There's A Rainbow Always After the Rain | Teen Ink

There's A Rainbow Always After the Rain

October 27, 2012
By c_jane BRONZE, Butuan City, Other
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c_jane BRONZE, Butuan City, Other
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be yourself 'coz you are the best to the one who really appreciates you."


Author's note: I was inspired to write this because I have experienced this. And I am hoping that my ex boyfriend would have to read this and hoping that with this, he'll know what my heart speaks and then he'll come back to me.

Have you experienced being in love with your text mate?



That you can say to yourself that it’s love in its truest



sense because if you’ll ask me, I have experienced that kind



of experience already. I didn’t expect to know someone like



him; someone who will love me in spite of my imperfections –



in spite how imperfect I am. Even though we haven’t seen each



other yet; even if we just talked in the phone; even though



text and facebook are our only communications, I can always



feel his presence unlike those other people there, even if



they’re always seeing each other, everyday, they will just



snob each other; not even talking to each other. So, seeing



each other every day is just useless! Love isn’t about how



many times you see each other, it’s how your heart met and



connect even if you’re far apart. But, in my part, in my



situation, it’s different. Really different! I can always feel



I have a loving and caring boyfriend that I can say to myself



that I have already found the best man for me. That I can say



to myself I have met my angel even before I reached heaven.



He’s the only one who gave importance to my existence. I know



that you find it hard to believe what I’m talking about. I



know that you doubt our relationship. I can’t blame you



because I was also like that before. I don’t believe love in



just text! Disadvantages? You’re not seeing each other; you



don’t know what your boyfriend/girlfriend is doing; you don’t



know what he/she really felt; you don’t know if he/she is just



fooling you around and just making fun of you; and, most



especially, you don’t know if you’re really the only one for



him/her. Those were the disadvantages but, if you have trust



to your partner, you can handle your relationship well. And if



you’ll ask me, I’m serious here! I love him and I’m not



fooling him. He’s the only to me. I have fallen perfectly in



love in an unexpected time and with the unexpected person like



Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo.






Love really moves on such a mysterious way because, it’s



really a mystery how his mind leads his hand to type my number



and dial it. ‘Do not find love; love will just find you’.



Really true! Because I’m not looking for love the moment he



step into my life. Actually, I’ve been trying my best to



escaping from Cupid’s trap. I’m trying to run away from his



stupid arrow. But, what can you do if love comes along?



When you love, distance is not a hindrance – it’s not a



reasonable reason to give up your feelings. Who cares? What if



were too far from each other? The most important thing there



is that; he loves me and I love him too. We love each other –



we really love each other’s imperfectness. And, no matter what



happens, I will still love him; always and forever.

“Life is not about searching for the things that could be



found… It’s about telling the unexpected happen and finding



things you never searched for.”



----------------------------------------------------------------






I am just a simple girl; a girl who thought of my life a



meaningless one ‘till he just step into my life. I am



Christine Jane L. Paler. The girl who thought of herself as a



big NOTHING!






“I will not really have a crush anymore! Nor will I have a



boyfriend! Hassle. And in the end, you’ll just get hurt.” I



told myself. That was when I get hurt because of my crush who



didn’t care even a little to what I feel for him. He’s just



going near me to be near to my friend. He’s just making me as



his bridge to my friend. My crush, and my friend, they’re



already boyfriend – girlfriend. I was hurt. Because my friend,



or shall I say the one I treated as a friend, she know that



Mark’s really my crush since were kinder. She knew what I



truly feel for Mark. Hmmmp. By the way, Mark is the name of my



childhood crush. His full name is Mark Jay Sorela Apac. Haaay.



I was really hurt that time. That one day, when I opened my



eyes, I just know that they’re already boyfriend-girlfriend. I



didn’t even know that Mark’s courting her. Is that how good



she is in hiding things to me? She’s not a true friend! She’s



fake! As fake as Chinese products! Haha. J Just kidding. Is



she really in love with Mark? Or is she just doing this for me



to get hurt? Haays. But, thanks to her because it make me find



someone better than Mark. Ooops, shall I say someone the best



for me. J Oh well, enough for that flashback thing. Here, let



me start my story.






It happened last September. I can’t remember what date was



that. Sorry. J I was texting with my friends when…






*bzzzzzzzt*




Calling…





+63910691****






My phone vibrated and its light blinked. I was about to



answer the call but, he just end it. I was curious ‘who was



calling me?’ It was an unknown number. It wasn’t saved in my



phonebook. So, I texted him,








“Who’s this?”






“Shandy. You?” The curiosity in my head was increasing. I



was really confused and curious who was this person? I don’t



know anyone named Shandy. Who was this? Aah. Maybe this is



just one of my classmates.






“Christine Jane. Uhm, where are you from?” I asked him. I



just want to make sure that this is not my classmate. Maybe



they just wanted to victim me.






“I’m from Surigao but I’m staying in Bukidnon now because



I’m studying here.” Bukidnon? Is he just okay? Isn’t he sick



or something? Bukidnon is too far from here! How did my



number gone that far?






“Are you serious? That place is too far from my place.



Where did you get my number by the way?” Sorry for asking



lots of questions. I just want to make sure. J






“Where are you from by the way? I just dialed your number



and luckily you replied.” Just dialed it? Owz? Really? That



was an old style! HAHA. Maybe he’s just making me look like a



stupid to believe what he’s talking about here. Is he just



fooling me? Hmp! I don’t know. HAHA. :D








“Owz? Really?” I wasn’t sure to what he’s talking about



that’s why I texted him that way.







“Yes. I just dialed it. Promise.” Hmp! Think! Think! Think



Christine! It’s seems that he’s telling the truth. I hope so.



I really hope so. Ok. I’m going to trust him. I hope he will



not break the trust I’ve given to him.






“Ok. Hmp? What was your real name by the way?”






“Shaun Brent del Castillo. But my friends call me Shandy.”



Wow! What a nice name! HAHA :D P’shone – Shaun. HAHA. Almost



the same! I love it! :D






“By the way, how old are you?”






“17. Running 18 this October 25. How about you?” 17?



Running 18? Ah. So, he’s 2 years older than me. Right? What if



I’ll say I’m also 17? HAHA. But, I won’t. That’s bad. Maybe my



sin list will be added. :D








“I’m still 15.” Oh? See? I didn’t lie. I’m not a liar.



Hihi. J








“Ahh. Sorry I lied. I’m still 15 too running 16 this



October 25. Sorry. L” Haay. I just said earlier that I hope



he’ll not break my trust but, what has he has done? He just



lied to me. Urgh. It’s giving me a headache! But, I don’t know



how to be angry. Sorry. HAHA. Do you know how? Can you teach



me? LOL. :D








“Ah. It’s okay. At least, in the end you just tell the



truth.” Ha? What? That was just okay? Was it just okay for me



that someone just lied to me? No! No way! HAHA :D What



happened to me? Angry? Angry? HAHA :D






“Thanks. J”




“Oh. It’s okay.”

“Things happen for a reason… No one knows what reason… But hey,



if you think the reason’s good, then it’s good.”



----------------------------------------------------------------






Those were our first communications; our first dialog. It



seems that he’s nice. He can be a friend. J But, I hope he’ll



not lie to me again. Then, I saved his number on my phonebook



since I have known his name already. >shandy. That’s what I



saved in my phonebook because he said that his friends call him



Shandy, right? And now that we’re friends, I call him Shandy



too. But, that name sounds so gay. HAHA :D





-IN THE TEXT-




“Do you have a boyfriend?” What? Did I just read it right?



I opened my eyes widely and read it again. ‘Do you have a



boyfriend?’ It was really that! My eyes don’t have any defect



yet!






“I don’t have! Why were you asking?”





“Really? Ever since?” Argh. What kind of question was that?



Why is he asking that kind of questions? And, besides, I really



don’t have a boyfriend ever since. Was it unbelievable? I don’t



think so. HAHA :D





“Yes. Ever since. But, I have fallen in love twice with



that same person.” ‘Oy Christine, why did you say such? Was



it true that you fell in love with him? Are you sure it was



really love? It was just a crush! But, a crush who stayed in my



heart for a long time. You’re too exaggerated Christine! HAHA



:D’ I told myself and laughed to that thought.





“Really? Sounds interesting. How did it happen?” This was



I’m talking about! I know he’ll ask about it. He’s just



reminding me of my ex crush! He’s just reminding me of the past.



Huhu L I don’t want to have that topic but, I started it, so, I



just have to finish it so that I’ll not leave him hanging. I can



do this! Aja! [go!]





“Hmmp. Because it was like this. He was my crush since



we’re still kinder and then, we separated our ways then, when I



saw him once again, I just fall in love twice. Hays :|” Talking



about that love thing again? Argh. It was too much! I’m really



exaggerating! HAHA :D





“Ah. Is that so?” I just continued my story since I have



started it. I don’t care what will happen next! I will just go



on will this…





“Yes. That’s it. That was really is it. He courted me but I



didn’t say ‘yes’ because I know from the start that he don’t



love me. That’s why I wanted to move on and I have moved on.

Maybe I can find someone better than him.” Waaaahh xD





“And maybe that someone is me.” What does he just say? HAHA



:D Hmp! It could be. Waaah! Am I going to be crazy? Could



someone bring me to the mental hospital to check if my brain’s



still functioning well? HAHA :D





“Haha. Are you okay? Are you sick or something?”





“No. I’m not sick. I’m okay. J”





“Ah okay. You, do you have a girlfriend?” Ha? Why did I ask



that question? Maybe he’ll just say I’m very interested with



him. HAHA :D I’m not nuh? Haleeer!





“I don’t also have one.”





“Uhmmm. But, do you ever have a girlfriend?”





“Yes. I have but we broke up.” Ahh. Is that so? So, there’s



still a chance that it could be ‘US’? Hahaha :D What was



happening to me? What am I talking about?





“Ah okay.” Of course! I didn’t say that to him nuh. I’m



shy! Haha. Maybe he’ll just say that I have a thick face!



Wahaha. :D That I’m very ambitious! I don’t want that to happen.



Hmmp. Who also want that, right? Who wanted to embarrass



herself/himself? No one, right? Hmmp. Only abnormal want that to

happen. You, are you one of those? Because me? I’m not! :D





*bzzzzzzzt*



Calling…




+63948745****





Another unknown number. Who’s this again? What do this



person want? Why did he/she just call me? Can he/she just text?



Haaay. I didn’t answer the call. I just rejected it because I



don’t know who this is. Sorry for him/her. I don’t talk to



strangers. :D





I was thinking who it could be. Maybe somebody needs my



help again. Maybe one of my classmates; maybe they wanted me to



make their project again? Hmmp. It could be. Maybe.





While I was thinking who it could be, someone texted me



because my phone just vibrated. I picked my phone up and opened



the text message.





“Answer it! I’ll call you again. I just use my friend’s



phone.” It was him? It was only him? Haaay! I almost loss my



head because of thinking who it was and now, it was just him? He



didn’t even give me a sign that he’ll call. I mean, he didn’t



even text me first. I can’t also answer his call because my



parents are strict. Yes, they’re really very strict to us. They



were overprotective! It’s okay to be protective ‘coz that’s what



parents are but, can they just erase the word ‘over’? But, what



can I do? They’re like that! All I can do is to understand. I



was the eldest in our family. I must be the model to my younger



sister and brothers. I must obey my parents so that they’ll obey



too.





“Sorry. I cannot answer your call. It can’t be – I can’t do



so. My parents are here. If you want to call, just call me back



tomorrow.” That was all I told him.





“Ah ok. I understand.” Oh my gosh! He understands me; he



understands my situation. If he’s always like that, I will



really fall in love with him to the highest level. HAHA :D Why?



Am I in love? No! It can’t be! I just moved on and here he comes



again? For what? To break my heart into pieces again? I’ve been



so tired of picking those broken pieces and now that I have



fixed my heart, here he comes again! Haaay. LOVE, go away from



me, please?





“Uhmm. Why do you want to call me? You have a crush on me



nuh? Ayeeee.. HAHA :D” That was just a pure joke but I was



shocked with his reply.





“More than that.”





“Huh? What is more than a crush? What do you call that



feeling?” I tried to be blind. I tried to act like I don’t know.





“Secret. But, it’s really more than a crush.” I can feel my



cheeks turn red. Oh my gosh! I was blushing! :”3

# To love is something I was afraid to do…



But there’s something different about you…



You made me do something I swore not to do…



You made me fall in love with you…






It was Sunday! It’s time to go to church. I’m nervous



again. We’ll have to dance, that’s why. Oh, I forgot to tell



you. I’m a tambourine dancer in our church and, at the same



time, I’m a back-up singer. As of now, I’ll dance, next Sunday,



I’ll sing, next dance again and then sing. That’s my Sunday



routine. I’m a member of the music team in our church so does my



father and my sister. My father plays guitar sometimes but



oftentimes, he plays keyboard. My sister is also a tambourine



dancer like me. Hehe J She’s trying to imitate what I’m doing,



that’s why. HAHA :D Just kidding. J My mother is a Pastora. She



preaches the word of God. We can build our own church already!



Hahaha. Joke!!! J






The service started already and we’re done dancing. And



now, I’m doing another task. I have to teach the children during



the Sunday school. I was just assigned to do so. So, I can’t do



anything but to obey. I can’t refuse. I teach them about Jesus’



parables in the book of Matthew. I was just a real teacher that



time. J Yes, I want to become a teacher someday and, at the same



time, I also want to be the writer of the world’s bestselling



books in the world! HAHA :D Oh? See? Can you reach it? :D The



soon to be a teacher thing, I can reach that but, to be the



author of the world’s bestselling books? Argh. I can’t reach it



on my own but, I will reach that with the help of God. Those



were only my ambitions. If it will happen just as I wanted it to



be, then I’m blessed. If it will not happen just as I want it to



be, I’m more blessed because God’s plan for me will be



fulfilled. He’ll open new gates for me; better than I wish for;



better than my hopes and my dreams. Whatever be the calling of



God in my life, I will not hesitate to obey and answer his



calling. He has a bright plan for my future. I know and believe



that.






I was done teaching. We only talk with the children there.



They were too noisy! Haay. That’s what really kids are. Then,



after a while, my phone suddenly vibrated inside my pocket. I



get it and saw someone’s calling me! It was the same number



Shandy used the first time he called me. So, I suppose it was



him. I go out of the children’s room and go on my way to the CR.



That’s the only place I find that the noise is less but, the



noise can still be heard a little. Not as noisy as that when I’m



in the children’s room. When I arrive at the Cr, I pressed the



answer button.







-CALL-




“Hello? Who’s this?”






“Michael. You?”






“Christine.” I can’t fully remember all that he had said –



all that he had told me. But, I remembered he asked me,





“You have a crush on Shandy?” Ha? Crush? More than that



too. HAHA :D






“Ha? No! He’s not my crush!” I just said. I was too shy to



say ‘yes’ nuh. I just known him for a few days then I would say



he’s my crush? Haaay. What was that? Could that be possible? And



to think, I don’t see him yet. HAHA :D My heart’s starting to



dig deeper the feelings I have for him. Why such? I was too



confused.






It was too noisy in the other line. It seems that there



were many of them there.






“You want to talk to Shandy?” I was speechless! It made me



stun. It take me how many seconds to say my answer. I really



want to but, I’m shy. I’m really a shy type of girl. I don’t



know why I’m like this! Haha :D






“A-a-ah. Just ask him if he wants to talk to me.” Oh my



gosh! I was stammering! That’s what I said. It’s just right,



right? What if I wants to talk to him? Not knowing he don’t want



to talk to me? Right?






They were too noisy there! And my surrounding’s noisy too.



I can’t understand what he’s talking about. Then, the phone call



just ends.






After that, I go back to the children’s room and asked the



children to zip their mouths. Because they were too noisy and



it’s irritating me!






After the service in our church, we go back home. My



mother, she’s sleeping. She’s tired, maybe. J My father, he was



playingNeed for Speed. HAHA :D yeah. You Read it right. It’s



true! My father’s still playing that game but, not all the time.



Just sometimes. I asked him why he’s playing and he just told me



“to lessen the stress”. Aah. Can playing Need for Speed relieve



stress? HAHA :D Sounds weird.






He [Shandy] called me using that Michael’s number. I ran to



our kitchen to hid myself then there, I answered his call. They



were too busy in the sala. They can’t notice me here.






“Hello?”






“Hello? Who’s this?”





“You don’t know me? Guess who.” Ais. I hate guessing. I



know who he really is. I can feel it’s Shandy. I just chose to



pretend that I don’t know.





“Hmp? Who?”





“The one you’re texting with.” The one I’m texting with?



What kind of answer was that? I have lots of text mates. HAHA :D



Not really, only my classmates and my classmates in elementary.



Why can’t he just tell me who he is? Why do I have to guess?



It’s just too easy to say your name, right? He’s just making



everything slow.





“I asked, who?”





“Shandy.” There! That’s what I want. HAHA :D





“Ah. So, it’s you?”





“Yup. It’s me. Where are you from by the way?”





“From Prosperidad.”





“Where in the Philippines was that? What’s that? Was it a



baranggay?”

“Nope. It’s a municipality. It’s like this, Baranggay



Patin-ay, Municipality of Prosperidad, Province of Agusan del



Sur. Gets?”





“Ah. Ok. Yeah. Get it. Are you the eldest in your family?



Or what?”





“Yup. I’m the eldest. You?”





“We’re just the same. How many are you in the family?



Excluding your parents.”





“We’re five including me.”





“Ah..”





“We’re really six but my sister, the one next to me is



already dead.”





“Aww. Me too. My elder brother and my elder sister’s dead.”





“Hmmp? Why such?”





“Because my parents are both teachers. And, that time, my



mother was assigned in somewhat forest. HAHA :D And there, my



brother and my sister dodn’t hold properly. They just let go



that’s why they didn’t survive.”





“Ouch. How sad. Are they twins?”



“Nope. I was the only one who survived after them but



still, my left lung’s weak.”





“Oh. You have a weak lung?”





“Yes.”





“Since when?”





“Since the day I was born.”





“Aah.”



Our talk’s going to be long. He’s nice. I love it talking



to him. Then, it just gone to the point that he told me,





“Can you sing for me?” I already forgot how it comes to



that topic. I can’t fully recall all of those.





“Me? Going to sing for you? You only. You sing for me.



Hehe.” I giggled. My voice is nice nuh. He’ll going to be deaf



when he start to hear my voice. :D





We’ve been passing the sing thing to each other and,



finally, he gave up. Whooh! I won! Haha :D He then sing a song.





“Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal



Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam



Makapiling ka, habambuhay, ikaw lamang sinta..

Wala na ‘kong hihingin pa. wala na…



Ohhh.. ohhhhhh…”





He sang that song. He told me it was his favorite song and



said it was an old song but, it was the first time I heard that



song. Ikaw Lamang by Silent Sanctuary. In fairness, he has a



nice voice. It can really make you fall in love if you hear his



voice. It was euphonical! That was the first time I heard of



that song and I would never forget that because I heard it first



from the person I love. Ok. I admit. I already have feelings for



him. But, still not real sure to myself how I get this feeling



for him. I feel that, I just known him for days but, why is it



that I can feel it that he’s already close to my heart? That



feeling of being close that I can feel that… it seems that I



have known him for years. That’s what I feel. Why is it like



that? Why is it that I’m feeling this way? This is the first



time I feel this way. Am I in love or something? Is this what



you call LOVE? Or was this what you call INFATUATION? Am I just



exaggerating my feelings? What is really is it? Could someone



tell me what is this feeling I have for him? I enjoyed a lot



texting and talking to him. I haven’t really feel this way



before. It was my FIRST TIME.






I enjoyed a lot talking to him when suddenly; my mother



opened the kitchen door. I was nervous. Maybe she’ll get mad at

me again. I don’t know that she woke up already! Argh.






“Christine! What are you doing here again? Texting again



huh?”






I didn’t end the phone call. He can hear everything that



I’m talking and maybe he can hear what my mother’s been talking



too.






“Me? Texting? I don’t even have a load. I’m just playing.”



Oh my gosh! Again, I lied! I’m just adding my sins! >.<





He heard what I said. I know. That made me shy of myself.



Maybe he’ll think I’m a big liar! No, I’m not! That was just a



white lie. Yeah. But still, it’s a lie. L I did that for my own



good so that my mother will not get mad at me. That was just



that! Nothing more, nothing less.






Then, there! We had a long talk then I asked him,






“Why are you always calling me?”






“I want to. Will I call again if I don’t?”






“Ah. Really? Why to me?”






“I want to call you eh.”






Ah. I asked why me? Can you just tell me you love me? HAHA

:D I really have a thick face. HAHAHA :D




Then, he asked me one question,






“How can you put the giraffe inside the refrigerator? In 3



steps.”






“Ha? Giraffe can’t fit inside the refrigerator.”






“Nooo. Just imagine that the giraffe can fit.”






It made me think of it. Hmmp. How can you put a giraffe



inside the refrigerator? It can’t really fit! I can’t imagine.






“Ha? How?”




“Just imagine that there’s a new invention of refrigerator.



That big one that a giraffe can fit perfectly.”






“Haaay. I don’t know!”






“Go on! Just try. I know you have an answer. Go!”






“I really don’t know! How?”






“Haay. Ok. I’m the one who asked and I’ll be the one to



answer it. HAHA. :D First, you’ll open the refrigerator. Second,



you’ll place the giraffe inside. Third, you’ll close it. There!



HAHA. You have placed the giraffe in already. HAHA :D” He



laughs. Argh. I laugh the way he laughs. It can make me smile



too.






“HAHAHA. The answer’s very easy! Haha. I wasn’t thinking of



that! I was thinking of a deeper answer for I thought it was



that serious. Haha.”






“hahaha.” He laughs again! OMG! He’s cute when he laughs.



Hehe.






“You really is a joker. Haha.”






“Me?”






“Yeah. You.”






“Me? You? You’re mine. HAHA”






“eh? HAHAHA”






Long talk! I enjoyed talking to him. It would be too long



if I’ll write it all. I will just write ‘till here. J






Then, after the calls, we’re back to texting again.






“Do you have a facebook account?”






“I have but I can’t open it already. It was hacked. But, I



will just make a 2nd account.”






“When?”


“I don’t know. If I have time.”






“Make it as soon as you can hap? Then, add me on my



account. Just search my name, Christine Jane Paler and it’ll



just appear there.”






“Ok J”






“You put some of your photos on you facebook account so



that I can see your pictures.”






“Ok. I will. J”






“Ok. I’ll wait for a friend request from you.”

# Decisions shape your destiny, it is in the moments of



indecision that fate takes over.



# Do not find love, let love find you.



That is why it’s called falling in love,



Because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just fall.



----------------------------------------------------------------





After how many days passed, hmmp… I don’t remember how many



days was that. I already knew brief details about him. He’s



Shaun Brent del Castillo. He’s from Surigao. He’s studying at



Central Mindanao University also known as CMU. He’s an AB



Psychology student of that school; 1st year college. He’s still



15. Running 16 this October 25. He said he’s accelerated that’s



why he go to college at an early age. He told me he has a weak



lung since birth. I didn’t make any reaction to it because I



don’t know about that kind of illness. For me that time, it



wasn’t a big deal. He’s kind. I can feel that. I love his



personality. I love everything about him. I love him just the



way he really is.






He courted me one day. I can’t fully remember what was his



first words. I have forgotten about it already. But I remembered



I texted him this:






“When I turn 16.”






I really want to. I’m just waiting for him to tell me



“would you be my girlfriend?” Something like that. Not that



telling me words that I can’t feel that it was already that! Can

he just say it to me direct to the point? But, I’m afraid! I’m



afraid that maybe, he’s just fooling me around. That type of



thing I used to see on TV’s. That you’re betting to your friends



and if you can let that girl say ‘yes’ to your courtship, you



then win the game. Hmmp. I was thinking of that. And that



thought made me so afraid. And, what if he’ll just come and



break my heart into pieces again? And what if what I truly feel



for him is not really LOVE? What if it was just an infatuation?






There were lots of things running into my mind that time.



My heart says “yes” but my mind keeps on contradicting my heart.



Which among the two of them will I choose to follow? My heart or



my mind? That makes me confused too.






“When will you turn 16?” he replied.






“This coming January 7.”





“Argh. That was still too far.” Yes. I know. It was still



to far. :|





“It can’t really be as of now. Sorry. K”





I followed what my mind’s telling me. But, I was wrong. I



hurt him. I hurt his feelings. I know he became mad at me. I



kept on saying sorry but he’s not even making his effort to



reply. He’s really mad at me. I know. Then, after a while, he

replied,





“Why are you still texting me? I don’t have use to you,



right? I’m not even your boyfriend.” Ouch! It hurts! I really



hurt him. I know and I can feel that. Why is it that I wasn’t



true to what I truly feel? I love him, right? I love him! Don’t



you know that? I don’t know what to reply. I just follow what my



heart told me.






“Yes. You weren’t my boyfriend but you mean everything to



me.” That was from my heart! It made me cry that time. I hurt



him, right? But why is it that I’m hurting myself more? My heart



really hurts. Tears started falling from my eyes but, I



immediately wipe those tears. I’m trying to stop the tears from



falling but I just can’t. And it hurts more when I received his



reply.





“What’s that? You’re just like eating a fried soup.”



It hurts! Ouch! It really hurts! I locked myself inside my



room and there, I cried. And, I was evaluating my feelings for



him. I keep on asking my heart “do I really love him?” I



listened to my heartbeat. My heart really beats fast like dugdug



dugdug. I was thinking “what will I do?” I can’t handle this



feeling if it will take long. I was just hurting myself. While



I’m crying, covering my face with my pillow. I feel my phone



vibrating. I wipe my tears and pick it up. There’s a message



from him!






“You managed to make me feel like a stupid piece of s***.



Would you like an award for that?



-------



Damn day! I really hate it. It hurts me a lot. :’(



**GM (If only you knew)”






Tears continued falling. I cried. But I didn’t tell him. I



was trying to be strong even when I’m starting to be broken



inside. I can’t tell him that I’m hurting too. ‘if only you also



knew what I feel for you. And you think you’re the only one



who’s hurt? I’m also hurt! More than the hurt you feel. Don’t



you know that? Ha?’ I wanted to tell him that but I didn’t able



to tell him. I really think of my next move; my next decision.



Will I say ‘yes’ or ‘no’?






Then, after that, after my emote business, I decided to say



‘yes’ to him. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. I was just



buying a gun loaded with unlimited bullets to shoot myself if I



continue that. I will say ‘yes’. That’s my final decision.






I texted him:






“Ok. We can be.”






“Huh? We can be?”






“We can be ‘US’”






“really? I was just waiting for you to say that.”






“I was also waiting for you to say the words “would you be



my girlfriend?” I really wanted to say ‘yes’ from the start.”






“Jane, would you be my girlfriend?”






“Yes. I just said yes earlier. Right?”






Then, after that, I feel free. I was relieved and it makes



my heart smile. J






“Ms. Christine Jane Paler – del Castillo. Oh. It’s nice.”






“HAHAHA :D” I just laughed.






I can’t really forget that day. It was September 18, 2011.



The day I told him ‘yes.’ The day that ‘me’ just turned into



‘us.’ There were lots of first times that happened to me that



day. First time I cried because of love. Yes, I’ve been hurt



before but it didn’t come to the point that I cried. Cupid



really hit me so hard. First time to say ‘yes’ to one of my



suitors. I have lots of suitors around me; the one I can only



see every day but, why did I choose him? Why Shaun Brent Chiong

del Castillo? I didn’t even saw him yet. But, so what? My heart



is the one who feel the love and not my eyes. And, that was the



first time I told myself ‘I have been in love.’ Yes. I’m in love



with this text mate. But now, he’s not just a text mate to me.



He’s my boyfriend! And that is also the most shocking first time



that happened to me this day. First time of having a boyfriend.



I was happy that time. I really can’t forget that day. No words



can ever describe how happy I am in that day.






But, behind this happiness, I’m still hurt and I feel



disappointed to myself. Because, my friends and I always sing



‘true love waits.’ We believe that true love waits. By the way,



the chorus of the song goes like this:






♪♫ True love waits don’t let anyone change your ways




Look ‘em all straight in the face and tell ‘em no matter





what I remains the same.




Don’t want to be deceived. See, I found the key.




Can’t you see that I believe, I believe that true love




waits for me. Waits for me. ♫♪





I feel guilty to them. I’m the one who let them know that



song and now I’m the one who breaks the motto “True Love Waits.”



Was it my fault to fall in love with him? I didn’t expect that



to happen too. It just came and happened to me. I was also



afraid that maybe, my parents would know about ‘us.’ But, I can



take all the risks for him. ‘Love conquers all especially fears’



That’s what P’Shone said in the movie “Crazy Little Thing Called



Love.” I’m not yet allowed by my parents to enter relationships



like this. I don’t know the reason why. I totally know it was



forbidden but I’m still taking the risks.

#Denying someone to other people can hurt that someone’s



feelings.



----------------------------------------------------------------





In that day I haven’t done a thing. I’m just thinking of



him.






It was Monday! I go to school. But, since we don’t have



regular class that day, due to the preparation for the incoming



intramurals, I’m just texting him if our teacher will not come



and have a class. I didn’t tell my friends about me and Shaun



yet. I just keep it as a secret but I’m planning to tell them at



the right time.






My day was very fast! I can’t even recall the things I’ve



done earlier. I was just shocked when I noticed that it was



already time to go home. The time’s running too fast! The



happenings were happening too fast. I still can’t believe that I



already have a boyfriend.






When I got home, I changed my clothes. We’re texting and I



haven’t replied to him on time.






“Hey, sorry late reply. Just done changing my clothes.”






“Why you didn’t text me?”






“A-aah. I’m sorry. I’m still adjusting myself that I



already have someone to text whenever I’m doing something.”






“You must do it. Because I’m already your boyfriend.”






I’m still in the process of adjusting. I’m not really used



to it but now, I have to. But, the nicest thing in having a



boyfriend is that, there’ll always be someone who’ll care for



you. When it’s already time to eat, someone will text you, “Eat



you meal already! Eat well! J” There were lots of people saying



that to me but, I can’t feel the care that flows with it. Only



to him I feel the care I’m looking for. J






Days had passed by, I still didn’t tell my friends yet. I



didn’t tell them about ‘us’ I was too afraid. I’m afraid to the



possible happenings if I do so. Maybe they’ll be disappointed to



me and will not treat me as their friend anymore. I really



treasure our friendship because they were my real friends in the



classroom. Me, Keren, Sherramel, Catherine, Richelle,



Marichelle, and Ritchelle Vera.






Keren C. Peñalver, she’s the most artistic lady among the



seven of us. She has a very high standards when it comes to



fashion.






Sherramel M. Mabras, she’s a silent type of girl but she’s



smart! She loves eating! HAHA :D






Catherine G. Capa, like Sherramel, she also loves eating.



:D She loves reading books. She wants to be the first Filipina



astronomer someday. She also wants to be a private investigator



too. It’s just okay for her to make her life short as long as



she enjoyed living it. That’s what she believe in.






Richelle R. Cineza, she’s the type of girl who really love



watching movies but, she love to read too. She’s beautiful! Her



beauty is somewhat like Indian. She have lots of look – alike in



the celebrities like Iza Calsado and Queenie Padilla. J She also



look like Bella Swan in the movie Breaking Dawn. :D






Marichelle L. Jugarap, she’s the very childish one among



us. She’s really like a kid. Her height, the way she talks and



the way she act. She also loves to read.






Ritchelle Vera A. Lalisan, she’s a shy and silent type of



girl but, she’s really talkative and loves to tell jokes if only



you know her well.






That was brief descriptions about my friends. I love them!






That day, Shaun called me. Of course, I answered it. We



talked and talked then he asked me,






“Your friends didn’t know about us yet?”






“h-h-ha?” I pretended that I didn’t hear. I heard it



clearly but I just choose to pretend. But, I also can’t hear



sometimes. But, that was just SOMETIMES. Hahaha :D






“Your friends didn’t know about us yet?” He asked the same



question once again. That time, I already answered his question.



I told him the truth.






“Not yet. Why?”






“Why you didn’t tell them?”






“I will just tell it to them. At the right time. It’s too



complicated if I’ll tell it now.”






“Can you just tell them? It hurts in my part that you’re



denying me especially to your friends. Why should you wait for



the right time? And, how will you know if that right time has



come?”






OMG! It was just like I’ve been slapped on my face left and



right because of the things he just said. But, he’s right. It



also hurts in his part to be denied. And, how will I also know



when that right time that I’m talking about comes? I don’t know



what to say. I don’t know what will I answer to his questions.



Confusions came into my mind.






“Leave it to me. I will just tell them. Don’t worry.” I



ignored his questions.






After the phone call, I was thinking about what he said. I



need to tell it to them. I don’t want to hurt him long – I love



him and I don’t want him to get hurt. Especially if that’s



because of me. There! I told my friends. They weren’t mad at me.



And I was thankful.






It was October 6. Krizza’s birthday. We go to their house.



All of us except to those who are absent that day. We enjoyed



there! Bonding with the 4th year Hertz. Picture taking! J






“What are you doing?” he asked me.



“Watching my classmates while they’re having their picture



taking.”



“You join them. Then, upload it on facebook. I want to see



your recent photos.”






“Argh. I don’t want to join. I’m a camera shy. I don’t like



picture – picture. HAHA :D”






“Please?”




“Naah. I really don’t want to. Okay. Next time. If I feel



like taking a picture.”




“Ok. But, you must upload 50 pictures as of this week.”



“What? 50 pictures? I can’t do that. You know, I really



hate taking pictures of myself.”






“Ok. Just make it 30.”



“Haays. Ok. I’ll try.”






“By the way Jane, I’m already done making my facebook. I



already added you as my friend. Just confirm my request.”






“Ok. I will. J”




Then, when I already at home, we were still texting.






“You also put a whole body picture ha?”






“Whole body? Urgh.”






“Yes. Whole body.”






“Ok. But not all. Ok?”



“Ok.”



That night, I opened my facebook account. There, I saw a



friend request from Shaun Brent del Castillo. I confirmed it. I



watch his photos. Hmmp. He look like a little bit gay. HAHA :D



But, my feelings for him didn’t change. I still love the way he



is.

#Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.





----------------------------------------------------------------







It was Saturday! My mother, father, my sister and brothers



go with my cousins and our other relatives to the beach. They’ll



go out swimming. I didn’t go with them for 3 reasons:



1.I’m not feeling well.



2.I’m not in the mood to go out swimming.



3.So that I’ll be free to call him because I’m the only one



in the house. No one will get mad at me. :D





When they leave the house, a big smile was painted on my



face. J I smiled even though my head aches. I texted him:





“Ouch! My head aches. I’m not feeling well.”





“Ha? You take medicine to make you feel better.”





“No need. I can handle myself.”





“Don’t be like that! Just take medicine. Ok?”





“Ok. I’ll take medicine. As you wish. J”





“Good. J”





I followed what he had told me. I took my medicine and



Called him after.





“Hello?”





“Hello. Jane, are you okay?”





“Not so.” I made a frown.





“Did you take medicine already?”





“Yes.”





“Good. What do you feel?”





“My head aches.”





“Maybe you wanted to take a rest first.”





“A-a-ah. It’s okay.”





“Ok. As you say.”





I was speechless. I wanted to talk to him more but, I ran



out of words to say. I don’t know why my heart beats fast every



time I talk to him. What’s with him that captivated my heart?






“Jane?”






“Yes? What?”






“Nothing. I just called your name.”






“Aah. Ok.”






Every time he calls me Jane, it makes my heart skip a beat.



OMG! I don’t know why I really feel this way.






When the phone call ends, I can’t help myself to stop



thinking of him. Since the day we become ‘us’, he’s always been



in my mind every now and then. I just can’t get him out of my



heart and my mind.






That night, on that same day, I opened my facebook account



and saw in my notifications that Shaun Brent del Castillo posted



in my wall. I clicked it and saw:






“Whenever you’re having a bad day, remember this:





I LOVE YOU!”





I can’t stop myself to smile while reading that. It really



touched my heart – the very deepest part of my heart. I know I



love him. I really can’t deny that I do.





I opened new tab. Typed youtube and search for the song



“God Gave me You.” I copied the link and messaged it to him. I



really mean it. I love the lyrics of the song.





♪♫ God gave me you to show me what’s real



That there’s more to life than just how I feel



And all that I’m worth, is right before my eyes.



And all that I live for though I didn’t know why..



Now I do… Coz God gave me you… ♫♪





Truly, God gave me Shaun to show me what’s real. He showed



me the real meaning of life. He prove me wrong when I say ‘no



one loves me’ He showed me the reality that there are lots of



people loving me. I just can’t feel it. And, he’s the top one on



my list of people who loves me. J All that I live for, though I



didn’t know why. Now I do ‘coz God give me the privilege of



knowing Shaun who adds meaning to my meaningless life. He step



into my dark world and brought brightness and enlightened my



life. That’s why he’s everything to me. J I’ve been very



thankful to God for giving me the privilege of knowing someone



like Shaun. Someone who made my life complete.





After all those days that it’s been ‘us’, I love him even



more in each passing days. And, I have swore to myself that



he’ll be my first and my last love. I’m hoping that he’ll be my



groom in my upcoming wedding day. I want to grow old with him



and I want to be with him ‘till I die. I hope he’s already the



one for me. Lord, could it be?





One day, he go online. He texted me and told me to go



online too. So, I did. I go online and we chat.





“I have messaged a link to you. Did you saw it already?”





“Huh? I didn’t receive any.”





“Argh. Ok. I’ll message it to you again.”





“Ok. I’ll wait.”





Then, I copied the link again and messaged it to him the



second time around.





“oh. You saw it already?”





“Yes. But, I didn’t open it yet. God gave me you! <3”





“Hehe. You open it.”





“Of course. I will.”





Then, after a few minutes, I asked him,





“Heard it already?”





“Yes. But not yet in the end. It’s still loading.”





“Ah. Okay.”





I also opened and listened that song in that very moment.





“Hey. I’ll be out already. My father will use the



computer.”





“Naah. Okay. L”





“Bye.”





“Ok. I will just text you when I got back to the boarding



house.”





“Ok.”





“:*”





And there, I logged out my facebook account. I waited a



Text from him while I’m writing a poem. That’s what I usually do



when I’m bored or when I’m inspired to write. This time, I was



really inspired to write. J While I’m writing, my phone suddenly



vibrated. He already texted me. J






“Jane…”





“Yes?”





“Just got back here in the boarding house. What are you



doing there now?”






“Writing.”





“Writing what?”



“Writing a poem.”



“Wow! Nice. About what?”



“Secret. HAHA :D”



“Ai. Just tell me, please?”



“Ais. Okay okay. It’s about love.”



“Can I read it?”



“huh? How?”



“You message it in my facebook.”



“Hmmp. Okay. If I’m already done. But, not now.”



“Ok. When?”



“Tomorrow.”



“Ok. Promise?”



“Yeah. J”





After that, we eat our dinner. I texted him first before I



Go to the kitchen.



“I’ll eat my dinner first. Text you later. J”



“Ok. Eat well! I love you! J”





That’s what I love about him because he’s really very



sweet. He’s also very caring and I love the way it is.

# True love never dies for it is lust that fades away.



Love bonds for a lifetime but lust pushes away.





----------------------------------------------------------------






The next day, that night, I opened my facebook account



because I promised him that I’ll message the poem that I made to



him. Luckily, he’s online too.






“Where’s the poem?” he chatted me.




“Ai. I’m shy.”




“You promised me last night.”




“Ok. I will but wait, I will still encode it.”




“Okay. I’ll wait for it.”




“Don’t tease me ha? It’s very ugly! Swear! Don’t expect too



much because I’m not a professional poet. It’s just a free



verse.”




“Ok. I won’t.”




Then, I encoded the poem. It took me a long time to encode



it due to some instances.




“Where is it?”




“Just a moment.”



“Okay.”



I continue encoding it. And finally, I’m done.



“I’m done!”



“Where is it?”



“Here. Love Conquers All Especially Fears. That’s it.”



“Urgh. You’ve promised me last night.”



“Yeah. That was just the title. Ok here it goes…



LOVE CONQUERS ALL ESPECIALLY FEARS



Before, I was afraid to fall in love,



I’m afraid that when I fall,



Nobody would be there to catch me.





I’m afraid to be rejected,



I’m afraid to be heartbroken,



That’s why I’m afraid to try.





I’m afraid to be hurt



And I don’t want to cry



For the person who might not deserve my tears.





But when you step into my life,



My thoughts about love have changed



I’ve understand love after all.





There are times that you’ll get hurt



But, it’s just a challenge



For you to learn and to improve next time.





You might not get everything you want,



But as time goes by,



You’ll see that you’re having the best!





That’s why when I knew you,



I fully realized that love conquers all



Especially fears.”



“Don’t tease me ha?”



“Thumbs up! J”



“wee? It isn’t nice.”



“It is. J”



“I don’t believe you. Goodbye. Got to log out my



facebook now.”



The next day, we don’t have class so, I’m just staying



In our house. Since I have nothing to do, I ask my father to



allow me to turn on our computer, lucky of me because he allowed



me. J All I just do is open my facebook. I watch everything in



Shaun’s facebook. Then, I saw that Sean Clint Tingson’s photos



and Shaun Brent del Castillo’s photos are the same! Are they



just one? Or, who among the two of them uses one’s photos? I was



really confused. Then, I texted him.






“Shandy…” he didn’t reply.




“Sean…” I texted him again.




“Sean?” he replied.




“Yes. Sean. You’re Sean, right?”




“huh?”




“Who really are you?”




“Why? Who do you think I am?”




“It’s who are, and you don’t know?”




“I don’t understand you.”




“You’re Sean Clint Tingson, right?”




“No. I’m really Shaun Brent del Castillo. How did you know



about Sean?”




“I saw it on facebook.”




“How? He’s not even my friend on facebook.”




“It’s just a long story.”




“Sorry. It wasn’t me. That pictures are really Sean’s



pictures.”




Again, for the second time, he lied to me but I just can’t



get mad at him.




“Why did you do that?”




“Sorry Jane. I’m really sorry.”




“It’s okay. I wasn’t also in love with you because of those



photos. I love you for being the real you.”




“You made me cry. :’(”




“Don’t cry. You’ll look like a gay if you do so.”




“I can’t help it.”




“Urgh. You’ll really look like a gay. J”




“It’s okay because you’re also the reason why I cry.”




“Ais. Ok. It’s all up to you.”




I’ve forgiven him already. No feeling of being angry in my



heart. Still, nothing changed. I still love him.

# Love. All my life I have read about it, dreamt of it, waited




for it, cried or it, needed it.



Now with you, I have found it.





----------------------------------------------------------------





We were so happy back then but happiness suddenly turns



into sadness the moment he told me about his illness. His right



lung is weak now. Both his left and his right lungs were already



weak. The thing I thought not a big deal is also the thing that



made me think it was really a big deal. He told me he’s dying.



It hurts me and it seems that my heart is torn into pieces. I’m



really very sad for him.






“Jane, take care of yourself ha ‘coz anytime I can’t be



here for you.” He texted me. I was so sad because it seems that



he’s already saying goodbye to me.






“Hmp? We’ll still have our wedding, right?”




“Yes. If I can survive, I will marry you. But, promise me



that if I can’t survive, you’ll find someone to be with you



instead of me.” That time, tears started to fall. His text



messages really hits my heart. Every messages from him that time



makes my heart bleed.






“No. I won’t.”




“Please Jane. Just do it for me.”




“What can the doctors do to cure that?”




“Nothing Jane. There’s no cure for this.”




“Haay. Don’t worry I will be a doctor someday. I’ll invent



medicine that can cure you.”




“No Jane, be an educator. That’s what you want. And, if



ever you can invent, I can’t reach that already.”




“:’( You made me cry.”




“Jane, stop it. Be strong for me.”




“I just can’t help the tears from falling.”




“I just said be strong.”




“Ok. I will. For you.”




“Thanks Jane.”




“You’re welcome. 10 years from now ha? hehe”




“Ok. I hope I can survive.”




“Just do everything to survive. Ok? Promise me.”




“I can’t promise you because maybe I can’t survive. But I



will do everything to survive for you, Jane.”




“:’(”


“Hays. Don’t forget me ha?”




“Of course! I won’t forget you. Can I forget my first love?



Even if I’m not your first love, you’re still my first love.”




“But you will also be my last. That’s the important thing

there, not my first love.”




“Last? Really? You won’t find another girl except me?”




“Yes. I won’t.”




“Really huh?” It makes me smile the moment he told me that.



It made me feel confident that he’ll always be mine.




“What’s the feeling if you have weak lungs?”




“Why? You don’t believe that you’ll be my last?”




“Feeling of having a weak lungs? Hmmp. I can’t properly



breathe.”




“It’s not that I don’t believe. J”




“I really love you Jane especially when you’re a little bit



strict.”




“Strict? When did I do that to you?”




“hehe. Maybe you just didn’t notice it or maybe for me it’s



already strict but for you, it’s not yet. J”




“HAHA :D Maybe I just didn’t notice it. Aren’t you sleepy



yet?”




“I still don’t want to sleep maybe I can’t wake up the next



day. And, I want to spend more time with you. You, ma, aren’t



you sleepy?”




“Not yet. I can’t sleep.”




“Ma? Why ma?”




“Why? Hmmp. Ma because mama ko. J”




“Hahaha. Why is it that among all those you can call me,

why ma?”




“hmmp. I can’t sleep because of you.”



“I just want to make you smile. J”




“Why? Why is it because of me?”



“Because you’re always running in my mind that’s why I



can’t sleep.”




“HAHAHA :D”




“Are you going out of your house every night? Don’t go out



this time ha? Because you’re always going out that’s why I can



always see you in my dreams. J”




“Hahaha. :D Ahlaveet. You ma ha? You’re leveling up. :D”




“Hahaha :D”




“You make me smile. J”




“Yehey! I made you smile. J Mission accomplished. Haha :D”




“I will miss this. K”




“Hays. There you are again.”




“Ay. Sorry ma.”




“It’s okay. J”




“Ma, aren’t you going to sleep yet?” It was already around



12 o’clock and we’re still texting. HAHA :D




“You, are you sleepy already? Just sleep if you’re already



sleepy.” He didn’t reply after that. Maybe he fell asleep. And



me, I can’t sleep because I keep on thinking of him. Even until



I fall asleep, he’s still on my mind.




When I woke up that morning, I fix my bed. There’s no class



because it’s Saturday. I texted him.




“Good morning!” he didn’t reply maybe he’s still asleep.




“Just text me if you’re already awake ha?” I texted him



again.




And since he didn’t reply yet, I do the laundry first so



that if he’ll reply, I will not be busy anymore. I’ll be done



with my obligations in the house.






When I’m done, I go to my room, get my phone but still,



there’s no text messages from him. I rest for a while. I lay on



my bed. It’s already almost 10 o’clock. After a while, my phone



beeped. I was expecting it was him because I have always been



waiting for a text message from him. I picked my phone and



opened the message.






“Hi miss, are you from FEU?”




“huh?” I was confused.




“Because TAMARAW that I love you. J”




“hahaha. Just woke up?”




“Yes. Sorry mama Jane. L”




“It’s okay. You really have a deep sleep huh because you



woke up very late. J”




“I’m glad I still woke up.”




“Hays. You can really woke up. Just don’t forget to



breathe. Inhale… Exhale… hehe J”




“Ma, are you done eating?”




“yes. Just done eating. You?”




“Not yet. I’m not yet hungry.”




“Really? Are you sure? Don’t skip your meal.”




“Ok ma. Ayy. I’ll eat first. Text you later mama ko.”




“Ok. Eat well. J” I didn’t text him after that because I



don’t want to disturb him while he’s eating. But, it took him so



long so I texted him.




“Done eating?” he didn’t reply.




“Done eating! Burp! J” finally, he replied.




“Good for you. What are you doing there now?”




“Playing guitar. You want to listen?”




“Hmmp. I want to but, how?”




“Call me. Please ma?”




“I don’t have extra load. And, I can’t call you now because



my parents are here.”




“Ma, please…” He’s begging me and it makes me feel pity to



him. But, I just make it as a joke.




“Haha. What’s that? Begging me to do so?”




“Yes. Because maybe this would be the last time I can do



this to you. Maybe I can’t do this to you next time.”




“huh? Why not?”


“Who knows this would my last day, right? So, call me ma,



please?”




“Okay. But, I’ll call you later. Ok?”




“Ai. Maybe we’ll go somewhere with my mother later.”




“Where will you go?”




“ma, can you call me now? Please?”




“Yes. I will. Later.”




“ais. L” I know I hurt him once again and he get mad at me.



He didn’t reply after that. It make me realize that it was just



a very simple favor from him but, why is that I can’t give it to



him? He just want me to call him. A very simple favor but it was



so hard for me to do so. I hope he’ll understand me – he’ll



understand my situation.






I keep myself busy that day. We’re not texting anymore. He



didn’t text me and I’ve been so tired of always staring at my



phone; waiting for a text message from him. But, he didn’t text



me anymore that’s why I do something else to make me busy. I



cleaned our house; I do some of the household chores. It was



already around 7pm when I received a text message from him but,



it was just a group message.






“Just got home. It makes my day bad earlier there at the



market. >.< And it’s brownout!



‘eb. SURNECO: Please turn on the electricity before 9:15. I

will still watch PBB!



**GM”



“You’re watching PBB too?” I replied.



“Who you?” huh? Is that it? He’ll just forget me? He just



told me last night that I won’t forget him but see? He’s the one



who forgets.



“Ah. You will just forget me now huh?”



“This is not Shaun. This is Shandy. Who are you?” Aah.



That’s why. I thought it was Shaun. By the way, Shandy is



Shaun’s ex girlfriend. And, that is why Shaun’s friends call him



Shandy because it was like they’re teasing him. And, Shaun don’t



want me to call him Shandy anymore. He just want me to call him



Shaun, Brent, or Shaun Brent. Shandy, Shaun’s ex girlfriend is a



ramp model of the Sophie Company. When I knew about that, it



made me think, ‘his ex girlfriend’ is a ramp model? Then he



choose me to replace Shandy’s place? Why such?’





“Ah. I see. I’m Christine Jane. You can call me Christine



for short. Where’s Shaun by the way?”



“He’s with me but busy playing with my dog. How are you



related to each other?”




“Aah. Ok. I’m his girlfriend. Why?”




“Oh. I see. Nothing.”




“is he still busy? Was it you who send that GM or was it



Shaun?”






“It’s him. Yes. He’s still busy. I was also shocked. He



didn’t even told me that he’ll go here in our house.” Go? In



their house? Did I ask? I didn’t even Ask her. Is she trying top



make me jealous? Duh. Oh well, I don’t have that in my



vocabulary. :D






After that, I didn’t receive a text from him already. Maybe



he’s really busy. I keep on texting him but he won’t reply so, I



just stopped bothering him.

# Life’s full of challenges, not all the time we get what we



want.





# If love is music in it’s purest form, then you are the notes



on the page and the melody in my heart.





----------------------------------------------------------------






The next day, when I’m at school, still, we’re texting.



Because we still don’t have regular class because they’re busy



practicing for the intramurals.






“mama Jane…” he texted me.




“oh?” I replied.




“I love you!” hays. He’s always telling me he loves me and



if I will tell him ‘why you’re always repeating that? I already



knew that you love me.’ He will just tell me, ‘because maybe



you’ll forget. I just want to remind you always.’






“I love you too!” I replied.



“I love you more.”



“I love you even more.” Hahaha :D we’re just like competing



about who’s more in love between the two of us. :D




“I have loved and will love you even more in each passing



days that were together mama Jane ko. Always bear it in your



mind. Muaah. :*”






“J” ‘Yes. I will always bear that in my mind and in my



heart. I hope you will keep on loving me always.’ I wanted to



say that but, I didn’t. I just smiled to him.






That afternoon, I go back home because it’s very boring to



stay in the classroom with nothing to do. We don’t have class,



that’s why. Because I’m bored, I do my hobby. I write a poem. It



was just a short one so, I send it as a group message.






“FORBIDDEN LOVE





When I knew you,



The journey of my love story began.



Yes, it was a happy ride



I enjoyed those happy moments with you.





But, behind all those happiness,



I still have this fear



That this would be known to everybody



Especially to my dearest parents.





I totally know that this love is forbidden



But I have loved you unexpectedly



I didn’t look for love



But it just came to me.





I didn’t expect to know someone



Who can soften my solid heart



Now if loving you is a crime,



Then I would be the most wanted criminal ever.



#with the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.



**GM”





I send it to many. Many reacted to that. They can’t believe



I can write a poem like that. They were teasing me that truly,



I’m in love. :D






Me and Shaun were not texting that time. Maybe he’s busy



because he didn’t text me. But, that afternoon, I called him. It



was about 5pm something. He answered the call.






“Hello?” we both said.




“Why’d you call?”




“Nothing.” It was noisy in his line. After I say nothing,




he ended the call. I don’t know why. I dialed his number again



and he answered it. He didn’t talk to me. He’s just singing with



someone. It was a voice of a girl. I don’t know who’s that. I



just listened to them singing. I didn’t talk too.






“♪♫ Because of you, my life has changed



Thank you for the love and the joy you bring



Because of you, I feel no shame



I tell the world it’s because of you… ♫♪”





“♪♫ Someday, someone’s gonna love me



The way I wanted you to need me



Someday, someone’s gonna take your place



Someday, I’ll forget about you



You’ll see I won’t even miss you..



Someday, someday………… ♫♪”







“♪♫ The smile on your face lets me know that you need me



There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me



The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I




fall



You say it best when you say nothing at all… ♫♪”





He sang lots of songs. I wanted to hear it all. They were



laughing with that girl. They we’re really happy. I was jealous



because I can’t make him laugh like that. And, I wanted to be



with them there. I wanted to be with him every time but, it



won’t happen now. I continue calling him. They’re still singing



but most of the times, it was Shaun singing.





“♪♫ Wherever you go, whatever you do



I will be right here waiting for you.



Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks



I will be right here waiting for you. ♫♪”







I just wrote the Chorus of the songs because it’ll be long



if I write it all.





“♪♫ You were just a dream that I once knew



I never thought I would be right for you



I just can’t compare you with anything in this world



You’re all I need to be with me forevermore… ♫♪”





While he’s singing, I’m also singing in the other line if I



know the song.





“♪♫ Take a little time baby,




See the butterflies’ colors



Listen to the birds that were sent to sing for me and you



Can you feel me?



This is such a wonderful place to be. ♫♪”





He continued singing and laughing with that girl. They sang



more songs and I texted him:





“Hope I’m there.” He didn’t reply. I called him again. That



time, he talked to me.





“Hello? Jane.”



“Yes?”



“My phone’s already low bat. Just call me later if I’m done



charging. I’ll just text you.”





“Ok.”



I ended the call after that and stopped calling him. I just



lay on my bed since I’ve done the household chores already.



While lying down on my bed, I fell asleep.





When I woke up, I checked my phone. No texts from him. I



put it back under my pillow. That is where I usually put my



phone. That’s why when I sleep, I can feel it if someone will



text because it will vibrate except at times I will off the



vibration. It’s already night when I woke up. They’re done



eating their dinner except me so, I go directly to the kitchen



because I feel hungry. J And then I eat.





-Eat. Eat. Eat. –






After eating, I wash the dishes and then watch TV in our



sala while my sister and brother were playing and opening their



facebook in the computer. Even though we have computer; we have



internet, still, I can’t use it as often as I could because I



have lots of brothers and 1 sister. I have lots of rival in



using our computers. And, since I’m the eldest sister, I can’t



so anything but lower my pride. That’s what eldest do. And, I



love them that’s why I don’t want them to get mad at me. I just



watched TV and mama, papa, and my two brothers sleep already.



And, only the three of us are left in the sala.






“Jane…”




“yes?”




“Sorry I just text you now. Just done charging my phone.”




“It’s okay.”




“You’re always calling me that’s why the battery of my



become low.”




“ooops. Sorry. K”




“It’s okay. We played videoke with my best friend earlier.



Sorry I didn’t talk to you because I’m very busy singing. HAHA



:D”




“It’s okay. I understand.”




“My best friend will just visit here sometimes that’s why I



spend my time with her. But those songs were for you ma. J”




“owz?”




“Yes. Really. I dedicate those to you. Do you know that



song Rainbow? by Southboarder? ”




“A little bit. Just in the chorus but I didn’t memorize the



lyrics. I just knew the tune. :D”




“You search for it ma.”




“Okay. I’ll search for the lyrics.”




“Okay ma. You also send the lyrics to me ma. J”




“Okay. J”






My brother surrendered facing the computer. Haha :D He



already gets tired of playing so he told me,




“Te, you want?” He pointed on the computer while he’s



starting to stand from his long sit. I smiled and then I use the



computer. I search for the lyrics of that ‘Rainbow’ and printed



it. I opened my facebook for a while and then shut down the



computer after because it’s already late.






“papa Shaun, I’m done searching for the lyrics.”




“you send it to me ma. J”




“Ok. Wait.”




“Thanks. J”




“Fallin out, fallin in



Nothin's sure in this world, no no


Breakin out, breakin in


Never knowin what lies ahead


We can really never tell it all



Say goodbye, say hello to a lover or friend


Sometimes we never could understand


Why some things begin then just end


We can really never tell it all”





“Refrain:



But oh, can't you see


That no matter what happens


Life goes on and on


So baby just smile


Coz I'm always around you


And I'll make you see


How beautiful life is for you and me”





“Take a little time baby


See the butterflies' colors


Listen to the birds that were sent


To sing for me and you


Can you feel me


This is such a wonderful place to be



Even if there is pain now


Everything will be alright


For as long as the world still turns


There will be night and day


Can you hear me


There's a rainbow always after the rain”





“Hittin high, hittin low


Win or lose you should go, yeah yeah


Gettin warm, gettin cold


Weather could be so good or bad


But baby this is life


Now don't get mad



#after that, you repeat refrain then Chorus.”






“Bridge:



Life's full of challenges


Not all the time we get what we want


But don't despair my dear


(and I know that) you'll take each trial


And you'll make it through the storm coz you're strong


My faith in you is clear


So I'll say once again this world's wonderful


And let us celebrate life that's so beautiful,


So beautiful



#repeat chorus again then, that’s it! It’s already



done.”




“Thank you! J”




“You’re welcome. J”




“You know the tune in the first stanza? Because I don’t



know the tune in that part and in the bridge.”


“Yes, I know but in the bridge, just a little. Don’t worry.



I will just teach you.”



“Ok. Thank you!”



“papa Shaun, it’s already late. I’m already going to sleep.



J Good night!”



“Ok. I will sleep too. Good night my angel. J” My angel?



Oh my! He said I’m his angel? Hahaha. Crazy me. xD






Sunlight brought brightness into my face. The beauty of



feeling the air’s cool breeze. New day, new challenges awaits us



but in every challenges, in every trials of life, don’t forget



to hold on to God in every moment of your life.






As the eldest sister, I’m the one who cook and prepared our



breakfast. It’s hard to be the eldest in the family because



you’ll be the one to stand if your parents aren’t around. But,



no matter how hard it is, being the eldest is still the best!



Because, all the birth rights will be given to you. All the



blessings for your family and for your descendants will all be



yours but, that is when you do good always and be holy before



God. Just like Esau and Jacob in the Bible, in the book of



Genesis chapter 25-27, Esau is the eldest and he is the one who



can get the birth right but he despised it. He despised the



blessings for him that’s why, Jacob, his twin brother is the one



who got the birth right.




After all the preparations for school, we now go on our way



to school. Me and my sister Hallejah go to school together



because were studying in the same school. She’s 1st year high



school. She’s smarter than I am but, I’m more beautiful than



her. Hahaha. :D just kidding.






When I arrived at the classroom, everyone’s busy doing



their chit – chatting because our teacher for the first period



is not around yet. The boys keep on talking about Dota, Tetris,



and whatsoever. And me, when I arrived there, I immediately go



to my chair, put my bag down and I put my thongs in my desk. I



go near my friend Catherine because she’s the nearest to me.



She’s just at the back of my seat. My other friends were far



from me that’s why I can’t go near them as often as I could



because I don’t want to go far from my chair. HAHA :D That’s me!






I go near her. She’s reading because as described, she



really loves reading. I started the conversation.






“Capa, you know the song ‘Rainbow?’” that’s her surname. We



call our classmates by surname but, sometimes, we call them by



their real names. When I asked her that, she stops reading and



she faced me.






“huh? Rainbow? Roy-G-Biv?” she said with her eyebrows met



and she seemed serious. I slap her in her shoulder but it wasn’t



painful because it was just a soft slap.






“Hahaha. What are you talking about? Roy-G-Biv? That’s the



colors of the rainbow! I’m asking if you know the song! What a!



hahaha.” I laugh because that’s not what I mean and she laughs



with me.





“You sing it so that I’ll know if I know the song or not



Because I’m not really familiar with the title.”



“Ai. I don’t know the tune in the first stanza. I just know



the tune in the Chorus. That’s why I ask you because I want you



to teach me if you know.”






“Try to sing the chorus for me.”




“Ok.” I sing the Chorus. When I’m done singing…




“Aah. I know that! But, not so. The title of that is



‘Rainbow?’ hahaha. I thought the title of that is ‘There’s a



Rainbow Always After the Rain.’ Now I know. Hahaha. You have



lyrics of that song?” she told me that while she’s laughing.





“Yes. I have.”



“Where is it now?”



“There in my clear book.”



“You get it. We’ll try to tune it out.”



“Ok.” I get my clear book there in my desk. I turn the



pages looking for the lyrics and when I finally found it, I



handed the clear book to her.






“Here.” She get it and she stares at it. She try to tune it



out when suddenly…




“What’s that?” Marichelle asked while she looks confusedly



to what Catherine is holding. Catherine and I just ignored her



question because Catherine’s busy tuning the lyrics out and I’m



also busy listening to her and texting with my papa Shaun.



Hahaha. Weird! That’s what we call each other. He calls me mama



Jane and I call him papa Shaun. When my friends knew about that,



they said that we can build a map already. Ahaha. Because of ma



– pa. :D :D






“Ah! Rainbow? That’s your theme song?” Marichelle asked me



while she’s smiling. Her smile, it seems that she’s teasing me!



:D






“Not oooy! He just let me search for the lyrics of that and



I also want to learn that song that’s why I let Capa teach me.”






“Eeeh?” she’s still smiling while she say that! After that,



she join Catherine in singing that while I’m listening to them.






“Halaa! I love this song!” Marichelle said when they



already reached the Chorus of the song. I joined them singing



the Chorus because I already knew the tune in that part. We



enjoy singing there but, we didn’t make our voices loud. We just



lessen our voices because we are not blessed to have golden



voices. Hahaha :D And, maybe if we will make our voices loud,



maybe the clouds will hear us and give us heavy rain! Haha :D






When I get tired of singing, I go back to my seat while



Catherine and Marichelle were left there still singing. I can



still hear their voices since they’re just at my back.






It’s already time but Sir Peligro’s not yet around. He’s



our teacher in the first period. He teach us Calculus II. We’re



already waiting for our next teacher. MArichelle and Catherine



are still singing. They don’t get tired of singing that! Hahaha.






A few minutes later…




“Good morning class!” Ma’am Sansait greeted us. She’s our



teacher in Advanced Chemistry. Hearing Ma’am Sansait’s voice



make the two stop their singing business. Marichelle hurriedly



go back to her chair. She sits in the front because she’s small.



Haha :D






“I’ll borrow it later.” She returned my clear book to me. I



smiled as a response. Everyone go back to their proper seat



arrangement and when all was fixed,






“Good morning Ma’am Sansait!” we greeted back.






“Take your seat.”






“Thank you Ma’am Sansait.” We sit down after saying that.



Ma’am Sansait start her discussions while we listened. After 1



hour of discussing…





“So good so far.” She say that. Hmp? Actually, she keeps on



saying that before she’ll dismiss us. That’s her line. :D






“So far so good.” We exclaimed.




“Goodbye class!”




“Goodbye and thank you Ma’am Sansait!”






After the goodbye’s, my classmates go out of the classroom



because it’s already recess! The favorite subject of everybody!



Haha. But, me and my friends are still in the classroom together



with our classmates who didn’t go to the canteen yet.






“Paler!” Catherine called me.




“Oh? What?”




“I will borrow the lyrics. Can I?”




“Sure. Here.” I handed it to her. They didn’t go to canteen



because of that. Keren and I go to the canteen because Keren ak



for my accompaniment and I go with her there. I really don’t



have plan to buy but, temptations are there. Haha :D






“Still singing?” I said when I enter the classroom and saw



them singing. This time, they were already three – Marichelle,



Catherine and Richelle. They turn their heads to me and they



smiled. I walk to my chair and take my seat.






*bzzzzzzt*




Calling….





>shaun brent






My phone vibrated. He’s calling me! Ohmygosh! That’s his



name in my phone. So that if my father or mother will borrow my



phone, they’ll not know that he’s my boyfriend. Haha. To be



safe! xD I go out of the classroom because the room’s very



noisy! When I go out, still, the boys are there dancing that



‘teach me how to dougie.’ I have no choice. I just go inside the



CR and answer the call there.






“Hello?”




“Jane…”




“Oh? Why’d you call?”




“Am I not allowed to do so? Am I not allowed to call my



girlfriend?”






“A-a-a-ah. You’re allowed. Hehe.” I laugh a little.




“Jane, my unli’s expire already. This is just my extra



load.”




“Ah. Ok.”




“Oh. Do you want me to teach you the tune of ‘Rainbow?’”




“Yeah. I want to. Hehe. Speaking of Rainbow, my friend



asked me if was it our theme song? Ahahaha :D” I laughed. I



don’t know why. :D






“Hmp. It can be. You like it?”




“Yeah. Hehe. You?”




“I like it too. I like the melody and the lyrics of the



song. The meaning is nice.”




“Yeah.”




“And the lyrics really suit to our situation.”




“Eh?”




“Yes. You read the lyrics and you’ll see.”




“Okay.”




“Then, it’s our theme song.”




“Hahaha. Okay. Okay.”




“Then? You want me to teach you or not?”




“Hehe” I giggled. Then, we talk and talk and the phone call



ends when it reach 5 minutes.




I go back to the classroom then I texted him.




“You call again and this time, you teach me ha?”




After a while, he call again and I answer it.




“Oh?”




“I’ll teach you already?”




“Yes. Yes. You sing it first and I’ll listen and I will



familiarize the tune.”




“What’s the lyrics in the first stanza? I forgot.”




“My copy is not with me. My friends borrowed it.”




“You get it.”




“Okay. Just a moment.” I go back to the classroom. Hmp?



Well, I’m outside the class room and I go back to get my copy. I



didn’t end the call. He didn’t end it too. The call just



continued.




“Capa, I’ll borrow the lyrics for a while.” I told



Catherine and she gave it to me.




“Thank you!” I go out of the classroom again and talk to



him [Shaun].




“Got my copy already.”




“Then? What’s the first line?”




“Fallin’ out, fallin’ in.”




“Ahh. Yes. Wait. I’ll look for your message last night.



That lyrics that you send to me.”




“Okay.” I waited and the phone’s still on my ear. I heard



something “toot. Toot. Toot.” Something like that. It’s really



obvious that he’s doing something with his phone.




“Ok. Here. I already saw it.”




“Good. Start singing.” I commanded him to do so. Haha :D




“Fallin’ out, fallin’ in.” he started singing.




“hehehe.” I laughed.




“Why are you laughing? You listen so that you’ll know.”




“Nothing. Ok. Continue.” He continued singing. Urgh. I



can’t really stop myself smiling every time I hear him sing. He



used to sing to me on phone and I love it. I’m already used to



it that when he calls me, or when I call him, he will really



sing. Sometimes, he’ll let me sing too. And, even if I will not



sing, he’ll force me to. So, in the end, I can still sing. J



After he sings the first stanza, he told me:






“Oh. Your turn. You sing it.”




“Huh? You finish it first.”




“Faster. You sing it. Remember, I’m not unli call.”




“Ah. Okay.” I just agreed.




“Fallin’ out, fallin’ in. Hahaha.” I started and laugh



because I’m not sure if the tune’s right.




“Go on. Continue.”




“My tune’s right?” I ask him to make sure.




“Yes. Continue.”




“naaah. I’m shy. hahaha”




“ais. Faster. It’s almost 5 minutes.”




“Don’t worry I already get it. What about in the second



stanza?”




“The tune’s just the same in the first stanza.”




“Ah. Ok.” After the conversation between me and my first



love, haha :D The phone call ends. He don’t have load already



that’s why we’re not texting anymore. I hate it if I can’t



receive a message from him because it makes me miss him a lot.



If we have free time, if our teacher will not be around, I’m



just singing there. It reminds me of him if I sing that.






A day without him, or shall I say, without a message from



him, it makes my day a senseless one because for me, he’s



everything that puts sense to my day and makes my day complete.








It’s almost 5pm. We’re busy fixing our things because we’re



already dismissed. Then, he call me. I answer it.






“Hello? What made you call me?”




“Nothing. I just want to.”




“Hehe. Okay.” I laughed




“Jane, I’ll just text you later if I’m unli already.”




“Okay.”




“Bye Jane, I love you.”




“oh.”




“I said, I love you.”




“oh.”




“Ais.”




“oh. Saranghaeyo.”




“I don’t like that. You translate it into English.”




“Eh. What can you do? I like it. Hahaha.” I just laughed. I



know he understand what’s the meaning of that Saranghaeyo. He’s



smart. I know that he know that. I’m not saying “I love you too”



every time he’ll tell me he loves me. I’ll just say “I love you



or I love you too” sometimes but, when I say that, I mean it



from my heart where he stays. J






I and my friends were on our way home> when we arrive the



highway, we separated our ways and I receive a text message from



him.






“ma…”




“oh?”




“What are you doing?”




“on my way home.”




“Ah. Take care always mama Jane. J”




“Yeah. I will. I still don’t want to die.”




“Yes because we’ll still have our wedding.”






When I got home, I immediately go to my room and changed my



clothes. I wash the dishes because they’re really waiting for me



because I’m the only one who can wash them. Hahaha. I cook rice



while I’m washing the dishes. I enjoy doing all those. I didn’t



able to text him. When I’m done doing those things, I get my



best friends. Haha. :D My best friends were my notebooks and my



ballpen. They were my best friends because, when I’m sad, when



I’m happy, when I’m disappointed, they’re always there. They’re



the one whom I can share my feelings with. Every secrets I have,



I tell it to my best friends. Ooops. Don’t think that I’m



writing a diary. It’s not a diary but, something like that. I’m



making it in a poetry form.






TEARS WITHIN ME




I still remember those moments



At the back of my mind



The time I used to woke up late



And you just don’t mind me.






The times I used to make you mad,




Oh, I regretted all of those




And, hoping, at the end of the rainbow,




I’ll found the pot of forgiveness from you.






The times I used to give you headaches,




I promise I won’t do it again.






The moments I used to ran away from you,




Afraid to be commanded or asked to do something.






But, behind all those negative memories,




I also have these happy memories in my mind




The time we used to laugh together




With those corny jokes we have shared to each other






I can never forget how smiles are painted on our faces




I hope it would happen again.




I kept on searching for shooting stars each night




Wishing on them to bring back the happiness in us.






I know it’s 50 percent possible and impossible




But, it’s free to dream dreams




It’s free to hope hopes




‘Till I can still breathe, I will still hope for that.









That’s one of the poems I made. I made that poem when I was



still 2nd year high school. The time I feel that my whole world



falls apart. I wanted to let my mother and father read that but



I don’t have the courage to do so. You may find me smiling and



laughing, but, it’s just my way of covering the tears inside of



me. I may be smiling in the outside but, deep inside, my heart’s



flooding with tears.






I go to our kitchen and placed my things in the table. Yes.



Kitchen is the place where I’m comfortable to write because in



my room, there’s light but, it’s not enough for me. And, if



you’ll look for me and can’t find me in my room, look for me in



the kitchen and I’m there. Haha. J






“papa Shaun, sorry late reply. I still wash the dishes.



Uhm. What are you doing there now?”






“It’s okay. Just texting with my girlfriend.”






“Ow? Really? Only me?”




“Of course! You? What are you doing?”




“Texting with my boyfriend while writing.”




“Writing what?”




“Story. J”




“What story?”




“Our story. Hehe J”




“Ha? Our story?”




“Yep.”




“You really write our story?”




“Of course. I really do.”




“Ais. Okay. Just let me read it after ha? You give me a




copy of that too.”




“Nyaaah! Why should I? I’m shy.”




“Urgh. You didn’t even ask permission to me that you will



write our story. So, that’s just my favor; you give me a copy of



it.”




“Ai. Okay. Okay. I’ll just post it on wattpad. Just read it



there.” (Actually, I start writing this story before Ma’am Asis



told us to make an autobiography that’s why it’s not so hard for



me to write my story. Wattpad is a website of teen authors and I



have my account there.)




“Just message it to me in my facebook account because I



don’t have wattpad.”




“Ah. Okay. When I’m done.”




“Okay.”




“You want me to change our names? Hmmp? What do you want?”




“I want you to be Clausyaa Nichole.”




“Clausyaa Nichole? And where in the world did you get that



name?”




“I just made that.”




“Ah. Okay. J And? What do you want to be your name there?”




“I don’t want to change my name because it’s already nice.



Haha.”




“Hmmp. If you don’t want to change your name, I will not




change mine too so that it would be fair. J”




“It’s up to you. You’re the writer, not me. Just save that



name for our daughter.”




‘save that name for our daughter.’




‘save that name for our daughter.’ It keeps on running on



my mind. I wrote it in my notebook because it’s where I keep



everything! The name’s unique! It was the first time I heard of



that name. He’s really smart!






“Hahaha. :D Okay.” I replied.






“You write it.”






“I already did. J”






I enjoy texting with him and it’s already late at night and



I didn’t notice that I slept. When I woke up the nest morning,



the first thing I did was to get my phone under my pillow. I



opened my inbox and saw messages from him. It says,






“Good night ma. Ooops. I mean, good morning. Hehe. I’m



going to sleep now. Hmp! You fell asleep again ma. >.< But, it’s



okay ma, maybe you’re really tired. I still want to hug you. J



hehe. I love you mama Jane ko. Muaah! :*





……there’s a rainbow always after the rain… J”






It made my day a beautiful one. It light up my day.

#Learn to love with all your heart and accept the unlovable side



of others.



For anyone can love a rose



But only a great heart can include the thorns.





----------------------------------------------------------------








Sunrise woke me up. The sun’s light irritates my eyes. My



sleep was so nice and it made me woke up late. Haha. J I found



my sister at the kitchen. She’s the one who cook since I woke up



late. Hehe. What kind of ate am I? Argh.






I rush off to school after preparing myself. I didn’t eat



my breakfast because it will make me late if I will still eat.



And, I’m already used to it because; I don’t like it eating very



early in the morning just sometimes if I feel I’m hungry.






When I reach our school, I ran to our classroom. Sir



Peligro’s already there. He’s checking the attendance and since



my last name starts with ‘P’, I’m not yet called. Haha. Thanks



to my surname and when I’m called,






“Paler.” Sir Peligro said while he’s watching his class



record.




“Present Sir.” I said.






When Sir Peligro reached the last person in his class



record,






“Tolentino.”




“Present.” Jean said. Sir then put something in his class



record. Maybe he check Jean’s column because she’s present. And



he closed his class record, put it in the table and then he



started his class.






“Any questions?” he asked after discussing.




“None Sir.” We replied.




“Ok. Goodbye class.”




“Goodby and thank you Sir Peligro.”






My day’s full of smiles. I’m happy and time flies when



you’re happy. And, I didn’t even notice that it’s almost 5pm



already. We’re already dismissed but, we still stayed in the



classroom because we’re the cleaners. We cleaned the classroom



and go home after that.






Home Sweet Home! I already arrived at our house. I sit down



in the chair placed in our sala and rested myself for a while



because it’s very tiring if your house is in the top of the



mountain. Hahaha :D The stairs going to our house is very long.



You will still suffer losing your breath before you can reach



our house but, I’m already used to it. J






I’ve done my obligations! I have nothing to do and I texted



Shaun. Haha:D




“papa Shaun…”




“Oh.” He replied.




“What are you doing?”




“Nothing. Just texting you.”




“Ah. Ok. Papa Shaun, are you really serious with me? Or are



you just fooling me around?” I asked that question to him for me



to make sure that I’m not making myself so stupid.




“What do you think ma, I’m just fooling you or I’m



serious?”




“I don’t know. You’re the only who can answer that.”




“I’m serious ma oy.”




“Are you sure? Are you really serious? I’ll tell you, I’m



ugly. I’m not good and I’m not smart as well.”




“Ma, I’m in love. The things you’re saying are just useless



to turn me off.”




“Are you really serious with that? I’m really ugly. I



swear.”




“Again, I’m in love and I can’t do anything to change my



feelings for you.”




“But, why me? There were lots of girls there and they’re



far more beautiful than I am, right?”




“Ma! Can’t you understand? I’m in love with you. I love



you! What will I do to these beautiful girls here if my heart



can’t love them as much as I love you?”




“Oh. Easy papa Shaun. I’m just testing you. Ok. You really



love me.” His answers will really make you believe that he’s



truly in love but, is he really is? Or is he just good in



fooling someone accompanied by his fake effort? I don’t want to



be serious with this relationship because my friends told me not



to because I will just be hurt in the end but, I love him. What



can I do?






“Awp. Then, did I pass ma?” he replied.




“Hmmp. More than the passing. Hahaha :D”




“So, can I be a scholar already?”




“Scholar? What do you think of this? Entrance Exam? Haha.



What if I’ll say ‘yes’, what will happen then?”




“Hahaha. We’ll have our wedding already.”




“haha. LOL. I’m still too young for that.”




“So, are you saying I’m old? :>”




“Haha. Ok. Let me rephrase my sentence. “We’re still too



old for that” Oh? Is that okay already?”




“Yes. It’s okay ma. :D”




“Ok. I told you we’ll have our wedding 10 years from now.”




“I hope so.”




“You hope that? What?”




“I hope I can still reach that 10 years from now.”




“You can if you will.”




“Ok ma.”




“We’re just texting here and I didn’t eat my dinner yet.



Haha :D I also don’t have plan to eat.” I enjoyed texting with



him that’s why I forgot. Haha. :d You know, Shaun did change me.



He change my whole being. He brings out the best in myself.






“Ai. Mama oi. We’ll really broke up if you’ll not eat, you



want that? You eat there.”




“Ayy. K Ok. I’ll eat. I will.”




“Oh. You eat now. It’s almost 11 pm already. Maybe you’ll



have ulcer. Naah. I really don’t know what will happen.”




“That’s nice so that I can also try how it feels to be



admitted in the hospital.” I haven’t experience being admitted



to the hospital yet except the day of my birth. I wanted to try,



to try how it feels to stay at the hospital for a long time. I



hate hospitals because I hate the smell of the medicines there



but, I like to be admitted there even just for a while. J






“Ma, you want a slap? You will really taste that ‘nice’

that you’re looking for.”




“Ah ok. I’ll not do it because you don’t want me to.”




“Who also want that the person you love most will be



admitted to the hospital? Especially when I can’t do anything



here even just to visit you. :x”






“That’s what exactly how I feel too if you’ll be attacked



by your illness; that I can’t do anything to help you.” It made



me sad when I can remember that he’s dying; that he has an



illness without any cure. But, it made me smile when I read his



reply.






“Ma, there is. I always think that I need to survive



because we’ll still have our wedding day.”






“yeah. That’s right. Hahaha :D”






“Oy, eat properly there ma.”






“Ok. Papa Shaun, I’ll eat first ha? I’ll just text you



later.”






“Ok. Eat well ma. :)”






Then, I eat my dinner in the kitchen alone. They’re all



done eating except me.




-eat.eat.eat.-




After eating, I texted him:




“Done eating! But wait, I’ll still brush my teeth. J”






I brush my teeth, go back to my room and lay on my bed. I



get my phone and texted him again.




“All DONE!”




“Good. J”




“Aren’t you sleepy yet?”




“Hmp. A little bit sleepy.”




“We’ll sleep already?”




“It’s up to you.”




“Ok. We’ll sleep already because I’m already sleepy. Good



night papa Shaun ko. J”




“Good night too mama Jane ko. Sleep tight. J”






I thought of him before I sleep. That’s what I always do



before I sleep. J I thought of the things he told me. I thought



of his stunning voice. Memories keep on flashing in my mind.



Flashbacks started to play when I start to close my eyes. I keep



on imagining his face because I haven’t seen his pictures yet.



I’m trying to imagine how he looks like. When it came to that



flashback about the 10 years from now thing, it made me expect



it would really happen. Imaginations playing like I’m watching a



movie. A movie of a wedding and the bride in that movie is me.



Ohmygosh! And the groom is Shaun. His face isn’t clear to me but

I know it was him. It is really him. When I walk through the



aisle bringing the bouquet of flowers with my mother and father



with me, it made me smile when I saw him waiting patiently for



me in the altar. Romantic music played when I’m walking through



that aisle. The place was so beautiful! Everyone that surrounds



me are smiling. When I’m almost at the altar, he held his hand



to me and brought me in the altar. I was the happiest bride and



he was the most handsome groom I ever saw. It was the perfect



wedding I’ve been wishing for! Scenes keep on flashing on my



mind. It was really beautiful! If there’s more than the word



‘perfect’, then, that’s what it is! J






My phone keeps on ringing and it woke me up. It was my



alarm! Haaay. It was just a dream. I hope I only stayed in that



dream forever where happiness is always present but, what can I



do? That was only a dream; a dream that I want to happen in the



reality someday soon.

# No one can accuse me of falling in love with the wrong person



when deep inside, I know he’s the right one.





----------------------------------------------------------------






I’m combing my hair while I’m watching my appearance in the



mirror. After, I look at the calendar. It was October 12, 2011.



Our relationship didn’t reach one month yet but, he leaves lots



of memories. He taught me lots of things and I’ve learned lots



of things because of him. He really adds meaning to my



meaningless life. I hope he’ll continue to add meaning to my



life and put new things in my mind.






The second time he made me cry and the first time I made



him mad. That afternoon, he texted me:






“Ahays. Me and Shandy are classmates in P.E. :x” I’m



already at the house that time.




“Then? So what if you’re classmates? What’s wrong with



that?”




“They’ll tease us again. :>”




“They will still tease you even though you already broke



up?”




“Yes. My classmate told me, ‘oy bai! Shandy’s there oh.



Ooooy!’ AHAYS. :>”




“And? Your heart beats fast? Hahaha. Ayeee. Oooy.” I teased



him.




“Ahays. No. If you just saw me, my eyebrows really met.”




“Eh? But deep inside, you really feel that way. Ooooy.



Shandy… :D” I continue teasing him.




“Capital letter




WHATEVER! :@”



“Haha. :D You still love her, right? You can still feel



that way uy. You just broke up for just how many months ago,



right? So, you can really feel that way.”



“S***! A big NO to that! :@” s***? That was the first time



I heard him say that. But, I just don’t mind him. I just



continue my teasing business. Haha :D



“Eh? Denying oh!”



“Stop it! Please. Don’t want to tell you bad terms/words.



%)” He just get mad at me. That was the first time. I don’t know



that he’s like that when he get mad. Of course! I didn’t know



him full well yet because we didn’t even reach a month yet.





“Oh. Easy. Stay calm. You’re too high blood.”



“Of course! You just made me mad!”



“Okay. I won’t do it again. Hmmp? So, you really did move



on?”



“You’ll not do it again? Then why you’re still asking?



#@&*”



“Ai. Okay. Okay. I won’t. Sorry. L”



“:@”



“Sorry ha? Don’t get mad at me.”



“It’s really bullshit!” again? He say bad word to me. Is



that really Shaun? Hmmp. That’s Shaun when he get mad.



“Sorry. I said, sorry.”



“I really don’t like that repeating and talking about the



past! That’s what I hate most!”



“Sorry. L I don’t know.” He didn’t reply after that. He



really get mad at me. I keep on saying sorry but it has no



effect. He’s still mad.





*flashback*




“Don’t cry Jane, I don’t want you to cry.”



“Why?”




“Because I don’t want to see girls crying.”




“Hmp! Okay.”



*flashback ends*



That came into my mind and I texted him:




“I will really cry if you’ll not forgive me.”



“You cry!”



“Yes! I will really cry!”



“Go on!” Still, it has no effect. He’s really mad! Haays.



“Nah! If I’ll cry, my heart will ache and I can hardly



breathe after.”



“Are you trying to make me feel pity to you?”



“No, I’m not. I just want you to know. Ah. Yes. I’ve told



you that before. I won’t repeat it again. Sorry. L Maybe you’ll



get madder if I do that. You hate repeating, right?”





That’s Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo if he’s mad. Yes.



His middle name is Chiong. He’s a ¼ Chinese; that’s what he told



me. But, he hate having that Chinese blood because as what he



has told me, they’re not accepted in the family of his mother



especially his grandfather. That’s why.





My phone vibrated. It was Shaun who’s calling me.



“Hello?” I answered the call.



“Do you really cry?” he asked me.



“Do I look like a liar?”



“I’m asking you, do you really cry? Or you’re just acting



that you really cry?”



“Do I look like an actress?”



“Just answer me, do you really cry?”



“I don’t know!” That’s what I just told him. I was afraid



to answer his question because his voice is really mad but, I



really cry that time. I’m really a crying lady.



“hays.” He ended the call after that and didn’t text me



anymore. Then, his friend Paolo texted me.



“Next time, be careful with your words.” I wiped the tears



in my eyes and started typing my reply.



“Where’s Shaun? Is he still mad at me?”



“He’s not here. He left the boarding house. It’s raining



and he didn’t bring umbrella.”



“Ha? Where is he going?” I was shocked and told myself,



“What have you just done?” urgh. :x



“I don’t know. He didn’t tell us.”



“Did he bring his phone?”



“No. He didn’t bring it. It’s just here in his deck. He



threw this. I will still assemble its parts.”



“ais. >.<”



I start to worry. What had happened to him? Is he really



like that when he’s mad? Those questions are running in my mind.



I dialed his number and try to call it. It rings!



“You said his phone is destroyed? Why is it that it still



rings?” I ask Paolo.



“I’ve done fixing it. I put it back in his deck.”



“Ah. Ok.”



“Don’t worry. Michael’s looking for him already.”



“Ah. Ok. Why didn’t you go with him?”



“I have a fever.”



“Aah. Just text me if Shaun will arrive there.”



“Ok.”



“Thank you.”





Even if he’s like that when he gets mad, I still love him.



My love for him grew. He showed the real Shaun to me. That’s



what I love about him because he’s true to his self. Moonlight



spilled into my face and I close my eyes and sleep.





New day, new chapter of life’s journey; a new turning of my



life’s pages; new air given to us by God scented with heaven’s



sweet scent. I still worry for him and then I texted him:





“Good morning papa Shaun! Sorry last night.” He didn’t



reply. I was already in the classroom when he replied.



“ha? Sorry? Why? Have you done something bad to me?”



“Huh? You didn’t remember?”



“I didn’t. My body’s full of pain. I don’t know what had



happened to me.”



“Urgh. Try to remember it.”



“Ah. Yes. I remembered it already.” He replied after a few



minutes.



“Good. So, then, sorry. L”



“I didn’t know that I threw my phone after I call you last



night.”



“Nah! Why did you threw it? You know, I’m really worried



about you last night because Paolo said you left the boarding



house and it’s raining and then you didn’t even bring umbrella.”



“Hays. Yes. I walk away that time with nowhere to go. I’m



like crazy. It rained. There! I’m wet!”



“Nah! I really cried last night.”



“Ays. Sorry ma.”



“It’s okay. It was also my fault. Sorry ha?”



“Oh ma. That’s my attitude. If I’m angry, I’m really angry.



I can’t control my temper.”



“Ok. Now I know. I won’t do it again. Sorry again papa



Shaun.”



“It’s okay ma. We’ll move on. It’s such a drama! Hehe.



Smile mama Jane. J”



“Ok. Move on. Smile. J hehe”



“I love you ma. J”



“I love you too.”





It was already lunch time and I hate my viand! He told me



to eat but I keep on insisting. Then he told me;





“What’s you viand? You ma ha. You’re really choosy when it



comes to foods.”



“Ay. Boiled egg. I’m not choosy. There are lots there who



don’t eat vegetables but me, I eat vegetables.”



“hahaha. We’re the same ma. I hate boiled eggs too but I



eat vegetables. J”



“papa Shaun, they say we’ll eat already.”



“Oh. You eat there. Eat well. :*”



“Ok.”





I eat but I really don’t like my viand. I give it to the,



and they give me some of their viands too. That is called



‘barter’. Hahaha :D



“Done eating!” After I eat, I texted him.



“Oy. It didn’t even reach 2 minutes. You eat well mama Jane



oy.”



“Nah. They already eat my rice. HAHA”



“You buy your food.”



“No need. I’m okay. You? Are you done eating?”



“My meal earlier is already for both breakfast and lunch.”



“Nah! It will really make you hungry in no time.”



“Especially you ma. Your system’s really weak. It has not



enough resistance.”



“I love it if it’s like that so that I’ll be admitted to



the hospital.”



“Hmp. I thought you hate hospitals?”



“Yeah. I don’t like it in the hospital. I hate its bad



smell! I just want to be admitted to the hospital so that I will



know how they would give care for me if I’ll be sick. I want



them to be problematic because of me. I also want that I’ll be



50 – 50 already so that they’ll realize how big their loss would



be if I’ll be gone in this very unfair world.”





“Ha? You want them to be problematic because of you? What



if you’ll be in that situation? That our baby will be 50 – 50



you want that?”



“Hmp. If it’s our baby, I really don’t want. I will also



feed our baby with my love so that she will not think of the



thoughts like the thoughts that were in my mind right now.”



“That’s why. Don’t make your parents problematic because of



you.”



“Haays. I have been so tired of trying to win their love



and trust and now, I end up losing myself and I want to go far



from them so that I can find my real self. But, I will not think



of these thoughts already because even if I want to be admitted



in the hospital, destiny won’t allow me to.”



“Hays. It’s okay ma. Maybe that’s what really parents are.



Soon, we’ll realize that to our children. J”





My day’s fast. As I say, time flies when you’re happy. I



got home and, my father’s phone is unli call. I don’t have



anything to keep myself busy so, I borrowed my father’s phone.



Ooops. It’s not borrowed because I didn’t ask permission to him.



Haha. I get my father’s phone; that’s what it is. I go outside



our house and bring a chair with me. It’s full moon. You can



really see a perfect circle if you watch it. I keep on staring



at the moon and the stars. The sky’s clear and the universe is



really wide! And, I’m so lucky that no matter how wide the



universe is, I found and knew someone like Shaun. I’m watching



the sky while I keep on dialing his number and, finally, it



rings…





“Hello.”



“Oh? Why’d you call?” haha. He do the same thing like I did



before. He also asks me why I call.



“Why? Am I not allowed to?” I also answer the same as he



answer to me when I ask that to him. Hahaha :D



“Hmp. Your parents aren’t there?”



“My father’s here but my mother is not here.”



“You’re already allowed to call?”



“No.”



“Who owns this number?” he don’t know who’s number it is



because I’m not using my sim card; it’s my father’s sim.



“My father.”



“He knows that the phone’s with you?”





“Haha. No. I just get it from him and he just don’t mind me



because he’s really busy playing computer games.”



“Ah. That’s why. Haha.”



“Where are you now?” he asked me.



“Outside our house.”



“What are you doing there?”



“Just sitting while I’m watching the wide horizon of the



universe. Haha. The moon’s really nice. Can you see it there?”



“Wait. I’ll look for it.” Silence intervened.



“The moon’s hiding here. The clouds were covering it.” He



then talks after a short period of silence.



“There! I saw it!” he exclaimed.



“See? It’s nice, right?”



“Yes. Haha. Can you see that star near the moon?”



“Yes. Why?”



“That’s me and the star near that is you. Wait…… I’ll look



for you.” Haha. He’s weird but I love it! LOL.



“There! That’s you. Ai. You’re too far from me.” He said.



“Hahaha.” I just laughed.





We talked! We laugh! We’re happy. We’re laughing with those



nonsense things. Haha. Every time it will reach 7 minutes, I



will dial his number and call him again. It’s been a long time



of talking to each other. And, my father’s looking for the phone



already!





“My father’s looking for the phone already. Got to give it



to him now. Goodbye.” I told him.



“Ok. I’ll just listen to this after.”



“Huh? You recorded it?”


“Yes.”



“Ai. Okay. Got to end the call now. Goodbye again.”



“Goodbye. I love you.”



“Oh. Hehe.” Then, I ended the call. I give the phone to my



father. He didn’t say a thing. Then, I texted him:



“papa Shaun, did you really record it?”



“Yes. Always when we’re calling. I enjoy listening to our



conversation. Haha.”



“Nah. Just delete that after you listen to it ha?”



“I won’t. :p”



“Hmp. Ok. It’s okay. I also wrote all your text messages in



my notebook. Oh. We’re just fair. :p”



“Ha? You really wrote it?”



“Yes ooy.”



“Ahays. Is that really is it? Haha. You’re just making



yourself tired because of writing.”



“But I love writing. Who knows? Time will come that I can



use these when I’m going to make my masterpieces. Haha. It would

really be best seller. :D”



“Hmp. Ok. I’ll always be here to support you ma.”



“Even if you’ll not support me, I can still do this! I will



become a writer soon. haha”



“You study AB English or Journalism if you really want that



ma.”



“Naah! I’m already very confused of what course will I get



when I graduated high school. I will just study PMA. Haha. Do



you know what PMA is?”





“What is it?”



“Hahaha. :D “Pahinga Muna Ako””



“It will just waste time ma.”



“Haha. I will not also do that! I want to graduate early so



that I can find a job already and so that I can earn money by



myself already.”



“Yes. So that we’ll have our wedding already. J”



“Naah. It’s still too far.”



“You can’t tell things ma. Before, you’re still a kid.



You’re walking just wearing a panty. :D But now, you can’t even



go out of the house without applying powder. :D :P”



“Haha. I can go out without applying powder nuh. Haha. But,



my day’s not complete if I can’t apply powder even just once a



day. :D :D”





“Haha. So, I’m right? I’m really good! Another girl thing.



:D”





I fell asleep after that. When I woke up, I receive two



messages from him;





“Again, you fell asleep ma. J I hope I could watch you now



and have a kiss at your cheeks and whisper in your ears how much



you really mean into my life. You made me whole. You made me the



real Shaun I wanted to be. I love you ma. Good night. Sleep



tight sweetheart. :* Dream of us. Muaaah! :* :*”





I scroll it down and watch what time he sent that. It was



11:43:19 pm. The next message was,





“Good morning babe. J



I can’t sleep ma. :x



I can’t get you off my mind. But I love how it used to. J



I love you Jane and I won’t stop ‘till I die. :*”





He won’t stop loving me ‘till he die? I hope it’s real. I



hope it’s true. I texted him:





“Good morning! You made me smile. J” It’s already Saturday!



No class! J I can have my rest. Haha. I fix my bed. Go out of my



room and sweep the floor because my mother is the one who cook



the food. I go back to my room after I sweep and check if he



replied.





“Good morning too. Did I made my sweetheart smile early



this morning? J” he replied.



“Yeah. You really did. ”

# Love takes time.



It needs a history of giving and receiving.



Love is the joy that make people smile.



Love is easy to feel but so hard to explain.



Easy to get but so hard to let go,



Easy to spell but so hard to define



Love is created not by words but by feelings



Not by humans but by hearts



Love is not how you forget but how you forgive



Not how you listen but how you understand



Not what you see but what you feel,



Not how you let go but how you HOLD ON………





----------------------------------------------------------------






“Haays. It’s very cold!” I texted him.




“Yeah. Can I hug you ma? It’s very cold here too.”




“Oh sure. Hehe. J”




“uhmmmpt! J Thanks. J Ma, my heart’s aching.”




“Huh? Why?”




“I really have difficulty in bringing this illness I have.”




“Ais. Just don’t mind that. Just think of it as nothing.”




“But let’s just face the reality ma. I’m dying. L” Again,

he’s talking about his situation. It would hurt me if he’s in a

situation like that.




“Don’t worry. I will just follow you.”




“Dude? Up? Can you go in my room? Bring my inhaler. It’s in



the cabinet. I can’t handle the temperature here. I’m actually



freezing.” He send that to me.




“huh?”




“Sorry. Wrong send mama Jane.”




“It’s okay.”




“Ma, I wanted to end us. Even if it hurts me a lot. Sorry.



L”




“Huh? Why?” I was confused. Why now? Why at this very



moment? In the moment that I’m loving him so much…




“Ma, look… K



It’s for you. So that you’ll not be hurt and you’ll not be



affected the moment I left this unfair world. I don’t want



you to cry; the worst to follow me. So that it would not be



hard for me to left this world too. I know it hurts ma,



more to me. It’s not easy to make decisions like this.



Especially at this very moment, we really love each other’s



imperfectness. LL” I don’t know what did I reply to him



that time. All I know is that, every text message from him



is slowly breaking my heart.



“Ma, sorry. I didn’t make it through for us. To us. It’s



for you ma, can’t you see? I just make things easier for

you. Rather than I’ll just left you all of a sudden. That



hurts. L” I started crying! Ahays. I’m really a crying lady



even before!



“I can’t breathe.L God, if this is it, please guide Jane.



Love her unconditionally. L”



“Ma, I’ll tell you this one last time. I loved and love



you. Thank you for being a part of my life that made me



whole. I’m just nobody. You’ll find a better man who



deserves you. Just be yourself Jane. Be what you want.



Goodbye my angel. :*” That was the last text message that



I received from him that morning.





“How will I find better if I know in my heart that I have



already found the best? What if I won’t agree? Would you still



end ‘us?’” he didn’t reply after that. I try to call him. His



phone is ringing but he’s not answering it. I locked my room and



I’m emoting there. Haha. But, yes, I really cry. I swear! My



mother then called me and she asks me to help her with the



laundry. I wipe the tears from my eyes and I really make sure



they won’t notice that I’m crying. We have lots of clothes to



wash that’s why we eat our lunch late because we still finish



the laundry.





When we arrive home, I immediately go to my room and take a



rest.



When I woke up, I go to the kitchen, I get water and then



I charge my phone when…



“Ate!” my sister calls me.



“Oh? What?”



“Come here. I have something to tell you.” She holds my



hand and drags me inside our room.



“What happened to kuya Shaun?”



“Huh? Why were you asking?”



“Because he texted father’s number earlier.”



“Ha? What did he say?”



“He just say, “Who’s this? Call me up.””



“Then? Papa read it?”



“No. I’m the one who read it. You’re lucky because I’m the



one who use papa’s phone that time. I asked him, “Who you?” then



he said, “Can you give the phone to Jane?” I knew it was kuya



Shaun because she’s the only one who call you Jane, right? And I



also remembered his number ends with 310. I told him, “She’s not



here.””





“Then?”



“He said, “Where is she?” “I don’t know.” That’s what I



told him. “Can you call her? I have something to say.” He



replied that. “What is that?” I asked him. “Important matters.”



“How important is it?” Then, I smiled when I read his reply. He

said, “More important than my life.” Ayeee. Ooooy. Ate oh.



Hahaha.”



“Shut up!” I told her because she’s teasing me! I go back





to my room and left my phone in the kitchen because I was



charging it there.





I fell almost asleep when someone knocks the door. I opened





it and it was my sister. She told me that Shaun wants to text



with me. Hmp.





“Oh?” I go to the kitchen and texted him.



“Ma…”



“Ma? Why you’re still calling me ‘ma’? I thought you wanted



to end us?”



“You didn’t agree.”



“Yes. I didn’t. So, it’s still ‘us’?”



“Yes.” and, we’re okay after that. I called him and we



talked but our talk was not too long because my father get his



phone already because he’ll go to church.



“Your father brought the phone?” he asked me.



“yes. He already get it.”



“Ais. We still have something to talk.”



“About what?”



“About what happened earlier.”

“Why? What’s about that?”



“It’s between us.”



“Huh? What?”



“About what had happened early this morning.”



“Why?”



“Are you in favor of it?”



“What?”



“Aaah!



It must be in call. You look at ma oh.



You’re very L O A D I N G ………”



“Just text it to me oy! In favor of? What?”



“Haaaays. :/ To end us?”



“I don’t know.”



“You want or not? It’s for your own sake.”



“If you’ll ask me, I’m not in favor of it. I won’t.”



“Why?”



“I don’t know! But, I tell you, I won’t!”



“Give me your reasons ma.”



“Reasons why I won’t?



1.I don’t want to let go of you., As I said, I have



swore to myself that you’d be my first and my last.



2.I don’t want to find that ‘better man’ that you’ve



told me because I know in my heart that I’ve found



the best.



3.I love you more that you ever imagined.”



“I’m not contented. Give me more.”



“Ok. I don’t want to because I have set in my mind and



Dreamt you to be my groom in my upcoming wedding day. You’ve



changed my life. I have learned lots of things because of you.



Then’ I’ll let you go just because you have illness? That’s the



reason why you wanted to end us, right? So, if ever you’ll be



gone in this world, I will try my best not to be affected for



you. I’ll try not to cry if that would make you happy. I wanted



always to be with you in your happiness and in your sadness –



for better or for worse; in sickness or in health; ‘till death



do us part.”





“Naah. Oh. We’ll have our wedding already ma. :D”



“Hahaha. :D”



“Ok ma. I will not give up. I’ll fight together with you.



Sorry to what happened earlier. :x”




“Oh. That’s what I want! Don’t give up! Always remember,



I’m right beside you always. I’m just a te and a call away.



Haha. ‘till death do us part? Hahaha. What did I ate? Why did I



say that? LOL.”






“What did you ate? My love. :p Oh. ‘till death do us part.



I may now kiss the bride. Muaaah! :*”






“Hahaha. Can love be eaten papa Shaun? :D” He’s really good



in making me laugh. ‘I may now kiss the bride’? Haha. He’s



really funny! And I love it! I also want to make him laugh lie



he did to me but, I’m not a joker. I’m not good in making people



laugh but, if you’ll see my face, my face alone can make you



laugh. Hahaha. I’m a no effort clown. Even without make-up, I



can still look funny. :D hahaha






“Oh. That’s why the heart will be full. :P” see? Ahaha. I



really love this guy. J






“Ahays. You’re really good. It’s you already papa Shaun.



Haha :D”

# Love takes time.



It needs a history of giving and receiving.



Love is the joy that make people smile.



Love is easy to feel but so hard to explain.



Easy to get but so hard to let go,



Easy to spell but so hard to define



Love is created not by words but by feelings



Not by humans but by hearts



Love is not how you forget but how you forgive



Not how you listen but how you understand



Not what you see but what you feel,



Not how you let go but how you HOLD ON………





----------------------------------------------------------------






“Haays. It’s very cold!” I texted him.




“Yeah. Can I hug you ma? It’s very cold here too.”




“Oh sure. Hehe. J”




“uhmmmpt! J Thanks. J Ma, my heart’s aching.”




“Huh? Why?”




“I really have difficulty in bringing this illness I have.”




“Ais. Just don’t mind that. Just think of it as nothing.”




“But let’s just face the reality ma. I’m dying. L” Again,

he’s talking about his situation. It would hurt me if he’s in a

situation like that.




“Don’t worry. I will just follow you.”




“Dude? Up? Can you go in my room? Bring my inhaler. It’s in



the cabinet. I can’t handle the temperature here. I’m actually



freezing.” He send that to me.




“huh?”




“Sorry. Wrong send mama Jane.”




“It’s okay.”




“Ma, I wanted to end us. Even if it hurts me a lot. Sorry.



L”




“Huh? Why?” I was confused. Why now? Why at this very



moment? In the moment that I’m loving him so much…




“Ma, look… K



It’s for you. So that you’ll not be hurt and you’ll not be



affected the moment I left this unfair world. I don’t want



you to cry; the worst to follow me. So that it would not be



hard for me to left this world too. I know it hurts ma,



more to me. It’s not easy to make decisions like this.



Especially at this very moment, we really love each other’s



imperfectness. LL” I don’t know what did I reply to him



that time. All I know is that, every text message from him



is slowly breaking my heart.



“Ma, sorry. I didn’t make it through for us. To us. It’s



for you ma, can’t you see? I just make things easier for

you. Rather than I’ll just left you all of a sudden. That



hurts. L” I started crying! Ahays. I’m really a crying lady



even before!



“I can’t breathe.L God, if this is it, please guide Jane.



Love her unconditionally. L”



“Ma, I’ll tell you this one last time. I loved and love



you. Thank you for being a part of my life that made me



whole. I’m just nobody. You’ll find a better man who



deserves you. Just be yourself Jane. Be what you want.



Goodbye my angel. :*” That was the last text message that



I received from him that morning.





“How will I find better if I know in my heart that I have



already found the best? What if I won’t agree? Would you still



end ‘us?’” he didn’t reply after that. I try to call him. His



phone is ringing but he’s not answering it. I locked my room and



I’m emoting there. Haha. But, yes, I really cry. I swear! My



mother then called me and she asks me to help her with the



laundry. I wipe the tears from my eyes and I really make sure



they won’t notice that I’m crying. We have lots of clothes to



wash that’s why we eat our lunch late because we still finish



the laundry.





When we arrive home, I immediately go to my room and take a



rest.



When I woke up, I go to the kitchen, I get water and then



I charge my phone when…



“Ate!” my sister calls me.



“Oh? What?”



“Come here. I have something to tell you.” She holds my



hand and drags me inside our room.



“What happened to kuya Shaun?”



“Huh? Why were you asking?”



“Because he texted father’s number earlier.”



“Ha? What did he say?”



“He just say, “Who’s this? Call me up.””



“Then? Papa read it?”



“No. I’m the one who read it. You’re lucky because I’m the



one who use papa’s phone that time. I asked him, “Who you?” then



he said, “Can you give the phone to Jane?” I knew it was kuya



Shaun because she’s the only one who call you Jane, right? And I



also remembered his number ends with 310. I told him, “She’s not



here.””





“Then?”



“He said, “Where is she?” “I don’t know.” That’s what I



told him. “Can you call her? I have something to say.” He



replied that. “What is that?” I asked him. “Important matters.”



“How important is it?” Then, I smiled when I read his reply. He

said, “More important than my life.” Ayeee. Ooooy. Ate oh.



Hahaha.”



“Shut up!” I told her because she’s teasing me! I go back





to my room and left my phone in the kitchen because I was



charging it there.





I fell almost asleep when someone knocks the door. I opened





it and it was my sister. She told me that Shaun wants to text



with me. Hmp.





“Oh?” I go to the kitchen and texted him.



“Ma…”



“Ma? Why you’re still calling me ‘ma’? I thought you wanted



to end us?”



“You didn’t agree.”



“Yes. I didn’t. So, it’s still ‘us’?”



“Yes.” and, we’re okay after that. I called him and we



talked but our talk was not too long because my father get his



phone already because he’ll go to church.



“Your father brought the phone?” he asked me.



“yes. He already get it.”



“Ais. We still have something to talk.”



“About what?”



“About what happened earlier.”

“Why? What’s about that?”



“It’s between us.”



“Huh? What?”



“About what had happened early this morning.”



“Why?”



“Are you in favor of it?”



“What?”



“Aaah!



It must be in call. You look at ma oh.



You’re very L O A D I N G ………”



“Just text it to me oy! In favor of? What?”



“Haaaays. :/ To end us?”



“I don’t know.”



“You want or not? It’s for your own sake.”



“If you’ll ask me, I’m not in favor of it. I won’t.”



“Why?”



“I don’t know! But, I tell you, I won’t!”



“Give me your reasons ma.”



“Reasons why I won’t?



1.I don’t want to let go of you., As I said, I have



swore to myself that you’d be my first and my last.



2.I don’t want to find that ‘better man’ that you’ve



told me because I know in my heart that I’ve found



the best.



3.I love you more that you ever imagined.”



“I’m not contented. Give me more.”



“Ok. I don’t want to because I have set in my mind and



Dreamt you to be my groom in my upcoming wedding day. You’ve



changed my life. I have learned lots of things because of you.



Then’ I’ll let you go just because you have illness? That’s the



reason why you wanted to end us, right? So, if ever you’ll be



gone in this world, I will try my best not to be affected for



you. I’ll try not to cry if that would make you happy. I wanted



always to be with you in your happiness and in your sadness –



for better or for worse; in sickness or in health; ‘till death



do us part.”





“Naah. Oh. We’ll have our wedding already ma. :D”



“Hahaha. :D”



“Ok ma. I will not give up. I’ll fight together with you.



Sorry to what happened earlier. :x”




“Oh. That’s what I want! Don’t give up! Always remember,



I’m right beside you always. I’m just a te and a call away.



Haha. ‘till death do us part? Hahaha. What did I ate? Why did I



say that? LOL.”






“What did you ate? My love. :p Oh. ‘till death do us part.



I may now kiss the bride. Muaaah! :*”






“Hahaha. Can love be eaten papa Shaun? :D” He’s really good



in making me laugh. ‘I may now kiss the bride’? Haha. He’s



really funny! And I love it! I also want to make him laugh lie



he did to me but, I’m not a joker. I’m not good in making people



laugh but, if you’ll see my face, my face alone can make you



laugh. Hahaha. I’m a no effort clown. Even without make-up, I



can still look funny. :D hahaha






“Oh. That’s why the heart will be full. :P” see? Ahaha. I



really love this guy. J






“Ahays. You’re really good. It’s you already papa Shaun.



Haha :D”

# They say, reality are better than dreams.





But for me, I prefer dreams



For in dreams, I can be with you forever.





----------------------------------------------------------------






We’re already 2 months but still, I haven’t seen his



pictures yet. I keep on painting his face in my mind based on



his description of his self. He said he’s tall. His height is



5’5, he’s thin, that’s what he said and, he has a long nose. I



use those basic descriptions to paint an image of Shaun in my



imagination. J






“papa Shaun, you upload your pictures already.” I texted



him.




“Oh. If I can open my facebook but, I’m not yet so sure of



that. I will still look for connector.”




“Ah. Ok.”




“Can I send it to you via MMS?”




“Ai. My phone don’t have camera. But, wait, I’ll borrow my



father’s phone. Just send it there.”




“Ok.”




“But, what if my father will see it and will ask me who it

is, what will I say?”




“Just say it’s the brother of your best friend.”




“Naah. My parents know the family of my best friend. Hmmp.



If my father will ask, I will just say it’s my classmate and he



just asked me to upload his pictures in his facebook because he



can’t be able to open his facebook due to some instances.”




“Much better ma. Hehe.”




“Yeah. I’m really good. J”




“Yea. You’re really very good mama Jane ko. J”




“I already have my father’s phone. You can send the MMs



now. J”




“Okay. Wait ma. J”




“Ok.”




I waited for the MMS and when I finally receive it, I



excitedly opened it. I really want to see him; even if it’s just



in the picture. I want to see the face of the person whom I want



to be with for my lifetime.




“Mama Jane, have you received it already?” he asked me.




“Yes. It’s still loading.”




“Ah. Ok. Just wait for it ma.”




“Ok.” I waited but, it failed. I don’t know hy it goes like



that.




“papa Shaun, I can’t open it. I don’t know why.”




“ais. Wait. I’ll send it again.”


“Ha? Don’t send it again because you’ll just be wasting



your load. Just upload it in your facebook.”




“Haays. I’ll just try to send it again. Who knows? For the



second time maybe it’ll not fail already.”




“Ai. Okay2. It’s up to you.”




Again, I received an MMs but, for the second time, it still



fail.



“Again, I can’t open it. No choice. You really have to



upload that in your facebook.”




“Hays. Okay.”




When tomorrow comes, it was already afternoon when he



texted me,




“Ma, I’ll net first.”




“Ok. Upload your pictures ha?”




“Okay ma. I will because you want so much to see me. J”




“haha. Yah right. :D”




“Oh. Text you later mama Jane. Be right back!”




“Okay. Take care always papa Shaun. J”




I was so excited! I can’t wait to see his face. J And.



Finally, I’ll be seeing the face of my first love. :D




“papa Shaun…”




“Oh?”



“Already done uploading your pictures?”



“Yeah. But, I’m still adding pictures from the facebook



account of my friends.”




“ah. Ok. Just continue it first. Just beep me up when



you’re done.”




“Ok. J”




I waited for my phone to beep and after a few minutes…




“mama Jane, done uploading. I’m on my way back to the



boarding house.”




“Good. Take care. J”



“Yea. I will.”



“J”



“Ma, you will really watch it now?”



“Yea. After my sister use the computer.”



“Whooh! I’m nervous ma. :x”



“Huh? Why are you nervous?”



“Maybe you’ll be off. :/”



“huh? Why?”



“ma, I’m not really good looking.”



“And then? I’m not after of your looks. I’m after your



heart.”



“J”





I’m sitting beside my sister because I’m waiting for her.



I’m really excited to see him. :D When my sister’s finally done,



automatically, I hold the mouse of our computer so that they’ll

not get it from me. HAHA :D I opened my facebook account then I



watch his photos.



“Currently watching you photos. Haha. I’ll print it after.”



I texted him.



“naah. :x”



“oh? What? I’ll post it in my room.”



“Haha. I’m shy ma. :/”



“What makes you shy?”



“I’m not really handsome. :x Are you still watching my



pictures?”



“Yeah2. Still watching it. I love to. I’m watching with



matching blush effect, hahaha :D”



“Stop watching my pictures ma. You’ll get crazier if you



do. :D”



“And I don’t care. :p”



“You use photo paper in printing that ma so that it’ll be



nice. Haha. Suggesting? LOL!”



“Yeah. I know. I’m really lucky because we still have photo



papers here. J”



“You also print wallet size ma then put it in your wallet.



J”



“Haha. Yeah.”



“You also put my picture beside your bed ma so that I can



still be beside you when you sleep.”



“Okay. As you wish. Haha.”



“I will also print your picture ma so that I will also put



it in my wallet.”



“nooo! I’m shy!”



“I want to. :p”



“naaah!”





He didn’t reply after that. Maybe he fell asleep already. I



keep on texting him but, no reply.



“Done printing your pictures. I’ll post it in my room



first. Haha. :D” I send that to him. I posted his pictures in my



room, put one picture in a frame and put it beside my bed as



what he told me. J



“All done! Yea2. Love my room! Haha. :D”



“Good night papa Shaun. You fell asleep again! I love you



papa Shaun! Always remember that. Write it in the tablets of



your heart and don’t you ever dare forget that! Or else! Haha.



:D”





I lay on my bed with his photo beside me. When I turn my



head, I can see his pictures and I love it! He’ll always be with



me. J Every time I close my eyes, his face appears; his pictures



are flashing in my mind like it a slideshow. When I finally



closed my eyes to sleep, my imagination’s bringing me to that



place again! Again, for the second time around, I’ve dreamt of



him with me in the altar. But, this time, it was different! His



face is already clear to me. This is it! It’s him! The person I



want to see waiting for me at the altar. It’s him! The person I



want to be beside me in my wedding day. It’s him! The guy I want



to be with for my lifetime. It’s him! No one else. There, I saw



the groomsmen and the bride’s maids walking down in pairs



through the aisle. I saw the ring bearer, the bible bearer and



the coin bearer walking their way to the altar. They walk



through that red carpet. Then, the next one who walk through



that aisle are the flower girls. They shower the path in which



I’m about to walk through with petals of red roses. Then, the



next one to walk through is me. When I step inside the place



bringing my bouquet of flowers with my mother and father at my



both side, music solemnly played. When I finally saw the face of



my groom; when I saw him smile, a single drop of tear fell from



my eye. It’s not because of sorrow; it’s because of the unending



happiness I feel inside. I know that the happiness I wished for



long ago, I know he’s the only who could give that to me; the



happiness that won’t fade even for the test of time. I have



fallen perfectly in love with Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo. I



didn’t expect I would love him this much. I didn’t expect he



would make me happy. I didn’t expect I would be given this



privilege of knowing someone like him. When I reached his place;

the place where he’s standing, he handed his arm to me and



brought me in front of the altar. My heart jumped because of



joy. I wanted to stay in his arms forever – ‘till my last



breath; ‘till the day I die.





“Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo, do you come in this



gathering of friends and family to proclaim your love and



devotion for Christine Jane Las Piñas Paler? Do you promise to



respect her, and care for her during her joy and hardship? Do



you commit yourself to share your feelings of happiness and



sadness? Do you pledge to remain faithful to her?” I heard the



minister asked that question to him. I looked at him and he



smiled at me and said;





“I do.”





The minister move his head and faced to me and asked that



same question;





“Christine Jane Las Piñas Paler, do you come in this



gathering of friends and family to proclaim you love and



devotion for Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo? Do you promise to



respect him and care for him during times of joy and hardship?



Do you commit to share your feelings of happiness and sadness?



Do you pledge to remain faithful to him?”



“I do.” I said.

“You may now speak your vows.” The minister once said. Then



Shaun started speaking;



“I, Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo, take you, Christine



Jane Las Piñas Paler, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant



friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.



In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my



solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in



health, in good times and in bad, in joy as well as in sorrow. I



promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your



goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with



you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”





“Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo, I take you to be my



lawfully wedded husband. Before these witnesses, I vow to love



and care for you for as long as we both shall live. I take you



with all your faults and your strengths as I offer myself to you



with all my faults and my strengths. I will help you when you



need help and I will turn to you when I need help. I choose you



as the person with whom I will spend my life.” I smiled at him



and then he holds my hand and said;





“Christine Jane Las Piñas Paler, come health, happiness,



and prosperity, I will stand with you; come illness, trouble, or



poverty, I will stand with you. Take this ring as a sign of my



love and commitment.” After saying that, he puts the ring on my

ring finger. It’s already my turn!





“Shaun Brent Chiong del Castillo, this ring I give you, my



personal gift and my personal promise of love and trust, and



pride that you are my husband. We will wear these rings and the



world will know that I am yours and you are mine.” I also put



the ring on his ring finger.





“May these two find happiness in their matrimony. May they



faithfully remain together, may they ever remain compassionate.



May years be rich in the joys of life, and their days be long



upon this Earth. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may



now kiss the bride.”





Tears fell from my eyes when the minister said that.



Especially the phrase ‘their days be long upon this Earth.’ I



feel a little bit sad when I remembered he has his illness; an



illness that has no cure. I hope he’ll still live long; I hope



he will still be with me when all my hair turns white. I can’t



help my tears. They’re really falling from my eyes. When he



noticed I’m crying, he softly wiped my tears with his hand. He



just wiped my tears away! He whispered in my ear; “Jane, I’ll



always be here to wipe away every tear that will fall from your



eyes. I don’t want to see you cry when you’re with me. Give me



the privilege of giving you smiles day by day. I will always be



here to fight with you through the life’s ups and downs. I love



you Jane and I won’t stop ‘till I die.” Everything he has said



were stocked in my mind and in my heart. I was speechless the



moment he said those words and all that I just say was, “Thank



you!”. He smiled at me and I smiled back to him. He slowly



opened the veil that covered my face. Then he kissed me. I heard



the crowd shout. Then, music played.





♪♫I just can’t believe that you are mine now...



You were just a dream that I once knew…



I never thought I would be right for you…



I just can’t compare you with anything in this world…



You’re all I need to be with me forevermore… ♫♪





When that song played, he then whispered the words



‘iloveyou’ to me. He smiled and his smile, I love to see it



everyday. His smile, it makes my problems fade away. And that



same smile, it makes me fall deeply in love with him.



“Christine! Christine!” I heard someone calling me. I’m



looking in the crowd and search who it was. I turn left, right



and beside me but, I didn’t see that person calling me.



“Christine! Christine!” I heard that voice again. I



searched but haven’t seen it.



“Christine! Wake up!” Ouch! It was my mother! I thought it



was still in my dream. She’s waking me up! I tried to ignore her

because I still want to see want to continue that dream. I



didn’t open my eyes. I want to stay there forever!



“Hey! Wake up! You’ll be late for school.” I ignored her



once again. But, ha? I’ll be late for school? Oh my gosh! I



immediately stand up from my bed. I hurriedly fix my bed and



prepare for school. I go to our kitchen and cook food. When I’ve



put it in the stove already, I left it for a while and go back



to my room, get my phone and opened 3 messages from him.



“mama Jane… K



I’m really sorry ma ha. Someone off my alarm in my phone



and make fun with my phone. L



Ma, I’m really sorry. L” That was the first message I read.



He sent that 12:56:26 am.



“A big big big S.O.R.R.Y. to my mama Jane K



Sorry I didn’t make it, due to some instances. Haays. I’ll



go back to sleep now. Good morning by the way mamai ko. J



Sleep tight my angel. I’ll hope I’ll be able to feel you



more and more how much you give meaning to my life. I hope



you’ll not get tired of loving me ma. J I love you mama Jane ko.



Muaaah! J” that was the second message. 01:12:57 am.



“A sweet kiss will do to wake up my cute lady J



Muaaaaaah! :*



Cheer up ma.



SMILE! J” that was the third one. It was 05:17:32 am when



he send that. A sweet kiss? Just like the kiss in my dream?



Hahaha. :D Truly, that was the perfect wedding I’ve been wishin’



for. But that was just a dream! A dream that changed my life; a



dream that changed my perspectives in life; the dream that made



me love him as much as this; the dream that I want to come into



reality anytime soon.





“It’s okay papa Shaun. J Me? Get tired of loving you? It



will never happen papa Shaun. I hope you’ll not get tired of me



too.” I replied.





“I’m already awake papa Shaun.”

# So many times I was insulted…





So many times I was hurt…



Know what makes me hold on?



It’s the knowledge that in my life, I always have you to pick



me up when I fall…





----------------------------------------------------------------






It was Monday! November 22, 2011. I get inside the



classroom and I told Catherine that I already printed Shaun’s



photos.





*flashback*




That was Sunday when I texted Catherine. The moment I saw



Shaun’s photos.




“Capa, I already saw his photos. Oh my gosh! Haha :D”




“Paler, let me see. Haha. Just print it because I can’t



open my facebook.”



“naaah. :x I’m shy. Haha :D”



“Ay. I’ll be the only one to watch. I’ll not let the others



watch it.”




“Swear?”




“Yea. Promise.”




“Ok. J”



*flashback ends*








“Capa, I already have his photos.” I whispered to her.




“Where?”




“There in my clearbook. Hehe.” I laughed.




“Where? Let me see.”



“Wait. I’ll get it.” I smiled then I get my clearbook and



give it to her.



“Here! Just look for it there.” I go back to my chair but



I’m still watching her while she’s watching those pictures. I



keep on laughing there that’s why they became curious about what



Catherine is watching. And that was the biggest mistake I’ve



ever did in my entire life!





“What’s that?” that’s the question they keep on asking me.



I didn’t say a thing. I just smiled at them as an answer. They



became so curious with what Catherine is watching that’s why



they go near Catherine and saw those pictures.





“Paler, who’s that?” one of my classmates asked me.



“Secret. Hehe.” I keep on laughing and I don’t know why.



“Paler, that’s Shaun?” another classmate asked me. I



nodded.



“Sure? This is Shaun? Your boyfriend?” they’re asking me in



a way that they’re really shocked that it’s Shaun. But, I just



don’t mind them. I just raised my eyebrows as an answer to their



question and I smiled at them. They say lots of things about



Shaun like…





“Halaa! He’s handsome! Oh my gosh!”





“Look at it his nose oh! I love it!”





“He’s really handsome!” They’re already passing my clear



book to my other classmates. But, I just let them. If only I



didn’t let them, I would not feel this pain inside me now.



Because they’re insulting me.



“Paler? This is your boyfriend? He’s handsome and you’re



not. You’re not compatible with each other.”



“Wow Paler! You got the jackpot! Haha. Congratulations.”



“Paler oh. You really caught a big fish. You’re lucky



because he also eat your worm.” Those were the things I heard



from them. They’re really insulting me. I know I’m not beautiful



but, is it necessary to tell it to me face to face? Haay.



“Paler, maybe this is just a poser.” See? They’re really



insisting that it wasn’t Shaun. They really don’t want ‘us’ to



be. Starting that, they keep on borrowing my clear book because



they wanted to see Shaun’s pictures. And then they will say,



“Paler, can I borrow your boyfriend? Haha :D” and one of my



classmate also say, “Paler, can he be mine?” I didn’t mind them



but when I hear those, I’m hurt. I don’t want to give Shaun to



those kind of girls.





“papa Shaun, they’re already passing your pictures to



everyone in the classroom. Hahaha :D”



“Naah. I’m shy.”



“Don’t be shy papa Shaun uy. They’re saying you’re



handsome.”



“I’m not handsome ma. I’m just cute. :p”



“Hmmp? You’re both handsome and cute. J”



“Eh? Mama Jane oh. You’re exaggerating.”



“No. I’m not. I’m just telling the truth. :D”



“Ais. Okay. Okay ma.”



“papa Shaun, they said they’ll borrow you from me. They



said we’re not compatible with each other.” I send that to him.



“Ahays. They’re just jealous ma. Don’t mind them. I love



you, that’s what matter.”



“They also said, “paler, can he be mine?””



“Ai. Don’t mind them ma. You’ll be the only one to me ma.”



“But, pa, why do you really like me? I’m too ugly.”



“Ahays. Do really physical appearance matters in loving



someone? Tell me. :>”







“Hays. Try to look at it pa oh. You’re a prince and then



me? I’m just a slave. You’re handsome and me? Ahaays. But, I



love you. I don’t know if you feel the same.”





“tsk2. How many times do I have to tell you ma? I accept



you for being the real you. I don’t care what will other people



say to me or to us. I just expresses what I felt for. I love you



ma. K”



“Haays. Oh. Ok.”



“Ma, you’re insulting me. K”



“Ha? Did I? Did I insult you?”



“I’m insulted ma because why you’re like insisting that



we’re not compatible? That we’re not allowed to be. It’s not



nice ma. You don’t like me ma?”



“It’s not that I don’t like you. I love you. I really do.”



“Oh. So, why are you acting like you don’t care or



otherwise give importance to this relationship ma?”



“Why ma? What’s the matter if I’m like this and you’re like



that?”



“Nothing. Ok. Enough for that.”



“I love you ma. J”



“Oh. I love you too pa. J”



“They’re just insecure to you ma. Those classmates who told



you that.”



“But, why are they like that? I also have feelings and I



also know how to be hurt.”



“Try not to be affected ma ‘coz if you do, they will really



do that over and over again.”



“Haays. Ok. I’ll try.”



“If they’ll do that again ma, just tell them, “you’re just



jealous because you don’t have yours!” :D”



“Hahaha :D”



“I love you ma. J” Again? Haha. He never really gets tired



of telling me that. I can’t even count how many times he told



me ‘iloveyou’ already.





That day, one of my classmates asked if she can borrow my



phone. I didn’t let her but she really insist that’s why I just



let her. They read the messages in my inbox together with my



other classmate. They said that Shaun is really sweet. They said



he’s smart because of his messages. They keep on borrowing my



phone because they want to read it over and over again. They



told me that his text messages can really make one fall in love



that’s why they say no doubt that I have fallen for him.





When I got home from school, I immediately go to my room.



I love it! I keep on staring at his pictures and then I texted



him.





“papa Shaun, is this really you?”



“Why ma? Ay oy. That’s really me. :>”



“Nothin’. I just can’t believe that someone like you would



love me this much.”



“Asus oy. You must start believe it ma ‘coz it’s true.”



“Maybe I’m just dreaming! Can you wake me up pa?”



“Aiduh! :> You’re not dreaming ma.”



“Is this really true?”



“What happen to you ma oy? This is true. This guy, Shaun



Brent Chiong del Castillo really loves you Ms. Christine Jane



Las Piñas Paler. J”



“Whoah! Complete name really huh?”



“Of course! Ma, we’ll go to internet café now ma.”



“With who?”



“Michael and Paolo.”



“Ah. Ok2. Take care papa Shaun.”



“Ma, I’ll just leave my phone here in the boarding house



because I’m still charging it.”



“Okay.”



“Ma, you go online too. J



Ok ma, I’ll go now. Text you later. I love you. J”



“Ok. I love you too. J”



I’m just staying in my room that time. I didn’t go online



because my father’s using our computer. All I do is stare at his



pictures. For me, he was perfect! He was the guy I want to grow



old with.

# Love is not finding someone to live with,



It’s finding someone you can’t live without.





# I always smile even if I’m not happy



But, it doesn’t mean I’m a pretender



I just want to be positive if my world’s negative.





# Love is not a choice; it’s a destiny.



# Probably, the greatest torture you could ever do to your heart



is to let go of someone at the time you’re loving that someone



most.





----------------------------------------------------------------






“Can I kiss you ma?” it was 7:11:16 pm, November 26 when he



text that to me.




“Oh sure. You can because you’re my boyfriend, right? But



if you’re not, you really can’t.”




“hehe J”




“hmp? Speaking of kiss? Who was your first kiss?” I don’t



know why I asked that. It just came into my mind.




“First kiss? I don’t know. My mother said, it’s my father.



My father said, it’s my mother. Haaay! I don’t know! Maybe it’s



the midwife. HAHA. :D”




“Ay. That’s not what I mean. Except your parents.”




“Ahh. Uhm. Where ma? In the cheeks or lips? :D I’m the one



who kissed, or the one who kissed me? :D”




“Hmmp. In the lips, you’re the one who kissed.”




“Ay. None ma. I’m really very proud. My lips’ still virgin



nuh. Hahaha. :D”




“Ah. Ok. In the cheeks?”




“Cheeks? Ahm. It’s Shandy. When we’re going home, it’s



really like that!”




“Char. Haha. :D”




“Don’t worry ma. If I’ll see you… :p”




“What? If you see me? What?”




“Secret. Haha. Never mind.” We were texting with each other



when suddenly he didn’t reply. Maybe he fell asleep.




“papa Shaun…




Good night! I’ll sleep now. I love you! Again, papa Shaun,



you fell asleep. Maybe you really don’t love me nuh? Just tell



me papa Shaun. I will let you go even if it will hurt me a lot.”



I texted that to him. Then, I sleep.




“Mama Jane ko…



I’m really sorry . I’ll not do it again. Swear! Hayst.



Maybe it just become my habit ma but that doesn’t mean I don’t



love you anymore. It’s impossible to happen. Sorry. Ma, I really



love you. Ayst. L



Ma, I’ll go back to sleep. Good night mama Jane. I’m sorry



again. I really love you babe. I hope you could feel that.



Muaah! :*” That was the first message I read when I opened



my phone that morning. He send that 11:40:27pm.



“I can’t sleep ma. L



I’m really sorry ma. Hayst. :x



Good morning!



I love you babe. :*” the second message from him. It was



12:18:38 am when he send that that’s why he greeted me good



morning.



“Don’t swear if you can’t do it.” That was the only thing I



told him. I admit. I was disappointed but, I’m not angry. And,



this proves me he really love me. He keep on saying sorry to me.



And, he told me he really love me. I hope it’s true.



“Ma…. K” he texted me.



“oh? Why are you sad?”



“ma, are you mad at me? :x”



“huh? No. I’m not.”



“are you sure?”



“Yeah2. I’m really sure of that. But, papa Shaun, do you



still love me?”



“Yes mama Jane. I love you.”



“Are you real sure of that? Just tell me if you don’t love



me anymore because I will let you go even if It’ll hurt me. :x.”



“naaah. :x” I didn’t reply after that because I go to



church and he also go to school. That’s why he didn’t text me



too. After the service, I tried to text him but he didn’t reply.



After a while, he texted me already. We were texting with



each other while I’m in the church of my cousin because my



grandmother invited me to go there ‘coz it’s their thanksgiving



day in their church. At first, I say I won’t but my grandmother



forced me. I don’t want to go there because Mark is there - my



childhood crush. But, they already go to Dapitan City that’s why



I go with my grandmother because I’m already confident that he’s



not there. But, when we arrive there, I saw their multicab! I



was nervous! I don’t want to see his face again! Lucky of me



because when I entered their church, I didn’t saw him. His not



there. Bwahahaha. :D It was raining that time. The service was



done and it’s already the part 2 of the programme. It’s already



lunch! Then, I saw him. When I see his face, I feel so



irritated! I hate seeing his face.





It was almost 3pm whn I arrived home. I’m not feeling well.



My head’s aching. I go to my room and change my clothes then I



lay on my bed.



“papa Shaun, I’ll sleep first nuh? Because my head’s



aching.” I send that to him.



“ok ma. Sleep tight mamai ko.



I love you mama Jane ko. J



Uhmmmmmmmmpt! :*”





*flashback*




He also call me mamai sometimes. J That time, he texte me;




“I love you mai.” Then I replied;




“mai? Who’s that?”



“You. Ma, mai, mama, mamai. That’s only one and that’s YOU.



Only you.”



“Ow? Only me? Really huh?”



“Yes.”



*flashback ends*






I closed my eyes and then I fall asleep. My mom’s voice



woke me up. She’s calling my name because she wants me to go



with her in the market. But, I refused and said; “Ma, can’t go



with you now. My head’s aching.” She knocked at the door of my



room and asked me to open it. So, I open and let her enter. She



touched my forehead with her hand. She said I have a fever. She



told me to just stay in my room and take a rest. It was already



5:42:24 pm when I woke up.






“papa Shaun… K” I texted him.




“oh? Why are you sad ma?”




“hays. My mother told me I have a fever. :x”




“ay oy. Tsk. Look at what happened now.”




“haaays. :x”




“Hayst. Look ma. I can’t do anything here. :x tsk. Get well



immediately ma ha. I don’t want you to suffer much.”




“ays. I hate this!”



“Oh. That’s what you’re looking for ma. Tsk2. I’ll make my



assignment in English first ma. I’ll just text you later. Just



imagine I’m hugging you ma. J uhmmmmmpt! :*”



“ok2. J”





I go back to sleep again. My sleep was so nice. It was



around 7pm when I wake up again.



“papa Shaun…” I beep him up.



“oh? Ma…”



“what are you doing?”



“nothing. Are you okay now ma?”



“no. I’m not.”



“Ais. Ma, you still have feelings for Mark?”



“huh? Why ask such question? Feelings for Mark? It just



fade away.”



“nothing.”



“Mark my words papa Shaun, I really don’t have feelings for



him anymore.”



“See? You just said his name.”



“ais. :x”



“You really don’t have feelings for him already?”



“Ais. I told you earlier. Why ask that? :/”



“I just want to assure that you’re just mine ma. K”



“Yeah2. I would always be yours papa Shaun.”



“J”



“smiley?”



“Nothing. I love it when you call me papa Shaun. J”



“eh?”



“yes ma. It really makes me smile every time you call me



that way. J”



“okay. I’ll always call you papa Shaun so that you’ll



always smile every time you’ll read a text message from me. J”





I enjoyed texting with him. Hmmp. I always enjoy. J He



still made me smile even though I have a fever and I’m not



feeling well. It was 10:12:28pm when I texted him that I’ll go



to sleep already;



“Papa Shaun…



I’ll go to sleep now ‘coz I’m already sleepy. -_-”



“Ok mama Jane. Get well! I love you mama Jane. J



Imagine that I’m hugging you ma hap? Hihi. Uhmmmpt! :*”





I read his message but I didn’t reply. I put my phone under



my pillow then I go to sleep. I can’t sleep well that time ‘coz



my head ache and my fever’s bothering me. I woke up at about



2am. There’s a message from him and it said;



“Again, good night mama Jane. J



Hope you’ll be okay already. I’m also done praying for



your fast recovery mama Jane J I am just here when you need me.



I’ll hug you ma, can I? Hihi. :p



I love you mama Jane :*



Sleep tight my angel.



Muaah! J” Again, that angel thing. Haaay. I really love it



when he call me that way. JJ





It was already December 03, 2011 but still, I haven’t



receive any message from him. Last time were texting, it was



November 31? Hmmp. Something there. I missed him so much. Haaay.



I didn’t able to text him too because I don’t have load and I



can’t go out of the house because the weather’s not good and



still, I’m not yet feeling well that time. I waited for his text



day by day. I keep on staring at his pictures. He didn’t text me



and it made me miss him a lot and it made me write this poem:






WHEN I MISS YOU



Here I go again,



All alone in my room



With nothing to do.





I’ve been watching my phone



Every now and then



But, still, my inbox don’t have new message from you.





My heart misses you so much



If only you knew how I misses you



If only you knew how I longed for your messages again.





And, here it goes,



I end up watching at your photos



Which I posted in my room.





I’ve been talking to your photos



Like a crazy girl talking to nobody



That’s the result of missing someone like you.





What had happened to you?



Why aren’t you texting me?



Those were the questions I want to ask you.





I started to worry about you



I hope you’ll always be okay



‘Cause there would always be me who cares for you a lot.





It was 08:21:10am of the same date when he texted me:





“Good morning mama Jane. How are you there? I hope you’re



just okay. This is just my extra load. Take care always mama



Jane hap?



I miss you :x



I love you mama Jane. :*”





----------------------------------------------------------------





December 07, 2011



11:12:39pm






“mama Jane, we’ll sleep already.”




“Ok papa Shaun. :) Good night! I love you! :*”




“I love you too my angel J I’ll hug you mama Jane, can I?



Uhmmmpt! Could I stay here in your arms ma? Hehe. I love to. J



Muaah! :* (that’s in the lips to be sweet. J)”




“oh sure. Hug? Uhmmmpt! J”




“J




I already feel it mama Jane.



It makes me warm. Can you feel it too?”



“Of course. I do. J”



“uhmmmmpt! :*



Mama Jane…



It makes me shiver, but in a good way. J”



“haha. I don’t care! Joking… J”

“Ma, can I stay beside you?”



“oh sure. Come! Here oh! J”



“I’ll hug you ma hap.



Uhmmmmmpt!



Mama Jane…



I love you my princess :*



Dream of us. J” haha. :D I will never forget this that



once in my life, I became one’s princess. :DD





I already sleep after that and that morning, I woke up



because my phone vibrated.




“Good morning mama Jane! Muaah! :*



Uhmmmmpt! Just hug me first ma because it’s still very



cold. :*”



“wake up my angel J



Muaaah! :*”



“papa Shaun, it’s very cold. Grrrr.” I replied to his text



messages.



“uhmmmpt! :*



I hope it would make you feel better.”



“J”







December 09, 2011, the time we go to the jail for the



educational week – the outreach program. I didn’t text him.

Ooops. But, I include him in my GM’s. I know he’ll not text me

back because they have their class. After a while my phone



rings. I get it and answer the call. As usual, it’s him who



calls me.




“hello?” I said.




“ma, just done our class.”




“oh. I know.”




“Why is it that it’s too noisy there ma?”




“We’re already here in jail and we’re having program.”




“ah. Ma, take care always hap.”




“yes. Same to you. ”




“Ma, my phone’s already lowbat. I’ll just call you back



later.”




“Okay.”




“Bye ma. I love you.”




“oh.” Then he ended the call.







“papa Shaun, is it raining there?” I texted him after that



call.



“yes ma. There?”



“It’s also raining here.”



“You have your umbrella ma?”



“naah! I don’t have.”



“naah. Next time you bring your umbrella already hap?”



“Oh. Yes papa Shaun. J”



“Because if you’re like that always, you’ll really get



sick. And you know that these days are rainy days.”



“hehe. Yeah. Ok. J” I’m just smiling there then Marichelle



came to ask me,



“What happen to you?”



“nothing.” I smiled while I’m waiting for his reply.



“wee? Let me see.” She get my phone and she read some of



the messages there. I just don’t mind her ‘coz she’s one of my



friends.



“You really love him nuh?” she asked me when she give me



back my phone.



“Of course! Could it be ‘Us’ if I don’t love him?” I smiled



when I say that.



“Really?”



“Yes. Because March, he’s the only one who cares for me as



much as this. He’s the only one who showed me what love is all



about.”



“Char. Ayeee. Haha.” She then teased me. Haay. She’s really



like that. Soooo childish. Hehe J





It was 07:36:21pm when he told me,



“ma, you take biogesic.”



“huh? Why?”



“’Cause you get wet because of the rain., Maybe you’ll have



fever because of that.”



“hmp? Is that it? I don’t have fever then why will I take



biogesic?”



“Ais. :x”



“Ah ok2. I’ll follow what you’ve said.”



“J”



“papa Shaun…



What if one day, we’ll lose our communication, would you



still love me?”



“huh? It will not happen ma. We can always find ways to



that.”



“But, my father will get the phone this Sunday already.”



“And then? Facebook is still there.”



“But, I can open my facebook sometimes only. :/”



“You borrow your classmates’ phone to text me.”



“naaah. :x”



“And what’s with that ma? Only our communication will be



gone but my feelings for you will still remain.”





----------------------------------------------------------------





December 10, 2011



10:38:44am






“papa Shaun, I’ll tell you everything now pa because maybe

my father will really get the phone tomorrow, I can’t tell what



I truly feel. Papa Shaun, laughing and smiling doesn’t always



mean I’m happy. Sometimes, it’s just the best and the most



simplest way to hide the pain I felt inside. Papa Shaun,



remember this: I love you soooo much. I really do.”




“You make me cry ma. Don’t be like that ma bi. It’s just



like we’ll broke up well in fact we’ll not.”



“papa Shaun, it hurts. If you’re the one standing in my



part, it really hurts. Especially when they’ll tell me that



they’ll be your girlfriend even if it’s still us. I just smiled



to them even though my heart’s flooding with tears. Why are they



so interested in you? Why are they so desperate? Haaays.”



“Haays. Don’t mind them ma, I’ll just be yours.”



“It’s just too easy for you to say ‘don’t mind them’ nuh? I



tried, but, I really can’t escape from them. They’re always



around me. Haays. I don’t know why they’re like that. They



wanted so much to pull me down. They don’t want me to be happy.



They’re really KJ. Hayst.”



“Aah! You’ll always be mine ma.”



“Hays. I hope it’s true. It’s very very easy to say those



words but, can you stand what you’ve said? That I’ll be the one



for you?”



“Yes. I can.”



“Hmp. I hope so. Especially now, there were so many of them



surrounding you. They want to grab you away from me. They were



far more beautiful than I am. Then, would you still hold on to



me? Or would you just let go?”



“I won’t choose between the two ma. I won’t make a choice



‘coz you’re never been a choice of mine ma. I will never leave



you, I have told you that since the beginning. I can’t also take



to do that ma. I love you. So much. J”



“I love you too papa Shaun. If ever we’ll broke up, I don’t



know what will happen to me. Can I still find the love that I’ve



found in you?”



“It won’t happen mama Jane. I won’t let it happen. Never!



:D”



“Are you sure? Don’t say words like that. Papa Shaun,



life’s still going to be a long journey. Are you sure it won’t



happen?”



“No. But, I won’t allow it to happen ma. I can’t. :x”





December 11, 2011, Sunday night when my father get the



phone. I cried so much because in the back of my mind, I was



thinking that I can’t text and call him anymore. I can’t receive



his texts and calls anymore. I will be missing Shaun Brent



Chiong del Castillo. My world really falls apart the moment my



father get it. Because my world is there! Shaun is there! That’s



the only way I can connect to my everything. I cry all night! It

was already almost 12 midnight when I finally stopped crying. I



really can’t stop my tears. Then, that was the fourth time I



cried.





December 12, 2011, in the morning, I didn’t go to school



because it’s very obvious that I cried. But, in the afternoon,



my eyes became better that’s why I go to school already. But,



when I entered the room, they still notice my eyes.



“What happen to you Paler?” one of my classmates asked.



“Huh? Why? Nothing.” I just smiled and denied.



“You cried last night nuh?” Catherine asked me. Then I



nodded.



“Why?” she asked again.



“My father get my phone.” I made a frown.



“Only for that? Duh? If I’m in that situation, when my



father will get my phone, I will immediately give it to him



without any hesitations. Haha” Ritchelle Vera, one of my friends



intervened.



“She can’t really take it because she have her boyfriend.



She can’t text and call anymore without that. Good for you



because you don’t have boyfriend.” Keren said. I’m just looking



at them with sadness. I really can’t hide anything from them. I



sit back in my chair then one of my classmate go near me.



“What happened to you Paler? You broke up already?”



“Not uy. Ahays. My father get my phone. That’s why.”



“Why? They already knew that you have a boyfriend?”



“Nope.”



“Then, why?”



“I don’t know! I can’t understand them.”



“Faye, you have 2 phones, right?” she turn left and talked



to Alta Faye.



“Yes. Why?” Alta Faye said.



“You let Paler borrow it.”



“Oh sure. You can borrow it Paler but, there’s no battery.”



“You have battery Paler?” Shena turn to me and asked me



again.



“What battery?”



“A battery like the battery of a 1280 phone.” Alta Faye



answered.



“Aah. Yes. We have lots in the house.”



“Oh. You can borrow it.”



“Sure? Hehe. Thanks Faye.” I smiled at her.



“Can you bring it tomorrow Faye?”



“Yes. I’ll bring it tomorrow.”



“Thanks again Faye. Arigato!” I already made a way to have



our communications back because me too, I really don’t want to



lose our communications because, what’s a relationship without a



communication, right? But, I’m holding on to what he told me

that only our communications will be gone and not his feelings



for me. I miss reading his messages like I used to every night



before I go to sleep. Yes, I have it written in my notebook but



I can’t read it before I sleep because the light in my room is



just little. I can’t see if I’ll read there.





December 13, 2011, that was Tuesday, I hurriedly go to



school because I’m excited already because Alta Faye will give



the phone already. When I arrive at the classroom, Alta Faye’s



not yet there. I sit on my chair and waited for her. When she



finally arrive,



“Faye!” I called her. She turn to me and I asked her.



“You bring?”



“Hala! Oh my gosh Paler! I forgot! Sorry. You didn’t remind



me but, don’t worry. I’ll go home this lunch.”



“Ah ok.” I smiled at her. I understand because she’s really



forgetful. :D





It’s time for our Advanced Chemistry class. Ma’am Sansait’s



busy because she have lots of things to be done. So, she just



let us go to the library and have our research there about



inorganic and organic Chemistry. I, and Kimberly were just



talking there because she keeps on asking me about Shaun. She’s



asking me, “How did Shaun courted you?” “How did you know



Shaun?” “Who texted first? You or Shaun?” She really have lots



of questions. Haha. I just answered it all. Then, Catherine



suddenly called me and handed her phone to me. I was shocked. I



didn’t expect that.





“Who’s this?” I asked Catherine but, when I saw the number



on the screen, I already knew who it was. It was Shaun! I was



happy when he called me because he really makes his effort to



call my friend’s number just to talk to me? Owww. What a very



sweet and thoughtful boyfriend. J





*flashback*




It was really funny that when someone called me. It was an

unknown number. I answered it. I keep on saying “hello? Who’s

this?” but, no one talks in the other line. So, I didn’t end the

call but I just don’t mind it. I texted that number using my

friend’s phone because I don’t have load. I asked,


“Who’s this? Christine here.”


“Ah. So, you’re Christine? J”


“Yes. You?”


“Jasper.” That same number calls again. I answered it but

still, no one talks. I said,


“What do you want? If you call, you talk! And if you don’t

have anything to say, then, stop calling me!” nobody really

talks in the other line.


“Can you just stop calling me? You know, I’m still waiting

for someone’s call.” That’s true. I’m waiting for Shaun’s call

because I know he’ll call me. Someone started to talk in the

other line. The voice’s not clear to me and I didn’t understand

what he’s talking. I know that’s a voice of a boy. I just said,




“huh?”




“nothing. I love you!” he said. I feel irritated when he

say that. I don’t even know him and he’ll say ‘iloveyou’ to me?

What a!




“Yuck! Why are you saying I love you to me ha! I don’t even

know you! And besides, I have my boyfriend!”




“Yes. I know. Ma, can’t you recognize my voice?” when he

say ‘ma’, I already knew it was Shaun. Why is it that I didn’t

recognize his voice? Oh my gosh! HAHA.




“Ha? It was you? hahaha” I laughed.


“Yeah. It’s me. You can’t recognize my voice ma?”


“I can but this time, I didn’t recognize it.”


“Ay. You said you’re waiting for someone’s call, right? A

call from who?”




“nothing. Haha.” I just say nothing. I can’t tell him that

I’m waiting for his calls and texts.




“eh?” he said.


“I’m sorry earlier ha? Haha. I shouted on you. Sorry. I

really don’t know it was you.”




“HAHA. It’s okay.”




“Hahaha. It really make me laugh when I remember those

things I’ve told you; ‘yuck! Why you’re saying ‘I love you’ to

me? I don’t even know you and I have my boyfriend!’ hahaha” I

laughed and he laughs too.



*flashback ends*




He call me that time and he told me he’ll just call me back

later because they will still have their exam. I waited for his

call but, he didn’t call back. I borrowed Debbie’s phone and I

texted him and he didn’t reply. I was sad. He’s not like that

before. If I will text him, he’ll really reply but, now? I think

he don’t love me anymore.


“papa Shaun, why you’ll not reply to me anymore? You don’t

love me anymore nuh? Tell me.” Again, no reply.




“You weren’t the Shaun I’ve known before. :x” then he

replied.




“Ok. Let me tell you, I don’t feel like the way I feel

before. I don’t feel like whatsoever.”




“Why? Because you already have your mosh?”


“You can’t blame me. We’ve lost our communication and

temptation’s everywhere.” That sucks! He’s too unfair! He told

me that only our communication will be lost; he told me his

feelings will still remain. He’s so unfair! It’s still about 2

days that we don’t have communication with each other and then

he already feel that way? The time when he go to Iligan, it was

almost about 3 days, my feelings for him doesn’t change but, why

him? Why did he change his feelings too fast? Debbie will go

home already and she get her phone.




When I got home, I really wanted to text him to make things

clearer for me. I get my phone in my mother’s bag. I know she’ll

not notice me. I inserted my sim and I texted him.




“papa Shaun…” he didn’t reply.


“oh. We’ll have our communications back.” Again, he didn’t

reply.


“Do you really want to let go?”


“Yes. I want to.” He replied.


“Why? What’s wrong? Have I done something wrong?”


“Nothing. I just fell out of love.”


“Ah. Is that so? Because we’ve lost our communications?”


“I already told you the reasons earlier.”


“Ah. So, the sacrifices I made for you will all be

useless?”


“Maybe.”


“Haaay. :x You know, I’m thinking I’ll be happy seeing you

waiting for me in the altar while I’m walking through the aisle.

But now, it will not happen anymore.”




“I won’t go through with you.”


“I thought you were different from the boys I’ve known but

really, you, boys are all the same. Can I ask you a favor?”


“It’s Shaun. What is it?”


“If you’ll court another girl, please do not court one of

my classmates. Especially the three. Because I’ll really be hurt

if I can hear them talk about you.”


“Okay.”


“And, don’t go here this Friday. I don’t want to. K”

because he told me that he’ll come here on Friday.

*flashback*




“ma, what’s nice to give to Jb?”


“huh? Why ask me?”


“ais. You ma, what do you want me to give to you?”


“anything. As long as it came from your heart.”


“Ay. I’ll have a difficulty with this. :x”


“Haha. It’s okay.”


“Okay. I’ll try to find here ma.” That was the time when

he’s in Cagayan together with his father.


“And? How will you give it to me? You’re too far.”


“I’m planning to go there ma.”


“Really? When?”


“Maybe December 16 ma.”


“Ahh. J”


“You look for a place where I can stay there ma.”


“ngee. Why? You’ll stay here?”


“I will stay there Friday night ma then I will just go home

Saturday.”


“aah.”


“Is there a hotel there ma?”


“Haha. There’s none. This is just a baranggay. This is not

a city. Haha. You really want to go here nuh?”


“Of course. So that I can clarify that we’re not only

boyfriend – girlfriend in text and, so that you can prove that

I’m not a poser.”

*flashback ends*



“Okay. Let me ask a favor from you too.” He replied.


“What’s that?”


“Don’t text me again.”


“Okay. Because I’ll not be using phone after this. It’s

already useless to me. I will give this back to my mother.”




“And, I know you will tell your friends about this. Don’t

tell them that there’s a third party because that’s not true.

Don’t include the three here. Just tell them I was just

foolish.”


“Ok. I will. Don’t tell them about everything that I’ve

told you ha? Don’t tell them about my favors. Just tell them we

broke up. Nothing more, nothing less.”


“Do you really LOVED me? Or was it just pure foolishness?”


“I did loved you but it just messed up.”


“Why do you say that you’re foolish? Ok. Don’t reply

anymore because I’ll be getting my sim out of this phone. It’ll

just be useless if you’ll reply.”




Then, I already get my sim card and returned the phone to

my mother. I was hurt but, I didn’t cry. I don’t want to cry

because it will not make any difference if cry. Why? If I cry,

will he come back? No. So, why should I cry?




That morning, when I entered the room, I wear a smile in my

face. I wasn’t happy, I just want to show them I wasn’t hurt.


“Capa!” I called Catherine and I just smiled at her.


“Back to being single again! Haha. True love waits again!

HAHA” I pretended to laugh even if I’m hurt inside. It really

hurts. They hear what I say. They were shocked when they knew

that we broke up because according to them, our relationship was

so ideal and it was just yesterday when he calls me and we’re

still happy and very sweet and now? Everything has just ended.

# Love is not finding someone to live with,



It’s finding someone you can’t live without.





# I always smile even if I’m not happy



But, it doesn’t mean I’m a pretender



I just want to be positive if my world’s negative.





# Love is not a choice; it’s a destiny.



# Probably, the greatest torture you could ever do to your heart



is to let go of someone at the time you’re loving that someone



most.





----------------------------------------------------------------






“Can I kiss you ma?” it was 7:11:16 pm, November 26 when he



text that to me.




“Oh sure. You can because you’re my boyfriend, right? But



if you’re not, you really can’t.”




“hehe J”




“hmp? Speaking of kiss? Who was your first kiss?” I don’t



know why I asked that. It just came into my mind.




“First kiss? I don’t know. My mother said, it’s my father.



My father said, it’s my mother. Haaay! I don’t know! Maybe it’s



the midwife. HAHA. :D”




“Ay. That’s not what I mean. Except your parents.”




“Ahh. Uhm. Where ma? In the cheeks or lips? :D I’m the one



who kissed, or the one who kissed me? :D”




“Hmmp. In the lips, you’re the one who kissed.”




“Ay. None ma. I’m really very proud. My lips’ still virgin



nuh. Hahaha. :D”




“Ah. Ok. In the cheeks?”




“Cheeks? Ahm. It’s Shandy. When we’re going home, it’s



really like that!”




“Char. Haha. :D”




“Don’t worry ma. If I’ll see you… :p”




“What? If you see me? What?”




“Secret. Haha. Never mind.” We were texting with each other



when suddenly he didn’t reply. Maybe he fell asleep.




“papa Shaun…




Good night! I’ll sleep now. I love you! Again, papa Shaun,



you fell asleep. Maybe you really don’t love me nuh? Just tell



me papa Shaun. I will let you go even if it will hurt me a lot.”



I texted that to him. Then, I sleep.




“Mama Jane ko…



I’m really sorry . I’ll not do it again. Swear! Hayst.



Maybe it just become my habit ma but that doesn’t mean I don’t



love you anymore. It’s impossible to happen. Sorry. Ma, I really



love you. Ayst. L



Ma, I’ll go back to sleep. Good night mama Jane. I’m sorry



again. I really love you babe. I hope you could feel that.



Muaah! :*” That was the first message I read when I opened



my phone that morning. He send that 11:40:27pm.



“I can’t sleep ma. L



I’m really sorry ma. Hayst. :x



Good morning!



I love you babe. :*” the second message from him. It was



12:18:38 am when he send that that’s why he greeted me good



morning.



“Don’t swear if you can’t do it.” That was the only thing I



told him. I admit. I was disappointed but, I’m not angry. And,



this proves me he really love me. He keep on saying sorry to me.



And, he told me he really love me. I hope it’s true.



“Ma…. K” he texted me.



“oh? Why are you sad?”



“ma, are you mad at me? :x”



“huh? No. I’m not.”



“are you sure?”



“Yeah2. I’m really sure of that. But, papa Shaun, do you



still love me?”



“Yes mama Jane. I love you.”



“Are you real sure of that? Just tell me if you don’t love



me anymore because I will let you go even if It’ll hurt me. :x.”



“naaah. :x” I didn’t reply after that because I go to



church and he also go to school. That’s why he didn’t text me



too. After the service, I tried to text him but he didn’t reply.



After a while, he texted me already. We were texting with



each other while I’m in the church of my cousin because my



grandmother invited me to go there ‘coz it’s their thanksgiving



day in their church. At first, I say I won’t but my grandmother



forced me. I don’t want to go there because Mark is there - my



childhood crush. But, they already go to Dapitan City that’s why



I go with my grandmother because I’m already confident that he’s



not there. But, when we arrive there, I saw their multicab! I



was nervous! I don’t want to see his face again! Lucky of me



because when I entered their church, I didn’t saw him. His not



there. Bwahahaha. :D It was raining that time. The service was



done and it’s already the part 2 of the programme. It’s already



lunch! Then, I saw him. When I see his face, I feel so



irritated! I hate seeing his face.





It was almost 3pm whn I arrived home. I’m not feeling well.



My head’s aching. I go to my room and change my clothes then I



lay on my bed.



“papa Shaun, I’ll sleep first nuh? Because my head’s



aching.” I send that to him.



“ok ma. Sleep tight mamai ko.



I love you mama Jane ko. J



Uhmmmmmmmmpt! :*”





*flashback*




He also call me mamai sometimes. J That time, he texte me;




“I love you mai.” Then I replied;




“mai? Who’s that?”



“You. Ma, mai, mama, mamai. That’s only one and that’s YOU.



Only you.”



“Ow? Only me? Really huh?”



“Yes.”



*flashback ends*






I closed my eyes and then I fall asleep. My mom’s voice



woke me up. She’s calling my name because she wants me to go



with her in the market. But, I refused and said; “Ma, can’t go



with you now. My head’s aching.” She knocked at the door of my



room and asked me to open it. So, I open and let her enter. She



touched my forehead with her hand. She said I have a fever. She



told me to just stay in my room and take a rest. It was already



5:42:24 pm when I woke up.






“papa Shaun… K” I texted him.




“oh? Why are you sad ma?”




“hays. My mother told me I have a fever. :x”




“ay oy. Tsk. Look at what happened now.”




“haaays. :x”




“Hayst. Look ma. I can’t do anything here. :x tsk. Get well



immediately ma ha. I don’t want you to suffer much.”




“ays. I hate this!”



“Oh. That’s what you’re looking for ma. Tsk2. I’ll make my



assignment in English first ma. I’ll just text you later. Just



imagine I’m hugging you ma. J uhmmmmmpt! :*”



“ok2. J”





I go back to sleep again. My sleep was so nice. It was



around 7pm when I wake up again.



“papa Shaun…” I beep him up.



“oh? Ma…”



“what are you doing?”



“nothing. Are you okay now ma?”



“no. I’m not.”



“Ais. Ma, you still have feelings for Mark?”



“huh? Why ask such question? Feelings for Mark? It just



fade away.”



“nothing.”



“Mark my words papa Shaun, I really don’t have feelings for



him anymore.”



“See? You just said his name.”



“ais. :x”



“You really don’t have feelings for him already?”



“Ais. I told you earlier. Why ask that? :/”



“I just want to assure that you’re just mine ma. K”



“Yeah2. I would always be yours papa Shaun.”



“J”



“smiley?”



“Nothing. I love it when you call me papa Shaun. J”



“eh?”



“yes ma. It really makes me smile every time you call me



that way. J”



“okay. I’ll always call you papa Shaun so that you’ll



always smile every time you’ll read a text message from me. J”





I enjoyed texting with him. Hmmp. I always enjoy. J He



still made me smile even though I have a fever and I’m not



feeling well. It was 10:12:28pm when I texted him that I’ll go



to sleep already;



“Papa Shaun…



I’ll go to sleep now ‘coz I’m already sleepy. -_-”



“Ok mama Jane. Get well! I love you mama Jane. J



Imagine that I’m hugging you ma hap? Hihi. Uhmmmpt! :*”





I read his message but I didn’t reply. I put my phone under



my pillow then I go to sleep. I can’t sleep well that time ‘coz



my head ache and my fever’s bothering me. I woke up at about



2am. There’s a message from him and it said;



“Again, good night mama Jane. J



Hope you’ll be okay already. I’m also done praying for



your fast recovery mama Jane J I am just here when you need me.



I’ll hug you ma, can I? Hihi. :p



I love you mama Jane :*



Sleep tight my angel.



Muaah! J” Again, that angel thing. Haaay. I really love it



when he call me that way. JJ





It was already December 03, 2011 but still, I haven’t



receive any message from him. Last time were texting, it was



November 31? Hmmp. Something there. I missed him so much. Haaay.



I didn’t able to text him too because I don’t have load and I



can’t go out of the house because the weather’s not good and



still, I’m not yet feeling well that time. I waited for his text



day by day. I keep on staring at his pictures. He didn’t text me



and it made me miss him a lot and it made me write this poem:






WHEN I MISS YOU



Here I go again,



All alone in my room



With nothing to do.





I’ve been watching my phone



Every now and then



But, still, my inbox don’t have new message from you.





My heart misses you so much



If only you knew how I misses you



If only you knew how I longed for your messages again.





And, here it goes,



I end up watching at your photos



Which I posted in my room.





I’ve been talking to your photos



Like a crazy girl talking to nobody



That’s the result of missing someone like you.





What had happened to you?



Why aren’t you texting me?



Those were the questions I want to ask you.





I started to worry about you



I hope you’ll always be okay



‘Cause there would always be me who cares for you a lot.





It was 08:21:10am of the same date when he texted me:





“Good morning mama Jane. How are you there? I hope you’re



just okay. This is just my extra load. Take care always mama



Jane hap?



I miss you :x



I love you mama Jane. :*”





----------------------------------------------------------------





December 07, 2011



11:12:39pm






“mama Jane, we’ll sleep already.”




“Ok papa Shaun. :) Good night! I love you! :*”




“I love you too my angel J I’ll hug you mama Jane, can I?



Uhmmmpt! Could I stay here in your arms ma? Hehe. I love to. J



Muaah! :* (that’s in the lips to be sweet. J)”




“oh sure. Hug? Uhmmmpt! J”




“J




I already feel it mama Jane.



It makes me warm. Can you feel it too?”



“Of course. I do. J”



“uhmmmmpt! :*



Mama Jane…



It makes me shiver, but in a good way. J”



“haha. I don’t care! Joking… J”

“Ma, can I stay beside you?”



“oh sure. Come! Here oh! J”



“I’ll hug you ma hap.



Uhmmmmmpt!



Mama Jane…



I love you my princess :*



Dream of us. J” haha. :D I will never forget this that



once in my life, I became one’s princess. :DD





I already sleep after that and that morning, I woke up



because my phone vibrated.




“Good morning mama Jane! Muaah! :*



Uhmmmmpt! Just hug me first ma because it’s still very



cold. :*”



“wake up my angel J



Muaaah! :*”



“papa Shaun, it’s very cold. Grrrr.” I replied to his text



messages.



“uhmmmpt! :*



I hope it would make you feel better.”



“J”







December 09, 2011, the time we go to the jail for the



educational week – the outreach program. I didn’t text him.

Ooops. But, I include him in my GM’s. I know he’ll not text me

back because they have their class. After a while my phone



rings. I get it and answer the call. As usual, it’s him who



calls me.




“hello?” I said.




“ma, just done our class.”




“oh. I know.”




“Why is it that it’s too noisy there ma?”




“We’re already here in jail and we’re having program.”




“ah. Ma, take care always hap.”




“yes. Same to you. ”




“Ma, my phone’s already lowbat. I’ll just call you back



later.”




“Okay.”




“Bye ma. I love you.”




“oh.” Then he ended the call.







“papa Shaun, is it raining there?” I texted him after that



call.



“yes ma. There?”



“It’s also raining here.”



“You have your umbrella ma?”



“naah! I don’t have.”



“naah. Next time you bring your umbrella already hap?”



“Oh. Yes papa Shaun. J”



“Because if you’re like that always, you’ll really get



sick. And you know that these days are rainy days.”



“hehe. Yeah. Ok. J” I’m just smiling there then Marichelle



came to ask me,



“What happen to you?”



“nothing.” I smiled while I’m waiting for his reply.



“wee? Let me see.” She get my phone and she read some of



the messages there. I just don’t mind her ‘coz she’s one of my



friends.



“You really love him nuh?” she asked me when she give me



back my phone.



“Of course! Could it be ‘Us’ if I don’t love him?” I smiled



when I say that.



“Really?”



“Yes. Because March, he’s the only one who cares for me as



much as this. He’s the only one who showed me what love is all



about.”



“Char. Ayeee. Haha.” She then teased me. Haay. She’s really



like that. Soooo childish. Hehe J





It was 07:36:21pm when he told me,



“ma, you take biogesic.”



“huh? Why?”



“’Cause you get wet because of the rain., Maybe you’ll have



fever because of that.”



“hmp? Is that it? I don’t have fever then why will I take



biogesic?”



“Ais. :x”



“Ah ok2. I’ll follow what you’ve said.”



“J”



“papa Shaun…



What if one day, we’ll lose our communication, would you



still love me?”



“huh? It will not happen ma. We can always find ways to



that.”



“But, my father will get the phone this Sunday already.”



“And then? Facebook is still there.”



“But, I can open my facebook sometimes only. :/”



“You borrow your classmates’ phone to text me.”



“naaah. :x”



“And what’s with that ma? Only our communication will be



gone but my feelings for you will still remain.”





----------------------------------------------------------------





December 10, 2011



10:38:44am






“papa Shaun, I’ll tell you everything now pa because maybe

my father will really get the phone tomorrow, I can’t tell what



I truly feel. Papa Shaun, laughing and smiling doesn’t always



mean I’m happy. Sometimes, it’s just the best and the most



simplest way to hide the pain I felt inside. Papa Shaun,



remember this: I love you soooo much. I really do.”




“You make me cry ma. Don’t be like that ma bi. It’s just



like we’ll broke up well in fact we’ll not.”



“papa Shaun, it hurts. If you’re the one standing in my



part, it really hurts. Especially when they’ll tell me that



they’ll be your girlfriend even if it’s still us. I just smiled



to them even though my heart’s flooding with tears. Why are they



so interested in you? Why are they so desperate? Haaays.”



“Haays. Don’t mind them ma, I’ll just be yours.”



“It’s just too easy for you to say ‘don’t mind them’ nuh? I



tried, but, I really can’t escape from them. They’re always



around me. Haays. I don’t know why they’re like that. They



wanted so much to pull me down. They don’t want me to be happy.



They’re really KJ. Hayst.”



“Aah! You’ll always be mine ma.”



“Hays. I hope it’s true. It’s very very easy to say those



words but, can you stand what you’ve said? That I’ll be the one



for you?”



“Yes. I can.”



“Hmp. I hope so. Especially now, there were so many of them



surrounding you. They want to grab you away from me. They were



far more beautiful than I am. Then, would you still hold on to



me? Or would you just let go?”



“I won’t choose between the two ma. I won’t make a choice



‘coz you’re never been a choice of mine ma. I will never leave



you, I have told you that since the beginning. I can’t also take



to do that ma. I love you. So much. J”



“I love you too papa Shaun. If ever we’ll broke up, I don’t



know what will happen to me. Can I still find the love that I’ve



found in you?”



“It won’t happen mama Jane. I won’t let it happen. Never!



:D”



“Are you sure? Don’t say words like that. Papa Shaun,



life’s still going to be a long journey. Are you sure it won’t



happen?”



“No. But, I won’t allow it to happen ma. I can’t. :x”





December 11, 2011, Sunday night when my father get the



phone. I cried so much because in the back of my mind, I was



thinking that I can’t text and call him anymore. I can’t receive



his texts and calls anymore. I will be missing Shaun Brent



Chiong del Castillo. My world really falls apart the moment my



father get it. Because my world is there! Shaun is there! That’s



the only way I can connect to my everything. I cry all night! It

was already almost 12 midnight when I finally stopped crying. I



really can’t stop my tears. Then, that was the fourth time I



cried.





December 12, 2011, in the morning, I didn’t go to school



because it’s very obvious that I cried. But, in the afternoon,



my eyes became better that’s why I go to school already. But,



when I entered the room, they still notice my eyes.



“What happen to you Paler?” one of my classmates asked.



“Huh? Why? Nothing.” I just smiled and denied.



“You cried last night nuh?” Catherine asked me. Then I



nodded.



“Why?” she asked again.



“My father get my phone.” I made a frown.



“Only for that? Duh? If I’m in that situation, when my



father will get my phone, I will immediately give it to him



without any hesitations. Haha” Ritchelle Vera, one of my friends



intervened.



“She can’t really take it because she have her boyfriend.



She can’t text and call anymore without that. Good for you



because you don’t have boyfriend.” Keren said. I’m just looking



at them with sadness. I really can’t hide anything from them. I



sit back in my chair then one of my classmate go near me.



“What happened to you Paler? You broke up already?”



“Not uy. Ahays. My father get my phone. That’s why.”



“Why? They already knew that you have a boyfriend?”



“Nope.”



“Then, why?”



“I don’t know! I can’t understand them.”



“Faye, you have 2 phones, right?” she turn left and talked



to Alta Faye.



“Yes. Why?” Alta Faye said.



“You let Paler borrow it.”



“Oh sure. You can borrow it Paler but, there’s no battery.”



“You have battery Paler?” Shena turn to me and asked me



again.



“What battery?”



“A battery like the battery of a 1280 phone.” Alta Faye



answered.



“Aah. Yes. We have lots in the house.”



“Oh. You can borrow it.”



“Sure? Hehe. Thanks Faye.” I smiled at her.



“Can you bring it tomorrow Faye?”



“Yes. I’ll bring it tomorrow.”



“Thanks again Faye. Arigato!” I already made a way to have



our communications back because me too, I really don’t want to



lose our communications because, what’s a relationship without a



communication, right? But, I’m holding on to what he told me

that only our communications will be gone and not his feelings



for me. I miss reading his messages like I used to every night



before I go to sleep. Yes, I have it written in my notebook but



I can’t read it before I sleep because the light in my room is



just little. I can’t see if I’ll read there.





December 13, 2011, that was Tuesday, I hurriedly go to



school because I’m excited already because Alta Faye will give



the phone already. When I arrive at the classroom, Alta Faye’s



not yet there. I sit on my chair and waited for her. When she



finally arrive,



“Faye!” I called her. She turn to me and I asked her.



“You bring?”



“Hala! Oh my gosh Paler! I forgot! Sorry. You didn’t remind



me but, don’t worry. I’ll go home this lunch.”



“Ah ok.” I smiled at her. I understand because she’s really



forgetful. :D





It’s time for our Advanced Chemistry class. Ma’am Sansait’s



busy because she have lots of things to be done. So, she just



let us go to the library and have our research there about



inorganic and organic Chemistry. I, and Kimberly were just



talking there because she keeps on asking me about Shaun. She’s



asking me, “How did Shaun courted you?” “How did you know



Shaun?” “Who texted first? You or Shaun?” She really have lots



of questions. Haha. I just answered it all. Then, Catherine



suddenly called me and handed her phone to me. I was shocked. I



didn’t expect that.





“Who’s this?” I asked Catherine but, when I saw the number



on the screen, I already knew who it was. It was Shaun! I was



happy when he called me because he really makes his effort to



call my friend’s number just to talk to me? Owww. What a very



sweet and thoughtful boyfriend. J





*flashback*




It was really funny that when someone called me. It was an

unknown number. I answered it. I keep on saying “hello? Who’s

this?” but, no one talks in the other line. So, I didn’t end the

call but I just don’t mind it. I texted that number using my

friend’s phone because I don’t have load. I asked,


“Who’s this? Christine here.”


“Ah. So, you’re Christine? J”


“Yes. You?”


“Jasper.” That same number calls again. I answered it but

still, no one talks. I said,


“What do you want? If you call, you talk! And if you don’t

have anything to say, then, stop calling me!” nobody really

talks in the other line.


“Can you just stop calling me? You know, I’m still waiting

for someone’s call.” That’s true. I’m waiting for Shaun’s call

because I know he’ll call me. Someone started to talk in the

other line. The voice’s not clear to me and I didn’t understand

what he’s talking. I know that’s a voice of a boy. I just said,




“huh?”




“nothing. I love you!” he said. I feel irritated when he

say that. I don’t even know him and he’ll say ‘iloveyou’ to me?

What a!




“Yuck! Why are you saying I love you to me ha! I don’t even

know you! And besides, I have my boyfriend!”




“Yes. I know. Ma, can’t you recognize my voice?” when he

say ‘ma’, I already knew it was Shaun. Why is it that I didn’t

recognize his voice? Oh my gosh! HAHA.




“Ha? It was you? hahaha” I laughed.


“Yeah. It’s me. You can’t recognize my voice ma?”


“I can but this time, I didn’t recognize it.”


“Ay. You said you’re waiting for someone’s call, right? A

call from who?”




“nothing. Haha.” I just say nothing. I can’t tell him that

I’m waiting for his calls and texts.




“eh?” he said.


“I’m sorry earlier ha? Haha. I shouted on you. Sorry. I

really don’t know it was you.”




“HAHA. It’s okay.”




“Hahaha. It really make me laugh when I remember those

things I’ve told you; ‘yuck! Why you’re saying ‘I love you’ to

me? I don’t even know you and I have my boyfriend!’ hahaha” I

laughed and he laughs too.



*flashback ends*




He call me that time and he told me he’ll just call me back

later because they will still have their exam. I waited for his

call but, he didn’t call back. I borrowed Debbie’s phone and I

texted him and he didn’t reply. I was sad. He’s not like that

before. If I will text him, he’ll really reply but, now? I think

he don’t love me anymore.


“papa Shaun, why you’ll not reply to me anymore? You don’t

love me anymore nuh? Tell me.” Again, no reply.




“You weren’t the Shaun I’ve known before. :x” then he

replied.




“Ok. Let me tell you, I don’t feel like the way I feel

before. I don’t feel like whatsoever.”




“Why? Because you already have your mosh?”


“You can’t blame me. We’ve lost our communication and

temptation’s everywhere.” That sucks! He’s too unfair! He told

me that only our communication will be lost; he told me his

feelings will still remain. He’s so unfair! It’s still about 2

days that we don’t have communication with each other and then

he already feel that way? The time when he go to Iligan, it was

almost about 3 days, my feelings for him doesn’t change but, why

him? Why did he change his feelings too fast? Debbie will go

home already and she get her phone.




When I got home, I really wanted to text him to make things

clearer for me. I get my phone in my mother’s bag. I know she’ll

not notice me. I inserted my sim and I texted him.




“papa Shaun…” he didn’t reply.


“oh. We’ll have our communications back.” Again, he didn’t

reply.


“Do you really want to let go?”


“Yes. I want to.” He replied.


“Why? What’s wrong? Have I done something wrong?”


“Nothing. I just fell out of love.”


“Ah. Is that so? Because we’ve lost our communications?”


“I already told you the reasons earlier.”


“Ah. So, the sacrifices I made for you will all be

useless?”


“Maybe.”


“Haaay. :x You know, I’m thinking I’ll be happy seeing you

waiting for me in the altar while I’m walking through the aisle.

But now, it will not happen anymore.”




“I won’t go through with you.”


“I thought you were different from the boys I’ve known but

really, you, boys are all the same. Can I ask you a favor?”


“It’s Shaun. What is it?”


“If you’ll court another girl, please do not court one of

my classmates. Especially the three. Because I’ll really be hurt

if I can hear them talk about you.”


“Okay.”


“And, don’t go here this Friday. I don’t want to. K”

because he told me that he’ll come here on Friday.

*flashback*




“ma, what’s nice to give to Jb?”


“huh? Why ask me?”


“ais. You ma, what do you want me to give to you?”


“anything. As long as it came from your heart.”


“Ay. I’ll have a difficulty with this. :x”


“Haha. It’s okay.”


“Okay. I’ll try to find here ma.” That was the time when

he’s in Cagayan together with his father.


“And? How will you give it to me? You’re too far.”


“I’m planning to go there ma.”


“Really? When?”


“Maybe December 16 ma.”


“Ahh. J”


“You look for a place where I can stay there ma.”


“ngee. Why? You’ll stay here?”


“I will stay there Friday night ma then I will just go home

Saturday.”


“aah.”


“Is there a hotel there ma?”


“Haha. There’s none. This is just a baranggay. This is not

a city. Haha. You really want to go here nuh?”


“Of course. So that I can clarify that we’re not only

boyfriend – girlfriend in text and, so that you can prove that

I’m not a poser.”

*flashback ends*



“Okay. Let me ask a favor from you too.” He replied.


“What’s that?”


“Don’t text me again.”


“Okay. Because I’ll not be using phone after this. It’s

already useless to me. I will give this back to my mother.”




“And, I know you will tell your friends about this. Don’t

tell them that there’s a third party because that’s not true.

Don’t include the three here. Just tell them I was just

foolish.”


“Ok. I will. Don’t tell them about everything that I’ve

told you ha? Don’t tell them about my favors. Just tell them we

broke up. Nothing more, nothing less.”


“Do you really LOVED me? Or was it just pure foolishness?”


“I did loved you but it just messed up.”


“Why do you say that you’re foolish? Ok. Don’t reply

anymore because I’ll be getting my sim out of this phone. It’ll

just be useless if you’ll reply.”




Then, I already get my sim card and returned the phone to

my mother. I was hurt but, I didn’t cry. I don’t want to cry

because it will not make any difference if cry. Why? If I cry,

will he come back? No. So, why should I cry?




That morning, when I entered the room, I wear a smile in my

face. I wasn’t happy, I just want to show them I wasn’t hurt.


“Capa!” I called Catherine and I just smiled at her.


“Back to being single again! Haha. True love waits again!

HAHA” I pretended to laugh even if I’m hurt inside. It really

hurts. They hear what I say. They were shocked when they knew

that we broke up because according to them, our relationship was

so ideal and it was just yesterday when he calls me and we’re

still happy and very sweet and now? Everything has just ended.

#Love is like a stapler



Easy to attach but so hard to detach



The worst thing is when it’s already detached,



It still leaves a mark.





#You should not be sorry about love.



Rather, it should make you wonder…



That if you’re once happy with the wrong one,



How much more when the right one comes?





----------------------------------------------------------------






I once had a dream. A dream that lasted for almost 3



months. Was it really a dream? Or does it really happen in



reality? Yes, it happened in reality. I loved someone more than



anything else. He became my everything. But, he just let me go.






I have been walking through the roads of my life alone. I



was so lonely and my journey’s meaningless. I met lots of people



on my way but, none of them dared to step into my lane. They



didn’t notice me as if I’m invisible. But, on my way through,



someone stepped into my lane. He joined me on my way. He started



to add meaning and happiness to my life. My life became



colorful, full of laughs and smiles. He walk through the path



with me. I was used to it; that he’s there when I turn to him;



he’s there to make me smile when I feel so lonely. He’s the only



one who fill the missing piece of my heart. He taught me lots of



things and I learned lots of things because of him. When I fall



down, he picked me up and helps me to stand again. He’s there



for me when I need someone to talk to; someone to share my



feelings with. At first, we were just strangers and then we



became friends and then ,more than friends. I was too happy



with him. I learned to love him this much. I never expected



someone will step into my lane and walk with me all through the



path. He helps me when I need help and I help him when he need



help.. When I’m with him, there were also lots of people passing



but this time, I treat them as invisible. We’ve already



travelled a long journey. On our way onward, lots of people were



trying to grab him away from me but, he still stayed there with



me. And there, we saw to roads – the left and the right. I left



him there in the center of the two roads. I turned left to check



what lies in that road; to make sure if the road’s fine so that



when he’ll walk with me there, he’ll feel comfortable. I was



done checking the road and yes, the road was fine. I went back



to him to tell him that we’ll be going in that road because I



know he’ll be comfortable there. But, when I arrived back at the



place where I left him, he’s already with someone else. I tried



to hold his hand and pull him through the left road but, he



pulled back his hands off me. He let go and walk in the left



road with that someone with him. I was left in the center of the



roads alone. I’m watching their steps. They’re still near me so,



I ran to him. I wanted to talk to him to make things clear but



he just keep on ignoring me. He fixed my heart and now he broke



it into pieces again. He just left me and now, I’m walking all



alone again. I was following them because my heart’s with him. I



keep o following my heart and every step I take, all I did was



to pick up my heart’s broken pieces because he’s breaking it



piece by piece. It’s like a rose petals scattered on the road.



When finally he’s done breaking it, he put down the last piece



of my heart but, it fall inside his shoe. Maybe he didn’t notice



it because he became too happy with that someone. And me, I’m



still following the tracks of my heart’s pieces. When I finally



reach the last piece, I step on my shoe lace and it made me fall



down. I pick up the last piece. I can’t stand alone! I tried to



stand but I really can’t. So, what I did was to fix the broken



pieces of my heart that he left me. I was almost done fixing it



when I noticed that one piece of my heart’s missing! And I



remembered I saw it fell down on his shoe. I wanted to stand! I



wanted to ran to him to get the last piece of my heart to make



me whole again but, I really can’t stand. There, I’m left behind



because he’s not there to pick me up again when I fall like



this. There, all I did was to cry. And, I hope that anytime



soon, he’ll notice that the piece of my heart’s in his shoe and



go back to me; help me to fix the broken pieces; pick me up and



help me stand again and walk with me through the path again. If



he’ll not come back, I will never ever be whole again.







----------------------------------------------------------------






Destiny’s playing games on me. Everything that’s happening



around me always reminds me of him. When it rains, it makes me



remember about how he would give care to me and how he’s



concern. One day, when I’m on my way home, I saw somebody



playing badminton. It reminds me of him because he said that



he’s a badminton player when he’s still in high school. My



brother, when he’ll open youtube, he always search for the song



“Ikaw Lamang by Silent Sanctuary” because he also like that



song. It reminds me of him because that was the first song he



sang in the phone. When I go to our CR, it reminds me of our



second monthsary. The time he calls me late at night. The time



we used to laugh with those nonsense things. If I’ll go to our



kitchen, still, memories from the past are bothering me because



that’s where I answered his first call. When I get inside my



room, it still reminds me of him especially when I lay on my bed



because I misses the way were before. I miss reading the words



‘good night’ from him. I misses his lines the ‘I love you my



angel’ and ‘good night my princess.’ I hope I can still read



those lines from him again.




If only he didn’t step into my life…




If only he didn’t let me fall in love with him…




If only I haven’t known him…




If only he didn’t became my boyfriend…




I would have not been hurt like this.






I was a fool to believe everything he has told me but he



was also a fool to let me go. Because me? I can still find



someone who will love me more than he did. But him? He will



never ever find someone who will love him as much as I did.



Bwahahaha. :D




I’m still hoping that someday, he’ll come back to me again;



that someday, I can call him MINE again. I’m hoping but I will



not be expecting.






Forever is just a word and forever has it’s end and our



forever has just ended. It was just like yesterday when were



still ‘Us’. It was just like yesterday that I’m still so happy



with him but now, I’m hurt. It was just like yesterday because



it’s still fresh in my mind.






Do you know what’s worst than ‘not okay’? Can you tell me?



I just want to know what I am feeling right now. I am facing



life’s heavy rains and my heart’s in the state of calamity. And



I hope, someday, I could find the rainbow after these rains.



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