Mud & Horses | Teen Ink

Mud & Horses

November 26, 2013
By AwesomeSam, Mahopac, New York
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AwesomeSam, Mahopac, New York
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Favorite Quote:
Ability is nothing without opportunity.
Napoleon Bonaparte


In 1869, a woman must be benevolent and ladylike. She must not question the revered man, lest she be jailed, or even worse, hanged. New York City was bustling with suited men and reticent women trailing along behind them. A woman’s purpose in life was to cook, clean, look pretty, and pop out babies. Not this woman. She vowed never to take a husband. She was acute and loved a good argument. Growing up, she argued and fought with her bothers, but they discriminated against her as she came into womanhood. She wasn't allowed to play in the mud or ride horses like she wanted anymore. She loathed this. Her father was rarely around. Her father was very wealthy and she had a large home and plantation, but her father was a crooked, bad man. Her father went around buying prodigal gifts for common whores. Her father was indifferent and stupid, like all men. The Lord would give her father what was coming. Her friends, or more accurately, her acquaintances, told her she would change when a man caught her fancy, but none did. She gave all men the brush off. She spent most of her time doing the most acceptable thing she was allowed. She painted and collected abstract works of art. One day, a young, handsome man visited and set his sights on her. She immediately didn't like him for one reason; he liked her. He was intelligent and resolute in his standings. He made her laugh when she didn't want to and made her feel truly happy for the first time in a long time. He encouraged her to argue and stand up for herself. A man like this couldn't exist, simply didn't exist. He must be using his guile and provocative nature to manipulate her naïve, young mind, she thought. Well, she would not be fooled. She read more, studied more, and taught herself more. She did not want to be another naive foolish lady like those whom surrounded her on a daily basis. When he came around to court her, she made herself scarce. She was only required to see him during tea and meals, but she spent the rest of her time in her hiding spots. There were many in this large empty house. The library, her mother’s old study room, and her mother’s old tea room were some of her favorites. There were so many empty rooms no one had been in since her mother died. One day, she was looking through some old photographs when she heard some footfalls in the hallway. She held very still, waiting for them to pass. Instead the door opened and he walked in. She had no escape and felt cornered. He kept his distance, as if sensing her nerves. Then he spoke.
“Why have you been avoiding me?”
“I haven’t.” She replied coolly.
“Yes, you have. I don’t understand. I thought you liked me. I know I like you.” His voice, thick with confusion and a hint of sadness, made her feel a twinge of regret. She stopped and thought for a moment, convincing herself he was simply a good liar. She decided to go for the straight, direct route and end this before it began. She needed him to leave and take his all too charming smile with him.
“Look, I am not naive or foolish or housewife material. I intend to make a name for myself, to do something that will change people for the better. I do not want to pop out children and obey some man’s every order.” She stated calmly, yet firmly. He looked shocked for a split second, and then burst into laughter. Indignantly, she strode out the door and yelled
“You foolish man! Leave my home now!”

He regretted his laughter, but he couldn't help it. This darn woman was beautiful and intelligent, with a wit like a knife, and so deliciously brash. He loved it, and he loved her. And he would make her come around to his way of thinking. The next day, he devised a plan. He wore his best suit and drove her to a spot in the country. She was silent the entire carriage ride. When he helped her out, she landed in a giant puddle of mud. He jumped in too, and before she could start screaming at him, he grinned and said:
“For one day, pretend you don’t hate me. Pretend we are 5 years old. Play in the mud with me. Forget ladylike and gentlemanly manners and focus on having fun. Can you do that for me?”
With a look of open curiosity, she agreed. The offer was too fun to pass up. They had immense fun, splashing in the mud and making mud pies. They had mud fights, and made mud angels. It was the best day ever for them both. As the sun began to set, he held her and watched her. Her eyes were wide with wonder with that sharp wit just beneath the surface. In a moment of pure impulsiveness, he leaned down and kissed her, sweet and passionate, and he knew he would have this woman as his wife.
“Will you marry me?” He said, holding her close, in the mud.
She looked apprehensive, so he continued.
“I want to argue with you and make you angry. I want to beg for forgiveness and kiss you good morning. I want to cherish you, love you, and hold you forever. I want to see you grow with my child and help you create a name for yourself. I want everything that is you and if you shall refuse me, I shall die. Please, please marry me.”
She looked at him with a dazed, but happy smile and whispered
“I would be honored.”

Instead of taking the carriage home, he procured two horses and they rode home, free, independent, and happy. In two months’ time, they were wed. She grew with child and turned out to be a wonderful wife and mother. They argued and he begged for forgiveness. It was everything he promised and more. She studied and read and learned. One day she approached him and said:
“I want a career. I want to help the community. I educated myself and know what needs to be done, however I need your help.”
“What is it you wish to do? What career? How may I be of assistance?”
“I want to start a young women’s live-in school. Young girls grow up today with too much pressure to be perfect, quiet, little baby makers. I want girls to learn and have opinions and ride horses how they like and to play in the mud and everything they ever wanted, but had too much pressure on them not to do. I want them to be a little immature and wild and not feel guilty or hide it. I need your help. This world will not allow a woman to buy a building, let the public know, or do anything remotely independent. That is where you come in. Will you help me?”
She spoke with such passion and conviction, he couldn’t refuse her anything. He was not his father. She reminded him so much of his mother. His fun, adventurous, wild mother. Once he was born, his father changed. His father squashed down and doused out any kind of life or fire in his mother. He always thought his mother died of a broken heart and spirit. Shaking himself back to the present, he looked at her hopeful face.
“I will do anything you need me to. Just tell me what is first.”
Her heart swelled with the love she felt for this man. Her mind running a mile a minute, she thought everything she would need and how long this all could take.
“First, I’ll need a teaching license and a site for the school.”
“Teaching license, I can acquire. The Mayor owes me a favor. We will go looking for sites this weekend.”
The week passed by in a blur. He had procured a teaching license for her and she fell in love with an old brick building that used to be used for military training in the Revolutionary War. Next he got newspapers all throughout the state to print articles on this up and coming lady’s school. Upon hearing of the articles, applicants were filing in by the hundreds.
“Good thing the building is huge.” She mused aloud to herself while waiting for the finishing touches to be done to the building and going through the final walk-through. As she walked along the halls, she felt cozy and hoped everyone would feel the same. The past months had been hard, but it would soon pay off.
The opening had gone off without a hitch, and so did the following months. Christmas time was drawing near, and she had something magical planned for the girls. She was going to dress the girls in trousers and they all were going outside to play in the snow. They would make snow angels and have snowball fights. Then they would come inside and drink hot cocoa and laugh and eat and open presents. She spent a lot of time with her girls and the school, but always saved time for her husband and 6 year old boy.

Sometimes she wondered what it would be like if she pushed him away more or if he hadn't taken her to the mud pit. She thanks the Lord everyday he did. With a wonderful family, her dream coming true, and holiday bliss surrounding her, it seems her life was too good to go wrong. Then her crooked, slimy father showed up on her doorstep. Her father lost everything and begged for her help. Her brothers had already shut the door on him, and she would do the same. Then he intervened and allowed the man to stay for as long as he needed. That’s when the trouble started.
“I will NOT allow that piece of slime to live in our home! You need to get rid of him NOW!!” She stated firmly.
“No. This is not our home. It is my home. You take care of my home and I say he can stay. As my wife, you will obey me. I do not obey you.” He replied, too calm.
“YOU BASTARD!! I AM YOUR SERVANT!!!!! I WILL NOT OBEY YOU!! I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT!!!!!!” She denounced him.
“YOU ARE A WOMAN!!! I DON’T CARE HOW INDEPENDENT YOU PRETEND TO BE!!! YOU NEED ME AND WILL LEARN TO OBEY ME!!!” He yelled in her face.
She stormed off, confused and angry tears running down her face. A black pit was forming in her stomach and her heart was breaking. She didn't know where to go or what to do. She ran outside and down the street, knocking into people and not really seeing everything. All she could think of was the rage on his face and how he changed. He respected her, he helped her, he wanted her to be her own person, and now he was acting like every other stupid male in the world. Her heart shattered as she collapsed in a pile in an alleyway. She knew this would happen, but her heart tricked her. She had to leave, but where? Her friends wouldn't understand. Her brothers would shun her. She couldn't do anything on her own. If I divorced him, she would lose everything. She couldn't leave her child. Maybe he was angry and didn't mean those things. She could give him another chance. Her head told her to walk away, that was who he was the whole time, but her heart made her give him another chance. That was the last thing running through her head before she passed out, the adrenaline rush of the argument spent. She woke up alone and scared before the events of the night before crashed back into her mind with a terrible headache. Her dress was askew and dirty, her hair looked like a rats nest, and her face was swollen from crying so much. She held her head high and hurried past the whispers and stares of the public. When she got home, he wasn't there. She bathed, changed, and cleaned herself up. She straightened up the house a little, and went through the mail. There she found a letter addressed to her from the state.

“How strange. Why would the state contact me? I am just a woman, after all.” She said glumly. She ripped it open and was halfway down the page with a sinking feeling in her stomach, when the paper was ripped from her grasp.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!? I get the mail here, now go clean something.” He snapped at her with a sneer on his face. He scanned the letter, and then grinned with evil glee.
“This is justice. Did you read this? It says your license was provoked, the building was condemned, and your school will be shut down. You must appear in court next week to face the following charges; false license, endangering the lives of children, and being a neglectful wife. Well, my day just got better, how about yours?” He read, grinning even wider at her tears and devastated expression. Then more serious, he said
“Maybe this will show you. You are not independent. You are mine. I own you. You will cook, clean, and have babies. You will take care of my children and me. Do you understand?”
Without bothering to hear her answer, he stalked away. She collapsed into a chair. How could this happen? First her husband, and then her school. Her father should be here, as well. He invited her father to stay here.
“Oh, and your father had a heart attack last night. He’s dead.” He stated as casually as if he was discussing the weather.
That was the final nail in the coffin. Sure, she didn't like her father, but he was still her father and she didn't want him dead. She started sobbing uncontrollably. The nest day, she came out of the room and went to him.
“I apologize. I am ready to be your obedient wife.” She said without a hint of emotion. She felt nothing. She hoped she would never feel anything again. He studied her, and then smiled.
“Good. My son will be heading off to school soon. Go make him breakfast, then bring me some.” He said, bent over some papers. Obediently, she went off to cook breakfast, empty inside. Her lack of emotions allowed her to think more clearly than ever. She lost almost everything and couldn't live as a servant. Divorce would cause her to lose everything. She had one solution. After she brought him dinner and was dismissed, she wrote all her loved and family, saying she loved them and would always think of them. It would confuse them, but they would understand when news reached them. She sent the letters, and put on her best dress. She left a letter on her bedside explaining the whole story and hoped someone would remember her. She took his dagger and pushed it through her heart. Then she was truly free.



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