Do you have any idea of how much you hurt me?

You wrecked me during a year, in which I cried a lot, and ate even more.

Do you have any idea how much money I spent on chocolate because of you? How much weight I gained?

The nights, to which I said no and the mornings, in which at first, I just wanted to shout your name into my pillow, but then, I would just go numb.

Do you have any idea how many excuses I made just to look at you in class? How the teachers thought I was not paying attention or talking to someone else?

You created a thousand doubts in my head, and some insecurity I didn’t even think about before. Did you know that? Doubts that I felt didn’t even have solution.

Do you have any idea how many times I was working, silently at night, when I suddenly crumbled down and started crying? Looking at my computer, tears running down my face.

I learnt how to swallow the loudest cries for help and I learnt crying is both a weakness and a strength from you. But no, it isn’t as good as it sounds.

Do you have any idea how mad I am at myself for still even thinking of you or writing about you?

I feel like this is a maze, but the only way I will get out of it, is by trusting myself, and writing, shoving my feelings all down in paper. I’m doing that, when I feel about to cry, I write or read. And, so far, it has helped. So, while you are just standing there, oblivious of all these thoughts I just mentioned, I’m finally finding my way out of the maze you trapped me in.