IN SEARCH OF…..MYSELF
As time passes changes keep taking place around the world. We have to adjust with the world for our survival. In the present world, everyone has money madness- the greed for money. In that greed we have forgotten our humanity. We are unknown of our true abilities and we have also lost our identities.
When I am idle, I wonder “Who am I?”
As the sun rises I set out In Search of Myself. What is my true identity? What am I? Such questions keep running in my mind. I have lost my identity; just like I am lost in the crowds. No person in the upcoming generations will ever know that there existed a person named Krishna G. Kamath (which is me). So I want to setup a milestone on my name just like that of great scientist’s or great sportsman’s or any other well known personality’s name. Whenever I see a great personality, I think why can’t I be like that one? What lacks in me? And I get no answer.
I want to complete the task of setting a milestone on my name as soon as possible because I have a short duration of time. I know I lived yesterday, I am living today but I don’t know whether I may live tomorrow or not. I may or may not be having a day called tomorrow.
I am like clay, which is shaped by lot of people. I try to retain my shape but I fail to do so because I am like wet soft clay which takes the shape of a container. People contain me; they mould me and finally shape me.
I recall what I was in the past and later compare myself in the past with myself in the present day. Atlas I tell to myself “How I was…how I’ve become now…All my fate!”
I blame my fate for my failures. The bitter truth is I am myself responsible for my failures and not my fate. I am unable to face my teachers who had put in so much effort to develop my personality. How can I ever face them? If I face them, what will I say? Should I say them that their efforts went in vain? Should I say them that I broke their trusts? I couldn’t even speak to my beloved teacher eye-to-eye. I greeted my teacher with stolen sights.
Now I’ve found what I am. I have regained my identity. I want to be an obedient son, a responsible elder, a brave man, a caring brother and before being all these I first want to become a good human. I want to render my duties very well and fulfill all the wishes of my parents, my friends and all my loved ones. I fear what if I am unable to keep up my promises? What if I’m unable to render my duties well?
I pray to god, if life was only for a short period for me its fine. But if I ever have a second life or a rebirth, I would like and wish to be born as Krishna again to the same parents, in the same nation and region and with same friends and relatives; so that I can complete my promises and duties that I may not be able to complete in this life.