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Problems Of a Ten Year Old Girl

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writerfreak21231
Problems Of a Ten Year Old Girl
Summary: Karen, a ten year old girl. Excited about her unborn baby bother. But what do you think will happen when she finds out that James just might not be born? DISASTER. . .





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This book has 6 comments. Post your own now!

kingofwritersThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 4:30 pm
I really do like your story; even though it's the first one you ever wrote, it had a good plot and I liked the ending! You're right; this isn't one of your best stories (THE BEAST, The Caller), but for your first one, it's great! Keep on writing! :)
 
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Thank you! It means a lot!
 
RainbowGirl replied...
Jun. 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I feel like this would be a good story if you went back and slowed it down.

 

The doctor needs to be a bit more realistic. He wouldn't just say "your baby died in your stomach!" he'd say something like: "you had a miscarriage" or something a bit more proper and he would say it quietly because this is devastating news and he has a personal connection with the mother.

 

Another thing too is that if Karen is personally narrating the story she wouldn't know a... (more »)

 
RainbowGirl replied...
Jun. 26, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Oh and one other thing too-- she's driving a toy truck-- they would be able to catch up with her because those things go like 15 mph tops :P. They don't need to call the police XD. I would say because you have dramatic license that you could in theory get away with that but I think that's even a bit too far-fetched for a story or a movie.
 
RainbowGirl replied...
Jun. 26, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Umm... okay and another thing because I just finished reading the book.

 

If the baby had "died" in the mum's stomach they would have taken it out that very day. They would have done a surgery and removed the miscarried baby because keeping it in the mum's stomach is EXTREMELY dangerous so the end-point of this book is practically impossible.

 

Over all, this book is too short for the plotline and if you went back and expanded it and followed my other tip... (more »)

 
Free.Me.Maybe.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 9:45 am

Thank you for your advice! And thanks for reading! I was younger when I wrote this, so yes, it isn't my best work. But thanks for the feedback! 

 

~ Free :)(:

 

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