Even The Odds | Teen Ink

Even The Odds

January 20, 2014
By rickiya, East Orange, New Jersey
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rickiya, East Orange, New Jersey
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Favorite Quote:
"A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything" - Malcolm X


Author's note: As I wrote this novel I imagined myself in a sense, going through life day by day just looking to find a way out. Somehow I connect with Rachel and her struggles.

I suppose it is expected that a teenage girl with a boyfriend, who isn’t forced to pay bills, and living with her mom, should not have a care in the world. Well I come to inform you that, that expectation is outrageous. Walking through everyday life alone is an obstacle. Imagine facing nothing but unnecessary drama with annoying and impractical people on a daily basis. Somebody rescue me already. This is the story of my life.











Rachel Montgomery was never the type to allow her struggle or environment to define who she was. When others were boastful and proud she remained humble and continued to count the many blessings bestowed upon her. Even still with all the good she tried to do it just seemed like she could never get a break. She was sailing a ship of hindrances indeed.

Rachel watched as the rain poured down. The sound was very soothing and comforting to her ears. She was home alone since her mom was at work. She grew up without her father and rarely questioned why out of all her family members her age, why she was the one without a dad. As she grew older she learned how to blot the thought out of her mind. She pretended as if it didn’t matter to her. Her mother Anetta would always let her know that she was loved by both parents, but Rachel found it hard to believe since her dad wasn’t around to prove it. From time to time he would call inquiring about her well-being but Rachel never considered that “being there”.

Her father was arrested when she was only two months old. The only real father she knew was her uncle who thought it not robbery to help take care of her. Rachel loved her father, but could not find it within herself to forgive him for not being there. She thought about all of these things on a regular basis but often kept it to herself. She vented through art: poetry, music, swimming, and laughter. She listened to the rain and wrote:
Alone. Yes alone I stand in such a vicious world.
The cruel and corrupt minds stand before me trying to hold me.
They laugh and giggle trying to grab hold of me but I dodge their poisonous bites and trod steadfastly.
Quick and in a hastily pace I maneuver along these roads and just when I think I’m on top I approach a stumbling block.
Stop lights, stop signs, and dead ends I try to pass them but it seems I just can’t win.


Rachel dozed off lost in her thoughts. The next morning she awoke from the aroma of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. She rubbed her round, brown eyes and got out of bed. After brushing her teeth and taking a nice, warm shower she made her way down to the kitchen.

“Good morning mom.” She said giving her mom a kiss on the cheeks.

“Good morning my baby, how did you sleep?”

“I slept well, I was up thinking about my dad for a few but the rain helped me sleep.”

It seemed as if her mom cooked breakfast for more than just them two. Rachel wasn’t expecting anyone to be there and she didn’t recall her mom mentioning that she was inviting anyone over either. She wondered what was going on.

“Mom, why did you make all of this food? Are you expecting others?”

“Actually, your uncle Nick said he was dropping by today to see you. You know how huge his appetite is.”

Rachel jumped up excitedly. She loved her uncle so much. The fact that he stepped up and played a father role in her life made her respect him even more. She could remember him taking her to amusement parks, buying her whatever gifts she wanted just as long as she did what she was supposed to do, and even him teaching her how to swim. She always had an infatuation for the water but the fact that her uncle taught her made her desire for it even stronger. Rachel’s family never limited the things they did for her just because of where they were from. They always tried to give her the best there was to offer.

Rachel’s excitement slowly died down once she heard her mom drop her phone.

“Mom, what happened?” Rachel asked worriedly.

Anetta stood there frozen, she was lost for words. She was more so stuck because she thought about how Rachel would react to the news she just found out.

“Nick was just arrested.” She said hesitantly.

Rachel stood staring at nothing in particular. She could not move. It felt like somebody had just run over her with a car. What on earth did she do to deserve this? She never knew her father and the one man who freely chose to be there for her was taken away. Tears slowly fell down her face. Nothing could uplift her spirit at the moment. Nothing. No, not even poetry, music, swimming, or laughter. Nothing at all.

Anetta knew there was nothing she could do to ease the pain Rachel was feeling. The cold look in Rachel’s eyes sent shivers down her spine. She watched as Rachel grabbed her car keys and drove off. Rachel sped off down Brookglen Blvd and made her way to Smith St. She got out of the car and made her way up the stairs of a grey house. Ding dong, the bell rang loudly, and seconds later a young man opened the door.

“What are you doing here this early?” Derrick asked.

“Are you busy?” Rachel asked sighing.

“Come in” Derrick said.

Derrick was tall, dark skinned, and everything Rachel wanted in a boyfriend. When Rachel wanted to get away from the troubles of her mind and surroundings, Derrick was who she turned to.

“What happened now?” Derrick questioned while rubbing his eyes.

“I’d rather not talk about it. I just needed to get away.”

Derrick could read Rachel very well, when she was moody he would just let her will be done. Rachel laid down watching the clock for just about the entire morning. She found comfort in knowing that Derrick actually cared for her. Derrick just held her in his arms and rocked her to sleep. Surprisingly he was able to get Rachel’s mind off of the matter for the time being.











It had been about five months since her uncle’s arrest. Summer came and went and it was now time for Rachel’s last year of high school. She was just ready to graduate and pursue a higher education. Rachel decided to write a poem to her uncle since she was unable to come up with words to say. She just couldn’t find it in her to go visit him in such a predicament.

Life, what a long term test
Never seem to end up on top even though you try your best.
Living a life that you hate and they can’t relate.
Everyday another headache
Seeing your mother struggle is just another heartache.
Sacrifice after sacrifice and you still can’t find your way
You do wrong you do right; there’s still a price to pay.
So either way I move forward with my head held high,
I still love you regardless, there is no questioning why.

Weeks later she got a response back from her uncle. He understood why Rachel did not come to see him. He was just appreciative to hear from her. Rachel lived such a complicated life but was able to hide it well from the rest of the world. She herself felt like she was misunderstood but appreciated when someone thought they understood or cared to try to understand.

Rachel continued to blossom into a beautiful young lady. She had dreams and aspirations of one day becoming a successful pediatrician. She loved kids and more importantly helping them in any way that she could. Derrick supported Rachel’s dreams which made her support his in becoming a NBA player. She thought that together they could do what it was that they wanted as long as they continued to support each other.

Rachel was very independent. Even though there weren’t many stable male figures in her life, she never allowed that to be a hindrance to her success. Throughout the year, Rachel started doing things on her own. She found a job, got a car, and helped her mother as much as she could. Rachel loved being able to take care of herself and her family. She was a provider.

“Rachel wake up! It’s time for school.” Anetta lightly shoved Rachel to wake her up.

“Ughhh” Rachel groaned.

High school was becoming a drag. The only thing she looked forward to lately was seeing Derrick and hanging with her friends. Even though she was slowly losing interest she always kept her grades in tack. Rachel remained an honor roll student no matter what. Education was her tool.

“Sometimes I ask myself why me!” Rachel whispered to herself.

She was still in the process of getting over all that recently took place with her uncle. It seemed like things never worked in her favor. No matter how hard she tried or how determined she remained, things always fell apart. It was as if the odds were forever against her. Rachel was more than happy that her senior year was coming to an end. It would be time for a new approach, a new beginning.

“Rachel! You’re going to be late for school, get some breakfast and go!” Anetta called out from her bedroom.

Anetta remained strong and fearless through all the stumbling blocks thrown her way. Rachel admired her mother’s independence and strength. Even when she was down to her last she kept her pride and strutted along with a smile. There was no replacing the joy Anetta’s smile brought to Rachel. No one could ever come between the love and respect she had for her mother.

“Mom, I’m heading out the house now.” Rachel said.

“Have a great day at school honey, and remember stay focused and keep your eyes on the prize.”

If there was anything Anetta ever wanted out of life, it was for her daughter to be educated and successful. She was never given the opportunity due to her pregnancy with Rachel at a young age. She made the sacrifice to leave college early in order to raise Rachel on her own. Through all the ups and downs, pains and gains, joys and hurts, Anetta always chose Rachel first.











School was fun only because Rachel’s best friends Anila, Kristen, and Jackie were there. Derrick was a college sophomore. Although Kristen and Anila weren’t too fond of Derrick they still supported their friend in her relationship. Jackie was the only one that seemed to approve of Derrick. Rachel was happy to have at least one friend give an okay. Derrick was a handsome, athletic young man who Rachel loved deeply. Her eyes smiled and her heart melted whenever they were together. He was all she talked about day in and day out. She was what people would consider “in love”. Rachel’s love for poetry was truly expressed when she thought about him.

Our love. .
Based off of mutual feelings and understanding
We build something that will be everlasting.
This love we have is unexplainable something meant to be
Yet we aren’t able to let the world see.
Hand in hand we’ll face the troubles of mankind
Together we are one willing to take this climb.
You mean the world to me and I mean the same to you
I’m like a pirate and you’re my special jewel.
One that I can’t lose or else I’ll go crazy
One that I need by my side every day, faithfully.
Our love for each other is all that matters
We’re in this together despite the battles.
Our love is something real, sincere and true
No matter what I’ll always love you.


Derrick picked Rachel up from school that evening. It warmed her heart to see him. She gave him the biggest hug known to man. It had been weeks since she last saw him.

“Hey punky, I’ve missed you like crazy!” Rachel gave him a kiss just as big as the hug she blessed him with.

“Hey spunk, I’ve missed you more! It feels good to see your beautiful face again.”

Derrick always had a way with words. He knew all the right things to say at all the right times. Rachel and Derrick had been together for just about two years. When they got to Derrick’s house they had a blast. Together they listened to music, ate snacks, watched sports, and played video games. It was all a girl could ask for.

The weather was nice out. The trees blew with the lite breeze and the sun shined softly. Derrick decided he would go play some basketball at the park with a few friends. Rachel was a bit exhausted from the activities she participated in with Derrick so she decided to just rest in his bed. It was about nine thirty in the night when Rachel woke from her sleep. Derrick still wasn’t home so Rachel decided to just look around his room. It wasn’t unusual for Derrick to be out so late playing ball. Basketball was his passion and Rachel understood and respected his hunger for the game. She turned on some music and danced alone as she did often to get away from any worries she had. Her uncle’s arrest was still on her mind but she did a good job pushing it to the back of her mind while she was with Derrick, ever since that day he comforted her.

As she pranced around in her own zone she came across a piece of paper. What she saw on the paper puzzled her.
It’s nothing, no need to overthink this situation. I trust him. She thought to herself.

“But I don’t understand. Why would Derrick have a piece of paper with Jackie’s number?” she asked herself.
She turned the paper to the back and on it was a brief note from Jackie saying:
It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.
Call me when you get a chance, we have some catching up to do ;)

All of these thoughts rushed through Rachel’s mind. Is he cheating on me with one of my closest friends? What do they have to discuss? Why is she writing him wink faces?

Rachel heard the front door open and rushed back in Derrick’s bed. She couldn’t help but question what she just read.

“Hey babe, I thought you would be sleep by now. Sorry I took so long.”

“That’s okay love, how was the game? Did your team win?”

“You already know no need to ask that question. I win for you every time.” Derrick said while reaching in to kiss Rachel.

The note on the piece of paper was bothering Rachel’s nerves; she had to ask about it.

“So what’s going on with you and Jackie?” Rachel questioned bluntly.

Derrick’s face froze. It looked like he had just been punched in the throat and couldn’t breathe.

“What do you mean? I don’t talk to her unless she’s around when I’m with you.”

“So please explain this piece of paper.”

This time Derrick’s entire body froze up. His face became tense.

Rachel didn’t need to ask any more questions. Derrick’s reaction alone confirmed everything she needed to know. After all the time and energy she put into the relationship she ended up getting kicked in the face. The tears rolled down her face as she thought about all she told Derrick and all she gave to him. She put her heart and soul into their relationship. There was just one last question she needed the answer to before she said her goodbye.

“Did you sleep with her?”

“Rachel look, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean...”

“Answer the question Derrick!” Rachel screamed angrily as she interrupted his sentence.

“I’m so sorry Rachel. I was just caught up in the moment.”

Rachel grabbed a stool that was next to her and threw it at Derrick. She threw his phone forcefully at his head causing him to fall. She couldn’t stand the sight of him. She stormed out his house slamming every door and damaging anything she could lay her hands on. She made her way to Jackie’s house furiously. It was now eleven thirty.

Ding Dongggg! Rachel pressed the doorbell as hard as she could. Seconds later Jackie opened the door rubbing her eyes as if she was just waking up from a deep sleep.

POW! Jackie collapsed after being punched in the face.

“I thought you were a friend. I should have known you were no good. You disgust me; don’t ever fix your lips to speak to me again. Have a nice life with Derrick.”

Rachel stormed off. She cried her eyes out as she walked home. Once again she questioned why her. She needed some sort of relief so she turned to what she knew; poetry.

My heart is screaming tears, asking to be released from this hurt and fear.
On this journey called life all I’ve been shown is pain and strife.
Those who I trusted turned on me leaving me feeling helpless and empty.
I look to the sky and ask why, but no one’s to blame but me for being so naïve.
Believing and thinking I could trust anybody, silly me for being blind with no eyes to see.

Rachel did not move from her bed for two days. All calls, texts, and emails went unanswered. All she ever wanted in life was to love and be loved. She did not want to believe it but maybe it was true that all guys were the same. No male ever stayed in her life long enough for her to believe otherwise; not even her own father.











The weather was nasty out. The wind blew wildly, lightning struck, thunder roared, and the rain poured heavy. The skies were grey and cloudy, causing the day to resemble night. It was as if the heavens shut never to reopen again. The intensity of the rain made Rachel drowsy. With a confused state of mind and a heavy heart she drifted off into a deep sleep.

Ding Dong! The doorbell sang loudly.

“Who is it?” Rachel asked.

“It’s Derrick.”

“What do you want? Why would you come here?”

“Just let me in.”

There was a short pause and a huge sigh before Rachel opened the door with eyes filled with tears she was struggling to hold back.

“Why are you here?” she asked again.

“Rachel look, I really did love you. I never really meant to hurt you. I was just caught up in the moment, not realizing how all of this would affect you. Please forgive me, I love you.”

“How could you claim to love someone and cheat on them? I gave you everything! I hate you! Get out of my house! I never want to see you again!” The tears came streaming down.

Derrick fell as Rachel slapped, scratched, kicked, and punched him. Her rage was more than evident. After regaining his balance, Derrick ran towards the front door.

“I never want to see you again!” Rachel screamed.

Boom! The door slammed loudly.

“Rachel! It’s us wake up! What’s going on?”

Rachel jumped up and saw Anila and Kristen hovering over her with worried faces.

“How did you guys get in here?” she asked with a confused expression on her face.

“Did you forget we have keys?” Anila replied jingling the keys in Rachel’s face.

“And what were you dreaming about? You were fighting in your sleep.” Kristen inquired.
Rachel, Kristen, and Anila have all three been best friends since high school. No matter the circumstances they were there for each other every step of the way. Even when they fussed or fought, they always remained friends at the end of the day. They each had a spare key to the other’s house just in case there was an emergency.

“This argument with Derrick is still bothering me. I just can’t believe he would do something like that. If no one else knows, you guys know that I put my all into that relationship. What thanks do I get? None, I get cheated on.”

“He was a loser anyway, you deserve way better.” Kristen said.

Kristen was very outspoken yet very small. She was a wild spirit. No matter how crazy she may have seemed, she always remained loyal to both Rachel and Anila.

“I know you’re hurt but don’t allow this situation to weigh you down. Everything happens for a reason as you would say, so don’t allow this one obstacle to stop you from growing. In time everything will be alright.” Anila stated.

Anila was more reserved than Rachel and Kristen. She was a wise, old soul. Whenever Rachel needed advice, she would call upon Anila. When things seemed to be going downhill, Anila always reassured Rachel that it would get better. She gave Rachel hope.
After that day, Rachel began to go back to her regular routine. She was herself again. A year had passed but Rachel decided she would remain single for a while. Guys would try to talk to her but she was never really interested in moving forward past a friendship. The sun was shining bright and the cool breeze was blowing. Kristen suggested that the girls should spend the day together. Their favorite place to be was the mall.

“Where’s the food at? I’m hungry.” Kristen said.

“You’re always hungry!” Rachel and Anila said simultaneously. They all laughed in unison.

“No but seriously where’s the food court?” Kristen asked.

The girls made their way to the food court and found themselves at Panera Bread. They got their lunch and proceeded to a table.

“So Rachel, I know you’ve been single for a while and you claim to not want to be in a relationship but I think there’s someone you may be interested in. You both have so many things in common, and I think it will work.” Anila expressed.

Rachel did not speak. She looked at both Anila and Kristen with a puzzled expression and continued eating. Anila knew that Rachel’s break up with Derrick had taken a toll on her, but she figured that since it had been a year now, Rachel was ready to move on.

“With that being said, I invited him to meet up with us here at the mall. His name is Jeremy and he’s Mikel’s cousin.” Anila added.

Rachel had the grimmest look on her face. She remained silent and continued eating. Anila was hoping she would loosen up before Mikel and Jeremy came to meet them. Mikel was Anila’s boyfriend. He was medium height, scholarly, and into fashion. Anila talked about him on several occasions and was the happiest person in his presence.

“You can’t stay drowning in your sorrows forever Rachel.” Kristen stated.

Rachel was still silent. The fact that she did not have a response scared Kristen and Anila. Rachel was very talkative, but somehow her silence had more power than the words the girls were waiting to hear. Knowing Rachel, she would probably remain upset the entire day. She was very stubborn; once she made up her mind about something it was final.

“At least smile please, I see them coming.” Anila said.

Rachel rolled her eyes and folded her arms. She herself noticed how much she allowed this situation between her and Derrick to affect her attitude. Even though it had been a year she still cared about him. She moved on physically but mentally and emotionally she was still attached to Derrick. All she could think about was that day. The day when they comforted each other, the day when his touch was graceful, his kiss was sweet, and the day when he made her his. The thought alone made her heart pound inhumanly. It was as if she had been hit by a huge tractor trailer. Her thoughts were interrupted by a medium height, dark skinned gentleman. He immediately caught her eye.

“Hello ladies.” Mikel said. “This is my cousin Jeremy.”

Rachel sat staring in Jeremy’s face. She was so distracted that she didn’t even hear when he greeted her and the others.

“Rachel, don’t be rude he said hello” Anila said.

“I’m so sorry; I didn’t even realize you said something.”

“So rude,” Jeremy said jokingly.

Already Rachel was aware that he had a sense of humor. Her mind was completely off of Derrick. If someone was to ask her who he was she probably wouldn’t know. The five of them joked and laughed for a good while together. It started getting late and Kristen was ready to go home. Everyone was saying their goodbyes.

“It was nice meeting you; you seem like a very cool person.” Rachel stated.

“Likewise, you’re pretty cool yourself.” Jeremy smiled.

The two exchanged numbers and gave each other hugs. Rachel inhaled Jeremy’s scent. He smelt so good. She did not want to let go but didn’t want to seem awkward either. After that day, they both contacted each other every day. They were inseparable. They found that they had various things in common. They enjoyed listening and playing music, they shared the same favorite color, they both had great senses of humor, and both had set goals in life. It was hard for Rachel to open up to Jeremy. She was still afraid of getting hurt so she decided to just continue to build a strong friendship with Jeremy, rather than start a relationship. Jeremy would sometimes hint that he wanted to move further but Rachel ignored the signs and never brought it up.

Time went by and Rachel and Jeremy had been friends for about a year now. They did everything together. They would go to the movies, bowling, out to eat, ice skating, paintball shooting, or anywhere they wanted. Together they built each other up and grew stronger within one another. The bond they formed was as deep as the ocean. Jeremy’s words were the waves and Rachel’s smile was the shining sun listening. Rachel spoke about Jeremy all the time to Anila and Kristen; so much they started getting jealous. Any man could tell that Rachel was joyous by the glow she now had.

“You must love that boy. I haven’t seen you smile like this in ages.” Anila said.

“Oh stop it, we’re just great friends.” Rachel smiled.

“If you say so. I think you guys are in love. Time will definitely tell.”

Here goes this love word again. Am I really ready and willing to take another chance? All of these thoughts raced through Rachel’s mind as she sat outside taking in the cool breeze, gazing at the glistening moon. The moaning of the loud wind clashed with her every thought. What if he turns out to be the same as Derrick? Does he really care? Is he ready to take on my personality? The thoughts screamed louder and more rapidly in her mind. Then and there, her phone accidentally started playing music:

Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer, I’ll envy it not
And endure what comes
Cause he’s all that I got and tell him
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
And it’ll be alright

In that moment, Rachel realized she was allowing her fears to cloud reality. Jeremy really did care and he proved it to her on several occasions. Buzz! She looked down as her phone vibrated.

“Hello? Right now? I’ll meet you there in a few.”
Rachel jumped up excitedly and got in her car. About ten minutes later she arrived at Brookglen Park where she saw Jeremy sitting on a bench waiting. Her heart lit up with joy and began to pound quickly as Jeremy approached her with open arms. She melted in his arms as he hugged her. There in those same arms, she felt safe, comfortable, and wanted.

“I’m glad you came.” Jeremy said as he led Rachel to the bench where he was sitting.

Rachel was so lost in her thoughts, blushing and smiling that she did not hear Jeremy’s statement in order to respond. Jeremy smirked.

“Rachel!” he yelled softly.

“Did you say something?” Rachel replied blinking fast.

“I was explaining how much I appreciated you coming out being that it’s two in the morning” he said after glancing at his watch.

“Don’t mention it, I wouldn’t have it any other way” she replied.

The two of them sat there in silence for a good while enjoying each other’s company. Together they gazed at the night sky blocking out the rest of the world. The stars and the moon seemed to be watching over them smiling as they shined brightly.

“Rachel, can I ask you something?” Jeremy broke the silence.

“Sure, you can ask me anything.” Rachel could feel Jeremy now looking at her so she drew her attention from the moon and stars and stared into his eyes. Her stomach was fluttering with butterflies.

“I know I’ve expressed to you on various occasions how much I truly care about you. It’s been over a year since we’ve been friends and I truly care for you. It has been on my mind for a while now and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.”

There was a brief silence.

“I hate you! Why would you do this to me? After all I gave you. I was nothing but loyal and honest to you and you betrayed me.”

“Life goes on.” Boom! The door slammed loudly.

Thoughts of her last argument with Derrick crept around in Rachel’s mind. I can’t make the same mistakes again but I won’t know unless I give it a try. Just as those thoughts came and faded, Rachel accepted the title as Jeremy’s girlfriend. For the first time everything seemed so right for Rachel. She felt like she could take on the world just as long as she had Jeremy by her side. When the two of them were together, time was not a factor. As long as they were in each other’s presence nothing else mattered.












Rachel sat in front of her piano brushing her fingers softly against the keys. Poetry, music, and art seemed to always touch her soul. All the troubles of the world seemed to fade when she was in the presence of all three elements. She began to play for the first time in a year. It seemed as if Jeremy awakened a side of her that had been lost in time.

The entire day, all she thought about was Jeremy. Even when she was not in his presence she could feel him. She opened her note pad and began to write:

Touch me, touch me, touch my soul
Reach my heart, enter my mind, take me to heights never imagined
You are my safe keeping, my love, my all in all
Take me to a place so far away,
Lift me with your words of wisdom
With your soothing touch
With you…
You will always be enough, just you
You and me, us, we

The sun shined brightly, the birds chirped harmoniously, the sky was clear, and the wind blew lightly. Rachel’s life was at a standstill. All she thought about was one day getting away, branching out, and experiencing all life had to offer.

Ring!

“Hello? What did you just say?”

Rachel’s phone dropped out of her hand as she stood lifelessly with a blank stare. Seconds later she fainted. Just as things seemed to be working in her favor, just as she was progressing, she received news that the one who made her whole, the one who she put her trust in, the one who gave her hope, peace, and joy, the one who loved her for her was in the hospital. Jeremy was on his way to Rachel’s house to surprise her with flowers. He was just about fifteen minutes away when his car was hit by a truck.

“Rachel! Rachel! Rachel! Get up! Are you okay?” asked Anila.

Rachel had made plans with Anila earlier that morning. Anila walked in five minutes after Rachel fainted. She too found out the news about Jeremy through Mikel.

“Take me to him now! What happened?” Tears came rushing down Rachel’s cheeks. “Why can’t anything ever go my way? What did I do to deserve any of this? No one ever stays!” Rachel struggled to get her words out through sobs.

“It’s going to be okay.” Anila assured her.

Anila was able to help lift Rachel off the floor and get her to the car. Rachel cried the entire ride to the hospital. All she thought of was a poem she was writing for Jeremy:

With the wind my spirit is gone
Been lusting this feeling for way too long
Your touch so soft and so smooth
I look into your eyes in search of the real you
You give me hope, joy, and understanding
Windows of your soul open as I land in
The breath of life so pure and so true
With you I’m me, done singing the blues
Feel me, touch me, hold me, I’m a fiend for your embrace
Your kisses so soft and tender, we move slow, with love there is no race
For haste will lead to our fall
I can’t stand to go through a withdrawal
Give me you, all of you as I search for me
As I stare firm at this mirror, and watch your soul enter me
Life is what I have when I’m with you
I’m living, breathing, getting lost in you


“I’m here to see Jeremy Bryson. Is he okay? Did he have to get surgery? Where is he?” All of these questions rushed out of Rachel’s mouth.

“Miss please calm down. Jeremy is being taken care of. There was a great amount of blood loss. He has five broken ribs, a dismantled jaw, and a fractured wrist. However, he’s in surgery now being taken care of. Just remain calm and wait patiently. We’re doing all that we can.”

Rachel was unsure of how to react. At that moment, she just took a seat. She zoned out for a while and got lost in her thoughts. She pondered on how much Jeremy did for her. In the short time that they were dating they built a connection that no one could ever come between. He always went out of his way to be with her and showered her with gifts. Jeremy loved Rachel and Rachel only. Rachel must have prayed about one hundred times that everything was okay. A few hours later the doctor returned with some news.

“Jeremy’s surgery was successful. All went well and he is fine. One person at a time can go in the room to be with him.”

Rachel immediately jumped up and made her way to the room that Jeremy was in. She started crying once she saw him lying there wrapped in bandages. It hurt her heart to see him go through so much pain; the fact that he was on his way to see her made it even worse. Tears started rushing down her cheeks swiftly.

“Jeremy I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I love you so much.” Rachel could barely get her words out.

“I love you too. Everything is going to be alright.” It took all that Jeremy had to mumble those words.

Rachel held Jeremy’s hand in silence and fell asleep on his chest.

What we have is based off a mystery,
An undefined love that should be written in history.
Yes the love is real and the feelings are mutual,
But yet we walk around and hide it like it’s unusual.
We’ve been as high as the hills and mountains,
As low as rivers and valleys but yet we hold it back.
We let the ways of people pull us apart.
My thoughts wander and I question whether this love is real.
You’ve proven to care but yet I still have doubts.
Doubts that lead to confusion, confusion that leads to tears.
Tears that form from the feeling of lack in love, tears that over flow because they can’t stop.
Just a girl that’s always been misunderstood. A girl that’s learned to depend on herself.
The fact that someone comes around and expresses love and care scares her.
She never knew there could be someone out there willing to love her for her.
Someone that would accept her flaws, someone that wants to treat her right.
She holds on to the past willing to let go but doesn’t know how.
She’s being held back and is fighting a battle that doesn’t seem to end.
But yet she strives and pushes each day trying to break through.
She wants to get back to that place where nothing bothered her, where everything was right and things at least seemed perfect.
In order to get back there she has to learn to trust and give chances.
Her heart is fragile yes but she has to learn to let others take care of it.
Give a chance, take a risk and build.
Head held high she is confident, independent, strong, determined, and willing to take the risk.
Love is what she’s been chasing and now that she’s found it she needs to be open to it.
She’s ready to move on and take the step that will lead to her everlasting happiness.


Rachel was by Jeremy’s side day after day, month after month, and year after year, until he fully recovered from his accident. Just as he was there for her, she was there for him. She learned to appreciate the saying that “patience is a virtue”. Time seemed to always be a troubling factor in her life but not this time around. It had been two years since Jeremy’s surgery and a year since Rachel graduated college. They grew and built each other up together. Things were going well with Jeremy’s career in the music industry as a producer. Rachel was in medical school and everything was falling into place for them. They moved in together and lived comfortably in California. Rachel saved and was able to move her mother out of the urban areas of New Jersey with the help of Jeremy. She never forgot where she came from no matter how much success came her way.

“Rachel I know you know how much I care about you. I express how much I appreciate and love you each and every day. My life wouldn’t be the same without you in it. I just feel like it’s time for my actions to speak louder than my words. With all of that being said, will you marry me?”

Rachel was lost for words. Her entire life flashed before her eyes; from the struggles to the heartaches, to the downfalls and hardships and even to the rising and success. Finally tears of joy flowed. These weren’t tears of pain or fear, but these were tears of joy and happiness.

“Yes! I’ll marry you Jeremy.”

For the first time in a long time Rachel felt like she could breathe freely. She didn’t feel confined to the troubles of her life. Like a butterfly floating through the air or a bird flying high in the sky, she was free. Jeremy gave her a huge hug and kiss. Together they were invincible; the power couple. They overcame all of their life obstacles together, hand in hand.

“I love you Rachel.”

“I love you too Jeremy.”

“You mean the world to me. Never forget that.”

Jeremy decided to establish himself as a man first before asking Rachel to marry him. Just like her he was also a provider. He wanted to make sure everything was right with both of them. Even when Rachel wanted to do things on her own he wouldn’t let her, he wanted to be the provider in the household. Together they danced to the songs in their heads. It seemed as if they had the same song in mind because each was on cue and stayed on beat as they danced around freely together.












A year later instead of dancing in their bedroom Rachel was walking down the aisle saying “I do”. Rachel and Jeremy had a big, beautiful wedding filled with joyous family members and friends. Rachel’s Uncle Nick was released from prison and was able to attend the wedding. He was so proud of all Rachel accomplished. Rachel was more than happy that her uncle was able to attend one of the biggest days of her life. It meant the world to her. But it wouldn’t be Rachel’s life if something didn’t go out of order. Just as she was greeting everyone who came to the reception, she ran across a familiar face. One in which she was not too pleased to see.

“Why are you here?” Rachel tried to hold her composure.

“I’m just here to help you celebrate your big day. I’m not here on any agendas or to ruin your day. I just want to see you happy.” Derrick said.

“You’ve got some nerve for it to even be a thought in your small mind that it was acceptable for you to show up to my wedding! You have less than ten seconds to remove yourself from this table and leave.”

Jeremy could sense from across the room that something wasn’t right. He made his way over to where his wife was standing with what seemed to be a steak knife in her hand.

“Is everything okay over here?” Jeremy asked looking at Rachel and then looking down to see Derrick smirking.

“What are you doing here?” Jeremy questioned angrily.

“I was just about to leave. I just came to pay respect to you and the woman I once truly lov…”

POW! Derrick dropped to the floor before he could get his last word out. In the blink of an eye, Rachel punched him dead in the throat. She wanted so badly to use the knife in her hand but realized she no longer had it. Jeremy was able to remove it from her when he made his way over to her. There was so much built up anger and fury inside of Rachel. She forgave Derrick a long time ago but definitely never forgot how much pain he put her through. She was able to release so much of that anger that was built up inside from that one hit.

Just when she thought it was over she saw another unwanted familiar face. It was Jackie. The friend she once trusted with her life, the friend she was once willing to do anything for, the friend who betrayed her on all levels. Rachel had no words for Jackie, she grabbed the knife out of Jeremy’s hand and stormed after Jackie. Jeremy ran behind her trying to stop her. Before anyone knew it, Jackie pulled out a gun.

“Rachel, NO!” Jeremy screamed.

Rachel came to a halt when she saw the gun. She was in no way at all fearful, it made her angry to see that Jackie could show up to her wedding and pull a gun out on her after knowing what she did.

“You always get what I want Rachel! Why is that? You had the athlete; you have the big career, the big house, the loving husband. Why is it that I could never gain these things? You think you’re the only one that’s been through some things? I’ve probably experienced more than you have and still I can never seem to get the things I want in life.”

Rachel couldn’t believe the things Jackie were saying. All along she thought she had a trusting friend when really she had a jealous and envious enemy. Rachel would do anything for the ones that she loved. She truly cared about all of her friends and was willing to go above and beyond just to see them happy. Jackie continued talking and Rachel remained silent. She was in total shock of how much hate Jackie had built up in her heart.

“If I can’t be happy, neither can you.” Jackie said while putting her fingers on the trigger.

Just as she went to pull the trigger Derrick jumped in front of the gun and took the bullet for Rachel. His body fell slowly and blood spilled all across the floor. Rachel’s heart cracked into tiny pieces. She fell to the ground and just sat there. Jeremy, Anila, Kristen, and her mom tried to get her up, but it was as if the air was made of bricks keeping her down. Rachel fell into a daze. She did not speak, eat, or do anything for that matter for the next few days. All she did was sleep. She stayed lost in her thoughts day in and day out.
Tears rolled down Jeremy’s eyes as he thought about his wife’s life almost being taken. Three weeks passed and Rachel finally spoke after witnessing her husband cry.

“Jeremy.” She said softly.

“Rachel! You spoke? Baby I love you! You don’t have to say a word. I promise I’ll be here for you. I’ll take care of you, just please don’t ever put yourself in danger like that again. I need you.”

Rachel’s heart smiled. Derrick’s death was a tragedy but it made her realize how much more she appreciated Jeremy. Life was at a standstill. The odds were now even.

“Life is good.”



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This book has 2 comments.


LordJiggy said...
on Feb. 17 2014 at 12:38 pm
THIS BOOK IS BEYOND AWESOMENESS!!!

LordJiggy said...
on Feb. 17 2014 at 12:36 pm
I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! =D