Dear those that care to listen,

I see it everyday. I wake up and its beauty shines in my face. I cannot stop looking at it. The different shade of reds, browns, and greens capture my attention. I aspire to be just like it someday. I want its magnificent beauty and high intelligence. I want its bravery and strength. I want its courage and love. But for now, all I have is its ring. A ring is far from what I truly want. However, even though it doesn’t seem like much, this ring is my entire life.

To better understand what I mean, let’s go back about two years ago. It was about the beginning of December. I could feel the cold air nip my toes and my nose felt like an ice cube. I was in the kitchen that was perfectly decorated for Christmas. There were many metal signs on the wall that depicted the cliché about Santa and the North Pole. Candles were everywhere and they made the house smell like warm Christmas cookies. My family and I were having potato soup that night. It was the best winter dish because as the soup fell like a waterfall down your throat into your stomach you could feel the heat of the soup extend from the center of your body to the outside layer of your skin. I was so excited to taste the soup, but that excitement was set aside by what happened next. My mom slowly walked into the kitchen. It seemed as if chains were linked to her ankles and she was struggling to break free. Her beautiful golden-red hair was hanging down her back and lifted up every now and then as a breeze went by. Her deep, chocolatey-brown eyes were surrounded by redness and the areas just below her eyes were a bit puffy. That, along with a strange look on her face, made me realize that she was holding something back. She got closer to me and my little sister and started to speak. She said, “I have breast cancer, but it’s okay. We are going to get through this just like we did with dad. It’s going to be hard, but it will be okay.” This hit me hard. It seemed as if a huge gust of winter wind swept in and froze time. I started thinking to myself about how this could happen to my family again. I started to think about how things were going to change and I knew I was going to have to grow up really fast. Once all of these thoughts cleared my head, I was thrown back into reality only to find more heartache. I saw my little sister breakdown crying and my mom trying to comfort her. Then, I glanced over to my dad. His eyes started to glisten and a few tears glided down his face. That was probably the worst part. It was the first time I saw my dad cry. It made me want to cry, but I didn’t. I just kept on pouring soup into a bowl as if I was a robot who had no emotions.

Now, you’re probably wondering what my mom having cancer has to do with this class ring that I have. Well my mom’s cancer ended up spreading throughout her whole body. The doctors couldn’t do anything else for my mom. There was no treatment that could save her.  The end of her life was just a tragic waiting game. I didn’t truly realize this until late one evening. It was about a year ago in September. All of the windows in the house were open and I could smell the fresh scent of the autumn air as each breeze went by. I was in the living room at the time. My mom called me and my two sisters into her room. It seemed like a long treacherous walk to her room as the feeling of the unknown filled my body. As me and my sisters entered the room, we saw my mom sitting in her big, brown, cozy recliner. To protect her sensitive bald head from the cold weather, she was wearing a beautiful gray cap with lace on it. I started to get nervous as I got closer to her. My entire body became so hot that I felt like I was just shoved into an oven. My mom started to speak and tears started rolling down her face. My senses appeared to be enhanced because I felt like I could hear and feel every tear hit the shiny, wooden floor. It was almost as if each tear was pounding on my own heart. My mom started to give us each one of the rings she had. I received her class ring from high school. Once again, thoughts ran through my mind. This was it. My mom was about to die and this little class ring is all that will be left. I felt like the tan walls in her bedroom were closing in on me and I was going to be crushed to death. I wanted to cry so bad, but I couldn’t. I felt the need to keep my emotions hidden. I didn’t want my mom to see me breakdown. That couldn’t be our last memory. Instead, I held my tears back until I could escape the room. But, something kept me there. My sisters were gone, but I just couldn’t leave my mom, not yet. It was as if the dark brown knots in the wooden floor became sticky and I was stuck there. I was stuck staring at everything in the room. I went from the antique pictures in the corner, to the television on the wall, to the mirror, and finally, to the dresser. Every last thing in that room reminded me of my mom.

To this very day, I walk past that very room that I once couldn’t leave. I can only glance at it until I get a sickening feeling in my gut. It doesn’t take much for all the memories of my mom being sick to rush back. I see images of her slowly slipping away and her handing me that class ring. It is strange though. Somehow, when I look at that class ring I don’t get that horrific feeling. Instead, I get flashbacks of the times when my mom would come to my games. I’d be able to put myself back on that court. I’d be sitting there on the bench watching as ten girls sprinted up and down the court. But, I wasn’t truly paying attention to them. All of their jerseys would just blur together and I would put my main focus on the gigantic wooden bleachers. I scanned the diverse crowd searching for only one person. There my mom would be, sitting on the edge of her seat just waiting for me to enter the game. In addition, the ring brought back memories from our family vacations. The images in my mind would transform into a Florida scenery. I could feel the sun beating down on my face and frying my skin. I’d feel an occasional breeze and there would then be an instant relief from the heat. Then, I’d turn my head and see my mom’s golden-red hair shimmering in the sun. This ring brings back so many wonderful memories. It is one of the only things that I can look at to remind myself of the good times. The times when there were no worries and I was just living life. This class ring is simply what gives me a reason to live my life. I know I want to wake up every morning just so I can look at the ring and see my mom’s gorgeous face one more time.

Thanks for listening