If you're going through hell | Teen Ink

If you're going through hell

November 26, 2013
By HannahLynne GOLD, Hutchinson, Kansas
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HannahLynne GOLD, Hutchinson, Kansas
14 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You can fall in love at any age, wether it's 80 or 5." -Justin Bieber


Author's note: I am Hannah and I know a lot about all of these things. They are difficult, hard, and can upset a lot of people.

The author's comments:
In this chapter, Jon asks Jessica to a party, taking a big risk on his popular record.

“Jessica?” I heard from behind me.

“Yeah?” I asked, turning away from my locker. I felt my heart skip when I saw it was Jon.

“Would you like to come to Stacy’s crazy party with me tonight?” He asks.

My jaw hits the floor.

“I.. uh.. Sure! T..That would be great. I said. Immediately, things where rushing through my head. They ranged from “Why me?” all the way to “What will I wear?”

“Great! I’ll pick you up at eight.” He says.

At the end of the day, I rushed out of school. I got in my car, and turned the radio up as loud as possible. I was singing at the top of my lungs. This was going to be an amazing Friday night.

I got home and cleaned for a few hours. Then, I started getting ready. I started off taking a shower. Mom wouldn’t be home until tomorrow night because she was on a business trip. So, I was home alone, and knew exactly what I was going to wear. I ran to her bedroom and stole her black thigh high boots, and her black strapless dress. This dress only went about six inches below my waist. I looked great. I put on some really dark makeup. I ate a bowl of chicken flavored ramen noodles. By this time, it was 7:50.

I probably looked like the biggest slut on Earth. As I began regretting my dress, boots, and little black clutch purse, there was a knock on the door.

I ran to the door. I waited, not wanting to seem desperate. This was my first date and first party since I moved here over a year and a half ago.

I opened the door, trying not to seem too excited. As he looked at me, his eyes got gradually bigger.

“Holy s***! Jessica!” He said “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks.” I said, “But you can call me Jess.”

“Okay.” He says, brushing a piece of hair behind my ears. I blush like crazy.

“Ready?” He asks, holding out his hand. I nod, and grab it. He takes me out his car. It’s a mustang! Holy f***! I giggle as he opens the door for me. I thank him.

The author's comments:
In this chapter, they go to the party and something extreme is about to happen

I’m very nervous as we start the fifteen-minute drive out of town to Stacy’s house. About five minutes through, Jon reaches over and puts his hand on mine, putting his fingers between mine. I’m glad it’s dark because I’m smiling and blushing like a freak.

When we arrive, you can definitely tell there is a party. Parked all the way up the dirt road is cars of all different shapes, sizes, colors, makes, models ect. The music is blasting to the point where I can hear the beat and some of the instruments but cannot make out the words. I also see shadows moving past the windows and dancing in front of them.

“Stay here.” Jon says. He walks around the car, and opens my door. We walk up to the door hand in hand and he nocks. As the door opens, the music gets louder and the scent of alcohol hits me like a sledgehammer. Well, this is going to be interesting. We walk inside.

Inside, there is a massive crowd. There are tons of people dancing, grinding, and you can just feel the vibe of fun. I see all sorts of people in different color dresses. Most of the dresses are relatively short. Some of them though are almost non-existent.

I follow Jon as he holds my hand. I’m pretty sure he knows where he is headed. We walk up to a group of boys.


“Ahh! Jordan! Alex! Isaac! What’s up boys! Having fun?” Jon says.

They nod and hand him a drink. They are already a little tipsy. As a song comes on, Jon gets behind me and we start grinding. People are eyeing me. I guess it’s because I (the quiet girl) is with Jon (one of the most popular guys in my grade, let alone school!)

He is holding his drink out to one side, and has the other hand on my hip.

“Go get my girl a drink.” He says, to all of the boys in general.

“Okay” Alex tells him and all of the boys trail behind him as he goes.

In a few minutes, he comes back with a drink in a red solo cup. Brandy and vodka? Who the hell drinks brandy and vodka together? Oh, whatever. I take a drink.

“WHOO!! That’s strong!” I shout over the music. Jon laughs at me.

“Hey, where is the bathroom?” I ask.

“Upstairs. Come with me, I’ll show you.” Jordan says.

“See you in a minute, babe.” Jon says, winking at me.

Jordan takes me upstairs and shows me the door to the bathroom. I walk in, but it’s not a bathroom it’s a bedroom. I start feeling dizzy.

“What the hell?” I ask, turning around.

“Oops. Wrong door.” Jordan says, as him and three other guys block the doorway.

The author's comments:
In this chapter, Jessica actually gets raped.

“What’s going on?” I ask as they shut the door behind them. I suddenly can’t stand up. I’m falling and gasping for breath. Everything goes black.

I wake up from a sharp pain in my ribs. I watch someone’s leg wind back up and kick me again. I hear laughing. A blow to the head knocks me out.

I wake up again. There is a man inside of me. It hurts. I feel tears trickling down my cheeks I look around for Jon. He’s not there. At least he’s not one of the men hurting me. My limbs feel like rubber. They are heavy and I can’t move. They are grunting as they veach take a turn on me. It hurts so badly. I try to scream, but all that comes out is a choking noise.

Suddenly, after long minutes of trying to struggle, the door bursts open.

“Isaac?! What the actual f***! Get the hell off her!” My hero yells.

He pushes the guy off me onto the floor. I can hardly stay awake. Every time I blink, I seem to pass out for several seconds..or minutes. When I’m awake again, three of the guys are bloodied on the floor, but breathing. Jon is fighting one of the guys. Though he has a scratch over his eye and a bloody lip. The guy has a broken nose, no doubt. He runs out of the room.

“DAMNIT!!” Jon yells, chasing the man. He pushes him down the stairs and goes to hurt him more. I let myself fall back asleep.

The author's comments:
Once he got her in the car, Jon took her to the hospital

“Jess! Jess wake up!” I hear. I wake up, but can’t open my eyes. I’m cold but really sweaty. My entire body hurts like crazy.

After a few minutes, I can open my eyes. We are still in the same room, but the guys that where on the floor, are gone. All that’s left is little puddles of their blood. I’m bleeding too. The only other person in the room was Jon. I see his eyes are bloodshot and he has tear streaks down his cheeks.

Was he crying for me?

I start crying and slowly sit up. He wraps his arms around me, and whispers in my ear “I’ll never leave you.”
This makes me cry more. He helps me up, but I collapse from pain.

“I..I can’t.” I choke out.

He leans down and puts my arms around his neck. When picking me up, he grunts. I wonder why, and then look at his knuckles. They are all cracked and bleeding. That would explain it, he probably brushed them on something. That would probably hurt. He carries me through the massive crowd. There is no sign of those guys. I’m not disappointed. I’m suddenly in tons of pain. I lay my head on his shoulder, and black out.

I wake up, first in the truck, then in the hospital parking lot.

“N..no.” I say as Jon tries to get me out.

“We have to. I found a baggie in one of the guys’ pockets. The baggie said “100” there was only 80 in there. They had to have re-drugged you. You could overdose at anytime. We have no choice.” He says, hesitantly picking me up. I black out.

“HELP! Help! She needs help! She’s been drugged!” A familiar voice yelled.

I was laid down, probably on a stretcher. I heard shouting, and saw bright lights going by, each time I opened my eyes. People were touching me and cleaning up all of the blood. I was being rushed to a room. Before I could figure anything else out, everything went black.

The author's comments:
In this chapter, Jon confesses his love and such to Jessica.

My eyes fluttered open.

“She’s awake!” Jon says. He is sitting by my side, holding my hand with both of his.

A familiar face rushes to my side.

“M..mom.” I say, trying to reassure her that I’m okay. Sorta..

“It’s okay honey. Calm down. Save your strength. I love you, okay? I want you to know I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have gone out of town on your birthday weekend.” Mom says.

“Mrs. Highsmith. Please calm down. This is not your fault. It’s mine. This was a terrible first date. If it weren’t for me asking her to go with me this would not have happened. Those guys where actually my friends. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry…” He says, tears streaming down his face. I tried to speak, to tell him it wasn’t his fault. To tell him I provoked them with my outfit. But I couldn’t. The lump in my throat was making it hard to breath.

My mother went to him, engulfing him in a hug. He sobbed into her shoulder.

“But, if you weren’t there, they probably would have killed her. She was already going to go anyways. She couldn’t fend for herself and you helped her by giving those boys what they deserved.” Mom said. Jon pulled away.

“Thanks.” He says “I guess you’re right.”








As he pulled away, I noticed the bandages on his knuckles, and the stitches on his face and his lip. Wow, what a real man. I think I might love him.

“I..w…water?” I said, my mouth dry.

“Yes, honey. Of course. I’ll call the nurse.” She said and then pressed a button on the top of the bed. A nurse walks in a few minutes later.

“Oh wow. She’s awake! Oh darling what can I get you?” She said, starting off look happy, then looking very concerned.

“W..” I started, but then coughed. It hurt my ribs. After the nurse leaves, within five minutes the doctor walks in.

“Hi guys. So, she has two left broken ribs and one right broken rib. Her pelvis is cracked. Her results do in fact say more than one man raped her. The drug was roofies. Most of this you already knew. I am required to tell you guys, though. She will have to stay overnight. Here’s your water. Have a good night, see you all tomorrow.” He said, clearly wanting to go home.

He turned away and started to walk out.

“Oh. Thank you for your tips on the men who raped her. Four out of five of them have been caught and imprisoned.” Doc says.

“Fifth?” I say, still very unable to talk.

“He..uhm.. He killed himself, hon.” Doc says, then walked out.

“Well, that was a lot to take in.” Mom said, “But I guess now we know..”

“Well, should I go?” Jon asked.

“N..No..” I begged.



He looked at me. I sit up as he helped me. I glanced up at him. He was staring at my lips! That’s what guys do right before they kiss you!!! AHH

He brushed a piece of hair behind my ears. Putting a hand on each side of my face, he leaned in.

It was a dream. Everything disappeared. For a moment, it was just us and it was all in slow motion. He leaned in, closed his eyes slowly, and kissed me. I felt my face getting hot, and after he pulled back, I shied away.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He said

I started to speak, but was interrupted by a nurse.

“Okay honey, here is some medicine to take away the pain. I have two choices of sleeping meds. One that will knock you out basically, and one that will help you sleep. Which would you like?” She said, holding out the vials so I could choose one. Because of pain, I chose the knock out one.

I watched as she slowly injected my IV with the medicine.

“Goodnight, darling.” Jon said, kissing my forehead.

“Goodnight.” I said..or maybe I didn’t. At least, I thought I had.

I woke up around noon the next day. I asked why I had been allowed to sleep so long. I was told that the doctor had ordered I be let alone. I needed some nice, good, old-fashioned sleep.

He had also signed my discharge papers. He also put me on eighteen weeks of bed rest. F*ing great. Well, at least I would finally just get to go home.


Jon wheeled me out of the emergency room a little after three. I couldn’t get up into Jon’s big Ford, so I took mom’s Prius. He helped me into it and followed us to my house. He seemed like a guilt stricken, lost, puppy.

And I think I liked it.

After a few days, mom asked Jon if he wanted to live with us. He was here until around one am each day, and came back at about five am. I thought it was cute, but mom thought it was hard on him.

So, one day, she took his phone and turned off his alarm. She wheeled me to the room that had used to be mine before the hospital bed was put in the living room.

Then, she let him sleep until five o’clock pm, when dinner was almost done, and a dropped pot scared us both awake. We where even on opposite sides of the house!!

“Huh? What time is it?” I heard a deep groggy voice say. I painfully wheeled myself into the living room.

“5:07 pm. We let you sleep. You definitely needed it. Is sixteen hours of sleep good enough for you babe?” I said.

“Haha funny guys. What time is it?” He asked again, searching for a clock. Mom handed him his phone.

“5:08.” She said, laughing. His eyes got huge.

“Wow. Thanks guys.” He said. He got up, put on his belt, and wheeled me to the table. It was time to eat.

I never really got why Jon asked me to the party, and then stuck around.

Mom says it’s because I’m:

Pretty

Smart

New

Flirty

And last, but not least, quiet.

I say it’s because:

He was desperate

He is desperate

He feels guilty

He felt bad for me

And/or it was a dare

Jon says it’s because:

I’m beautiful

I’m smart

I’m funny

He wanted to see me in a dress (at least he’s honest)

He wanted a date hotter than his friends’

And he’s liked me since I first moved in.

I guess that last one could be true because he broke up with his girlfriend of five years for no reason, a week after I moved in. He also made every small effort to make my day, make me smile, or make me develop a bigger crush on him then I already had.

The next two and a half weeks went by fast. That was mainly because it consisted of sleeping pills, and pain pills.

One night, I was CRAVING pickles. Of course, Jon took me to the store in mom’s Prius and got the spicy jalapeño pickles.

Once we got home, I ate around three of them, and then Jon rushed me to the bathroom because I was about to puke. He held my hair. I threw up until I couldn’t anymore.

“Mom.” I called. “Jon, I need to talk to mom.”

“Okay, babe. See you in a minute.” He said after putting my hair up in a ponytail and kissing the top of my head.

“Yes darling?” mom says, as Jon walks out.

“The mood swings, the cravings, the puking..Mom..I think I’m pregnant.” I said, crying.

“Oh honey…” She said, rushing to me, holding me.

“I’ll have Jon get you a pregnancy test.” She said, after a minute or two.

“NO!” I screeched, pushing her away. “I don’t want him to know yet.”

“Let’s have a girls day out. I’ll get you a test and we can have lunch. We can even buy you some new clothes if you want.” Mom says.

“Yeah. That would be..great.” I said.

I could finally walk with crutches. But, if I was in a hurry, I had to be carried or wheeled.

The next day
Mom had already told Jon what we are doing today, leaving out the test of course. He was cool with it, luckily.

When we got to Wal-Mart, we took two packs of three tests that where two different brands. We bought them and went to the bathroom.

The first two tests said negative. But, the last four..well they all had faint positives. Could this be happening? Am I really pregnant?

“Jess, honey? Are you alright?” Mom asked.

I started sobbing. I thought the same thought I had when Jon asked me to the party.

Why me?

“Oh, honey. Unlock the door, please.” She said.

I stood up and unlocked the door. She picked up test after test, wincing at the positives.

“I’m sorry mom.” I said.

“Nonononono! It’s not your fault! It’s one of those terrible men’s fault.” Mom says.

“Do you think Jon will stay with me?” I asked, scared.

“Well, what do you think?” Mom asked.

“Well that night, he whispered in my ear, ‘I’ll never leave you.’” I told her, trying to reassure her and my self.

“All we can do is expect the worst and hope for the best.” Mom said, trying not to promise anything.


We got lunch at Olive Garden and I was too tired to go shopping. We headed home. I had already decided to tell Jon as soon as I got there.

“You got this.” Mom said, patting me on the back as we walked in.

“Hey babe.” Jon said, jumping up and hugging me slightly.

“I..I have to tell you something.” I said, choking on my words and holding back tears.

“What is it baby?” Jon asked, helping me sit on the couch.

“I’m…pregnant.” I said, and started balling. He pulled me to him.

“No..honey, don’t…don’t cry. I’m here for you. I..I won’t leave you..ever. I..I’lll raise her as my own.” He said, obviously in shock.

“H..her?” I asked.

“Yeah. Her..” He said.

“How do you know it’s a little girl?” I asked, smiling softly.

“I can just feel it. She’ll be a daddy’s girl. I just know it.” He said, smiling through tears. I laughed. Mom was looking at us from the kitchen. She winked at me and went back in to her cooking.

“I..I love you Jess.” Jon said.

“I love you too.” I said, and he started kissing me. We started making out.








He leaned back, letting me lean on him. After a few minutes, he went to put his hand in my shirt. I pushed him away and sat up crying.

“NONONONONONONO.” I said, grabbing my crutches and going to my room. I slammed the door and sat on my bed.

“Jess! Jess No! I’m sorry! Please wait.” He called from behind me.

Flashbacks. Strangers inside me getting off and not pulling out. Kicking me in the ribs. Blacking my eye. Bruises from being tied down. Sex. Sex from men I don’t know. Three of them. No, four. FIVE! It hurts. I hear a crack. My pelvis. Conceiving a child. Rape. Date rape. Gang bang. Sex is gross. Trauma
I wake up with a scream. I’m sweaty. Jon rushes in.

“Are you okay?” He asks, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Yes. I’m sorry I freaked out on you earlier.” I said.

“Actually, I’m sorry for what I did. I knew it was too soon but I still hurt you. I’m so pissed off at myself.” He said, punching the bed. That made me jump, then wince in pain.

“Sorry..” He mumbled.

“I love you.” I say.

“I love you too.” He says kissing me gently.

He brings me a tray of food. I eat, hesitantly, not wanting to puke anything up.

I’m walking down the street. It’s dark and my baby is in the stroller I’m pushing.

“Hey toots” A voice says. I know that voice. He was one of the men that raped me.

“I saw on the news I’ve got a child. Give it here.” He said.

“No! F*** you.” I said, starting to run away. I pull the baby out and ran. She was crying. He grabbed my hood. I let him pull off my unzipped jacket.

He cursed behind me as I kept running. I heard a shot ring out and I fell to the ground. He had shot me in the leg. As the baby falls, he caught it.

“Bye toots.” He said, shooting me one last time.

“AHHHH!” I scream, waking up.

Mom and Jon rush in.

“You okay?!” Mom asked.

“The rapist! He took my baby!!!” I said.

“Nono honey. Your baby is right here.” Jon said, putting a hand on my belly.

“It was just a nightmare babygirl. Go back to sleep. We love you.” Mom said.

They each kissed me and let me alone.

When I was three years old, my father died in a drunk driving accident. He also killed three kids a mom and a dad driving drunk.

That night he had been mad at me because I had flushed his favorite watch down the toilet. Therefore he left in a rage, went to a bar, drank his problems away. So I have always felt responsible for all of their deaths.


My 16th birthday had been the Thursday before that party. Mom had to go to a business meeting in New York City on the Wednesday and was not expecting to be back until Saturday. She came back Friday right at about one am because the ER had alerted her I was hurt.

21 Weeks Pregnant
“Mom! The baby’s moving! Come here!” I yelled.

Jon was sitting with his hand on my belly. I was showing almost too much. For the first time ever, Jon got to feel his baby boy/girl kick. I saw tears in his eyes as mom walked up.

She put her hand right where Jon’s had been. She inhaled sharply.

“Aw! That is so perfect. I’m so happy for you guys.” The soon-to-be grandmother said.

I had been taking online classes with Jon for the last few months to avoid being questioned at school. My nightmares and flashbacks had been being trigger more often now but my doctor said that was normal

Today was the soonest we could get into my baby doctor to see if it’s a boy or a girl.

Dr. Rachel Smith was on FMLA for three months and we refused to see anyone but her. We are so freaking excited right now.

As we get in mom’s Pruis, Jon refused to sit up front, so we both sat in the backseat.

We where finally going to figure if I was having a boy or a girl.


My doctor told me that I was at great risk of carrying this baby because of the damage to my pelvis. He said I would most likely be unable to carry for full term. She would be a preme. That was scary.

So, Jon still had to help me sit and stand be cause the baby’s position often makes it hurt when I sit down or stand up. So we are on our way!

When we got there, Jon helped me sit down, while mom checked me in.

“Jessica Highsmith?” A nurse says a few minutes later.

“That’s me!!” I say a little too cheerfully.

“I see you are going to find out gender today!!” The nurse says happily.

“Yes! Yes! We are so excited!” I said, walking into the room.

“Alright well I’ll prep you and Dr. Smith will tell you the results.” The nurse says.

“O..okay.” I say, nervous. Jon bought Miss Girl a pink teddy bear already. Yes, he still is convinced it’s a girl.

Not but ten minutes later the doctor came in. Jon looked at me with huge eyes.

She put the gel on my stomach.

“Well looky here!! You guys won’t believe this! You have two little ones in here! That’s why you’re so big so soon.” The doctor

Mom, Jon, and I all had our mouths open. We were speechless. Jon looked at me.

“I love you baby.” He said.

“Okay lets see here..we have a boy..and..” The doc says.

I feel Jon’s grip on my hand tighten.

“The bigger one seems like..he is also a b..no!! That’s a girl!!!”

Jon looks at me.

“I knew she was there. I just knew it. She’s gonna be beautiful.” Jon says, almost unable to contain himself.

I laugh, knowing that’s he’s the best dad for my beautiful baby girl and our handsome baby boy.

“Do you think you’ll be able to handle two of them? What about you..erm..are you dad?” the doctor said.

“Yes..well..no.” I say “Truthfully, I don’t know who the father is. But that’s because I was raped by five men. But within all this, I broke three ribs and cracked my pelvis. My regular doctor just said we can’t take the risk of carrying full term and either I or the babies getting hurt.”

“Did he know you were pregnant with twins?” Doc asked.

“Oh no. After we found out, we waited a while. Eighteen weeks I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything anyways. Then the day of our first sonogram approached, about 2 months, and you got hurt here at work somehow so you took three months off. Not knowing what to do, we just waited. I mean, we knew we could trust you, right?” I said.

“That’s not he smartest decision you’ve ever made, waiting so long. But, you’re okay. You’re happy and healthy as are the babies.” She told me, a little disappointed.

I looked at mom. She still had her mouth open, and could not talk. She was still in shock.

“Okay here are your pictures. Have a nice day guys. And Jessica, keep your head up, okay?” Doc says. I nod and we walk out and head home

32 weeks pregnant

“Jon! Jon are you home?” I asked, coming from lunch with my best friend Laura.

“Jon? Mom?” I yelled through the house.

I went to the kitchen and there was a note on the fridge.

“323 E Kenton Road.”
It said. There was another below it.
“Meet us there.
-Mom
-Jon”

I recognized their signatures, so I figured it was legit. I waddled back out to the car, realizing that mom’s car wasn’t there. Well that was a big duhr.

I eventually found the place that was on the paper. It was huge.

“Wow.” I said, astounded. I walked up and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” A tiny old woman’s voice said.

I walked in, and no one was there.

“SURPRISE!” People yelled, coming out of hiding. Jon turned on the lights and kissed me.

“What’s this?” I asked, smiling.

“It’s a surprise baby shower. We’ve been planning this for weeks.” He said. I felt hot tears sting my eyes.

“I love you so much.” I said as mom walked up.

“So what do you think baby girl?” She said, glancing around and admiring their work.

This was no gender party. Lucky for us, there was both.

“Wow.” Is all I could say. They laughed at me.

Jon took my hand and walked me around, showing me the triple decker baby cake that looked like stacked teddy bears. He showed me to all of his friends (other than those five) and all of my friends. Mom’s friends are here, and grandma and grandpa on mom and dad’s side are here. Aunts and uncles and cousins and friends are in small groups talking to each other. There must be over a 150 people here!

Then Jon took me to the living room. My eyes got huge. Stacked to the ceiling in all shapes and sizes where colorful presents. It had to be eight foot high and four foot wide! Where would we keep all this stuff?


“Okay everyone. Places outside.” Jon says. “C’mon. I want to show you my surprise.”

“Okay” I say, letting him blindfold me. He walks me outside and turns me around.

“Ready guys?” Jon asks.

“Ready.” 150 people say

He takes off the blindfold. As I look around, all I see is the house. Then four kids turn a big banner around.

“Welcome Home Jon & Jess” It said.

“I..what?” I ask.

“Welcome home, babe.” He says, hugging me.

“This is…ours?” I say.

“Yep.” Mom says. “Your father left you $300,000. We spent some of it on this house. We didn’t think you would mind.

“Wow! No thank you! I love it!” I said, looking at my dream house, then my dream man.

“This is everything I could ever want.” I say, crying.

“We just want you to be happy.” Mom says, hugging me.

For the first time, Jon talks to his children. He gets on his knees with his hands on my belly.

“Hey guys. How are you little fella? What about you sweety? It’s daddy here. I love you guys. A lot. Even though you aren’t technically mine, you will be. I love your mommy more than anything in the world. The only thing that can change that, is you two.” He says
I was crying as he kissed my belly, then stood up and kissed me.

“Alright who’s read to get this party started?” He shouted.

Everyone cheered and we walked inside hand in hand and everyone followed.

So truthfully, I don’t want to know who raped me. I don’t want to know his name. I don’t want to see his face. I don’t even want them to know they could have kids. But then, what if the one that had killed himself was the father. Could I cope? How would I know what to do?

“Well don’t you want to know?” Mom had asked.

Finally, I spoke my mind. “No.” And that was it.

We ate cake and opened presents. We where going to stay up until they where all open. But by eleven, everyone was exhausted and we shut things down.

Once everyone left, I was taken to the babies’ rooms. One was all green, (my favorite color) and one was all purple (Jon’s favorite color.) They had adorable beds and bookshelves, great décor, and tons of boxes of diapers and wipes. Each room had its uniqueness. Cute, funny colors painted on the wall.

We had three spare bedrooms, our room, and three and one half baths. The master bath was wonderful; it had two sinks and two medicine cabinet mirrors. When I turned around, there was an elegant shower with a control panel on the inside and it had sprayers on each wall. The bathtub had jets and it was huge. Almost three people huge!

“How much did you buy it for?” I asked.

“$0 It was my grandfather’s. But we put $175,000 into repairs and upgrades.” Jon said.

He took me to the bedroom holding his hands over my eyes.

“Ready?” He asked. I nod and he lets my face go. I gasp. The bed is the entire room! It’s a giant bed! I look at Jon.

“Yeah. This costs $25,000.” He said. I smiled, loving this bed and this house. I fell onto it. I sunk into it.

“It’s memory foam.” I shrieked.

“Haha, yes. You must be comfy, baby.” He said. It’s like a dream!! AH!

“I’m exhausted. Let’s go to bed.” I said, eager to try out this bed.

8 ½ mths prego
It’s the middle of the night. I awake, rolled up in a ball in a corner.

“Jon! Jon!!” I scream, having contractions.

“What? What!” He yells.

“Get the car! AHHH! The babies are coming!” I yell.

“Oh s***!” He yells. He rushes down the stairs and pulls up the car. I’m waddling down the stairs, when he rushes up, picks me up, and puts me in the car. He hands me the phone.

Ring Ring..

“Mom..AHH! The baby is coming! Hurry!” I said in immense pain.

“O..okay honey! Meet you at the hospital. Deep breaths, okay? Hee hee ha. You know, the usual.” She says.

“O..Okay.” I say.

We finally get to the hospital and my water breaks.

In the delivery room, Jon was standing next to me shaking like a wet scared puppy. He was holding my hand. Mom had come in, and told me she loved me. There was an entire waiting room and a half waiting four our little babies.

I had decided on the name Luccas Levi. No one knew the names except Jon and I. Also, neither of us had told the other our name. I was excited to hear my baby girl’s name.

Not too long later, I was presented with two bundles of joy.

“You first.” I said.

“Stormy Raine.” He said.

“Luccas Levi.” I said, watching a tear trickle slowly down his face.

Jon is not a small guy. He is tall, 6’3” maybe? He is skinny. His build is sexy as f***. He has brown hair and brown eyes. His nose is weirdly large but damn his lips make up for it. They are lush and kissable. I just love the way they feel on my neck..

Oops..haha.

Anyways, His voice is very deep. Not like, creepy stalker deep. Also not radio announcer deep. But just like, deep enough where he can turn you on by saying hello. He is a jock. Not a huge jock by all means. But he definitely loves football. He is also in basketball and loves that too. He is always on varsity during both sports. But occasionally, he plays a Junior Varsity game. I got to every game and watch just to see him play. Just to watch the faces he makes and his cute muscles at work. I say hi every so often, but he doesn’t really pay much attention to me. He is always with his friends or his girlfriend’s that are always a dime. Occasionally, we will be partners in classes and he would make me blush in any and every way possible. So, me being the quiet girl, I never thought I’d really get a guy like him.

Back in the waiting room, I heard my family as I was wheeled to my room. Jon hadn’t wanted to hold the babies until we got to my room. He says it’s because someone else might want to be the second person to hold them. I say it’s because he’s scared. 15 years old and has a child, let alone two.

Once we got there I tried to get Jon to hold one of them. When he wouldn’t I shoved him in his arms.

“Nononononon-Oh my God I love you so much.” He said, falling in love with Daddy’s little girl.

Ring ring.

“Hello?” I say answering my cell phone.

“Yeah..Hey honey. I think we need to talk.” Mom said, very weak.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Well, no not really. I’m very ill. Please come over at once. I love you so much baby girl.” Mom says.

“I love you too mom. We’ll be right over.” I say.

We gather the babies, gather ourselves, and head over to mom’s.

At Mom’s

Knock Knock

“Mom?” I call through the house. I receive no answer. I rush in, searching every room.

“In here!” I say, finding mom in the kitchen. She is seizing.

“MOM! MOM?” I yelled, turning her on her side.

“I’ll call 911.” Jon said, putting down the sleeping twins’ car seats.

Five minutes later, mom had stopped convulsing but was still unconscious as the ambulance pulled up.

Everything was a blur from then on. There was lots of moving and rushing. People were trying to stabilize my dear mother. Then we drove to the hospital.

10 Hours Later At The Hospital

Mom is still unconscious, and is doing worse and worse by the hour. She had been put on life support. After hours of sitting with her, we had gone out to the waiting room to take a break. Doc came in, and we jumped up.

“Hey guys. I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news. I’m afraid the cancerous brain tumor your mother has, has taken over parts of her brain that are irretrievable. Your mother will most likely not survive for more than five or six more hours, and if she does, she’ll be a vegetable for the rest of her life. I’m afraid the wise decision would be to..well..to pull the plug. I’m terribly sorry. Why don’t you come say your goodbyes and we’ll discuss things after a while.” The doctor says.

I fall back into my chair.

“Wh..wh..what?” I say.

“I’m so sorry.” Jon says, pulling me to him.

As we got to the hospital room, tears are pouring down my face like Niagara Falls. When we walk in, I see my mother’s body, still and barely breathing. I sit on one side and Jon sits on the other. I grab her hand.

“Hey mom. It’s me, Jessica. Jon is here with me, and so are the twins. Doc says you had cancer. Why didn’t you tell me? Well, I guess that’s not important now, because we just all need to be together. I love you mom and don’t ever forget that.” I say, kissing her forehead.

Doc walks in.

“Are we ready?” Doc says.

We both nod.

He reaches back for the plug. He is about to pull it. Mom’s hand twitches, like a squeeze. Like she is trying to reassure me.

“Doc! WAIT! Please don’t! She can live! She can pull through! I know it!” I screech.

Jon grabbed me and pulled me out of mom’s room.

“Honey, it’s too late. He’s pulled the plug. I love you, okay?” he says.

I sink down the wall crying and desperate. The feelings were overwhelming. I felt like I couldn’t handle it.

“She told me to give you this.” He said, handing me a box.

I open it, and look inside. There’s a necklace on top of a letter.

“Passed down from four generations.” A sticky note on the necklace said. The letter:

“Jess,
I want you to know, I’m sorry. If you’re reading this, I’m probably gone. I want to thank you for letting me get to know my grandkids. I want to thank you for every word you spoke, every breath you took, and everything you ever did. You always knew how to make me smile. Three months before that party, I found out I had brain cancer, and it was terminal. I hadn’t gone to New York City for business. I had gone to try Chemotherapy one last time. Honey, I was going to tell you that Saturday or Sunday. In New York, I was told I had five months to live. When I got your call, I rushed home. My baby girl was hurt! I knew I didn’t have long, but with all the stress you had, I didn’t want to tell you. It’s not like you needed another thing on your plate. So, I decided to wait. I was also planning to take you on a girl’s day out to tell you, but then we thought you were pregnant, and I knew it was the wrong time again. After that, I just couldn’t get myself to tell you. Now that you know, I don’t want you to be mad at me. I love you, okay. And I just had to hold on to meet my beautiful grandkids. Tell Jon thank you for saving my little girl’s life. I’ve left you $200,000 for college money. I had been saving since you were born. I also gave you the house and all of my belongings. Please feel free to sell anything and everything, even the house. In the attic, are two specific boxes. One is a box of your father’s belongings and one is your baby stuff. One last thing, this necklace was my great-great-grandmother’s. It has been passed down from generation to generation. Please pass it on to Stormy once she’s of age. All of us received it at age 16. The last thing I want you to remember is I love you. No matter what happens remember I’m here, and I wasn’t supposed to be there for your delivery. But I was.

Goodbye darling.
Love,
Mom.

Ps: Tell the twins I love them everyday”

There was a note addressed to Stormy and one to Luccas. They said “Open on 16th birthday”

So I guess that’s it. Mom’s gone. She had been my guardian angel, through all my problems. And like all good guardians, they must go to watch over someone else and new people come to watch over you. God decided it was time to bring her home, and she is happy. Now I know what the meaning of life is. It’s love. And like every good story life is meant to end. I guess we have to deal with it.

As I said goodbye to my mother, I knew her story had ended. But, luckily, mine had just begun.



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