Unwilling Secrets | Teen Ink

Unwilling Secrets

May 24, 2012
By Jurdibird SILVER, North Tonawanda, New York
More by this author
Jurdibird SILVER, North Tonawanda, New York
8 articles 2 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"One need not be a chamber to be haunted"

"I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember.


Author's note: This is the first of four novels that I am working on, I hope you guys like it. Please send me some feedback, Thanks for reading!

Four minutes. That's all I had left to wait. I had been waiting for this moment for the entire day and finally, it was only four minutes away. My pen impatiently tapped on the mint green desk as I studied the cartoons that had been etched into it over time. I attempted to focus on the teacher. I sat behind my pile of textbooks, intensely watching the clock, waiting to hear that ding. Being that new student isn’t all its cracked up to be.
Flinching slightly, I was tapped on the back. Turning around I was found myself staring into the pale blue eyes of a round faced girl. I could see the intense curiosity in her eyes as she studied my every feature. Miserably, I confronted the same question I had heard from everybody.

“Hi, I’m Amber you’re new here right?”

“Yes.” I was never much of a voluble girl. I kept to myself and said as little as possible, knowing it was better this way. Since age five to my now age of seventeen, I haven’t lived in the same town for more than a couple of months. My Father and I move around a lot. I simply stopped trying to talk to new people thinking it would make leaving worse. Amber’s high-pitched voice pulled me from my trail of thoughts once again.

“Oh, first day at this school?”

“Yea, it is.” I said with no manner of emotion.
She started to gaze at me like I was either insanely shy or just plain insane.
“What’s your name,” She continued, after a moment.
Boy is she persistent! “It’s Alexis Parks but everyone calls me Lexie.” I said, not like having to tell people my full name. I wish I could permanently rename myself Lexie, just Lexie. I gazed at the minute hand moving sluggishly pleading to the clock to move faster if only for a moment.
“Pretty,” she chirped enthusiastically.
“Mhm.”
“How do you like it here?”
“It’s pretty nice here.”
“If you need a place to sit at lunch you can sit at my table if you want.” I could see a glint of hope lighten her eyes as she waited for my answer.
“Uh,” I stuttered wasting time, “I don’t really know where I am sitting but…” To my utter satisfaction the bell answered my prayer before Amber could get an answer out of me.
“Well nice to meet you Lexie.” She called cheerfully.
I merely nodded in her direction as I picked up my textbooks and stumbled out of the classroom door comforted by the fact I would not have to suffer through many more shy “hellos” and “Do you need help finding your next class?” from any more students.

I fumbled with my locker combination as my other classmates giggled and chatted their ways down the hallway. Some moving towards their own lockers and inserted their combinations flawlessly, while others disappeared down the further linking hallways. The shaggy brown haired boy with the band tee on my left turned his torso in my direction.
“Your new here right?”
“Yea,” I sighed, “I am.” I settled my misty gray eyes on him; he was staring at me with an expression I could hardly make sense of. My thoughts of myself were average, just another girl, and I liked it that way. When people thought of you as average then they never really thought to get to know you, they just look over you like your not there. My Carmel brown hair hung down past my shoulders. I hoped to blend in and kind of morph into the walls of the school unnoticed. Third period I had miserably found out no such luck. I had by that time heard from at least fifteen people that everyone was so excited that they had a new student and how everyone wanted to meet her.
I sighed. Great, just perfect I get exactly what I didn’t want, just what I need more attention. As I internally fumed, the boy continued to stare.
“The names Ethan, What’s yours?”

“Lexie,” I said shyly. I examined him as he raised his broad eyebrows in response, like he was flattered I was blushing, self-conscious. I had never been good with talking to people, let alone boys. I quess you could say I was somewhat a loner, but I didn’t mind, I liked it that way.

“Cute name,” he continued, “I think you’re the only one in this town with that name in fact, and I pretty much know everyone. How bout’ I show you around sometime?” He winked at me playfully.
I struggled for an excuse. I had better things to deal with.
“Thanks, but no. Sorry.”

He kept smiling totally oblivious and unaffected by my rejection, “Its ok, tell me if your up for it another time.

“Mhm,” I mumbled. Something in the back of my mind told me it wasn’t going to be easy to discourage him without hurting his feelings.
“Catch you later Lexie.” He smiled boyishly, turned, and strolled down the hall. I sighed in relief, the school was mostly empty now and sneaking out to my car unnoticed would be an easy task.

I staggered out through the deserted parking lot to my car, angry and thankful. The first school day was over, behind me. I took in deep breaths trying to calm myself with the fact that the worst was over. School was such a bother sometimes I wish I could just walk on out. Why did people have to talk to me? I never like to make friends with my dad’s never settling job. What was I going to do about Ethan? I did not want a boyfriend, also, did he really like me, or was he just goofing off to the new girl?

Lost in deep thought I scarcely noticed my keys slipping through my fingers into a nearby puddle. I reached mindlessly to pick them up, but they weren’t there!
Questions flew threw my head like arrows in an archery field. How could they disappear? How will I get in? What will my father think if I call looking for a spare? I began to feel very idiotic for losing such a simple thing to keep an eye on. I shifted my body to a standing position and spun in a circle, keeping my eyes glued on the concrete beneath me. Did I drop them by the…
A close by throat clearing broke me from my frantic search; I realized I was casting my eyes on a startlingly gorgeous face not two feet away. I froze.

“Your keys I presume?” He inquired in a beautiful, yet subtly mocking voice, raising his eyebrows at my petty performance of idiocy. I stared across his plains, taking in the striking icy blue eyes, the strong jaw, and the luscious lips.
He had noticed my stupidity, yet it intrigued me how polite he was nevertheless. All the sudden I felt myself wish I knew him. My heart clenched and my eyes widened. Mutely, I nodded in response, too taken aback to even mutter an answer. The silence held, handing the keys to me I couldn't help but feel that from one look of his eyes he had already judged me, that he knew my darkest secrets, and that he had seen straight into my soul. I could tell that he could completely understand me, and that he already knew everything there was to know. Not knowing what to say to this man who had already determined my entire character within a simple stare, I subconsciously held out my slightly shaking hand to receive the keys. Handing them to me he watched me with his piercing blue eyes, and I felt like I was going to collapse. Breaking off the stare, he turned away, and with a swoosh of his jacket walked down the pavement in the opposite direction. I continued staring at him strolling away content that he had broken off the connection before I had passed out. At moments like this most people have questions flying through their head, but I had only one. Who was this man?

“Hey kiddo how was your first day?” my dad called from the kitchen.
“Fine,” I muttered incoherently.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned.
“Nothing,” to make it sound more convincing I decided to add, “I made a new friend.” I remembered meeting a girl in my last class; she seemed nice enough to bring up.
“That’s great!” My father beamed, “You should have her over.”

“Sure I’ll ask her tomorrow, maybe, I’m going upstairs,” I muttered sadly.
“Trust me kiddo this is our last move, we’re staying here”
“Whatever you say dad,” I said, inaudibly sarcastic.
I sprinted for the stairs, while he sat, absorbed into the news on the television screen. I flung open the little wooden bedroom door, and slumped onto my bed, gazing at the newly purple ceiling. A great deal of comfort was that no matter how many different places I moved or how many different people I was to meet; the inside of my room would stay unchanged and travel with me. The same somewhat shabby green curtains with the beads dangling off the bottoms, the green comforter with the embedded wavy beach design that I felt infatuated with. I turned on my stomach and breathed in the familiar scent my pillow. The light from my window started to grow dim; I took that as motivation to start my homework, being a junior isn’t all its cracked up to be. I closed my eyes, drifting into deep thoughts.
My mother was dead, killed by lung cancer. My old life before my mom died was a happier time; we used to climb the apple trees in the orchard while the wind swayed about the branches, tousling our hair. A simpler time when the only cares we had in the world were how to keep ourselves entertained enough, a time to act silly. She was my best friend. But like those memories, my mom wasn’t going to be coming back…A wave of despair hit like a rapid fire, burning me from the inside out, agony swallowed me whole.
I tried to block out the pain, by switching to other thoughts. Of course these thoughts were unimportant; they were all jumbled around my head. I started to float into recent events, my first day here, amber, Ethan, all the other overly nice students… Just then as if he were right there again I imagined the unknown boys’ flawless face. I gaped, concentrating, as if trying to capture the image within my head. I did not want it to fade away just yet...with that I drifted into deeper sleep.

~*~
My alarm blaring and my dad shouting from the top of the stairs woke me, “Kiddo, time for school. It’s only your second day of school; do you really wanna be late?”
“K, dad,” I muttered groggily. To my surprise I was sort of happy today, I felt completely rested. A bit of spring enlightened my step.

Without my mom I never learned much about fashion, I lived a life of jeans and tee shirts. A sort of comfort zone came when wearing them. I shoved my arms in the sleeves of my coat, and then made my way down the staircase. I kept it simple, cereal, I chewed my breakfast mechanically, then headed for the door with a quick, “Bye dad.”

~*~

The parking lot was mostly vacant when I arrived so I decided to take the chance to try to learn my combination; I stepped inside the dark, empty hallway. I couldn’t help but notice there was ill at ease feel when the school was so quiet. I started saying the numbers 36-4-23 over and over out loud. Heading towards my locker questioning whether or not I'd be able to open it, I stumbled on my own clumsy self and fell face-first to the floor. Sighing, I recollected the countless times I had done this to myself. Always tripping, falling and stumbling over myself, I was a regular klutz. This fall was no different than the rest; except this time I had a mess to clean. Mind wandering, I stood up, brushed myself off, and initiated the gathering of my papers. Reaching for my binder I stopped, body and mind frozen. I wasn’t alone in the hallway.
A muted snicker echoed quietly from down the hall. I looked intently towards the chuckles of amusement.
“Hello, you look like you could use some assistance.” Again idiotically I nodded, staring wide mouthed at my icy blue eyed boy. I took in the tousled pale blonde locks covering his head, moving to the luscious lips and high cheek bones. I moved to his eyes. Staring into his eyes made me feel as if I was in a trance; his eyes pierce the soul. Feeling self consciousness take over, I quickly look to the tiled floor letting my long hair tumble in front of my eyes. He watched my expression, apparent awareness flashing across his face. After picking up my papers in silence, making an effort to come up with something not dim-witted to say, I found my voice.
“Thanks,” I muttered. Oh yeah that was so not lame, I scolded, mentally kicking myself.
“See you around Lexie.” He smiled, turned, and walked away chuckling. I watched as he disappeared around a corner. My mind began to wander as I headed to my locker.
What is it about him that makes me turn to silly putty in his capable hands? What is his name? Will I ever figure out his name?
It hit with a burst of intuition.
How does he know my name?

Life according to Lexie Parks seemed to go on calmly and boringly the next week, I shuffled through classes. The whole new girl buzz had wore off and to most I became just another face walking through the halls, trying to make it through high school. I hadn’t seen the person I longed to see in days though. I remembered bringing him up to Amber earlier in the week. She seemed baffled. Walking into Spanish I delivered a wavering smile to Amber as I sat in my seat.
“Lexie you ok?” Amber asked for at least the ninth time today.
“Um yea just out of it.” I lied. This nagging feeling in my mind said, quick get out of here. Run. Fake sick, just get out of here, go somewhere safe. You’re being watched. I shook my head to dispel the feeling, deciding to focus on Ambers’ homework problems.

I walked to my car feeling as though I was being watched. I gazed around the empty parking lot. A slight movement caught my eye. There wasn’t anything there. You’re just being paranoid, I told myself.
As I entered the car and drove off my thoughts kept returning to a set of beautiful eyes. You don’t even know him, I countered. I shook my head feeling as though I was turning into a stalker or something, I don’t know him. I don’t know him, I mentally chanted. But I want to…
I climbed out the car feeling lightheaded. As I went down the driveway an uneasy feeling hit me. I wasn’t alone. I started walking faster, keeping my eyes firmly on the door. Fidgeting my keys trying to find the lock fast I turned to hear a whooshing sound and an object heading straight for my face, everything went black…
I woke up, cold, arms around me cradling me? No, my mind countered, carrying me. I forced my eyes to open fighting compulsory slumber. My eyes connected with icy blue, and I lost consciousness once again.

~*~

“Uhhh,” I groaned as I lifted my head off my pillow. I gazed towards the window; the darkness of the sky told me I had been asleep for a while.

“Oh hey bud your awake,” My dad walked into the room holding a grilled cheese sandwich.
“I made this for you, have you been asleep since you got home from school?” he asked, setting the plate on my nightstand.
I recounted what I had done that day. I went to school, drove home, and… nothing. My mind came up blank. I stumbled for an answer.
“Umm, yea I just came home tired and decided to get some rest.”
“Ok bud whatever you say.” “Boy, she’s been acting mighty odd lately…”
His answer stunned me a little. I’ve been acting odd? “Dad I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird lately, I’m just adjusting you know?”
His look was almost as confused as mine. “Mhm,” he said as he walked out my room, shutting the door behind him, leaving me baffled.
How Strange, I mused.

Muffled voices of classmates started echoing through the halls as the final bell of the day made its last chime. I retreated to my locker to once again to work through my combination.
“How goes it, Lexie?” Ethan leaned against his locker door both muscular arms folded in front of his chest. “God, she’s beautiful…”
“Its goes good, and who?” I returned.
“Who what?”
“Didn’t you say… never mind.” I shook my head as if trying to knock out the knagging feeling, and laughed to cover up my confusion. Luckily, he didn’t notice.
“Are you finding all of your classes alright today?” “I really want to ask…”
“As good as I possibly can on my second day.” I said, cutting him off. I rolled my eyes dramatically to my locker, partly because of what I said, and because I knew what he was going to finish asking next.
“So, um, you still want that tour around the town?” He stared at me encouragingly. His eyes sparked with an anticipation I could not comprehend.
“Sorry can’t tonight, super busy. That English essay has got me swamped.”
He stared questioningly, “Oh yea, that.”
I smiled; it was obvious his was definitely not done. “I’m sorry Ethan. Maybe we can another time.”
“Ok well talk to you in Global, See you around Lexie.” His words seemed rushed. He shut his locker and started toward his next class, I could see his shoulders slumped over slightly. Slamming my locker forcefully, I walked to Spanish annoyed.
I took my seat following amber’s smiley face yet again.
“Hey Lexie, what’s up?”
“Same old, you know, and you?”
“I’m great, thanks! Are you by any chance doing anything tonight,” she asked innocently.
“Um,” I wondered if I should bring up the essay again but she isn’t looking for a relationship so I guess I could. I sighed, “No not really, just going to spend some time home.”
Her overly hopeful expression caught me off guard. “You want to catch a movie with some friends of mine tonight?”
I started to regret not being busier, but really, what else could I do? “Sure I guess. What time?”
“I can pick you up somewhere near six; we’re all going together.”
“Cool.”
“Heres my number,” she handed me a torn paper sheet with her number scribbled over the front.
“Ok.” I whispered as the teacher started the lesson.
I rushed out of class as soon as the bell rang. Amber tagged along with me at my side, prattling about her life and how she’s so glad I am coming tonight and how she knew we’d end up friends. I just nodded politely through the whole thing, trying to not hurt her feelings. She seemed like a good friend to have around.

“Dad, I’m leaving. I’ll see you later.” I walked out the door towards Ambers eagerly awaiting face.
“Oh my Gosh! You look so pretty Lexie!” Amber screeched, taking in everything from head to foot.
I stared down at myself. I had made an effort for tonight. I pulled in from school to sprint into the house, I showered, and spent the rest of the evening looking at tee shirt after tee shirt until I spotted my new, and only, sundress with a pair of bright yellow greek sandals with a delicate flower design. I gave Amber a smile, “Thanks, but I just threw something on,” I lied.
Amber drove, to my dismay rather slow, talking the whole way.

“Come on Lexie, I hear this is the best place to dance around here.”
“Um, Amber I don’t think this is the best idea.” I noted the dark sign reading, “Demonic Disaster” doubtfully. No way was I going in there.
“Lexie come on, everyone comes here.” I just want to fit in.
I felt a pang of sympathy, “You don’t have to go in there to fit in.”
Amber looked at me baffled. “Lexie I didn’t say I wanted to go in to fit in, are you feeling ok?” Gosh it’s like she read my mind, how strange…
“You’re saying that out loud Amber, I can hear you.”
“Lexie you’re scaring me.” There’s no way I would say something like that out loud.
My mind Raced. I could have sworn I heard her… What’s happening to me?
After finally convincing Amber a club was the last place we needed to be, we decided to hit the movies and head out. We drove home later that night in a haze. All I could think about was that last exchange we had had in front of that club. How did that happen?

As I entered my room my mind started to recall what happened. Did I actually read her mind? That can’t be possible. There’s no way you read her mind that’s ridiculous. Exhausted, I mentally set aside those thoughts and reached for a book. I started getting lost in the pages.
I heard the door open. Seconds later my dads’ voice echoed up the stairs. “Come on down bud”

“One minute,” I climbed out of bed and made my way to the stairs. “Hey dad, how was work?” I asked entering the kitchen.

“Pretty good, just wanted to call you down to ask how hanging out with that girl… Err Amber I mean.”

My mind immediately flew to the end of the night in front of the club. I shook my head to block it out. “It was fun, we went to get something to eat then saw a movie.” …and I read minds now apparently.
“Well that’s good bud glad you had a good time.” not very convincing…

I sat in the coffee shop browsing sites on my laptop of mind reading origin. I was baffled; none of it made sense. Some junk from Africa on wtich craft and all this voo-doo stuff. What did this have to do with me? The stories consisted mostly of old fables. Talk of the so called Protectors who were said to be the only ones with the ability to read minds. Your being ridiculous, my logical mind countered, it’s just a bunch of old stories. You did not read her mind.
The Door to the café rang again. I could hear the blenders grinding the drinks, making them with precision. There were always people walking in and out through out the day ordering coffee and Cappuccinos, this was the best place in town. I picked up my cup, and sipped my coffee nonchalantly.
So as the website says I should be a protector if I can read minds… Well why hasn’t this happened before? And Why me? I’m almost positive Amber isn’t a mind reader or Ethan. Using the track pad of my laptop I scrolled to the top of the page. I had to have read it wrong.
The door opens. The wind from the streets blows in, tousling my hair, and sending shivers down my spine. Someone steps in, normally I would ignore it but my mind probed me. Look Look Look…
I turned slowly, expecting the worst.
A man first walks by pretty insignificant. He gives me a seemly warm smile. I attempt a smile back. Turning, my eyes fix with icy blue eyes and I gasp. There’s something so familiar there. This was the face of the boy who haunted my thoughts, the face that I dreamt about, and the face my mind told me I should suddenly fear.
I continued to stare as he made his way to the counter.
“Double espresso with a hazelnut shot, medium please” he murmured. My mind was in a rush. Leave, Get out of here. You’re not safe here. I stayed frozen, eyes glued to the back of a pale blonde head. My eyes followed the line of his neck down, drawn into the black leather jacket and trim waist. His distressed jeans as he reached in his pocket to grab his wallet.
A customer from a nearby table stood, accidently dropping his glass mug. It fell to the floor, shattering. I tore my eyes from the boy to stare at the scene. My mind came back full force. GO!
I closed my laptop tight fumbling to get it into my case. Once in, I flew for the door. Stopping as I accidently ran into the customer who first had locked eyes with me.
“Oh I’m so sorry sir.” I mumbled, fixed on escape.
“It’s quite alright.” I gazed behind him, not even bothering to hold eye contact with the man, to see icy eyes fixed on my face, expression unreadable. I darted for the exit.
As I pushed open the exit the bell rang furiously. Giving one more glance back I saw him walking towards the tables’ area.
Heading down the busy avenue I began to slow down. He was just getting coffee, not putting a gun on you, my mind retaliated. With the fresh air blowing in my face I took deep breaths to calm myself. Calm down he’s done nothing to deserve this. He was probably staring at you because you were the lunatic running for the door basically knocking people down. I tried to keep casual trying not to attract attention. I matched my pace to a woman walking beside me. I stared into store windows, faking interest when something caught my eye. The wind whipped past violently. Chills ran down my spine and I felt as though he was there. Each gust of wind feeling as though his breath was against my neck mere inches away. My cool composure plummeted as I looked in a store window reflection, past the ongoing traffic to a figure standing across… staring right at me.
I whipped my head round just in time to see… nothing. I looked left and right. No one was following me. Your losing it, my mind scolded.
I began to walk again, intent on walking the few blocks home. But the uneasy feeling refused to leave. I gazed subtly over my shoulder then continued on my path. Gazing five, six, seven, eight, and then there! So I wasn’t insane. As I gazed back I saw him. He was following me. I surveyed my options. Confronting him could go many ways or I could act like nothings wrong and keep walking. I shoved against the lump in my throat; enough was enough, time to confront him. I gave myself a mental pep talk and prepared for the most awful scenario.
I whirled around, “Why are you following me?!”
The face gasped. “I’m sorry dear I wasn’t meaning to frighten you I was just walking down the sidewalk.” The old woman seemed frightened. My face reddened.
“Oh I’m very sorry Mrs. I...I...” I couldn’t think of a reason. What can you say when accusing an innocent old woman of stalking, “I’m not having a very good day?”
“It’s ok dear, I understand” Weirdo, teenagers and their raging hormones…
I internally scoffed. She has no idea. I attempted a friendly smile and continued walking, questioning my sanity.



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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 4 comments.


on Sep. 18 2012 at 8:44 pm
Jurdibird SILVER, North Tonawanda, New York
8 articles 2 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"One need not be a chamber to be haunted"

"I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember.

I'm trying to write as fast as possible. Sometimes I just get really distracted though which stinks :b i should have more up soon though!

half.note said...
on Sep. 16 2012 at 10:50 am
half.note, Edmonton, Alberta
0 articles 0 photos 102 comments
There's not much for you to improve on. You have a great plot and excellent dialogue. If anything, pay more attention to sentence structure and punctuation. Try reading out loud to yourself--pausing at commas and stopping at periods-- to see how it sounds. If it sounds wrong, add punctuation where it will sound right. I hope this helps. :)  And please post more soon. I'm waiting...

on Aug. 28 2012 at 9:37 pm
Jurdibird SILVER, North Tonawanda, New York
8 articles 2 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"One need not be a chamber to be haunted"

"I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember.

thank you! also if you have any critics I would love to hear them aswell(:

half.note said...
on Jun. 4 2012 at 12:14 am
half.note, Edmonton, Alberta
0 articles 0 photos 102 comments

To describe this:

Fantastic, terrific, amazing, and synonyms alike!

You have done a great job with your characters and plot. I can't wait to read more!

Keep up the good work. :D