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My Obsession

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“Do you want to watch a movie with us over the weekend?”


This inevitable question is always asked by either my friends or family. Despite my longing to join them in an afternoon of bonding time, one persistent thought is always at the back of my mind: homework. I have to finish my homework by Monday. Even if my teacher doesn't check for its completion...or the worksheet is for study purposes only, I throughly finish all of my assignments for every class. This constant compulsion forces me to plop into a seat and haul my heavy textbooks to my desk. Every time an opportunity arises for me to have some fun, the homework protestor squirms in my brain, throwing darts at my conscience, and I find myself saying,



“I can't hang out with you guys today...I have homework.”


This common excuse is often used to get out of being with someone unpleasant, but for me, it is a reality that I simply cannot escape. As long as there is homework that has to be done, I will be holed up in my room working like a madman to complete it.


Why do I decline such a wonderful offer? Shouldn't I be procrastinating like any normal teenager? Even when my friends wheedle and whine, the insistent part of my brain has complete control over my polite declination when I am slowly dying of jealously inside. Why can't I leave my homework undone? My classmates beg for extensions on assignment due dates constantly. Yet I continue to slave away on worksheets, essays, and intricate drawings of graphs-only to have my efforts go completely unnoticed on Monday. Why do I even bother? But I simply cannot leave my homework undone! I actually experience physical symptoms when I leave my house without my homework being completed. My breathing gets shallow, I get bruises on my hands from pinching myself with anxiety too many times, and I experience some slight hair loss from wringing my hair with frustration.


While this compulsion has made me a stellar student, it has taken so much away from my social life. The barely concealed grimaces and eye roll responses to my homework excuse don't make people like me very much. Furthermore, I am then stereotypically classified as a nerd or a geek, and my high school reputation is then forever tarnished.


I really cannot help it... I not only have to get my homework done, but it also has to be well done. I stare at my computer screen for hours on end, rereading the words of my English essay countless times before the words start to look blurry before my eyes. Then I have to record numbers in my Accounting workbook, checking my equations multiple times in order to ensure that my calculations are perfectly balanced. There is also work that has to be done for my Writing 12 class. Aside from trying to break through the boundaries of my initial writer's block, I then have to put my thoughts onto paper, edit it meticulously (by even reading it backwards!), put two spaces after each period, and finally, at around 11 pm, print out the final product for submission. I put so much time and effort into the presentation of my homework that when I finally look up from my computer or paper, my entire family is already in bed. I am the last person, while mentally exhausted, to slip underneath my covers, and I am the first person who will wake up in the morning to get to my 7:20 am choir rehearsal on time.


Now that I have spent a sufficient amount of time writing about my obsessions and insecurities...I have some Math questions that I need to tackle.



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