We fell apart. It was so predictable! It was laid right out there in the cards, but I turned my head, I looked away…. now look where I am.
It hurts so much. Especially because it hasn’t completely ended yet. It’s like someone’s playing a video of a car crash in slow motion, and I can’t look away because it’s my life. It’s like watching a love one die from a disease. It’s slow and painful, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
I keep living in this endless scenario of what could’ve been. I keep asking myself what I did wrong. But there’s nothing that could’ve been done. That’s the thing about distance, it makes people seem non existent. You can’t be best friends with someone who doesn’t exist. She just started to forget about me before I forgot about her, which, if I were smart, would’ve been my move.
She was my whole world! She saved me from people who took me for granted, and disrespected me 24/7. She inspired me, and made me feel good about myself. She helped me realize my self worth. She made me a happy person. But now she’s leaving my life, and it feels like all my insecurities are back, and I can’t see how I was happy all these years because my whole life is just this big, dark, pit. Nothing grows in the garden of my soul. Not anymore.
I watch as I drop on the list of her priorities. I watch as each loving word from her loses its meaning. I watch as she spits lies at me to cover the fact that she’s ignoring me. I watch her replace me. But what can I do?
We are in the middle of the end.
It’s an unfortunate truth.
I miss her. I miss the plans we had for the future. I miss feeling like I had someone who would forever be there for me. I miss her. I don’t care if I already said it. I. Miss. Her. She doesn’t miss me, but that’s irrelevant to my feelings.
I wish that I could just accept that it’s over. That part of my life is in the past. But I can’t! No matter how hard I try, she will forever hold a piece of my heart. But I don’t worry too much about that, because for many years she took good care of that piece of my heart.
If you’re reading this:
I just wanna say thank you one last time before we go our separate ways, if you don’t mind. Thank you for helping me out of that tough time where I didn’t know that I am so much more than what people say about me. Thank you for teaching me that being weird is absolutely wonderful. Thank you for telling me that being happy should be my ultimate goal in life. And last, but certainly not least, thank you for showing me what true love is, and that it can be the love you have for your best friend.
Please know that I’m not angry. I could never be angry with you. I hope that you have a wonderful life without me. You deserve a wonderful life. You’ve worked really hard, so don’t let anyone or anything stop you from getting what you want. I hope that guy you are so obviously into, loves you the way you love him because I know that’s all you’ve ever wanted. Good luck out there in the real world, and don’t worry about me. I’m gonna be fine one day.
I love you, and I miss you already.
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