“Why, why, why traffic right now. Can this get any worse than it already is.” Sophia my best friend since fifth grade, slash long lost sister leans her head back against the White head cushion of Her car seat that's dazzled with pink sparkles around. Don't forget the nice course set of electric massages it gives you when you feel stiff, or just because the day didn't turn out the way you desired it. “Just our luck, huh.” She looks at me with those Gucci sunglasses placed on her face.

“Ha,” I gasp out a small laugh that catches her attention.

“What’s so funny.” She murmurs as she looks at herself in the rear window. Checking if everything is in place like it was 1 hour ago.

“I thought about the same thing you just said this morning, I guess we both pull negative energy towards us.”
I say as I take a view at the traffic jam blocking our path to get to Lakeview High.
“Is that so.”

“Yup.” I state as I multitask talking to her and review my AP Bio notes.

“Well in the morning I concluded that it was going to be 78 Degrees here in Santa Monica, and I was approximately right.” She concludes as the cars start to shift away and we start to move again.
“Guess our luck starting to get back into place.”






As the bell rang, Sophia and I ended dashing our ways to building 700.
School was the definition of huge, our first day of freshman year, we looked like lost puppies trying to find our way back home, It took us a while, but now Sophia (exclude me) knows every square inch of this High school, including the lunch ladies, and cliques she does not even hang out with. Its like every single being in this school goes to her for advice or just to talks to her. Shes popular and all but shes not like those beautiful blue eyed tall blond girls in every chick flick ever made. Considering the fact that I’m a short brunette with hazel eyes, we make a perfect pair.
When we entered the classroom before the bell rang, we were saved from waking up this Saturday morning to attend Saturday school. As you awkwardly take your separate way, as usual your peers would always eye you from head to toe like you just murdered someone.
During Biology we ended up taking notes, a lot of notes. Just 10 min before the bell, my head started to ache. “Not again” shocked, somehow it slipped.
Concentrate Hazel Concentrate, I demand myself, and also begging my instinct not to talk out loud again. Just as I let out a big gasp for air and look up, I notice someone from the left corner of my eye staring at Me, like I'm a strange creature who just appeared right in front of them. My face suddenly turns into a shade of a tomato ready to be eaten. I couldn't help it and so I locked eyes with him, Alex Shepherd, the captain of the water polo team. Him why out of the juniors in the planet, him! Was I doing something inappropriate that captured his attention. Its was concluded that WE were looking at each other for over 2 min, till the bell parted it to fast.





During lunch I started to rethink things overs, why in this universe was Shepherd staring at me with those light brown eyes of his like that. Well to start off Shepard is highly recognized for his good looks and athletic performance in the water, lets not forget half of his classes are AP. You can conclude right from the bat this 16 year old, has the best of both worlds.
Hes almost the opposite of me, but why would I care school is the first priority on my list. Nothing can stop me.

It takes Sophia about 10 min to get to our usual hang out place. But for me I can avoid the the crowds of people dashing past the halls, and make it between 2 to 3 min. Its not because her classroom is far away from our lunch table, its because shes a very visible tall blond, you can spot from a mile away, and you will obviously conclude shes a model. So you beg her for an autograph, or picture. When she sets her texts books on the red picnic table, I’m already chewing away my green apple. That the core is the only thing left attached to the stem.
“Headache again.”
I nod as I gulp down the bite of the green juicy apple.
“Its been practically 7 years with your constant headaches!” She loudly alerts, and doesn't care if people are watching.
“Hazel we need to find a way, you need to find a way, you can't live like this forever with migraine headaches, depression, casting yourself away from people you don't want to meet, you need to open that door somewhere in that box you somehow think you're stuck in, is your psychologist even helping you with… you know?”
I stare at the floor thanking her, my wonderful good friend Sophia. Without her maybe I would of never ate my delicious apple (when someone wishes to be dead, then that would be a very important matter to discuss to them). She gives me strength to keep moving forward, In addition I do the same for her to. Its like we understand each other from head to toe. I assume what makes us share a secure link between us, is our Families weakness of not having a strong connection. In the very end we are our own family. Ever since the accident.
“Ya shes helping me.” I announce, wanting the lunch break to end, But when I check my Ipod, I know its going to turn out to be a 15 long minute counselling session with my second psychologist.

“I've been writing a lot lately in my journal, the one she made me start 8 years ago, right after the accident.”
I whisper, just as I tilt my head to avoid the hot, blazing sun. I see my competition leaning his weight against the the concrete building of the library 15 feet away from me, with a girl who's too pretty to exist. What am I kidding why do I care, he can mess with all the girls he wants.

“So wheres the Journal.” She automatically responds, likes shes some type of detective hungry to find the cause.
I unzip my backpack with all textbooks whose mass is greater than a elephant. Carelessly and impatiently I notice its not there. Knowing I always remember to place it inside worried eyes.

“Well were you writing over the weekend and Monday?” She gives me a suggestion, while I look rapidly over and over inside my purple Jansport backpack, like an adolescent girl just lost her precious phone. “Actually I didn't write this weekend, I was too occupied with Cellular reproduction.” Gasping, like I’m running out of oxygen. As I tried to calm my nerves down and looked around my surroundings I notice Alex still standing there, like he has no time to spare. But what captures my full attention is the violet colored journal hes holding carelessly in his left hand. I try to set my mind back to the balance it was 2 hours ago. But just staring at the journal that looks exactly identical to it, ticks that balance way off. “He has it.” I hiss, knowing that he probably knows all my secrets, and maybe moving away from the country and changing my identity would probably be a fantastic way to live my life. I take a 5 seconds to think and I realize my subconscious is not fully adequate yet. So instead I make my way to his destination(without realizing it), and start shouting words you don't want to hear from a girl who lives in Santa Monica.
As I properly end my speech with a word that relates to a female dog, Alex stares at me like I've just been paralyzed. I feel my body cooling down from its eruption that's been cause by Alex's radiation. Finally I see him give a distinctive giggle that sets me back to outrageous ticked off Hazel.

“So I'm guessing this is yours.” He remarks while looking directly into my green eyes and handing me Journal. I yank it out of his hand without hesitation. “I was going to give it to you, you know. That's why I was awkwardly standing here for half of lunch break.” He timidly says to let me know, he didn't tend to give a wrong vibe.
“Oh” I murmur also knowing there's some type of misunderstanding why he had my Journal, but not wanting to bear it. I want to ask so many questions, I know its my right as a human being , yet I'm a really shy person who can never stand up for herself and it hurts me even worse that I don't even try. In addition, I’m always tense during class, worried the whole time if Mr. Evans will pick me out of 34 students to read a passage in class, or to go up and answer a question. Don't even get me started with presentations, G O D don't you ever feel your unsettled stomach bouncing up and down. Plus all the eyes beaming right on you.
“Just to let you know I only read a page, and I found it on the ground in AP Bio when I was making my way to the door for second period.”
He answers my questions without doubt, with his gorgeous intense eyes.
“Nice to know.” I say as I give him a cold stare. I have to show him an insulting appearance and a blunt personality. Its not that I don't dislike him, I just somehow starting now want to get rid of this coat that's blocking me from defending myself.
I suddenly get back to reality and watch as He starts to walk off as the sound of his new red converse start to squeak, and scritch. Without warning he does a quick spin and displays a small smirk placed gorgeously on his pale yet tan skin.
“And by the way you're forgiven for insulting me.” He said throughout the time he was smoothly combing his dark, midnight, black hair. Then He turns around to leaves me with mixed emotion, mouth opened, cheeks burning, and the desire to hit anything that comes in my way.

When I get dropped off home by Sophia, She leaves Me hanging with all the presents she bought Me. She reminded me before she zoomed away in her White Range Rover that we will have a blast on Saturday and I don't have to worry, because she will do all the planning, plus I don't need to tell her anything because she knows me too well. For example, she know how I love spending my Saturday nights. Renting movies, and ordering Pizza Hut rather than attending a party with strangers I am not familiar with at all. Additionally the alcohol, the drugs, the one night stand. Please, thats just not in me. At the same time I was making my way to the door, I hear my Dads vehicle engines rumbling. Confusion wandered through my head. Why is He back so early ? Did something happen? I place the presents carefully on the ground, noticing that Sophia probably took more than 2 hours decorating them. I head towards the garage and look to see my Father actually came home with a pleased smile on his face, In addition with a bouquet of purple Irises located on his right hand.
“What might all this be, new date, don't tell me you actually like this one?”
I question as I cross one arm around my petite stomach and press my temples with the other. He looks at me concerned with his deep green eyes I inherited from Him, getting the message we need to drive to CVS Pharmacy and get aspirin.
“I will will purchase them tomorrow, don't worry oh and these are for you. I didn't have time to get you something more valuable. I kind of like to take you out to dinner, if its ok with you. To catch up on some stuff, father and daughter stuff.”

I look at him amazed sensing my face with tears dripping down. He never remembered this specific day, We hardly talk, We are always distant. Why now ? Does He know how much I needed him when I use to sit next to the toilet every single day, forcing myself to let out all the food I ate. So somehow I can feel a tiny bit better from the pounding headache I had. I was only 12, I later on found out about this drug call aspirin, and I didn't have to suffer that much from then on.
I look at the unique Irises, such a brilliant purple. As a drop of tear splashes quietly on a petal, so quietly so gently yet so somber, and hopeless.
I do a small skip his way and hug him tight.
“Give me time to get ready ok.” He gives me a peak on the head, like always.
“Take your time sport.“
“Oh and Dad not Chinese today, please.”




April 28 wasn't all that bad, It was actually pretty pleasant and spontaneous! Not acting like a spoiled Beverly Hills teen, but yesterday was indeed pretty decent. First off all the presents from Sophia are absolutely valuable including the wrapping paper. After that I got ready for my birthday dinner with my Dad. He stated he knew where this 5 star restaurant was, because supposedly Mom and Him use to eat there all the time, moreover its Italian. Like the formal girl I am off and on. I took my time and slipped into my appropriate purple lengthwise dress from my middle school promotion. I don't know how it still fits me perfectly. Furthermore I put my dark hair up in a bun, like it regularly is, and Slipped on my black flats from Forever 21. During the time we were in the car, I noticed he was lost and half an hour past already, moreover there was no sign of the Italian restaurant. So I told him any place to eat is ok, considering the fact he looked worried and anxious for the night not turning out the way he coordinated It. In the end we ate at Denny's, we ordered pancakes at 10:30 p.m. along with chocolate shakes and lets not forget double chocolate fudge brownies for dessert. While we ate we didn't have small talk we actually talked the whole time we laughed from the old memories we hold on from the past. We cried a little for the stuff that's currently happening and we had a serious chatter about the upcoming future.
When we got home he called me to his room across from mine. First he gave me a lecture about how difficult the world is right now and how I am suppose to study hard, and he knows I am. As a result he took out his UCLA sweater from his almost empty closet. He told me I can have it for the reason that I work hard and still have all this weight of headaches and stress on my back.
To this conclusion yesterday was the best birthday out of the the best birthdays in the world. I consider it as I replay the scenes over and over, comprehending that my Dad, Andrew isn't so isolated like me. I tap my pencil on my desk, waiting for Mr. Smith to start the lesson for today. Bio has always been my favorite class, I noticed it runs in the family to. For example, my busy Father working at UCLA finding any possible way to a cure for cancer. My Aunt….. and many many more.
“Ok class today I will be assigning you partners for your next assignment.”
Mr. Smith announces to the class as he takes a sip of his homemade coffee.
I look around wishing to the gods this time I will get partnered up with Sophia. Not Mark, the creepy guy who talks to his dead cat. Definitely not Annie Claire, the girl who sings and does her business in the toilet.
When I hear Mr. Smith call out random names, I comprehend this will be a tough one to get out of.
“Let me see….. Alex Shepard, and Hazel Linus.”
My whole body suddenly goes numb and shuts down from interacting with my instinct and control, blood stops flowing continuously and rapidly through my veins, at the same time my brain has a dysfunction sending signals in different's directions to my body, my vision gets blurry and the scent of smell disappears. My body is lying horizontally to the floor, caused by earth's stupendous gravity. You can call it a bad day, I assume.




“Hazel, Hazel, Hazel.” I hear someones in-distinctive voice from a short distance.
Its so smooth, harmonica, beautiful. I slowly open my gloomy eyes to see Alex on top of me as I lay helplessly on the floor, couple inches from my face. If a stranger appears right in front of your face after your long eternal beauty nap, then you would kick him where it would hurt the most.
So I do, and as I view my surroundings, He sure seems to be in an intense throbbing pain. I couldn't help, as us females we are suppose to protect ourselves from people who would go through any drastic measure to cause us harm.
“Gosh what's wrong with you !!” He shrieks, never seeing this side to him.
“I was just looking after you !” He yells as his eyes turn into a raving look a with edgy spark.
“ I'm sorry, I didn't mean It! What were you even doing back there?”
I reply, just as I try to comfort him any easy possible way, that doesn't make me look stupid or look like a nuisance.
“ Its fine,” he mumbles during the time he ascends himself from the floor
“ Smith just told me to keep watch over you, everyone's at break right now, and Sophia went home, so I was left responsible for you.” He responds taking a long big deep breath.
“Why didn't you take me to the nurses office or maybe called the ambulance, because fainting seems like a pretty big deal.” I loudly questioned, wanting answers not meaningless replies that does not make sense.
“He said he knows what stages and symptoms you go through when your brain is apparently unconscious. So the stage you were in wasn't life or death matters. You just needed air, so I was fanning you practically the whole time, dummy! ”
I sit there revising every moment that happen before my dramatic shut down. Once I think hard enough, I get small pieces of the event that makes me start to feel dizzy again.
“Hey their, watch your step you know not to get up so fast.” He states in a more low tone while balancing my back to stay steady.
“Can I ask you something,” I request while he leads me to the closest chair.
“Am I mistaken or are we partners?” He looks at me with a furious face with a tint of confusion. I think created a new side to him, and it does not look pretty.
“Are you kidding me, I sacrifice my break just to look after you and repay me with a ‘you’re my partner’ at least you can say is a thank you and I’ll disappear from you like that!”
He shouts as his eyes turn a new shade of light brown.
I panic viewing from my perspective, He will explode any second.
“Its just I don’t know you, and thanks for everything and all but you don’t seem like the kind of guy who would stay here and watch over me like a guard dog. “There was a moment of silence in the room, only the sound of the warm heater was distinguishable through the morning breeze that was pounding hard against the class windows. There was no communication, through eye contact or dialect.
“Your ok now so, I’ll excuse myself out.”
He murmurs in a sensitive tone. He Walked his way in a slow pace towards the door. He didn't shut the door hard like an arrogant man always does, He closed it with a small push of force, it was hardly noticeable he was hurt.



I got home exhausted, light headed. I felt as my head was getting hammered from the dramatic fall I made not to long ago. Mostly my headaches are not as bad as the ones that use attack my sensitive head when I was approximately 13 years old. In this current situation, I can’t help the need to take more than 10 Advil's right now. Tomorrow is my session with my psychologist. Shes a very grumpy lady who hates people who don’t do the tasks they are assigned to do.
I have not been writing in my journal for a long period of time, in her terms.
When I met her few years after the accident, She was a kind fellow lady who enjoyed having me in her office all the time. But now it seems like she doesn't want me around at all. Psychologists go through problems too, and I’m guessing she needs her space.
Here in Santa Monica it gets pretty chilly in the spring season. After I opened the cabinet and got a hold of the Advil. I took a step at a time upstairs to snuggle into my own UCLA sweater. As I looked in the mirror, all the flaws my body contains suddenly clash together and disappear. The only thing I see Is my precious sweater covering every mistake, every imperfect feature, and every problem. Tears run down my eyes, suddenly the old me is back. My every teardrop turns into a waterfall, as it descends its way downward, vanishing. Leaving my unforgettable scares that I will never forget. Like the accident, terror and anxiety takes over my petite body every time my mind goes back through time rewinding like a scratched movie. I lost a special person in my life that was meant to stay for those particular events like graduation getting married or maybe just be there to kiss me good night.
My mother died on the fourth of July, never the less it was not because the the fireworks. My parents got in a fight in the result of my Mother not buying meat patties for the barbecue. Dads friends came over and He was pretty pissed. So as the obedient mother She was. She took her bag and keys feeling guilty and remorseful for not listening to my Fathers orders. Please the Women had Fever! Yet she still drove all the way to Target to get His darn patties, but she never came back. She got hit by a drunk driver on a stop light. We were informed pretty fast, Dad got affected the most of course. But later on I started to miss her presence more, and I started to treasure every moment and memory I once had with her. I lightly rub my eyes from the dramatic scene I just had, I take a deep breath in and out. All of a sudden I hear noises down stairs. Either Dad is back home from work, or my Brother I get along with on and off. I pace myself for the appropriate state I'm currently In. When I’m down stairs I view Sophia laying comfortable and relaxed like Shes in her own house about to watch a movie with an appetizing snack to make the movie more entertaining.
“What are you doing here.” I question with a delighted tone in my voice. Wanting comfort for what I just reinforced in my head.
“Hey take it easy.” She answers as she comes near me to show me the way to the couch.
“And I thought you were ok, Alex texted me after you supposedly crossed His line.”
“Tell him I did nothing wrong.” I demand, as I sit on the couch impatiently, wanting to get these mixed understandings settled and cleared.
“Well I just came over to tell you I'm sorry I couldn't stay to look after you, we are still up for Saturday right?” She reclaimed while she made her way to the front door.
“Yeah we are.” I answer with a big smile on my face just as my headache slowly goes away.

Walking through the halls of crowded teens blabbering about unnecessary
topics was very effortless for me, but once I saw his red converse waiting, leaning against my locker I knew I wasn't going to get out of this mess easily. How does he even know where my locker is located, He could of not just guessed locker B454 is the locker I occupy, to stash all my textbooks in. As I quickly start putting in my combination, so I can get these massive textbooks back inside immediately, he questions. “Why are you in such a hurry, its Friday and the next two days you don't have to think about stuff that will probably set you off to a bad start." He says, trying to convey any type of comfort with those passionate brown eyes of His.
“Are we here to discuss about the upcoming project or maybe all the information you know about me through my journal, that I take every Wednesday and Thursdays to my psychologist.” I say, with anger and outrage in my eyes, ready to do any physical damage that gets in my way.
“I'm sorry OK, It was an accident. I was looking for a book and suddenly I see this journal laying on the ground, I pick it up and curiously I start reading the first page. So tomorrow at your house by 12 p.m. I just wanted to apologize, I didn't mean It.” And just like that his shiny red converse walked off without a goodbye. I couldn't help it he’s the one who read my journal I am suppose to be mad at him, right? But yet he is not towards me, since I'm the one who made him go the the E.R. after I kicked his weakest spot. I've been partnered up with Shepard for the past three days. Let me tell you, He knows his stuff. Here I thought the water polo players only tanned and took a quick swim. Lets especially not forget their total boost of self esteem and their colorful tight speedos, cooky much. I take my essentials that are necessary for the weekend, lets hope they come in handy for tomorrows packed day.



Ding dong Ding dong, I turn around and pause on my wooden chair as I brushed my damp wavy dark hair. The doorbell kept ringing and ringing, comprehending its either a family member that likes to bug the hell out of me for their own pleasure or my Brother who just gets edgy from the rough days he periodically has. I head my way towards the front door, making sure everything is in place snacks, books, pencils etc. In case if its Shepard, I don’t want him to get the wrong impression due to the place I live in. Either way If it wasn't for the obsessive compulsive disorder I am presently having. I have never invited a peer or friend that's the opposite gender from me.
Lets just face it I'm totally clueless. I feel my hands moist as my blood makes its way proceeding the bottom section of my body, circulating my veins rapidly.
Couple of feet away from the front door a take a breather and open it casually. Right in front of my eyes is Shepard holding two chinese takeout boxes, with his backpack hanging laid back from one shoulder.
“Had enough to stare yet.” Saying it with a overconfident tone in his voice.

“Uh…. Be quiet!” I shriek in the process my cheeks turn into a new light hue. I stomp my feet in route towards the kitchen reflecting my thoughts whether I should kick him again.
“So I see you bought take out, thanks.” I murmur leaning against the kitchen counter, viewing at the boxes that contains unpleasant food inside. I can already feel my insides revolt.
“No problem, so lets gets started shall we?”

Approximately, Its been 2 hours and 28 minutes since Shepherd arrived at my house. Lets face it, its been completely silent, lacking the noise of my living room clock which only keeps us company in conclusion to the awkward aura filled around the room. 2 hours and 30 min ago Shepard spotted all my materials near my regular seat, so he chose my Dads usual spot at the dining table across from mine. I’m starting to think boys has no intentions to be my friend or to just even to look at me. During the time I do my work, I try not to stare his direction. I don’t want him to think i’m a girl with staring problems, in which case i don’t. What am I thinking I can’t focus my attention on something that can lead me to nowhere. Just as I take my final peek, we lock eye contact.He gives out a smirk as we communicate with our eyes. Me wanting to shred him into a million pieces and Him telling me this is getting boring.
“Lets play some music.” I hear him say as his smile widens, pushing all his school materials aside with such ease.


“What do you like to do on your free time?” He asks as we sit on the couch biting down some Frito's I found that were hidden away from me.
“I like to watch professional tennis games, I inherit it from my Ma’am.”
I answer while I listen to the song Yellow by Coldplay in the background.
“Is that so, what else don't I know from you?” I crunch down a couple of Frito's from my hand, during the time I observe Shepard a couple feet away.
“I hate dogs, I love the feeling of hiking, I can eat up to 6 slices of pizza, I am ambidextrous and I ………… can't swim.” I take a final nibble on my Frito, and look up at Shepherds stunned expression.
“You gotta be kidding me, out of all the people in the world. I couldn't imagine you trapped inside your house for a whole summer without no water to cool yourself off from the heat.” He says in shock , waiting for me to clarify why I’m not exactly like him.
“Well there are reasons, and mine were never having time to get swimming lessons.” I give him a neighborly smile, Reasoning I might just survive this dreadful partner project. We just have to contribute and cooperate our own chunk to the project, and this will be over before I know it.
“Well if you don't mind, i can give you lessons myself” I launch a Frito's right to his chest in complete rejection, giving him the sign I might go ninja on him again.
“No thanks, I'm completely fine off the waters for now, what about you what’s got a merman's attention these days?”
“Well I hate socializing, I love watching movies, I spend my free time at the beach, and I love the black keys.”
I look at him with shocking colored eyes, not comprehending the truth. If someone listens to the same music as you then, you would be pretty dazed.
I immediately throw the bag of Frito's off my lap and get myself up, as he looks at me with incomprehensible eyes.
“What are you doing?”
He questions when he sees me rushing to the second floor, clueless of my actions. I come back down stairs a couple seconds later, with the feeling of excitement rushing through my body. When I suddenly cluster up on top of Shepard, He shouts the pain I gave him for jumping on top of his legs.
“Look, I have all their albums, plus I got tickets for their concert, the one that's going to be held at the staple center.”
He scrolls through my phone and reads all the song titles,plus other songs and bands that are totally not in that genre. He gives out a smile and looks at me.
“Guess I’ll see you there.”
He glimpse back at my phone and takes a breather.
“I have to go.”
He gets up from the couch and places all his stuff in his backpack, I guide him the way back to the front door. He pauses and looks at me before I grab the door knob.
“If you’re ever ready to get in the water, tell me.”



“Don't cry its just a movie, plus 500 days of summer is much better
I crunch down my piece of popcorn as I watch Sophia bawl her eyes staring at the t.v. Watches Noah and Allie kiss in the rain when they reunite.

“Its just so heart breaking, how dare she wraps her arms around his stunning body, She doesn't deserve him! ” giving me a weak glance of exhaustion, and somberness as her expensive mascara gets smudge in different locations on her face.

“Don’t get all worked up for nothing its just a movie.” I sit there watching the scene every woman would dream of. Its my mimi after birthday party so I might as well look like I am being entertained by Noah's and Allies eternal love. I take a long look at the living room four hours ago it was plain and simple and now its like my surroundings are all colorful balloons and decorations for a special event. It funny how its only Me, Sophia and the background, in-distinctive talking of the T.V in the house, but their is no guest dancing of having small talk while they take a sip of their punch, and especially nobody to admire the beautiful decorations. Sophia loves to make spoil people, like me. She also wants me to know she will do anything for her best friend to the point of buying decorations for my own amusement.

“Hows Mark doing, hows the family?” I take a zip of my soda curious and worried to find out what she keeping from me.
She gives out a sarcastic gasp, the side you usually don't see from her. “You mean my childish bothersome brother, He is doing splendid.”
He is only 10 years old, Sophia give him a break, He just wants to spend quality time with you, can't you accept that.” I burst out without meaning it.
“Well why don't you try and be his sister for a day,” She murmurs with annoyance “their processing the papers right now, so you can assume one of them left the house already or is sleeping in another room.”

“Maybe we can talk to them, and see if their is some kind of-”
“They can't stand staring at each other Hazel, there is no hope the papers are done, they're getting a divorce period!“
We stay quiet for a moment, letting the in-distinctive voices comfort us.
“Haven't you ever wondered how your brother is taking it. Maybe he doesn't want your parents to get a divorce as much as you do.”
“Well I guess he has to toughen up.”



Its Monday I swear to god I feel so suicidal. Who ever looks forwards to Mondays for which ever reason, I would like to hit them in the face with a chair. Today I woke up, although there was something offbeat from my usual routine. My head was hammering, though it was a contrast pain. More intense, more painful, more effective. In the end I decided to stay home, ignore the painful start to the weekdays and stay home having pain killers by my side. Its currently 4:30 and I still feel like my head is being pounded by some kind of hardware. I've probably missed a tremendous load of work.
I pick up my phone that's inches away from by bed, and think on who to text. Sophia or my wanna be swimming teacher. Either of them would give me the exact information for Biology, although Shepard is my partner in crime and Sophia is not all that delighted to be by friend right now. To sum it all up Shepard is my best bet at this time. I quickly scroll down my contacts to tap on the send message to Alex Shepard. I type in saying I need to know what I missed today, also to reply asap. At the point of heading downstairs to grab myself a glass of water he replies, as I read the message that hes coming over to explain it to me and to give the paperwork. My senses suddenly fade and I find myself face planted on the ground. I look around the room to see my surrounding unbalanced, moving back and forth spinning in different directions. I experiment to get myself up, but I lack steadiness and get back to the ground. I stable my breathing which I flawed to. Couple seconds later I am back to my normal self. I cant get the thought out of my mind if it was caused by the unpleasant headache I’m having, or it just came out of nowhere. I hear the doorbell ring and I am thankful god sent someone to save me. I quickly open the door and see Shepard standing calm and steady, the total opposite from me.
“What happen to you, You look horrible” He states in concerned way.
“I don't know.” I take the worksheets and the textbooks while he lets himself in.
“I just had a head rush.”
He jumps on top of the sofa.“ I always have those when I stand up too quickly.”
“I wasn't sitting down I was standing up and suddenly it just happened I collapse, what if its cancer, food poisoning -”
“Stop exaggerating, your fine maybe it was dehydration or I got lightheaded.”
“I hope you're right,” I cross my arms eyeing him with a worried expression.


We sit down in the table, this time neighboring each other.
He explains to me what we learned in class, and we also advance a little on our project. He lets me do a couple reflexion problems, while he sits there viewing everything I write.
“About the journal I’m sorry I read it.”

I stand up with full force ”I thought you said you only read 1 or 2 pages!”
He looks at me with regretting apologetic eyes, “I lied”
I stare at him full on raged eyes, “but you promised!”

I run to the bathroom as tears sweep down my face. I hear Shepard in the background calling my name, but all I want to do is shut myself off from the world. I slam the door and lock it quickly. I slam my back against the wall as all my tears slip down my face, I slowly reach the cold wooden floor. I put my hands against my face in shame, rage and embarrassment. That journal is like my diary, I express myself in every possible way I can to let whatever I feel out. Several minutes past, and my cryings slowly stops.
“Can we talk now.”
“Whats there to talk about?” I hear his deep-low voice, Its seems like hes leaning against the door.
“I know how you feel.” He confesses indistinctly.
I sarcastically laugh “Is that so, because I don't believe you!” I shout with everything I have, despite the headache I’m currently dealing with.
“ My Dad was murdered when I was five years old.”
I look at the white wooden door, visualizing what he would be doing this minute. I stared at it for quite while debating if I should talk to him.
“You're not the only one Hazel, heck sometimes I feel If my life is worth living without a significant missing to my puzzle, sometimes you just have to let go.”
It wasn't my Dads fault He got shot in a bank robbery, He was just trying to deposit a small amount of money, and your mother she was just trying to get patties from the supermarket, sometimes I also blame myself for my Dads gone being, but then I accept the fact we have to let go and move on, we all do including you Hazel.”
I look up at the ceiling as hot tears run down my eyes. He did read my journal every single sentence he summarized, came right out my journal. He must of thought the same thing question before.
“I also feel like I don't belong in this world, don't you?”
“Yeah.” I murmur, as I shield myself down into a ball, hiding myself from any type of danger.
“When I got done reading your Journal, I thought to myself I never thought there was someone who's going through the same matter as I am. What convinced me to talk to you was the first sentence I read from your journal. How much you miss and treasure her. God I wish I had the guts to write a journal like -”
I open the door to view him sitting down on the bitter wooden floor shedding some tears he kept for quite a while, I think.
“You want some hot chocolate.” I ask while the same corresponding agonizing tears we share also escape down my face.




Sharing your exclusive problems to someone can be crucial. You have to try your best to open up to people and let all the bitter past present and future scenes and scenarios out of the way to your true destination. Or else you will always be afraid of your own shadow and it will haunt you until you do the right thing and break that wall.
Alex gave me his input on how to deal with my situation and I gave mine to his. We ate drank hot cocoa with the side of Oreo's. We talked and talked, he told more about himself and so did I. I got to know the real Shepard and I guess I was wrong for judging his cover. Not everyone acts a certain way, for their particular image. I suppose I should change my ways. I told Shepard about my psychologist. The person who assigned me to convey every feeling I had in that Journal, also why she wanted me to do it. I told him when you have no to trust then a blank composition book is all you have. When we got done eating our dipped milked Oreo cookies he asked me if maybe one day he can tag along with me to see Mrs.Evans. He also asked if I was free on Friday night to get a bite to eat at Pizza hut, and I said yes.




I've been feeling all right or the past 10 hours, so I have determined to finish and end a normal school day without warning faintings and piercing head rushes that last for who knows what. I pack my things and head out into the frosty morning. Waiting for my last minute dad to hurry and give me ride. Who else would give a lift to school, offending Sophia won't get me ride from her anywhere no more. I came prepared for the worst if she didn't show up. Good thing my Dad didnt leave yet. But still roaming the house who knows doing what.
I stand there in cold, below zero temperature which consumes my every skin cell in my body. Acknowledging if what everything Shepard said was real, if what everything happen was real, If we were real. I concentrate harder and harder, trying to grip any memory any scene I had yesterday or the day before. I don't remember anything, everything goes blank. I start feeling dizzy and befuddled. I suddenly collapse and I see this man rush towards me. He tells me to close my eyes so I do.

I wake up in room that smells like hand sanitizer and is filled with medical equipment, as of me I am placed on a bed injected with several tubes. I notice one to be an IV hooked to a rolling pole. I focus to remember what happened but I just can't quite put my finger on it. I dont recall anything. I make an effort to sit myself up, however all the effort I have is lying myself down to ease my nuisance in my head. As I lie down I see I view my Dad on a chair sleeping soundly, however uncomfortably in the position he is in.
“Dad Dad Dad. “
I faintly call as If I'm going to get in some kind of trouble. I keep calling yet no answer from my hibernating Dad. I look around concerned what might of happened to me. I look at my Dad and see facial hair grown the size of santa clauses Beard. The strange thing is he was totally bold from top cheek to bottom cheek the last I saw him. I look at my nails to see they have grown almost 5 inches the last time I trimmed them. I look at my hair to see its also developed more than 5 inches of hair. This cant be right how long have I’v been hospitalized ? My heart starts to ache and my head goes blank again. As I start to view around for questions and answers I see a calendar. I immediately rip out all the tubs linked to my circulatory system, not mining the pain. Without patience I rush myself across the room and gulp down nothing but the feeling of dehydration. I tighten my fingers on the calendar as I read it.
January, 12, 2014
I step back my sore body with drained puzzlement and astonishment. For almost a year I've been unconscious. I plunge down to the linoleum floor, I feel my cold forgotten hands on my face as I wash the tears that stroll down my eyes. So many questions I want to ask as they consume my sensitive head.
I discover my pale looking Dad standing right in front of me.
“So you know.” tears start to decline from his face.
“Why Dad, what happened ?!” I gasp throughout the time Dad descends to the ground to hug me tightly and emotionally.
“The Doctor said you would never wake up, its a miracle! “ He declares, holding my delicate feverish cheeks with his two colorless hands.
“Tell what happened I don’t recall anything.”
He helps off the shivery surface and leads me to my bed where I was in a deep slumber for quite a long time. He then takes a seat on the cramped mini couch designed with purple floral flowers all over.
“Last year you took a pretty big fall on a regular school day, your head faced a big impact during the fall. We took you to the E.R.The doctors announced you were unconscious they didn't really know what made you faint. So they made you take many tests yet it took a long time, furthermore you didn't wake up.
CT scan, MRI, blood tests and much more. Concluding it already has been six months since your fall, they had found out you have a tumor in your brain.” He takes a extensive pause to get his voice back on the point of rubbing his temples to eye the floor. They never thought you would wake up, but I did. So much has happened.”
“So my headaches, that's why they were caused.” As I play with my hospital wrist band.
May, 4, 2013
“I have to go report to the nurses, they won't believe me.”




Doctor Brown comes in while I eat my fifth cup of strawberry gelatin. being hospitalized isn't such a disagreeable experience. For craving whatever it is, it can be well prepared and brought to you fast and pronto.
Plus there is no time limit for my appetite. Therefore the buffet is open 24/7. I turn off the T.V. to pay close consideration for what he concludes to come to an end. Whether if its a slight difference in my everyday treatment. Or a last minute arrangement for a surgical procedure.
For this reason I’m always on alert and attentive whenever he's on my radar. I mass down my finger on the lift up button connected to my high tech bed just as he nears himself towards me.
“You must of missed jello from your time away.”
He gives me a smirk while analyzing the data from my case in a folder.
“Hazel to tell you the truth I thought you weren't going to wake up, but look at you stuffing yourself with jello, meanwhile watching movies on netflix, don't you have the luxury life.”
A nurse comes in handing him a vaccine. I don't usually get injected often, but when I do it aches. I normally get a CT Scan periodically, to see if the tumor is progressing or not.
“ Doctor I know I've been here for quite a while now excluding my comma encounter,” I cringe from the needle piercing into my skin.
“ I just want to know If I can go home now or maybe one of my friends can come over. Its not fair I haven't seen them since it happened. If their is any cure or transition I have to go through I’ll take it, no matter if there's a small hope of possibility.”
He stands there wordless for an entire 5 minutes, I suddenly get nervous and anxious debating if I mentioned something wrong to upset him.
He takes a moment to look at me straight in the eye like a serious business man proposing a deal.
“There is one surgical procedure that's been meant for people not to long ago, and it's also meant for your case. The thing doctors always failed to fix people, it was never mastered. I’m afraid I might fail to.”
“But their is some kind of possibility right?” I look at him with shocking eyes.
“Yeah.” He murmurs.
“Please Mr.Brown I beg you” sounding like I’m running out of time, which I am.
“I will talk to your Dad when He gets off work today. I promise you Hazel I will fix you.”
Thank you Doctor Brown.” giving a look of happiness and comfort as He walks out the door and camouflages into the stream of biped patients and doctors.





Dad gets to the hospital by 7:30 sharp but I always tell Him to be here at 8:10 considering Netflix carries all 7 seasons of the Vampire Diaries, which I missed two seasons and I can also go back and watch some episodes to refresh my memory. I get to do a lot of catching up. My Dad is always an early bird, if I ever have to tell him to get here by 7:00 p.m, considering I have therapy at 5:45 p.m. Hes also been taking more days off work to come visit me. I indicate I know he figured out how much I was suffering and going through. I know We all have our flaws We have to work on, and I think his communication skill is getting pretty handy with His parental job.
“Hey kiddo guess what I brought you, Chinese Take out your favorite!”
He show his hands from behind his back carrying a Bag of Chinese Take out that odors the whole room.
“Dad what did I tell you, I dislike Chinese food remember!”
I give a small fit, people start to observe from the hallway.
“But honey since did you start to dislike it?”
Since you started to buy it every single day, don't you know your daughter Dad?”
“Well ok whatever you say all to myself. So whats new.”
He questions as he views the T.V where Damon is having an argument with Stefan.
“I talked to Doctor Brown and -”
“I know we accidentally bumped each other at the parking lot,” He affirms while opening his dinner on a night stand.
“I told if their is a chance for my little girl to get better than lets do it.”
I gaze to his attention with mazed eyes gleaming all around.
“So when do we do it?”
“The day after tomorrow, is that ok with You.”
“Its totally fine Thank -!”
“Hazel I just want you to know I am doing this because I know you're making the right decision and from now on you are an adult in my eyes. I know this is what your Mom would of wanted. I just want you to know if this what you truly want, there is no turning back.
“Yes Dad it is.”


“Hey there Hazel ready to begin?” I hear Mr.Browns voice instinctively in the background.
“I am ready to eat, that's what I am ready for.” I declare as my stomach keep aching from no food to digest.
“Sorry its how the anesthesia works, if you contain food in your stomach the whole surgery can go wrong.”

“Ok ok, but You better treat to pizza after this or I am for sure suing you.”

“Haha very funny we will about that.”
A nurse approaches Mr.Brown and whispers something to him.
“You ready Hazel.”
“Since I was born.”
Mr. Brown advances towards me and infuses a fluid in my I.V which in seconds I feel Like I haven't slept for days.
My Dad had to stay in the lobby waiting for the assertions from Mr. Brown.
5 people later transfer me to a room very dark, yet very bright.
I finally see Mr.Brown covered up in a uniform ready to get dirty.
He gives me a smile and all I hope for is God to take it from here.








“Hazel Hazel Hazel
“Don't wake her up you dumbo”
“That hurts, gosh can't you act like a girl sometimes.”
I open my drowsy eyes to see who it was that are here to visit me.
As I open my eyes light flashes through my pupils and into the core of my eye leaving me blind for a moment.
As the Lightness clears their faces and their features start to ring a bell.“Sophia Shepherd what are you doing here.”
They quickly stop cat fighting and advance towards me, to give me a long lasting tight hug.
“Can't you see I have bandages all around my head.”
“You kind of look like mummy.”

“Be quiet Shepard, you haven't seen her for almost a year and this is how you greet her.”
“Wheres my Dad?” I ask trying to look around without getting up.
“He is making his way to the room right now.” Sophia states.
“Congratulations Hazel we successfully got the tumor out. How about that pizza you suggested.” Mr. Brown declares with a delighted look on his face.






Its Friday night and I am still hospitalized. Doctor Brown said I need more time to recover and get my stamina back. Today we are having a pizza party in my room B 438. My Dad is bringing the Jello, Sophia is bringing the beverages, Shepard is bringing the desert and Doctor Brown is bring the 2 extra large hawaiian pizzas from Pizza Hut that he promised. I take a look around the room and see theses chapters in my life never happened I would of never became the person my Mom always wanted me to be delighted for life and potent for the future.