Chapter 2



That moment ran through my head all night, why would he look at me? Of all people? It wasn't like I was the prettiest girl, I didn't have the biggest boobs, and I wasn't the skinniest. My mom always said that I had pretty eyes tho, maybe that's what he was staring at. His eyes were transfixing. They were so blue like ice but so warm, they made me feel safe. Can you get that feeling of safeness just by looking into someone's eyes? This kept me up for hours until I finally decided he probably just saw something or just liked my eyes. I mean he was a international pop star what would he want with me? A girl who had so much s*** going on in her life, a girl who you could see the life and hope had been drained from her eyes. Maybe that's what he was staring at.


Days passed and December 3rd seemed all but a distant and pleasant dream. It was Thursday now and I don't remember why but we had Friday off so of course it was party time, this new kid was always throwing parties because his family was loaded and his parents were ALWAYS gone. I think his name was Tommy LeHusak, he was a sweet kid and automatically made it with the popular crowd which was funny because he was short fat and not the cutest but damn was he funny. He became good friends with Luke so we went to EVERY party Tommy threw. Luke was very opposite of Tommy looks wise: he was tall and had the body of a model, he had these chocolate eyes that I would stare into when I could and would wonder what was going on behind them. He had dark hair, tan skin, a tattoo of the day his sister died (that's what made me want to get to know him more, he was mysterious and had a bad life and I wanted to just hold him and tell him everything would be okay, except he wasn't the cuddling type) he also had this motorcycle he would take me for long rides on because he knew how much it turned me on. Today was one of those days we would go for a long ride, fool around, then go to the party, except this ride was very much different.


We got on his bike right after school and he took me all around and I held onto his warm body and we sped between cars, yea I can see why it turned me on: it was dangerous, it made me feel like he was protecting me from the danger, I loved having a superman. We pulled into his garage and he pulled me over to the car he was working on and we started to make out and it was hot, hotter than usual. I slipped his shirt off and he slipped off mine, this went on for about ten minutes and then he started to do something different. He picked me up and brought me inside the car and put me on the seat, he slid my jeans down and started foundling with my lace undies. I was curious on what he was about to do, and then it happened so fast: he pulled his pants off and got out a condom. I tried to push him off and tell him I wasn't ready for this (we were dating for two months and sorry but it just didn't feel right doing it with him in the back of a car, I wanted it to romantic and sentimental) but he kept hushing me and telling me it'd be fun and how he thought I was ready, but I kept saying no and I pushed as hard as I could to get him off me. That's when he reacted in a way I hope I never see again, he forced me down and said he was ready and was done waiting and he needed this right now (I didn't understand why until later on that I found out that today was his sisters birthday) he held me down and I started to cry and I begged for him to stop and to get off, he just looked at me with those brown eyes. I couldn't read him I couldn't tell if he was going to or not, and then he gave me the condom and said if I really loved him I would let him, so I put it on him and I just closed my eyes. During the whole time he kept treating me like a dog saying good girl and you can do it, how humiliating. When he was finished he got up and slipped his jeans back on, I just lay there with tears in my eyes. He told me to put my clothes back on and we could grab something to eat before we left for the party, why was he acting so nonchalant about this? I came inside and went to the bathroom but didn't come out for a few minutes. I just stared at myself, I thought maybe I would look different, more like a woman, but I didn't. I still looked like Kaitlyn Gross, 16 year old Kaitlyn Gross. My hair looked good tho, the brown curls had calmed down, I can see why people said you looked different after sex. I came out when Luke came to the door and asked if everything was alright I said yeah and quickly came out. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and said "That was fun we should do it again when we get back baby. I know how much you love me now." How much I love him now? He figured that out because of sex, not because of the sweet texts I sent him nor the way I only looked at him when other guys were around. I never as much hugged another guy, I didn't want to make him jealous. But apparently he needs sex to tell him I love him, sex I didn't even want to have.


At the party my friends were the same; drunk and sluts. I never told anyone what happened that night, but Luke sure did. He told his friends and they all had this brilliant idea, instead of me and him having sex together it would be with them too! I didn't realize this until we got back to his house and they all showed up ready for round 2. This time I refused and started to leave when Luke called out "If you don't do this then where done. I know you don't want that so come back here baby." I didn't turn around I kept walking. I was in the street walking home when I felt a familiar hand on me along with a few voices, Luke had come after me with his buddies and they were not going to accept a no. They started circling around me and I tried to push threw them, but they would let me. Now I was scared, I turned around to Luke and begged him not to make me do this but he just looked at me with those eyes and he grabbed my arm hard enough that it left a bruise for two weeks. I let out a screech for help and then he covered my mouth and they pulled me into a back ally, that was when I saw five new figures join us. It was to dark to see them, all I remember is someone pulling luke from me. I fainted after I saw the first punch thrown, way to much adrenaline going threw my body to be able to stay away I guess.

Chapter 3


I woke up in the hospital, my parents weren't there...what a shocker, but someone I did recognize was there. The same blue eyes that made me freeze were staring at me along with a pair of green eyes. Niall Horan and Harry styles were in my hospital room...what?! Why?! What happened?! Niall came over to me and spoke in this soft Irish voice that made me melt, I didn't understand what he was saying at first until he repeated it a few times. "Are you okay love?" He said. Niall just called me love, this had to be a dream, but I responded with a voice that didn't sound like mine. It was hoarse and quiet, he gave me the water next to me and then I was able to say I was feeling fine. I didn't feel like talking because my head hurt, apparently I hit it pretty hard coming down, so Niall did all the talking. He told me what they were doing wandering the streets and how they saw me get dragged into the ally after hearing my distressed call for help. He also told me how they beat up Luke and his friends and carried me to the hospital, but one important fact had been missing, I didn't have my wallet with me when they brought me to the hospital to I was checked into the place under a Jane doe. That means my parents had no idea where I was, they probably thought I was at Kaila's house...they didn't know I started spending my nights at Luke's. Then Niall interrupted my thought process, "so what is your name?" He asked. "It's Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn Gross." I replied. I was still trying to register the whole situation when both of the boys got up; I have completely forgot Harry was there. They started out of the room when I said "Don't leave me by myself! Please." Harry turned around and said "We aren't," he gave me his signature wink and continued "We're gonna let the hospital know who you are, we also need to go find the rest of the boys hell knows what the bastards could be doing." He smiled and turned to Niall and said something, then Niall came back into the room, turned the TV on, and came and sat next to me again. "What shows do you like?" He asked. "It doesn't matter, ill watch whatever." Then he put spongebob on and turned to me. "Since people can't hear us now, can you tell me what happened?" He looked deep into my eyes with concern. "What do you mean?" I asked
"Well when I pulled the one guy off you he yelled 'that's my girlfriend, leave us alone' so I guess what I'm wondering is if it really was your boyfriend and if so why did it seem he was about to do something unspeakable to you?"
I stared at him, those blue eyes staring into mine, it took me a few moments to find my words
"Yes he was my boyfriend, but I think you can say were officially over" I tried to give a little smile, then I told him what happened that whole night starting from what happened after school. Niall just sat there in silence, when he finally spoke he said "So your saying I should have hit that bastard a lot harder than I did. I knew men did things like this, but I didn't think it would happen to someone like you."
"What do you mean someone like me?"
"Well," he gave a little smile with a blush "when I saw you last weekend I thought you were probably the most gorgeous thing I'd ever laid eyes on. You curls were blowing in front of your face, your cheeks were red from the cold and your eyes had something...different about them..and I thought well, I thought a girl like that must have a boyfriend who does whatever she wishes, she's a girl that once you fall in love with, it's much harder to stop loving." When he finished he was looked down at his fingers and I was staring at him with amazement completely and utter shock. Me? Gorgeous? Me? A girl man fall helplessly in love with? Then he looked back up to me with eyes that were searching mine, I don't know what he was looking for, but I guess he found it because he sat back in his chair with my hand in his. That moment I could have died and been uncontrollably happy. I had never had someone say that to me. I didn't know what to say back to him, thank you just wasn't good enough. I laid there in complete joy with his warm, safe hand in mine. I closed my eyes feeling like I was home.

Chapter 4
When I woke up I looked over to see Niall still watching TV and his hand still grasped mine, I smiled. I never felt this happy and safe in my entire life. This feeling quickly changed when Luke barged in.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL F*** KAITLYN!!! You finally have sex with me and then I turn around to find you with HIM! Get out you piece of s*** let me talk to my girlfriend!" Screamed Luke, he charged right over to Niall, who was now standing in front of me, and with one quick motion punched him straight in the jaw making Niall fall back onto my bed. Then Luke went for me and screamed in my face "You ungrateful b****! I give you my house to sleep in, I drive you around and this is how you repay me!!" He was going to slap me when someone grabbed his wrist. I don't know when but during this whole heated fight Luke was giving Liam had swooped in. Niall had gotten back up from falling and was now getting me out of bed to remove from the room, apparently he knew what was going to go down. He held onto my hand and didn't let it go, I couldn't help but smile in all of the commotion I was happy he was holding my hand. Then it started, Luke threw the first punch and aimed it for Liam's head, he dogged it and sent a punch to Luke's jaw who returned it with a right hook. They went at this for a good 7 minutes before a nurse had gotten the hospitals security to escort Luke out of the building. I don't remember exactly saying it but evidently I did.
"Luke, we are done. Don't talk to me not now not ever. Don't look in my direction at school and don't have my friends talk to me for you. You're an asshole, what you made me do I....I hate you!" Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I screamed the last part, and I fell into Niall who was holding me strong. The feeling I had at that moment well it was a feeling I would do anything to feel again, I felt safe in his arms.


Niall and the boys took me to their hotel and wanted to know if I needed to phone home. I was about to say no when I figured its been two days since my moms seen me, I probably should. Once I got off the phone with her after what seemed like a decade of explaining I was free to hang with them for the rest of the day. But I didn't want to just sit in this hotel which I was pretty sure they've been doing since they became famous, I wanted to show them my city. I brought up the idea and Niall Louis and Harry were up for it, Liam and Zayn needed some convincing, but they finally agreed to.

The first place I took them was a little restaurant that wasn't too famous but was really different lets just say no one had manners at the restaurant and that was the theme. It was funny to see their reactions when the waiter told them to get up and get their drinks and when he threw ketchup at us. But the thing that really made my night was that Niall didn't leave my side. I showed them the ice skating ring and we rented skates, I've always been ghastly at it but they all helped me. Then I took them to this old movie theatre and we saw a few short storied films. Then I took them through all the tourist attractions. It was about midnight when we headed back. I had to get home so I said my goodbyes and I headed down the hall for the elevator when a recently familiar body joined me. "You didn't think I was going to let you go home by yourself did you?" He said with a wink in this cute accent, I could really get used to it. Since it was late at night no one was really around to recognize him so no need for incognito.


It was a cold starry night and he had let me wear his jacket, "You know...I..err....I liked spending the day with you. Unlike most of the people I meet you're actually...real.." He said. He was nervous and I don't know why but it was adorable the way he stumbled over his words. "I have thought u were beautiful from the first time I laid eyes on you and I automatically developed this crush on you, but getting to know you today I realized...you need someone that can always be there. And well plainly I can't. Trust me I like you, but I don't think I am the best for you." As he finished this he was staring so hard as his fight I thought he might burn a hole into them. "I...I don't know what to say, I think your good for me and you have been there for me since I met you I..." I didn't know what to say to him. He let go of my hand and faced toward me, he stared at me for a few seconds as if he was trying to memorize every detail in my face. Then he leaned forward kissed my forehead and said goodbye. I didn't move, I couldn't move. The boy I thought could be mine just left me. I watched him walk away. He didn't even turn around. "Goodbye" I whispered and I felt the hot tears once again.

Chapter 5


It's December 30 now, I haven't had any contact from Niall or his boys. I knew he told me goodbye but inside I was still secretly hoping he would come back, wrap me in his arms, hold my hand, kiss me. But he never did. The whole drama about what happened with Luke got around the school pretty fast, "she's a skank" was said as I walked down the halls. I guess having sex if your a girl qualifies you as a whore but if you're a guy it makes you one of the coolest around. Jamie and my friend Ben were the only ones who still talked to me. Kaila apparently has developed a thing with Luke, so much for best friends. Thank god we were on Christmas break, I don't know what I would have done if I had to deal with more drama from the pricks in my school.


I was chilling at home watching some sappy love movie I found when Jamie texted me; she was the only one who knew about Niall. "Oh my god Kait you have to look at the interview last night with one direction!!! I think Nialls talking about you!!!!! Get your ass of that sofa and go look at it!" I slowly got up preparing myself for him to say how I was some crazy fan or something but when I watched the video that's not what he said, not even close.
Interviewer: "So we have all the drama on the groups relationships except for you, Niall. You wanna tell us about those rumors including you and a girl only a few weeks ago?"
Niall: "There's not much to say."
Interviewer: "Lets start with how you two met."
Niall: "It was December 3rd when I first saw her, for her safety I'm not going to tell you her real name but lets call her Belle because that means beautiful. It was December 3rd and I was walking out of the music shop with the lads when we were bombarded with screaming fans. This girl had me take a picture with her and when I faced that way I saw her, Belle. She had a white hat on and her brown curls were slipping out of it. Her cheeks were red from the cold.." Niall cut off, he was staring at nothing, he was thinking about something when the interviewer said "go on"
Niall: "She was smiling at something, I don't know what, but then I locked eyes with her, she had these mysterious eyes that made you want to stare into them for forever. I thought they were blue then, but when I ran into her again they looked greenish gold. We didn't lock eyes for long, but she was probably the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen..."
Interviewer: "Sounds it. Tell me what happened between you two, if I was you I would have snatched her up right then and there." He gave a wink.
Niall: "I met her again on the 5th. And that's when I took a chance and talked to her. The boys and I spent the whole next two days with her. It was perfect, she was perfect. But...I...I wasn't perfect for her."
Interviewer:"Any feelings left for her?"
He just stared at the interviewer and at that moment Niall got up and left, Harry went after him but they never came back to the room. The interviewer asked a few more questions but I wasn't interested. Did he still care about me? He apparently was here with the boys till tonight then were leaving for Hollywood for a movie premier. I wanted to find him before he left, find out if he still cared. I just..I couldn't do it. I was scared that if he didn't I would be a lot more hurt than I am now. The door bell rang and snapped me out of those thoughts, I found Jamie at the door. "He leaves in a few hours, my dads friend said he can get you to see them before he leaves." She said, she didn't move from the door way. "I don't want to go. I don't care." I replied plainly. "That's horse s*** and we both know it. Since the day he left you haven't been the same. When people talk to you you're only halfly there, you stay up in your head mostly and I know your thinking about him. So stop being a little b**** and put your big girl pants on and go find him." God I loved that girl something about the way she told me plain in simple how I was being made me do what I was about to do. I threw some makeup on tried to control my hair grabbed my jacket and jumped in her car.

On the way to the airport I started to second guess this whole "plan". What was I going to say? "Hey Niall I wanted to know if you still liked me? No? Okay thanks bye!" I was getting super nervous now and when Jamie stopped the car for me to get out I didn't move. "I don't want to know if he still likes me. I...I'm scared." I whispered. Jamie leaned over and grabbed my hand "He could be it Kait. And if he doesn't like you anymore then he's an ass for saying that in the interview and a fool for not liking you. Now come on." I got out slowly and then I heard the girls. "1D love me!!!" "Harry marry me!!!!" "Bye!!! We love you!!!" They were leaving...I started to jog, then run. I saw them walking threw security, "Niall!!!" I screamed. He didn't hear me the other girls were too loud. They were through security by the time I got to the front of the crowd. I saw my chance. They were about to walk by a glass part that no one was at, I ran to it faster than I probably ever ran before. I put my hands on the glass banged against it and screamed Nialls name. A gaurd came over and told me to step back but I didn't listen I kept banging on the glass. He didn't look over until he saw two guards removing me from the glass and I saw him mumble my name. He stared at me and I started to push away from the guards, but they wouldn't let go. I started to cry and that's when Niall made a move, he ran through security, through the girls screaming and grabbing at him and straight to me. "It's alright she's with me." He said and they let me go and I ran into his arms. He hugged me so tightly and that feeling that I swore I would never forget returned. "Kaitlyn, what...why are you here?!" He said but he didn't let go of me. I didn't realize it, but I was still crying. He broke the hug and wiped away the tears. "Kaitlyn" he said in a whisper "why are you here?"
"I saw the interview" I said slowing between tears.
"Please stop crying. It kills me. Love please stop." I took a few breaths and got ahold of my tears and he walked me through security, no one tried to stop me, even the girls calmed down and were so curious as to what was going on. He took me over to their private lounge where they waited and asked the boys to give him a few minutes and they all left.
"What about the interview?" He asked
"He asked you if you still had feeling for me...I...I had to know, I couldn't live another day wondering what could have been and if you still cared..."
He grabbed my hand and said "I never stopped caring. The reason I left you was because I didn't want to hurt you, I couldn't live with myself if I knew I did. I left the interview because if I continued I would have poured my heart and soul out on an international video. I couldn't tell the world that I met a girl that made me want to give up singing so I could be with her, or that when I left that night I went to my room and didn't leave for almost a week."
"But you did hurt me. Your hurt me a lot when you left, and I would NEVER ask you to give up your singing career. I just wanted you that's it just you."
He stared into my eyes searching them yet again for something and he found. "I won't be able to see you everyday. Sometimes we won't even be in the same country. I won't be able to hold every single time you cry or have a bad day like I want to..."
"I don't care! I can deal with that! I can make it through those lonely time periods you want to know why? Because I know that you're waiting for me and you'll come back! And when you do...you'll be all mine.."
I couldn't help it I started to cry again, talking about this it made me not want to think about if he didn't want to have a relationship with me. He started whipping away my tears and begged me to stop crying but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. "Please don't leave me again! I can deal with the tours and being away from you but I can't deal with not having you as mine and seeing you with other girls!" I blurted out. I don't even remember thinking it but it just came out so quickly. This next moment was the best thing that ever happened to me. He leaned forward and kissed me, it wasn't a hot kiss or something that led to a make out, it was soft and meaningful. It was innocent and sincere, it was a kiss you have with someone maybe once in a lifetime. It didn't last long probably 15-20 seconds but it was heaven on earth. When he pulled away he whispered "You'll never be able to get rid of me, just promise me you won't leave, you won't give up when you're lonely and you want someone to be there with you whenever you want."
"I promise that won't even cross my mind."

The next week was crazy my mom let me go with them to the premier and paparazzi followed me and Niall around. All the boys warmed up to me pretty quickly and treated me like a sister. The best part was when they asked Niall who the specially lady was since there was no confirmation that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, he then proceeded to grab my waist tell the reporter I was his girl and he kissed me for all the cameras to see.


I can still look back to that year and remember how much I loved him then and look at him now and see how much I love him now. Times were hard when my friends were all on dates with their boyfriends while mine wasn't even in the same state sometimes country, but we talked every night through that year until I graduated. I'm taking a year off before I head to college, I travel with the boys, me and Perrie have become good friends. My parents never did work their problems out, but they still love to have the huge family dinners and they love Niall, I mean what's not to love. Him and I talked about the future all the time and what it has in store for us, one things for certain we may not be in the same place but no matter what we will still have each other. One of the bigger questions we've been asked is if we think we'll get married and honestly I haven't met anyone better than him but who knows what the future has in store, his answer always makes me smile. He says without a pause, not questioning it at all "She's mine and the day I get down on one knee and she says yes will be the happiest moment of my life. If she says no then whatever guy who gets her will be the luckiest man in the world." This is love right here where we could be dirt poor and I would still be just as happy. He was the other half of my soul and he knew it. On our anniversary I told him I loved him, he couldn't contain his joy that he went up to the live band, grabbed the mic and said "She loves me! She told me she loves me, we'll hears a song for her." Then they started playing hero. We danced all night. And I felt his strong body around me, it was good to feel safe in his arms.