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The Silver Suit

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Author's note: BlueCrimson is supposed to be together by the way. I can up with this after I had a dream that I...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: BlueCrimson is supposed to be together by the way. I can up with this after I had a dream that I was a fugitive. The setting and some of the things you will come along: Energy Waves, Identity Swaps, and the setting were in my dream. This is what started The Silver Suit, and it just blossomed from there.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   1 2 3 Next »

Prolouge

BlueCrimson. That’s what started it all. That’s what started this nightmare. My nightmare.

I thought this as I dragged myself out from under the shadow of the burning building. Surprisingly it hadn’t fallen yet even though the roof’s edge was only 7ft from the rocky coral-like ground that covered most of this area near the ocean. Not even The Silver Suit had been able to prevent all the wounds I’d been inflicted with by the people chasing me.

I had been
From the 3-9 paragraphs are supposed to be Bold and Italicized. Also the 10th paragraph, 2nd to last, is supposed to be italicized.
one of the premium users when the game took over. It was after a few years of being trapped in here when I received The Silver Suit. 3 months ago, another player named Zeeb, which I had learned from Before means wolf in the Bible, approached me. He and I were stark contrasts. His shaggy black hair vs. my short spiky blonde, his intense penetrating blue, amber flecked eyes vs. my sharp silver/grey; his very Energy Wave gave off the same intense focus as his eyes.
I’d heard of him. Lots about him. He was wanted by the GG, and many others just wanted to see if he was real and if so as good as his rep. Supposably he was once one of the GG’s best agents but then for an unknown reason they locked him away in the heart of their best maximum security center. Rumors have turned him into a legend. Legend says that he escaped the prison with in 24hrs of being placed there and that he released every inmate that would have been innocent in the real world, or otherwise known as the innocents.
As he approached he raised his right palm, a sign of peace, friendship, and fearless to show his rare Print. The five callus. This Print is rare because only a few people have the glitch and this glitch lets you design whatever suit type, shape, and color/pattern you want. He stopped a few feet away. His Silver Suit gleamed in the moonlight and the power of his Energy Wave threatened to knock me over.
“I’ve watched everyone here in BlueCrimson and you are the one I saw had the most potential.” Zeeb said his voice gruff and smooth at the same time. At first I thought her was crazy and I must have shown it to because his deep blue eyes flashed a glowing amber and at the same time his Energy Wave pulsed. Then I realized that this was serious and something big was going to happen now that was going to prepare me for the something huge in the future. “I have a gift for you if you are willing to take it. If you do take it you won’t be able to undo it and if you don’t you may be stuck in here forever.”
I accepted.
To receive or give money or gifts both people must be willing and conscious then you put your left palms together and it’s transferred. As our palms connected a sharp thundering pain echoed throughout my body, but it was a good savory pain. Opening my eyes, I watched the Silver drain from his suit, leaving it pitch black, and as it absorbed my suit’s bright blue.
Stepping back Zeeb nodded farewell, then disappeared. I blinked and stared at the spot where he had stood. Then I looked down to inspect myself. He’d given me his suit. His amazing Silver Suit. Also I realized he’d given me his Print too. Now I was the man with the Suit. The Suit with amazing powers.

The Silver Suit.

I thought this as I collapsed several feet away from the inferno of a building. Looking through the black spots swimming in, and crowding my vision I saw a human figure. It was a girl in a bright red suit looking at me in concern and sympathy. Then the spots blocked out everything. As I slipped into unconsciousness I thought, as a grasp of the memory: I am Ike, owner of The Silver Suit, a 5 callused warrior.
Chapters:   1 2 3 Next »


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This book has 6 comments. Post your own now!

MidnightFireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm

TeenInk seems to be having problems, DinoNugget and CarrieAnn13 both of your posts seem to have been posted twice in the same comment. weird.

 

StrangeJade: Could you elaberate a bit on the 'telling-not-showing' plz

 

DinoNugget: the first part on your description for the proluge confused me abit, I've never seen the Matrix before, and I'm not sure how to describe the suits. I'll look up a good picture of them and hopfully... (more »)

 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

In the format of DinoNugget, here's a chapter-to-chapter breakdown.

Prologue: Interesting, but kind of confusing.  Maybe you could try leaving out all those proper nouns until you have time to explain them later.

Chapter 1: This sounds a lot like the Matrix.  But whatever, it's interesting.  Just a few minor spelling and grammar errors.

Chapter 2: Too many proper nouns again.  Do you really need so many characters?  It can be hard to keep all the ... (more »)

 
billgamesh11 replied...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 9:28 am
Im sorry I hadnt gotten around to reading this until now, but I'm kinda glad I did. There's a few grammatical errors and I agree with CarrieAnn13, you have too many characters and it got really hard to keep up with them all. But it was a cool idea, so keep the creativity flowing and don't stop writing! :):):);)
 
MidnightFireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 8:48 pm
Thanks :) glad you liked it.  I'll work on the issues at hand
 
DinoNugget said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Here's a little chapter-to-chapter breakdown.

 

Prologue - her was crazy, and right afterwards to needs become too.  Watch your homophones.

 

Chapter 1 - It kinda sounded like the Matrix to me a little.  Nothing else grammatically wrong in this chapter.

 

Chapter 2 - Do you think you can include a description of the armor somewhere?  I'm curious as to what it looks like.  And ther are a few spelling error... (more »)

 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Ooh! Cool! :) An intriguing start. You do have a bit of a habit of telling-not-showing sometimes, but the unadorned style suits the story well. Good job! I'm excited to see what happens next.
 

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