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Rock Star Cinderella

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Katie R.
Rock Star Cinderella
Summary: Enjoy!





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This book has 13 comments. Post your own!

thejoyofrediscoveringThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 8:58 am:
Your idea for the story was good, and though people have done it, the rock star touch was creative. However, the story is kind of....rushed, which, unfortunately makes it a bit boring. Also the voice, for your narrator and other character's assumed age, is very inaccurate and immature. So slow the story down, add some description and age, and a good round of spell and grammar check, and you have potential for a better novel.
 
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alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 17, 2011 at 6:19 pm:
I think you have a good idea here, ie fame meets normal. But, I couldn't get through the first chapter. Start off with the story, you don't need all that background information if you can show the reader through her actions and dialogue. Work on dialogue flow and making it realistic. Also, there is a bunch of descriptive stuff that only takes away from rather than adding to the story. Keep the idea (it really is a good one) and start a new story with a different angle and a different style. :)
 
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JustAnotherOwl said...
Apr. 12, 2011 at 2:48 pm:
What direction are you planning on taking with this? Because it seems so...pointless. Like you aren't getting to the point and I don't understand why she does some things...Like, why does she say that they can't talk anymore online?
 
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TheCreepyNeighbor said...
Apr. 10, 2011 at 4:13 pm:

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t exactly enjoy this.

Me!! (You don’t need two exclamation points, one will do.)

No one actually introduces themselves like that.

Try someone calling on her name. Show, not tell.

Again, too much showing not enough telling.

Most boy bands don’t have mosh pits at there concert.

“[T]hank you!”

Started raining really hard? Look in a Thesaurus for better wording. The dialogue isn’t ve... (more »)

 
TheCreepyNeighbor replied...
Apr. 10, 2011 at 10:15 pm :
Oops I ment too much telling not enough showing. And this is why we proof-read. :D
 
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CrazyWriterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 4:33 pm:
I love it!! no critzism !! CONTINUE please!
 
triathlete99 replied...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 8:54 pm :
I agree! PLEASE FINISH!!!! So addicting!!!!
 
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stellabella21 said...
Mar. 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm:
I REALLY like the story but I think the story is moving to fast so uch stuff happens in like 4 chapters. Really good so far can't wait for more!
 
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peace4all This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 27, 2011 at 5:49 am:
finish it!! can't wait!!!
 
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BrielleM said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm:

:)

I love this story so far! I like the idea & how instead of her being your typical Cinderella, you know, glass slipper and all, she drops her fingerless glove...Which is pretty awesome! (:

Obviously, the story has a few problems, just as every good story has....

The grammar was a bit off at some parts and the sentences can be choppy...& I agree with one of the people down there...Things just happen too fast! But that's okay, that happens to me too!

Someti... (more »)

 
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MysteryHeart said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 5:46 pm:
Ok So I REALLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wanna know what happens next.... you might have at one point though MAKE A CLIMAX !!!!!!! Tradgedy, deceive , back stabbing, lies ...its perfect story its just tooooooo perfect which can sometimes be boring we need something that will want us to keep reading.. your doing great though keep it up
 
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PrincessSparkle said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm:
I am a sucker for famous meets Normal people. I loved the idea but a few things sort of bugged me. I didn't like how fast everything was happening. Most readers like to build up to the climax whereas you jumped right on it. Its not really realistic but I still enjoyed reading it. Please write more. =]
 
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Leann13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 24, 2010 at 8:58 am:
It is a good idea, but I think if you would have added a real summary more people might have clicked 'read book'. :/ Well, I am going to give some tips, if that's ok? You have a lot of potential but most of your sentences are a bit choppy and I feel if you added more to them, let them flow, they would sound a lot more proffesional as a whole. You also use a lot of exclamation points, which is fine, but it starts to annoy the reader (I have gotten in trouble with this as well, haha) and just one ... (more »)
 
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