It all started with the search for the dance jacket. My sights were set on finding the jacket, choosing a size and reporting back to my coach. That’s exactly what took place, but through the chaos of it all, I came to make a decision that really changed my life.

The store was crowded and busy, from the doors it looked like a discombobulated beehive. The employees rushing around like worker bees, trying to please every customer in sight. The customers like newborn bees, unsure of their place, unclear of what to do and where things were. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Considering that my plan was to lounge around all day on that Sunday afternoon, I wasn’t too thrilled to be stuck in such a chaotic mess. After waiting for what seemed like forever, one of the worker bees finally tended to my mom and I. We conversed, all while the employee tried to help four others, and soon she scurried off on a search for the jacket. Another long while of waiting passed, the worker returned with, not a jacket, but the information that pertained to my dance studio. The search had started. Like a scene from a movie, my mom and I split off into two different directions like undercover spies. Looking high and low, searching through every inch of the store that the jacket was supposedly located in. As we regrouped, following the intense quest, we turned to find the long sleeved, high necked, black athletic jacket. I began trying it on by stretching my arms in every direction possible, touching my toes and arching my back as far as it could go. I grasped the zipper of the black athletic jacket and pulled it up and down quickly, the sound of the jacket closing and opening couldn’t help me to stray away from the flood of thoughts rushing through my head. The jacket felt good on, but something wasn’t sitting quite right inside of me. After about a half an hour of waiting and searching and trying, I had finally found the perfect jacket. As we withdrew ourselves from the store I couldn’t help but share, the not so perfect feeling I discovered while finally finding the jacket, with my mom.

“It doesn't really feel right,” I started.

My mom looked at me puzzled, and with a tone that made me feel nearly insane she exclaimed, “We were just in the store and you said it felt perfect! Are you saying we have to go back into that nuthouse?”

“No not at all,” I giggled at the sight of her face, trying to stall the words from falling out of my mouth, “Dance, it just doesn’t feel right anymore. I’ve been going back and forth over the last year or so, and today looking at the jacket I finally realized something. With all that you put into dance for me and all that I put in for myself, is it really worth it all if I don’t enjoy it? If I’m not passionate about it?”

She looked at me completely stunned. Jaw dropped, eyes wide, her hand latched onto my arm. “You’re kidding right? Ten long years of dance and you’re giving it all up?”

I twisted away from her concerned expression and once again, I took all of what she was saying into consideration for about the one-millionth time. Sure I’d miss it. All of my friends, my coaches, performing on stage in front of countless people, hanging out at the studio, making memories. But would I miss having to go to class every day, year round, with no breaks? Absolutely not, in fact, I wouldn't miss it one bit.

“I’m not going to do it if it doesn't make me happy.” When I faced towards her once again, I saw a small grin stretch across her face.

“I would never expect you to force yourself into doing something that you weren't passionate about, I’ll call your coach right now.”

At that moment in time, I felt a rush of anxiety push through an exterior of happiness and fill my body from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Soon my stomach endured what felt like an anchor dragging me to the ground. I could feel the panic brush over my face, my expression quickly developing into one of worry. In no time at all, ten years of hard work, passion, and wholehearted performances were left back in that mall. With the call ended and my mom by my side, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders and my life changed before I could register what had just happened. In the end it was all because of the search for the jacket.