I awoke expecting an apocalyptic scene. I was hearing it; hoping for it… praying for fire, ruins, ashes, and debris… I could feel that scene buried deep in my psyche. I could feel its fire and horror ringing in my heart, echoing off the walls of my chest. Yet the sight would have been a relief. But no, instead, I saw complete normalcy. Peace? Harmony? No, this wasn’t peace. It was chaos. More chaotic than death, this was life. I woke up to the same tired, old thing.
What a horrible dream. I dreamed that I woke up. Sometimes I wonder just how much of me is embedded in my dreams. Just how much of my appalling subconscious can be discovered in my dreams? This dream is a nightmare, and the apocalyptic scene isn’t the frightening part. It’s the fact that it didn’t happen. The nightmare was reality. The nightmare was waking up to the same thing. Dreams are supposed to be an escape from reality… so what is this cruel joke of a dream?
Sometimes I make up what I wish I would dream. These, of course, are daydreams. I still classify them as dreams. But… they happen in another state of consciousness. It seems like I can control them more, because they are voluntary… but sometimes I don’t even like my daydreams. I can’t control them all the time either, and they take me down terrible roads, and lead me to do terrible things. And they also stop me from doing things—which is equally terrible.
Daydream: Show yourself.
Nightmare: No, I’d prefer to stay in the dark.
Daydream: I want to meet you. Please, come out.
Nightmare: We can never meet. We don’t belong together.
Daydream: But… why?
Nightmare: Because you only want to influence me.
Daydream: No! I want to learn from you.
Nightmare: You can do that just as well from a distance.
Daydream: But you can always see me clearly. For me, you are always a blur. That’s not fair.
Nightmare: Define “fair”.
Do you ever wonder why everything is so clear in dreams? Nothing is abnormal in a dream. You can do things that are impossible. You can feel at home in places that you’ve never been. You can talk to strangers like you know them. Yet… you could also be completely lost, looking for someone, anyone who you know or love. Somehow dreams never lose sight of consciousness, when consciousness constantly forgets dreams.
I walked down a wide, long hallway. It had a very high ceiling. On the walls of the hallway, there were Halloween masks hanging row after row. The wall was covered in them. They were all moving, screaming, talking, or breathing. If they had hands, I felt they might have reached out and strangled me. The lighting was extremely dim, and had a crimson hue. At the end of the hallway, a man with harsh features and no hair stood waiting for me. He was dressed in a tidy, black suit, yet he still appeared messy and lacking sanity. The end of the hall had taken me to a large, spacious room. Open spaces always scared me in the dark. The man told me to wait where I was in a terrifying voice that forced me to obey. He walked away, but I didn’t see where he went. I heard petrifying, feminine screams in the distance. I was trembling, and waiting. The screaming ceased, and I heard footsteps. The man was coming back for me. I started imagining awful things he might do to me, and—
Why do dreams always stop before you ever get hurt? Or do we just not remember the parts where we get hurt, and the rest of the time we wake up? When I am falling in a dream, my stomach jumps violently and I wake up: the same feeling I get when I’m falling for real. Are dreams… real? I mean, who says dreams can’t be real? Dreams don’t only reside in the mental realm… I think they can be very physical. If they weren’t, I wouldn’t wake up sweating or gasping.
In fact, that slightly takes away from daydreams. One would think daydreams are more physical than the ones that happen when you are asleep… but I think sleeping dreams are far more physical. I don’t get startled in a daydream. I don’t catch myself laughing at something unexpected in a daydream. (At least not usually)
Now… I may not get startled in a daydream, but I can get scared. Many of my daydreams are things that I’m thinking about saying or doing. Usually, I will never really say or do it, but I am free in a daydream. I can say whatever I want, no matter how scary it is. Or sometimes they are things that I could have said in a situation. And then I imagine the response/reaction.
He stopped in the hall where I was standing. “I heard you were leaving,” he said.
I nodded shyly. He started to walk away. I knew it was my last chance to say goodbye. “Hey—I wanted you to know… I‘ll miss you,” I said, stopping him.
He smiled nonchalantly. “I noticed.”
This makes me wonder something… I know that we’ll be held accountable to a certain level for our thoughts. So what about daydreams? Those are thoughts. And then… what about night dreams? Are my dreams a piece of me, whether evil or good, that can be judged? Are they part of my heart?
What a horrible dream. I dreamed that I woke up. Sometimes I wonder just how much of me is embedded in my dreams. Just how much of my appalling subconscious can be discovered in my dreams? This dream is a nightmare, and the apocalyptic scene isn’t the frightening part. It’s the fact that it didn’t happen. The nightmare was reality. The nightmare was waking up to the same thing. Dreams are supposed to be an escape from reality… so what is this cruel joke of a dream?
Sometimes I make up what I wish I would dream. These, of course, are daydreams. I still classify them as dreams. But… they happen in another state of consciousness. It seems like I can control them more, because they are voluntary… but sometimes I don’t even like my daydreams. I can’t control them all the time either, and they take me down terrible roads, and lead me to do terrible things. And they also stop me from doing things—which is equally terrible.
Daydream: Show yourself.
Nightmare: No, I’d prefer to stay in the dark.
Daydream: I want to meet you. Please, come out.
Nightmare: We can never meet. We don’t belong together.
Daydream: But… why?
Nightmare: Because you only want to influence me.
Daydream: No! I want to learn from you.
Nightmare: You can do that just as well from a distance.
Daydream: But you can always see me clearly. For me, you are always a blur. That’s not fair.
Nightmare: Define “fair”.
Do you ever wonder why everything is so clear in dreams? Nothing is abnormal in a dream. You can do things that are impossible. You can feel at home in places that you’ve never been. You can talk to strangers like you know them. Yet… you could also be completely lost, looking for someone, anyone who you know or love. Somehow dreams never lose sight of consciousness, when consciousness constantly forgets dreams.
I walked down a wide, long hallway. It had a very high ceiling. On the walls of the hallway, there were Halloween masks hanging row after row. The wall was covered in them. They were all moving, screaming, talking, or breathing. If they had hands, I felt they might have reached out and strangled me. The lighting was extremely dim, and had a crimson hue. At the end of the hallway, a man with harsh features and no hair stood waiting for me. He was dressed in a tidy, black suit, yet he still appeared messy and lacking sanity. The end of the hall had taken me to a large, spacious room. Open spaces always scared me in the dark. The man told me to wait where I was in a terrifying voice that forced me to obey. He walked away, but I didn’t see where he went. I heard petrifying, feminine screams in the distance. I was trembling, and waiting. The screaming ceased, and I heard footsteps. The man was coming back for me. I started imagining awful things he might do to me, and—
Why do dreams always stop before you ever get hurt? Or do we just not remember the parts where we get hurt, and the rest of the time we wake up? When I am falling in a dream, my stomach jumps violently and I wake up: the same feeling I get when I’m falling for real. Are dreams… real? I mean, who says dreams can’t be real? Dreams don’t only reside in the mental realm… I think they can be very physical. If they weren’t, I wouldn’t wake up sweating or gasping.
In fact, that slightly takes away from daydreams. One would think daydreams are more physical than the ones that happen when you are asleep… but I think sleeping dreams are far more physical. I don’t get startled in a daydream. I don’t catch myself laughing at something unexpected in a daydream. (At least not usually)
Now… I may not get startled in a daydream, but I can get scared. Many of my daydreams are things that I’m thinking about saying or doing. Usually, I will never really say or do it, but I am free in a daydream. I can say whatever I want, no matter how scary it is. Or sometimes they are things that I could have said in a situation. And then I imagine the response/reaction.
He stopped in the hall where I was standing. “I heard you were leaving,” he said.
I nodded shyly. He started to walk away. I knew it was my last chance to say goodbye. “Hey—I wanted you to know… I‘ll miss you,” I said, stopping him.
He smiled nonchalantly. “I noticed.”
This makes me wonder something… I know that we’ll be held accountable to a certain level for our thoughts. So what about daydreams? Those are thoughts. And then… what about night dreams? Are my dreams a piece of me, whether evil or good, that can be judged? Are they part of my heart?
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