What If...

March 5, 2012
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What if, instead of playing it safe, you took that risk? All of my life, I've been a logical thinker. I mean, when all my friends cried when Old Yeller died, I simply told them that the family did what they had to do. Back then, that meant I was a heartless child. I have never been heartless; just simply safe and logical. When faced with a situation, I observe it from EVERY angle and aspect before I make a final discision. I couldn't ever do anything without thinking. Then I met him.

In the second grade, you usually don't have crushes, but I did. Although I don't remember the first time I saw him, I remember very well the fasination I had of him. He was weird, suprising, obnoxious, immature and a complete pest! But he puzzled me. We spent so many days together, laughing and playing as children. We were best friends. He made my eyes sparkle every time I saw him. He was adventurous and crazy and I loved it! He wasn't like me and I loved that too!

Unfortunately, I was unaware that when a boy liked you, he annoyed you. I was under the impression that this boy did not feel for me as I felt for him. In my head I examined this whole deal: If he liked me, he wouldn't be pulling my hair or pulling me off of swings! You can't blame me for thinking that. I had it in my mind that a boy would be sweet to you if he really admired you. Eventually, my sister helped me see the light. When I told her that I didn't think this boy liked me, she smiled and said: "Um, yes he does!" With a look of question, I stated: "Then why does he annoy me?" She then explained to me that that's what a boy does when he really likes a girl. The pieces started coming together. He DID like me! Being the safe person that I was, however, I was NOT about to act like I knew that fact about him.

So, we went on being friends. Passing the awkward stage, we headed for the teenage years and were still best friends. At the age of 15, we began writing letters to each other. we grew so close to each other. Eventually, he finally told me how he felt, in an embarrassing, yet funny way, I might add, and we took our friendship to the next level. It has now been almost Thirteen months since he awkwardly asked me to be his girlfriend and we're still growing strong.

Sadly, I am faced with a situation that keeps messing with my head. This fall, he leaves for college. After annalyzing this situation for months, I came to a conclusion: The easiest road is the path to a break-up. For me, it's the most logical thing to do. But a question remains in my mind: What if we DIDN'T break up? What if we took a risk for once and remained faithful to each other through the long years of college? Quickly, I dismissed that thought. Me, take a risk? yeah right! However, after spending years of my life in his company, I have learned alot about him. He's a risk-taker. And for the first time in my life, I want to be one too! He makes me want to drop everything and leave logic in the dirt. He makes me want to forget about everyone and everything and just do something without a plan or a reason! He makes me want to really...live. Do I indulge my desire? Do I take a risk and forget about logic? Or do I take the safe path? What if we could make this work? What if we could have a fairytale ending? What if....

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