Time repeats itself. Sixth grade was a horrific year. I had been homeschooled for my younger grades with the exception of fourth grade, which was a nightmare. I was young minded and shy. The first day of school I walked into a small private school. My nerves were on fire. I was an unsocial, 4’10’’ sixth grader. I shoved into my home room where my new teacher Miss Rhode smirked at the class. I did not like school; I had a hard time finding good enough friends and grades. School was hard and I was having a hard time fitting in. My life at home was rough too. Half way through this horrible year my horse I had leased for past two years was sold. I did not take this very well in anyway. My Quarter Horse Sally had been my best friend, partner in crime. The keeper of my secrets. I had started leasing her right after my grandfather died. She had carried me through the wrought and thought of that traumatic experience. My Grandfather had lived with us till the day he passed away. 

Eighth grade comes around and there you stand. Friends from last year avoid eye contact and people don't say much. Jessica, who you had become friends with at the end of last year, offers up a seat next to her. This school is your least favorite place to be. Summer had flown by too fast. Even with how terribly lonely it had been, you still want it back. The years started off good. Jessica has stepped up and has become the ideal friend to hang out with. Every year at Divine Redeemer you had seemed to jump around in friend groups and made new enemies. You were happy to have her. She is confident but also she craves attention from boys.

During sixth grade my soul went downhill in a matter of moments. My horse was my friend who I had not only invested time into, but had also done the same for me. My thoughts got dark. I cried a lot in the school bathrooms. People teased me, grownups told me to move on and forget Sally. They would say I was better off without her. I walked through school with my fake smile and laugh. Trying to push away my dark thoughts, but the pain continued to overcame my body. I wanted the easy way out of this pain.

Christmas of eighth grade comes and goes. Life at home gets weird, parents fighting frequently. Stress and anxiety take over the house, soon school becomes the only place that you can avoid this. Mom and Dad do not tell you what is going on between them. The arguments get more and more heated.

Sixth grade I was a devil at home, anyone who did not give me my way would regret it. My parents threatened to call the cops on me on some nights, with my talk of taking my life. My computer would show up sometimes at night in there room with a letter I had typed to my Mom and Dad. These letters mainly focused on my wants for them to help me. I was lost in my thoughts.  I thought much about cutting, I wanted people to see what they had done to me. The pain they had implanted in my mind. With therapy and counseling, I found my old self once again. I forgave the people who had angered me. I apologized to people who I had inflicted damage.

In eighth grade one night you wake up on the couch to dad storming down the stairs and out the door. Screams from your little sisters room echo down the staircase which end up synonymous with the sound of dads truck plowing down the road. You don't do much because the confusion has not completely set in. The clock strikes ten as mom walks down the stairs crying. Shes yelling your name and older sisters. For some reason you don't answer. She soon finds you lying there and she comes and sits down next to you. “I think its time you know something that Juliet just overheard.” The tears already stream down your face, you already know what shes gone to say. “Your dads been having an affair.” You lose it barring your wet face into a pillow. The worst had finally happened.

My sixth depression worsened and soon the urge to hurt myself strengthened. It was on my mind more often than any other thing. Along with the thoughts of missing my beloved mare. I could never seem to get over the thought of missing and longing for her. She was on my mind more and more every day. I was angry with the people who had taken her away from me. I felt robbed of my reason to breath.  

In eighth grade the trails that lay ahead would be hard. Depression started to take over your life. Your grades drop from an A to a dreaded C- and lowers itself thought out the year. Your trust for the human race would slowly spill away to a thin drop. The want to have a new life would travel across your mind every day.

Finally one day in sixth grade it finally happened. The urge, feeling desires, to harm myself disappeared. I felt free of the pain and guilt I carried thought out the last year. I had settled with the idea that she was no longer mine. The feeling of being okay and comfortable within myself, was the biggest blesses I could have asked for. I gave all my sorrow up to the lord all mighty. I was content with my life.

In eighth grade you walked through the school days with a screw you kind of attitude towards everyone.  A fake smile lingered about your face when a teacher walks by.  Your main goal, trying to forgive the life you had to go home to every night. The constant sleepy feeling was always there and again the feeling of being lonely and secluded hung about in the air.

As seventh grade rolled around I found myself looking forward to seeing my friends. Sadly it did not turn out like I had wished. I had pushed away a lot of kinds the year before and many of them did not like me. I still smiled and did not let there unfriendly behavior take over me. For as month three came around the most shocking thing came with it. We received a call from the lady who had bought my horse. She offered to sell her to us for she felt like she was not the right horse for her. I was overjoyed finally the feeling of safety had returned to my soul once again.