wanted to have it. Derek also blamed the guys who wanted money on Tom and said that he was just trying to stand up for his brother when Tom hit him and knocked him out. Even though I don’t have the greatest memory of the night, I know that is not what happened, but of course, because Derek is “the perfect child,” their parents only believed him. Now Tom is pretty much on house arrest until 2012, which is in a long five months, he had to clean up and pay for all the damage to the house and write an apology to Derek. Derek didn’t get any punishment, just the love and sympathy of his dad and stepmom. I know this isn’t fair, but knowing their parents, there’s no way of changing their minds.
So that was two years ago and Tom and Derek are still in the same position, basically. If anything has changed, it’s only made it worse. That leads us to where we are today: the day before graduation, being forced to invite Derek on our last night out. I texted Tom, Riley, Dave and Matt that I would meet them around 7 then we can drive down to the quarry. A few minutes later I got a reply from Tom saying, “sorry to ruin the night but my mom is forcing me to bring Derek. Don’t worry though, last night of high school means last night of hanging out with him!” I know that’s the only reason Tom agreed to bringing him.
When we finally arrived after a long car ride and climbed up the rocks to our usual spot, we positioned ourselves on a ledge with a view of nature all around us. I have probably been here one hundred times, but the view never seems to get old. The reason we all come here and love it so much is because we all have some time to get away from our lives at home. There’s no such thing as worries when you’re here. Some nights last year when I had a bad game or got in a fight with my parents, I’d just drive up here and relax for a few hours. In english class we learned about Thoreau and Emerson going out into nature to break away from society and clear your mind, and no matter how dumb I thought it was while we were learning about it, I never knew how true it could be. This is my happy place.
I knew that this was not going to be one of those soothing, relaxing nights up here. You could cut the tension with a knife now. We could all be having a completely normal conversation, until Derek says something and everything goes quiet. Nobody really knew why he wanted to even come, he knows we don’t like him. I don’t remember exactly how, but somehow “that night” came up and Tom and Derek started to get really mad at eachother. Maybe it was because they were both football players, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the first time this was actually talked about, or maybe it was a little bit of everything, but things started to get serious.
“You never even cared about me or my mom!” Tom yelled to Derek.
“Why would I care about you guys when all your mom does is sleep with every man in the town and you never really wanted to be friends!” Derek yelled back. This is basically how the fight was going until Derek said, “Okay let’s just solve this right here. I know this is what we both have wanted to do for awhile,” while rolling up his sleeves.
“Woah, woah, woah, you guys can’t get into a wrestling match here. We’re about 100 feet up on straight rock. Just relax I think it’s time to leave,” Matt, always the problem solver, chimed in. Although it seemed like something a mother would say, I agreed. “I’m going home now. See you guys tomorrow, don’t do anything dumb,” Matt began climbing down, with Riley and Dave close behind.
“No way I’m waiting. Right here, right now Derek. You scared?” Tom walked over to Derek and shoved him a little so he stumbled backward, regaining his balance in no time, and coming right back at Tom with full force.
“Derek stop, STOP!” I screamed because I saw how close Tom was to the edge of the rocks, and with a little tap he would be off of them. My scream didn’t do anything, so I dove to push Tom out of the way. We were both lying on the rock, right near the edge when we looked up at Derek. He had this look in his eyes like he was going to kill someone.
“Dude chill out, let’s just leave now, okay?” Tom pleaded.
“No. You don’t know. I have had the worst years of my life after I met you and it was all your fault! You made my life a living hell and got joy out of it!” Derek screamed.
“You think I had fun the past few years? I felt like I was in prison because of your dumb lie! I have no idea why I ever trusted you, you piece of dirt!” Tom screamed.
“I hope you burn in hell,” and with that Derek began coming after Tom again, who was still sitting on the rock next to me. Derek came running over, then something moved and I saw him begin to lose his balance and slip on the side of the massive rock we were on. Before I could even blink, Derek was sliding off the rock. Tom and I both reached out, trying to grab his arm. I caught the collar of his shirt at the last second, but it wasn’t enough. I yelled to Tom to help pull him up, but again, it wasn’t enough. He slipped right through my fingers, his scream getting quieter until it was gone. Forever. We really did try. It wasn't our faults, it couldn’t have been. We didn’t want this to happen. Dear God, why did this have to happen? Why was Derek lying at the bottom of the quarry, body mangled, lifeless? Please just tell me it wasn’t my fault. Please.
There wasn’t anything to say, nothing that could be done, but yet so much had to be done. He was a son, a brother, a student, a friend, and now nothing. Nothing but some bones and blood. I’m only 18, I don’t know how to deal with this.
“It’s not our fault, it’s not our fault, it’s not our fault…” Tom kept repeating.
Without saying a word, I hurried down the rocks then stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t bear to look at his body, arms and legs going every direction, bloods and guts decorate the surrounding rocks. I felt sick. I caused this. It is my fault that this young, hopeful kid is gone, no longer able to become a pro football player for the Florida Gators. No hope of finding true love. Never going to experience college like every kid should. I know we didn’t get along, but I didn’t want this to happen. I spun around when I heard Tom throwing up about 10 feet behind me. 
“Let’s just go. We have no other choice. We can’t take his body anywhere, it’s too messed up” Tom said in all seriousness.
“Are you kidding me? You’re going to leave your dead brother here to rot? We need to call the police. We need help, Tom.”
“No way. My parents will never forgive me for letting this happen. I have a future Tom.”
“Oh and Derek didn’t have a future? This isn’t even a question, I’m calling the cops and reporting a kid slipped off the top rock.” I began to break down. “This isn’t fair! How could he have been so dumb? We told him to relax, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to bring him!”
“Jason, relax. We will figure this out, somehow.” I could see Tom beginning to cry too.
We decided to call the cops unanimously and report the incident, then Tom and I would go back to Tom’s house and act like nothing happened. Like he just dropped Derek off at a pizza place to meet some friends, and had no idea where he was after that. The ride home could not have been any worse. It was silent, but both of us were screaming on the inside, unable to get anything out. When we pulled into Tom’s driveway everything seemed normal, but nothing was normal. Nothing would ever be normal again.
“I just hope he doesn’t come home too late, graduation is tomorrow!” Tom’s mom said excitedly.
“Yeah… I’ll be in my room mom,” Tom said.
When we walked upstairs, I know we both avoided looking at Derek’s bedroom. I called my mom and told her I was going to stay the night at Tom’s, but she practically forced me to come home because, “she wanted to see her son the last day he was a high schooler.” I gave in and told Tom I would call him when I got home, even though I didn’t really know what to say. I have no idea how I’m going to act happy and normal tomorrow with my whole family when I know what happened and it felt like it was my fault.
When I got home it was late and I decided to just go to bed. I knew I’d see Tom in the morning, and by that time his parents would definitely notice something was wrong with Derek because he hadn’t come home. I wondered how long it would take the police to identify his body, considering he didn’t have his ID with him and his body looked pretty bad. I figured if Tom’s parents didn’t hear anything they would definitely call the police by morning. That gives me about 10 hours to figure this out.
The next day when I woke up my mom was standing over me with a plate full of bacon and chocolate chip pancakes, my favorite breakfast. “Happy graduation day!” she yelled happily.
“What time is it?” I moaned.
“10 am, time to wake up! Tom has been calling all morning looking for you.”
“Crap! I totally forgot.”
I told him you just needed your beauty sleep.” My mom smiled.
It was almost like last night was a dream that I forgot about, then got slapped in the face with reality. I rolled over to check my phone and I had 23 new messages from Tom and 7 from the group chat with Matt, Riley and Dave. I decided to check the group chat first, thinking it was going to be some stupid stuff about how they can’t wait for graduation. I was wrong. There was a body found from a teen boy from Miami, Florida and it was all over the news. Matt, Riley and Dave weren’t there, but they probably assumed the worst. I replied saying, “Are you serious of course we didn’t kill Derek We dropped him off at a pizza place on our way home cause he wanted to meet some people. Do you really think you guys wouldn’t know if Derek died last night with us?” I felt bad lying to them, but I don’t have much of a choice. I then opened the texts from Tom. They started off with a play by play of his parents getting concerned, then they called the police and reported a missing kid, next they saw on the news a teenage boy found dead, then they started asking him questions, which of course he denied everything. Pretty much, they’re freaking out now and will not stop asking Tom what he knows. I know this is going to be really hard for Tom’s family, but they need to find out from the police. Tom and I can’t give anything up because then we would probably be charged for murder the day of graduation.
It’s an hour before graduation and Tom’s parents will not rest, obviously. Tom and I both know it is only a matter of time before they realize that their son is the child all over the news, the mangled body belonging to their perfect son. There is no way to enjoy a time that is supposed to be so exciting when this is going on. I have so many regrets, not only from last night but from the past two years. If only I could go back and change things, even though I know that’s impossible. This is my life now and this is what I will have to live with. I’m just trying to make it through this day, then the next, and so on.
*6 years later*
I wake up sweating and panting from my nightmares that I have every night. I haven’t been able to live with myself since the incident. I live with my parents now, being alone is too difficult, and really I don’t have enough money to do that anyway. I’ve come to the point where I’ve literally thought about every single scenario that could have happened to Derek, but nothing has helped. I have the good days, days where I get sidetracked and don’t think about him, but other days it hits me like a brick. A huge, heavy, stone brick. I just hope that one day it’ll all be over.
As for Tom, it is pretty difficult for us to talk. He lives with Riley in a small apartment because his parents were too upset and never fully got over their loss. It was killing Tom living with them, but ever since he moved out he’s been getting better. We started therapy together, but because neither one of us wants to talk about it, it is kinda hard to make it work. We have this sort of silent agreement where we both never speak of that time, but I feel like holding that in adds so much pressure and so many more complications.
Everyday I review that moment in my head, making myself go crazy, but always thinking, “I could’ve grabbed his arm and pulled him up,” or, “why didn’t we just leave with Matt, Riley and Dave?” There is nothing that can be changed now, Derek is gone, whether it was or wasn’t Tom and my fault I guess we’ll never know, but it certainly feels better convincing myself I did everything I could. Life will continue, and I’ll figure everything out at one point. It hasn’t been easy and it still won’t be, but this is my life and I’m willing to fight for it to be the best it can be. I will live for Derek.