Sunken Ship (Edited)

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Part 1:

She wrote one, and so why can't I? First, let me start of by saying I lied to you. No, I didn't like you in 6th grade, in fact I had no interest whatsoever in meeting you, but one day something about talking to you clicked with something in the back of my mind. I had no reason to like you, but I fell for you, and let me tell you I fell hard. Gahh, why the heck am I even writing this.. The day you gave me your number? I was like "whoa, omg! now I'm finally gonna tell him how I feel, now I'm gonna finally see if he would ever feel the same way!" but you know what I did? I chickened out. I backed away, I hid in my shame and I'm so... I'm frustrated with my inability to take risks! You said you'd date me, but maybe only because you feel sorry for me or maybe because you've had enough of hearing about my crush on you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for falling for you, for entering your life, and for being that girl who lags back behind you whilst you try to move ahead. I don't want to be those clingy girls, but I also don't want you NOT to know how I feel you know? So here I go, the words that long in the back of my throat waiting to fill your ears... :

I, Sandra A., absolutely adore you. You make me smile, even though I know we're not together. I believe there is no possible force on this Earth that would join our hearts together and make us one, for who knows how long. I sometimes wonder if the feelings you have for me are somewhere mutual, but no. I know you like her because every guy I've liked has liked her and for now I just feel like giving up. I remember the _ month relationship you had with that chick. Ah man, that hurt so bad. To see you hold her, smile with her and hold hands with her with my own naked eye? I had to let go of any reality of us for a while. Then you guys broke up?.... I didn't know why and still do not know why, but I know it hurt me to see you hurt even though I knew I'd gotten my chance.. Then, after 3 weeks of waiting and waiting, I finally said, "You know what? I'm gonna ask him. Forget rejection, forget the pain, and forget the fear. I'm not a baby anymore, so I gotta stop acting one." That exact same day, you asked her out. Dang... I felt my heart crush into a million pieces to hear her friend tell me you asked her out seconds before I was going to ask you out. Haha.... I didn't cry and I sure as heck didn't lose my mind, but I'm sure my heart would be sobbing if it could. She's gotten basically every guy I've liked in this school, and I was just like screw it. I'll never compare to her. I'm not as funny, pretty, cool, and apparently not as appealing in any way as well. I can still remember smiling to myself like "How did I not see this coming?..." I finally gave up. After 4 different guys, 4 different loves.. She still won, and I don't think I was ready to ever have to go through that again. Yeah, I know you're asking why I'm comparing myself to her, but my question to you is why not? She's perfect apparently. You guys broke up though.. A few days after, and I know you still like her. So I'm like "Why bother when I know this relationship is going to be fake?" I like you, you like her and who knows who she'll like next? I'm not interested in any love triangle stuff, especially if I can already sense being hurt in the long run.. Oh geez, I still adore you <3. You're sense of humor, your laugh, your voice, the way you treat me and just all around you <3. We probably will always remain friends, but my heart will always be waiting for something more. I want to say I love you, but I also hate you at the same time.. You're broken my confidence and I'm not interested in trying to repair it, if you'll break it again. I am a ship. A ship that once sailed the 7 seas with pride. You are that one broken nail. The broken that tore me, into millions of shreds in the wood and as I sink deep down into the water, I realize no one will find all the pieces to put be back together.





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