I didn't know if there was a way to contact you other than posting on your discussion page, but I just wanted to let you know I posted the rest of my story Metalligirl. I'd really appreciate some feedback on the rest of it; you did a great job on your story and the last comment you gave me was very informative and thorough!

Thanks so much! Your feedback is great and I'll be sure to read some more of your story soon!

I commented on your earlier version of this, and I see that you've filled in the thin places nicely.  The excitement you keep in the story is great, and the setting of the book is really cool.  The dialogue is really good, though I would say that it could use a little trimming on the sarcasm.  On a lot of my earlier stories, (I haven't posted them on Teen Ink), I used a lot of sarcasm, but I've found that it is better to use a moderate amount of it.  Pretty much the only other thing that needs work is the tenses.  Sometimes you tell the story in present-tense, but then, sometimes in the middle of a sentence, you switch to past-tense.  You commented on the first chapter of my book: The Voyages of the Waved Albatross, thanks for the feedback!  If you could, read a few more and comment on them, I would really appreciate it, thanks a lot!