Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Well Played

She steps on to the ice with a well-used skate. It has years of crossovers traced in the blades, the laces tied thousands of times. Her clothing is loose but will keep her warm as she shouts directions at her players crossing the ice in ultimate desperation. She holds a stick carefully taped by hands with years of experience. There are spots where the paint of the logo has chipped away from being hit. As she takes a few steps, the blade of her stick finds a puck and flicks it several feet in the air. She laughs as a girl dives so as to avoid being nailed by the falling puck. Her cheeks have the lines of someone whose seen many a victory, and her eyes have the wisdom of someone who has seen many a loss. It is the face of someone who cares deeply about how her team plays, whether she is on it, or in charge. Then as a senior flies down the ice and makes a perfect goal, the coach sends a pass down while the player is not looking, and then makes some comment about the girl’s inability to catch the puck form there is a glimmer in her eye as if she is laughing, and then a smile appears to accompany the glimmer, followed by another pass to a player who is not as good as the senior, but catches it because after all, the coach meant for it to be caught.



Join the Discussion

This article has 12 comments. Post your own now!

Brandon M. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 12, 2013 at 12:37 pm
Impressive! You have awesome visual skills! 
 
Conner E. said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:51 am
The last sentence ties it all together, it shows the reader everything they need to know, the coach is incredible, reveared and respected.  The essence of "Coach" is captured beautifully.
 
Bailey W. said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:36 am
Your description of characters in this short was fantastic, You could really get a sense of who they were.
 
ChrisM said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:35 am
It showed very well throughout, I especially liked the line, "She holds a stick carefully taped by hands with years of experience."
 
pgilly1994 said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:29 am
Great job with the descriptions it helps you visualize what is going on.
 
JamesFerris said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:27 am
The description of each moment is very vivid and kept me wanting to read.  Very nice job pulling in the reader.
 
EmilyBau said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:26 am
I love this piece! There is so much showing, and I can imagine myself there!
 
Rebecca P. said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:21 am
The vivid detail of the beginnings of practice and the way Coach’s eyes light up moved me. I have so much love for the woman the speaker describes here and the sport we both play; reading this touched me because I recognized the beauty I see in Coach and the sport atmosphere she creates as seen through someone else’s eyes and words. Louisa, Bravo.
 
tildenr said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:21 am
I like how the piece is coming from the point of view of the Coach. Its new and cretive, well done!
 
Hannah L. said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:20 am
I enjoyed reading this short piece. It has vivid details that keep the reader interested, and I love the line that says, "Her cheeks have the lines of someone whose seen many a victory, and her eyes have the wisdom of someone who has seen many a loss."
 
Kelsey W. said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:15 am
I love the first sentence. It really brings you into the story.
 
SageElizabeth said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:11 am
I like the description, and how it is easy to visualize. Good Job!
 
Site Feedback