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If We Collide

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musicalginger
If We Collide
Summary: when Es's mother unexpectably dies, she is left to run the kindom on her own. but with the ever looming possiblility of war, she has to take durastic measures. she surrendures herself to the enemie to save her sector. with no hope of being rescued her days are short lived. until she meets Damon.



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This book has 17 comments. Post your own!

bluedusk said...
Nov. 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm:
this is great but what is it based off of?
 
musicalginger replied...
Nov. 15, 2012 at 7:02 pm :
well i didnt really base it off of anything i was just brainstorming ideas and came up with this story in my head. it was a lot harder to put it into words though. Im glad you like it!  
 
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BorderlineGenius777 said...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 4:37 am:
Not bad, not bad. I like it!
 
musicalginger replied...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:36 am :

Thanks so much!

 

 
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SN3RD said...
Jul. 4, 2012 at 12:54 am:
This is a good and creative read :)
 
musicalginger replied...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:35 am :

thanks!

 

 
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FluteFreak said...
May 18, 2012 at 12:49 pm:
This is a nice beginning, but I have found a few typos such as you said "to advanced" when you should use "too" and you also tend to jump from scene to scene with very little transition...
 
musicalginger replied...
May 20, 2012 at 9:27 am :
ok thanks ill definitley work on that
 
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Dr.Solyn said...
May 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm:
I agree with Atl. It is a nice start, however with a little more editing and effort I feel it could be much improved. For me the story so far lacks flow, it's a bit fragmented, as if you're showing us a series of pictures instead of a movie. I'm very interested to find out what's going to happen further into the story and look forward to that. Keep writing!
 
musicalginger replied...
May 15, 2012 at 7:17 pm :
Thank you! i will definitley write more and focus more on the details and making them flow better throughout the story!
 
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Atl.Braves03This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm:
You have a really good start. My advice would be to go over your word choices. There were times when I thought you coud have made the scene perfect with a little more vivid adjectives or verbs. Besides that, just take time to read some of the works of great writers such as Steinbeck or Tolkien and learn from them so that you can just keep getting better and better. Good luck!
 
musicalginger replied...
May 15, 2012 at 7:15 pm :
Thanks sooooo much! ill work on it some more and get back to you!
 
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musicalginger said...
May 14, 2012 at 7:46 pm:

if anyone has anymore comments or ways to make this story better, they are appreaciaed greatly =D

(did i spell appreciated right?)

 
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humanbean said...
May 12, 2012 at 10:45 pm:
Awesome story! Its really good :D Hope u write more
 
musicalginger replied...
May 14, 2012 at 7:44 pm :
Thanks! Im glad u like it!
 
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musicalginger said...
May 11, 2012 at 11:51 am:

ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(

O----o-----0------O--------O

there it goes

 
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musicalginger said...
May 11, 2012 at 11:51 am:

ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(

O----o-----0------O--------O

there it goes

 
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