If We Collide

May 8, 2012
By boringbrunette BRONZE, hahaha, Illinois
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)


Summary:

when Es's mother unexpectably dies, she is left to run the kindom on her own. but with the ever looming possiblility of war, she has to take durastic measures. she surrendures herself to the enemie to save her sector. with no hope of being rescued her days are short lived. until she meets Damon.


musicalginger

If We Collide


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This book has 17 comments.


on Nov. 15 2012 at 7:02 pm
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

well i didnt really base it off of anything i was just brainstorming ideas and came up with this story in my head. it was a lot harder to put it into words though. Im glad you like it!  

on Nov. 4 2012 at 11:36 pm
bluedusk BRONZE, Weimar, California
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
this is great but what is it based off of?

on Jul. 18 2012 at 10:36 am
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

Thanks so much!

 


on Jul. 18 2012 at 10:35 am
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

thanks!

 


on Jul. 18 2012 at 4:37 am
BorderlineGenius777 SILVER, Lewiston, Idaho
7 articles 0 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most would be content to take their own and depart."- Socrates

Not bad, not bad. I like it!

SN3RD BRONZE said...
on Jul. 4 2012 at 12:54 am
SN3RD BRONZE, Glendale, Arizona
3 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm the bugs bunny, and if you ain't got my carrots, you ain't got nothin' for me!" --Nicki Minaj

This is a good and creative read :)

on May. 20 2012 at 9:27 am
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

ok thanks ill definitley work on that

on May. 18 2012 at 12:49 pm
FluteFreak SILVER, Auburn, Indiana
8 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Insanity just adds a little spice to life!" -Me

This is a nice beginning, but I have found a few typos such as you said "to advanced" when you should use "too" and you also tend to jump from scene to scene with very little transition...

on May. 15 2012 at 7:17 pm
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

Thank you! i will definitley write more and focus more on the details and making them flow better throughout the story!

on May. 15 2012 at 7:15 pm
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

Thanks sooooo much! ill work on it some more and get back to you!

Forevernever said...
on May. 15 2012 at 4:45 pm
Forevernever, Sugar Land, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
“The irony is that while God doesn’t need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don’t really want Him most of the time.” -Francis Chan

I agree with Atl. It is a nice start, however with a little more editing and effort I feel it could be much improved. For me the story so far lacks flow, it's a bit fragmented, as if you're showing us a series of pictures instead of a movie. I'm very interested to find out what's going to happen further into the story and look forward to that. Keep writing!

on May. 15 2012 at 3:42 pm
Atl.Braves03 BRONZE, Tampa, FL, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
Of this picture he's painting
God is God and I am man
I will never understand
Because only God is God

You have a really good start. My advice would be to go over your word choices. There were times when I thought you coud have made the scene perfect with a little more vivid adjectives or verbs. Besides that, just take time to read some of the works of great writers such as Steinbeck or Tolkien and learn from them so that you can just keep getting better and better. Good luck!

on May. 14 2012 at 7:46 pm
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

if anyone has anymore comments or ways to make this story better, they are appreaciaed greatly =D

(did i spell appreciated right?)


on May. 14 2012 at 7:44 pm
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

Thanks! Im glad u like it!

humanbean said...
on May. 12 2012 at 10:45 pm
humanbean, Cardiff, Other
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
To be or not to be that is the question
~Shakespeare

Awesome story! Its really good :D Hope u write more

on May. 11 2012 at 11:51 am
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(

O----o-----0------O--------O

there it goes


on May. 11 2012 at 11:51 am
boringbrunette BRONZE, Hahaha, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)

ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(

O----o-----0------O--------O

there it goes





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