I was raised in a Christian household, but I am not Christian, nor do I think I ever was to start with. Every Sunday, when I was younger, I’d get up early, put on a frilly dress and somewhat painful shoes; I’d then go to Sunday school followed by a church service. That routine has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, but as time has gone on it has become just that, a routine. It is as routine as brushing my teeth twice a day or doing my math homework. That’s problematic, because that is not how practicing a religion should be seen.

I noticed this gradual change in faith about a year ago, on the day I was confirmed, actually. I’d attended confirmation classes one day a week for a year; after weeks and weeks of classes, it was finally time for me to put on a dress, make a little speech and take communion for the first time as a member of the church. I had taken communion many, many times before, but this felt more important, somehow. I’m not sure what I was expecting during communion, whether it was the holy spirit to whisper something in my ear or some sense of comfort and faith to overwhelm me. Absolutely nothing happened. Nevertheless, I stood dutifully and smiled for pictures until my face hurt and accepted the never-ending stream of handshakes and hugs with a fake expression of happiness forced upon my face.

The sermons don’t inspire me and the bible verses don’t mean anything to me. Every Sunday I go to church, but every Sunday I turn on autopilot and tune out the entire service. Do I identify as a Christian because of what I believe or is it because it’s all I’ve ever known? That was the one question that signaled me that it was time for a change. To rephrase what I said before about this revelation being problematic: It’s not a problem, it’s the exact opposite of a problem, it’s a wonderful discovery. I’m a young adult capable of deciding the religion I want to practice or if I even want to practice one.

I believe in sleeping on Sundays. I want to make my Sundays more than a routine, I want them to be a day I look forward to, not dread. I’m going to take time and explore religions from a third person viewpoint. I want to learn the four noble truths of Buddhism and the many Vedas of Hinduism. Maybe I’ll never commit to a religion or maybe I will, only time will tell, but for now, I’m okay with just observing.