You Ought to Know

April 11, 2012
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"Anniversary" seems such a bittersweet word to depict today. Three years ago today you left us for a place that I tell myself is much more comfortable for you, a place where you are on the corduroy couch watching a game of golf, playing Frustration, and sharing microwaved Peeps with me.

It's been three years and I still smell your homefries sizzling to perfection, and see the chaotic beauty always happening in the kitchen. It's been three years and I can recall the sound of your warm hearted guffaw and the gleam of your eyes, permanently frozen with youthful happiness.

The fact that you aren't here to see how much you've impacted my life hurts on a day like today but I have a feeling that you're here even if I can't call you, or come to you, or cry to you. I have a feeling that you're perched somewhere with a nice view of all of us, playing a game of golf and making sure whomever is in charge is keeping us safe and secure.

It's been three years and I want you to know we miss you heavily, we think of you daily, we still feel your absence in our bones and, especially, in our hearts. But I want you to know that we're still going. We're still living, we're still working, we're still learning. I want you to know, too, that we're doing a large part for you. We're still learning how to live without you, but by this we're learning how to live for you. I want you to know that I'm majoring in political science because of you. I want you to know that I've realized that government must be a beautiful thing because that is the only way a man as incredible as you would have dedicated your entire life to it. I want you to know that I'm going to Ohio State because I know how proud it'll make you. I want you to know that mom and grandma miss you like I do, but they're doing better. I want you to know that grandma loves the ocean and riding her bike; I want you to know that she still loves the outdoors. I want you to know that every memory is still engrained in us, tattooed on our retrospect as ever going memorials dedicated to you. Every cookout, every Christmas, every Easter, every camping trip, every snuck piece of chocolate, every anecdote brimming with wisdom or humor, every laugh, every denture-free grin, every moment is kept securely in my heart and in my mind. I want you to know that they will never leave, those memories have helped shape me into the person I am today, a young woman that would make you proud. I want you to know that you were, you are, the best man that I have ever known. I want you to know that your London Fog jacket is hanging on my clothes rack and I look at it every day and I think of you.

It's been three years and I want you to know that while your absence is hard, I am learning. I am learning about the world, and about character, and about myself. And I want you to know that I am still learning from you, and I will never stop. I want you to know that is has been three years since you've left us but you will forever be here, I will forever learn from you, I will forever miss you, I will forever love you, and I will forever remember you.

Rest in Peace Grandpa Gary, you will never be truly lost<3





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