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And Love Said "No!"
It's probably stupid to keep the glow stick he gave me and never take it off, but I can't help it. I miss hI'm already...
"Hey Hayley" Cameron said as he hugged me in the hallway for the first tI'me in a week. He had been in ISS, also known as In School Suspension, for cursing out the art teacher because she told hI'm to take off his hat. Yep, that's Cameron. The druggie, the weird kid, the king of our middle school, the crazy kid, the player, one of my best friends and my ex-boyfriend. Cameron and I go kind of deep, we've only been friends since the beginning of 7th grade and now it's almost the end of 8th. He claI'ms he knew me in 6th grade even though he was just a face in the hall to me.
"Hey Cameron." I greeted casually. It was Monday, an A-Day. That means I have math, then gym, then Latin, then civics. I hate A-Day's, I dread every second of it.
"Want a glow stick?" He asked as he held out glow stick bracelets that had already been broken on hot pink shoe laces. Around hI'm was the extremely tall (and large) Chase, the 7th grader in my gym class that acts like he likes me, and Lindsey, the new girl that's a total w**** and hangs all over hI'm. I was walking to the gym with my friend Maria so she could put her gym suit away.
"Sure, I want this one!" I said pointing to the red one on his wrist.
"Then get it" He said. I popped it off his wrist and struggled to put it onto mine with one hand.
"Yeah you're gonna need help putting that on" Chase said. No duh.
"Yeah, I can't do it, help." I surrender to the red glow stick. Cameron put his glow sticks on shoe laces down and clicked the rubber bracelet on my wrist.
"Walk with me." He said
"I can't," though I really want to "I'm with Maria." I said as we walked in different directions. I tried to get over hI'm, I really did, but he makes it hard.
We're sort of like friends with benefits, well, the middle school version of that. We flirt, hug, make perverted jokes, glance at each other across the room in classes, walk together, joke around saying "I love you". I was always convinced that I didn't mean that much to hI'm, we were just friends and I was just someone at school. He's the king of the school, everyone knows hI'm, most people are friends with hI'm. I did try to tell myself that I meant more to hI'm then other people at school did because he hung around me the most and he flirts with me the most. Well, from what I can tell.
We had dated for nine days back in October of 7th grade and twenty days in November of this year. Joey, one of our friends, make jokes about us but said that "the real joke is her and Cameron's relationship!" and my best friend Brianna thinks that I ditch her for hI'm. I can't help it! I just gravitate towards hI'm. I'm 13, he's 15, we're friends, he's hot, he's funny.
On my way back to gym from math remediation, after I just had math, I saw something a little strange. The ISS teacher and another teacher that I think I've seen before were standing outside of the door to the ISS room while Cameron was standing in the doorway talking to them or something. I wanted to scream "Hey Cameron!" but he turned and walked inside of the room. Oh what did you do now?
After gym class, on my way to Latin I saw hI'm in the hallway walking to gym with the ISS teacher behind hI'm. His face looked sort of red.
"Hey are you okay?" I asked hI'm, stopping hI'm in his tracks, "ditching" Brianna again.
He hugged me "Yeah, I got suspended for...sleeping...I'll tell you later." was all I could make out of what he said as he was washed into the crowd of students, leaving me alone since Brianna had also moved on.
Only thing is, I didn't see hI'm later. He wasn't in civics with me like he was supposes to be. I got worried.
After I got home, I got on facebook and messaged hI'm "What did you get ISS for???", a few minuets later, his stalker chatted me. "I heard Cameron got suspended for the rest of the year"
What? "WHAT!?" I chatted back then messaged hI'm again. "Did you get suspended for the rest of the year? Please don't tell me it's true or I'll burst into tears." His stalker continued to tell me what she had heard. No, it can't be true. What could he do to get suspended for the rest of the year?
In my distress, I tried to calm myself my watching 24 since I had a huge crush on Kiefer Sutherland. I turned off all the lights, plugged my headphones in and logged onto Netflix. Of course, then everyone wanted to come in my room and demand me to put laundry away. Come on guys, can't I relax?
After an hour of 24, I logged onto facebook again and played one of my favorite songs. "You Are The Moon" by The Hush Sound, it sort of sounded like it should be played as one of the main characters in a movies gets their heart broken or dies slowly. It's on my "So Somber" playlist, I was in the mood for a sad song. I hadn't expected Cameron to message me back, he never does.
To my despair, the rumor rang true. He was not coming back, nor would be staying for long. He told me he had gotten kicked out of his house and that he was sorry it had to end this way. I sat in the dark listening to music for a minuet, then burst into tears of pain as my heart shattered like glass. There was so much I had planned for us, now he's slipping through my fingers. This can't be the end of everything between us.
"Tell everyone it was nice knowing them and I hope you can all live a good life without me and for them all to remember me."
"I'm seriously crying now. Are you okay?"
"No I'm not"
"I'll never forget you, I can promise that I'll remember you for the rest of my life. Where are you going to go? Dude, talk to me, I'm freaking out over here! U there? Ah it says ur online say something. You cant just leaving me crying in a dark room (Because that's legit what I'm doing) I'm sorry if I'm annoying you, I just need you to talk to me!" I said over the course of about an hour. My parents called me downstairs to watch a show with them, when I came back he had responded.
The next day at school was dismal and dreary. I missed hI'm, everybody missed hI'm. It had only been a day and we were all going crazy. I had slept with the glow stick he gave me on, and worn it to school. It still glowed. One of our other friends, Brandon, wore his too. I was on pins and needles hoping it wasn't true, refusing to believe it, but I knew it was. He was gone and I couldn't stop hI'm.
More news from Cameron poured in on Facebook, he had his eyes set on Mexico. I almost cried again as we talked on facebook.
"I love you too. I mean school isn't as bad as it seems without me, well nvm, I take that back but you can still talk to me on here :p" He said
"School is empty without you. There's a big void because we no longer have a king. Btw (cause everyone keeps asking me) why did you get suspended? Why can't you stay and come back to high school next year?"
"I need to move on and stop acting like a kid. I need to do new things in my life. I need to be free, and happy again."
"Well I hope you'll be happy" I typed as I tried to hold back my tears.
"Hayley, I love you and u don't know how much I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss you the most, don't tell anyone though"
"I wont. I love you too, omg your going to make me cry again. I'm going to miss you like crazy, no, I ALREADY MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!"
"You know, I would have dated you for all 3 years maybe even through high school" He said. I actually mean something to hI'm?
That night, I felt a little better but I was still crushed that he was leaving. I slept with my glow stick again, it still was glowing. I'm afraid that it was fade out one day, I'll still wear it but it's all I have left of hI'm.
My relationship with Cameron has always been a hot mess. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy and girl can't stay together kind of thing, if that makes any sense. It doesn't make sense to me. It's like we're destined to be in love yet never together. Is that some one's idea of a funny joke? I know my life is a romantic comedy because someone, somewhere in the world knows what's going on between us and they're laughing their ass off. I had high hopes for us, our friendship, but it's all gone up in flames. I wounder if he felt the same way...
Day three of hI'm being gone. I don't really want to eat, everything is repulsive and bland. There's a world out there and he wants to see it, I want to see hI'm. I wish I could see hI'm one last tI'me, have one last kiss and a proper goodbye. The glow stick still glows. He hasn't been on facebook today, so I don't know how he's doing. It turns out he was high while he said all those things but it doesn't really matter. He's always high. School is a chore, luckily spring break is only two days away but it feels like it's taking years to get there. I wish I was allowed to hang out with Cameron...my parent's don't like hI'm.
In other news, I have another crush, he won't text me back. And one of my exs still like me, and this is probably the 20th tI'me he's asked me out this year but I keep saying no. The boy doesn't understand what "I don't like you" means. If I didn't like you a month ago, I don't like you now.
This is all I have for now. Commeant if you want to hear more. I hope this glow stick shines forever.