The Nightmares

September 25, 2011
By juggaloscrub BRONZE, Brockton, Massachusetts
juggaloscrub BRONZE, Brockton, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Summary:

they make friends along the way


Cody T.

The Nightmares


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This book has 4 comments.


on Oct. 9 2011 at 7:48 pm
NintaiKyouboku BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To win you've got to enter first."

Well, there are some grammatical/spelling errors. Also, the voice is very dry. You're just telling the readers everything that happened. Also, the description of all of their outfits is boring. It's not just because I don't care for fashion, it's also because you said simply, "It was green camouflage pants." Also, there is not much detail. This could be a very good plotline, however, this story needs a lot of fleshing out.

I'm sorry if this comment was harsh...this story needs a lot of work, though.


on Oct. 9 2011 at 5:37 pm
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

The plot of your novel does have some very good potential ,  but I would advise a couple of things before you continue. First off , there is an inconsistensy with the format your paragraphs are in , and you may want to indent and space better do the story is easier to read. Secondly , there are many spelling/punctuation/grammar mistakes, beginning at the prologue. You might want to have several peers review your story , or even an adult. Thirdly , you should enhance your characters as much as you can , and give them alot of personality.

This is a good story and it has the possibility of being marvelous , so keep it up and don't give up!

-Yessenia


GreyGirl ELITE said...
on Oct. 8 2011 at 2:49 am
GreyGirl ELITE, Pohang,Kyungbuk, Other
170 articles 122 photos 392 comments
While it's obvious that this story isn't done yet, it has great potential. Keep working on it-- I think you might turn out something great!

on Oct. 5 2011 at 10:46 pm
TheGirlWhoDancesWithSnowflakes SILVER, Sunnyvale, Texas
8 articles 0 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

Hm, I'm up to chapter one and the plot is good so far. The lack of spaces between paragraphs makes it more difficult to read, but overall- it's the makings of a good story.


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