Rock Star Cinderella

December 6, 2010
By Katie R PLATINUM, Fort Plain, New York
Katie R PLATINUM, Fort Plain, New York
47 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Summary:

Enjoy!


Katie R.

Rock Star Cinderella


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This book has 13 comments.


on Aug. 27 2011 at 8:58 am
thejoyofrediscovering GOLD, Olney, Maryland
11 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song." - Maya Angelou

Your idea for the story was good, and though people have done it, the rock star touch was creative. However, the story is kind of....rushed, which, unfortunately makes it a bit boring. Also the voice, for your narrator and other character's assumed age, is very inaccurate and immature. So slow the story down, add some description and age, and a good round of spell and grammar check, and you have potential for a better novel.

on Apr. 17 2011 at 6:19 pm
literaryaddict PLATINUM, Albuquerque, New Mexico
23 articles 3 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're almost there and no where near it. All that matters is that we're going." Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound." Lady Bracknell, The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde

I think you have a good idea here, ie fame meets normal. But, I couldn't get through the first chapter. Start off with the story, you don't need all that background information if you can show the reader through her actions and dialogue. Work on dialogue flow and making it realistic. Also, there is a bunch of descriptive stuff that only takes away from rather than adding to the story. Keep the idea (it really is a good one) and start a new story with a different angle and a different style. :)

on Apr. 12 2011 at 2:48 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

What direction are you planning on taking with this? Because it seems so...pointless. Like you aren't getting to the point and I don't understand why she does some things...Like, why does she say that they can't talk anymore online?

on Apr. 10 2011 at 10:15 pm
TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know my name. Not my story.

Oops I ment too much telling not enough showing. And this is why we proof-read. :D

on Apr. 10 2011 at 4:13 pm
TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know my name. Not my story.

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t exactly enjoy this.

Me!! (You don’t need two exclamation points, one will do.)

No one actually introduces themselves like that.

Try someone calling on her name. Show, not tell.

Again, too much showing not enough telling.

Most boy bands don’t have mosh pits at there concert.

“[T]hank you!”

Started raining really hard? Look in a Thesaurus for better wording. The dialogue isn’t very realistic. Try reading it out loud. Does anyone really talk like that?

I don’t think anyone says NYC instead of New York City when talking.

The story has potential, but it’s hard to see behind the grammar mistakes. You need to add more descriptions of the people. We don’t even know what the ‘hot boy’ looks like.


triathlete99 said...
on Apr. 5 2011 at 8:54 pm
triathlete99, Atlanta, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 17 comments
I agree! PLEASE FINISH!!!! So addicting!!!!

on Mar. 29 2011 at 4:33 pm
CrazyWriter GOLD, Lorton Station, Virginia
16 articles 2 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Once you have given up on the most important thing in your life, you begin to die, because then, you gradually lose your true self"~Hana Kimi
"Someone who can lie to themself. . . is lonely, and in pain"~Hana Kimi

I love it!! no critzism !! CONTINUE please!

on Mar. 27 2011 at 5:32 pm
stellabella21 BRONZE, Cambridge, Massachusetts
1 article 1 photo 22 comments
I REALLY like the story but I think the story is moving to fast so uch stuff happens in like 4 chapters. Really good so far can't wait for more!

on Mar. 27 2011 at 5:49 am
quellanella SILVER, Tokyo, Other
5 articles 0 photos 6 comments
finish it!! can't wait!!!

on Mar. 9 2011 at 4:34 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

:)

I love this story so far! I like the idea & how instead of her being your typical Cinderella, you know, glass slipper and all, she drops her fingerless glove...Which is pretty awesome! (:

Obviously, the story has a few problems, just as every good story has....

The grammar was a bit off at some parts and the sentences can be choppy...& I agree with one of the people down there...Things just happen too fast! But that's okay, that happens to me too!

Sometimes, with the dialogue, it sounds a bit repititious and, sorry, sometimes boring. I mean after the actual sentence that the character speaks...Like "she replied" or "I said"...Sometimes those are repeated too much and it kind of brings down the whole story...

Now that I've rambled on like an idiot ;)

Overall, I liked it a lot! (: You should really keep writing it! I want them to actually be able to talk!


on Mar. 2 2011 at 5:46 pm
MysteryHeart GOLD, Thorold, Other
14 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Usted es especial! AKWARD!!! (in an opera like voice), ohhh fasha', what the huh?,who in the name of what?, sanity now!

Ok So I REALLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wanna know what happens next.... you might have at one point though MAKE A CLIMAX !!!!!!! Tradgedy, deceive , back stabbing, lies ...its perfect story its just tooooooo perfect which can sometimes be boring we need something that will want us to keep reading.. your doing great though keep it up

on Mar. 2 2011 at 3:26 pm
PrincessSparkle GOLD, Flint, Michigan
11 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whoever said Nothings impossible clearly never tried to slam a rotating door.

I am a sucker for famous meets Normal people. I loved the idea but a few things sort of bugged me. I didn't like how fast everything was happening. Most readers like to build up to the climax whereas you jumped right on it. Its not really realistic but I still enjoyed reading it. Please write more. =]

Leann14 GOLD said...
on Dec. 24 2010 at 8:58 am
Leann14 GOLD, DeGraff, Ohio
16 articles 4 photos 112 comments
It is a good idea, but I think if you would have added a real summary more people might have clicked 'read book'. :/ Well, I am going to give some tips, if that's ok? You have a lot of potential but most of your sentences are a bit choppy and I feel if you added more to them, let them flow, they would sound a lot more proffesional as a whole. You also use a lot of exclamation points, which is fine, but it starts to annoy the reader (I have gotten in trouble with this as well, haha) and just one simple '!' would do just fine for those moments where you actually need one. I must applaud your first chapter title, though. It was quite unique! Very good. You have a nice story line and the makings of a good book, with a bit of revision. =)


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