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Dearest me

Dear Jane,
I can't believe you're gone. I just felt you leave but nothing, no tears spilled from my eyes. I never said anything, I never fought to keep you with me...I just listened to their voices when they were telling me that all my dreams were impossible, that I was weak and not worthy of you until...Until you just left.
Now, I'm lost and I have no idea what to do. You knew the real me, the one who was weak, cried and had a "fiery temperament" (as you used to say). The one who would have fought until death for what she believed in, the one who made up stories to escape her horrible home-life and cried so many nights because of her family. You saw me, the real me, even when I was laughing all day long and at the slightest things, even when I pushed you away and especially when I was going insane on the inside but never showing the tiniest flicker of insanity to others...You always knew the real me but, now you left me all alone.
I'm alone in this strange world. I'm completely and utterly alone: I have no genuine friends, the family that drives me nuts and no one who understands me.
But, just look at me! Look at the mess I'm now...No wonder you left me after you saw my bleeding raw heart and my selfishness. I talk and talk about myself but never care about anyone else. I should change but, will I ever be able to without you? You know what? I'll do it for you, every time life gets bad, I'll deal with it and take care of others. I'll do what you did for me for others because you were my guiding light but only after some time when I heal and your absence does not hurt so.

I'll always remember and cherish you.



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