Listening to yourself can be one of the hardest choices you make in life. You may tell yourself to do something that you think is right or what you think you might want to do. It may seem easy to just think Oh I’ll just listen to myself and do it, but in reality, it can be a very difficult decision. This happened to me at the end of my freshman year. It was one of the hardest choices I had to make; to stay with how things were or break the status quo and listen to myself.
My story is about a friendship- my friendship with a girl. At the start, she was super sweet and always said positive things. But as we grew closer, things started to change. We spent days upon days together. We spent time with each other’s families. We were inseparable. We were best friends.
Like I said before, in the beginning things were great. After about a year and a half into the relationship I started to notice a difference in how things were going. She would talk about me behind my back, start hanging out with people and lied to me about it. All of the things a real friend shouldn’t be doing. I did nothing about it, I would just get upset, or ignore it. I would never talk about it with her or anyone else. It was something I never wanted to be open about.
Things between us got worse, and my mom would start to notice. She would ask me, “Why aren’t you hanging out with her”. I normally shrugged or just say that I was tired or I didn’t feel like it. But in reality, I knew she either didn’t invite me or I didn’t want to see her face to face for fear she would bully me. Sometimes when I would hang out with her, she would pick on me and pick on my flaws. Half the time I asked myself why I was even there.
I would come home upset and my mom would interrogate me until I would spill. So finally I told my mom everything. I would get emotional talking about it because I had never confided in someone and talked about this with them. She told me that I was being bullied. I didn’t want to believe it at first so I nodded along and agreed sarcastically, “Yeah mom ok bullied”.
But, as the months went along, things got much worse than i expected. I became uncomfortable being with her and I wasn't myself around her. I would feel as if I was getting bullied, and I lost all confidence in myself. I never thought of myself the way I should have. My parents noticed how I was acting, and it upset them too. They saw that their little girl wasn’t happy anymore. I would take time occasionally to reflect on how I was being treated, but never thought to do anything.
The problem was I never knew what to do, even though I knew I should have listened to my mom. I didn’t know who to go to incase I wanted to talk about it. I didn’t have anyone to tell unless I wanted my mom to report the bullying. So, I ignored it. After a while of acting like nothing was wrong, my mom stopped asking me about it. But, at school, more people started to notice how I was being treated. People at school would see how they would talk to me or roll my eyes at me. They asked if I was ok and I knew they could tell how upset I was, but I said I was okay anyway. It would kill me to see that people were noticing and telling me to stand up for myself. But I knew if I did, I would get treated worse.
One night I thought about how long she has bothered me and made me feeling like nothing. I was questioning whether I stay friends with her and suffer, or break out and do what is right. I knew either was I was going to be looked at. If I stayed, I would have people questioning my judgement and asking Why is she doing that? Or if I stopped being friends with her, I would’ve have people agree with her and tell me it was a stupid reason to not be friends and that I needed to stand up for myself. But, I thought about what my mom would say. Do what you think is right. Don’t let people push you around and tell you what to do. True friends don’t do that. Only then will your true friends be there to support your decision. After thinking long and hard I knew what I needed to do.
I decided to tell her how I felt. I told her I couldn’t deal with the mean comments, deal with the the hurtful words anymore. But, at the same time i didn't want to lose her as a friend. Just what she would say and how it made me feel wasn’t what a friend would do. Texts were sent back and forth. Cruel things were said and it was an ugly fight. But after all of it, I learned something; people are worth so much more than what others say. We shouldn’t have to listen to others talking about us and how they are better than us. People need to know that they are worth more than words.
And after it was over, I learned that even though listening to yourself is difficult and may be harder, it is the right thing to do and positive things will come from it.