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The Many Lessons of Life

Have you ever heard the saying "you learn something new everyday"? Most people think that it isn't true but, in reality, it is. Whether it is something educational, something about a person you know, or something completely random, you are still learning something. This semester alone, I have grown as a person and learned so many important life lessons. And this is their story of how they came to be.

One of the many lessons I have learned during this semester is that we accept the love we think we deserve. You may not believe the statement is true in your own life, but trust me when I say; you must open your mind to the possibility and really think about it before you start to see it. Ever since the sixth grade when I first began "dating", I always had the significant other that your parents frown upon. And I've come to realize this semester why it is that I let these people into my heart. There was the abusive boyfriend. The one that threw me against walls, punched me, threatened to kill me, and so forth. I let him in because I grew up watching my own father do the same things to my mother. I thought that was the love I was meant to have because it was the love I grew up with. There was the mind-game playing girlfriend. The first girl I ever let in that said she loved me. But, later took it back to say it wasn't love at all, just lust. I let her in because, well, I thought that I wouldn't get anything better. And, again, this can be connected to my parents. They had the habit of cheating on one another, building other relationships based souly around lust. There was the scumbag boyfriend. The boy that cheated, lied, pretended to care, did drugs, drank, and so on. Surprisingly, this was the first person I ever managed to love. An on-and-off relationship that started when we were twelve and continued for three entire years. So, why did I let someone so awful in? To understand we must first rewind back to the seventh grade. In that stage of my life, I was a complete outcast. My hair was cut short and spiked up in the back, my bangs were always in my face, and I wore a lot of black. Most people were afraid of my. But, then there was him. I guess you could say that he saw me when no one else did. I felt that no one else would ever see me like that again because I was "different". There was the manipulative psycho girlfriend. The relationship started as a rebound but turned into my second experience with love. She enjoyed making me cry, cheating, playing head games, and taking advantage of me. I let her in because I felt like I wasn't good enough. The love I grew up watching between my parents and my own self image had a huge impact on the relationships I built.

Another lesson that I learned over the semester is that everyone deserves a chance. What I mean is, just because a person may seem like they are rude doesn't mean that they really are. Granted, the person could turn out to be your best friend in the future. Earlier this semester I would see this gorgeous blonde girl around the halls (I mean that in the least creepy way possible). And I honestly thought she looked like she'd be a complete asshole. We ended up having a class together and she turned out to be one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. And, we're pretty good friends now. You will never know what type of person someone is until you give them a chance.

Another lesson that I have learned is that it is okay to not be okay. In seventh grade I was diagnosed with depression. Some days are really tough, but I do my best to stay calm and collected. For a long time, I felt like a freak for having depression. I mean, what does not being able to control your emotions say about a person? I went so far as to stop taking me medication to try to be "normal". (What is "normal" anyway?) One night my depression got really bad and, I realized that I needed help. I opened up and I got the help I needed. I know now that having depression and being sad a lot doesn't make me a freak. It makes me a human, with feelings. I'm no longer ashamed of the fact that I need to take anti-depressants to be okay. I'm just happy that I actually CAN be okay.

The next two lessons I've learned fall hand-in-hand. One is that if you believe in yourself you can overcome anything. The other is that sometimes you need someone else to help you let go and get better. In seventh grade when I was first diagnosed with depression, I self harmed. There have been periods of time where I've managed to stay "clean". But, something always seemed to happen that would push me over the edge. The thing is I never truly believed that I could stop self harming completely, for good. And, that was my biggest downfall. I am happy to say that I have been "clean" since December. Yes, I know that is only two months but see, there is a big difference between the "clean" I am now and the "clean" I've been before. Before, I would still think about it all of the time. Sometimes I would even long to feel the cold blade on my skin, to watch the crimson liquid flow from my arm. I can't say I feel that way anymore. And I can honestly say that I wouldn't have made it this far without Chyanne (or as you know her, the other penguin). She stuck by my side the entire way. And one day, she asked for the razor that haunted me for so long. And, I gave it to her. I have never felt so free before in my life. I can't say that I NEVER think about it, but I never consider actually doing it. Whenever I start to think about it, I immediately redirect my thoughts to Chyanne, and everything is okay again. (Sorry for being sappy!) Even though I had wanted to be clean for so long, I just couldn't manage to believe in myself fighting it alone. Then there was Chyanne, and she came in and held my hand through the battle. So, I might not have conquered it alone but, I beat it and I believe in myself now.

The final lesson that I'll include in this essay is that there is a perfect person waiting for you somewhere. (Doc, get ready for some INTENSE sappiness!) There's a story in Greek mythology stating that every person was created with four arms, four legs, four eyes, two eyes and two noses. Fearing that they were eminent powers that would one day take his place as Ruler, Zeus split each person in half and left them wandering around to search for their other half, or one true soul mate. All through my life, even with my previous encounters with love, I have always felt like something was missing. Like there was still space to fill in my heart. And then I met "the other penguin". I have never felt so passionately about another being in my entire life. And with her, I don't feel that empty space anymore. I feel complete. I see it as, she's my other half. My one true soul mate. Upon meeting her, I never would have imagined that she'd be so important to me one day. But I always knew that we were meant to end up together. Ever since the first day I saw her, I couldn't look away and it was like those movie scenes where everyone else disappears and it's just you and the other person! Crazy, I know. From that day on, I knew that one day I just had to have her to myself. And, that day did happen. What I'm trying to say is, you've read in the second paragraph how much struggling I have been through with significant others and relationships. There were points where I thought I'd never find anyone who would love me and I'd just die alone. But, that isn't the case. I truly believe that everyone has a perfect person waiting for them out there somewhere.

As you can see this semester has taught me a lot. Of course I didn't include everything because we would be here for quite some time but, I hope that you took in and enjoyed what I had to share. Who knows, after reading this you might even consider the lessons being applied to your own life. Whatever the case, I am grateful for the things I have learned and I surely will not forget them.




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