The Voyages of the Waved Albatross

December 11, 2012
By IMSteel BRONZE, Wallhala, South Carolina
IMSteel BRONZE, Wallhala, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Learn from Yesterday, live for Today, hope for Tomorrow" - Albert Einstein

"Brevity is the Soul of Wit" - The Which


Summary:

Brown as a dead leaf that the wind has swept away from its tree, a mysterious sailor appears in a quiet cove in years following the War of Spanish succession, bringing with him a tale of daring, murder and adventure. All aboard the sloop, the Waved Albatross.

Tags: NatureHuman


IMSteel

The Voyages of the Waved Albatross


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This book has 47 comments.


on Jan. 10 2013 at 6:41 pm
Claudia.VII BRONZE, N/A, California
2 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Let them eat cake.\" -Marie Antoinette.
\"Genius is born-- not paid.\" -Oscar Wilde.
\"Press the button, we\'ll do the rest.\" -George Eastman
\"If you\'re going through hell, keep on going.\" - Winston Churchill

Ah, the pure vulgarity, passion, and hapless adventures of the sea! I love it, truly, I do. It reads like a fishwive's tale or a seafaring version of Dickens'.    Now, besides some minor grammar, sentence structure, article paragraph spacing issues, here's my personal problem, "Brown as a dead leaf that the wind has swept away from its tree, the sailor stood on the brink of a long jetty of toothy cliffs at one end of a small cove that was bounded on the other side by a similar jut of cliffs." Now, now, now, I never took you for a rambler, don't take offence  but there are times to be eloquent and there are times to be laconic. I know I sound like some 21st century nitwit by writing this, but in any introduction, take the reader immediately into the heart of your story. We love hearing about the cliffs and the sailor, but the tone is really the issue with me. What of the mystery, the adventure? Is there anything that can make us feel the remotely bit connected with such a hard, sea-faring man? If you write solely to describe every brick and cobblestone, how long will the reader's enthusiasm last? These are the questions authors writing to an ADHD-attention span audience must ask. I realize I sound as if I have little to no faith in my fellow peers, but in truth, being a writer in our society is a tricky business. Authors like Stephanie Meyer are overly indulged and glorified because of their complete gratification to the restless masses. Writers such as Dickens can only be understood by those of more mature tastes nowadays, and hence, our overall education system suffers. I feel as if I'm writing a windbag, opinionated article on a simple comment...   I adore your writing style, descriptions, and dialogue, though, don't get me wrong. And to be a true writer, step one is to write for the sake of the pleasure of writing itself and no other. :)

IMSteel BRONZE said...
on Jan. 10 2013 at 6:09 pm
IMSteel BRONZE, Wallhala, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Learn from Yesterday, live for Today, hope for Tomorrow" - Albert Einstein

"Brevity is the Soul of Wit" - The Which

Thank you so much, everyone!  PS.  White spaces?  Hm.  When I wrote it on Microsoft, it had a lot of white spaces, but when I posted it on Teen Ink, it didn't save those.  Thanks again!

Honour SILVER said...
on Jan. 10 2013 at 3:29 pm
Honour SILVER, New London, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 181 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. ~John 15:13

"Give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry

Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

"I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery" ~ Thomas Jefferson

THis is a good story!  The description was good.  Ia gee with Guardian though, the spacing was a bit crammed, making it a little hard to read.  Other than that good job!

on Jan. 10 2013 at 3:26 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

Lots of good description and a good story that keeps you wondering. The only suggestion is that you might want to add more "White space" when placing an article on the web. (the white space between lines and scentences and such). Its been proven that people like more white space when reading things on the computer and such (it may get you more viewers). But all in all I really liked it and you've got a lot of talent. :)

IMSteel BRONZE said...
on Dec. 23 2012 at 11:33 am
IMSteel BRONZE, Wallhala, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Learn from Yesterday, live for Today, hope for Tomorrow" - Albert Einstein

"Brevity is the Soul of Wit" - The Which

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it. 

CammyS SILVER said...
on Dec. 23 2012 at 8:15 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
H. G. Wells
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Mark Twain

Vividly described, and with terrific dialouge. My only complaint was that the long, heavily descriptive paragraphs make reading a bit difficult.

Naamby said...
on Dec. 22 2012 at 1:45 pm
This story shows a vivid and lively imagination at work!  Excellent dialogue and imagery.  This young writer shows promise!


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