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Parents do the darndest things.

You know those people who have been there our whole lives, the ones who changed our diapers, scared away the monsters in our closet, and comforted us when we were sad? We all know parents are meant to be embarrassing, oblivious, and dare I say, uncool. Sometimes they know just what to say, and others they are as clueless as an overturned turtle. So to any parent out there reading this, your teens have something to say to you.

Dear Parents,

• Just because you can fit into the clothes you wore in high school, doesn’t mean you should wear them.

• We don’t really hate you; it’s just not cool to be your friend right now.

• Face it, that is gray hair and there is nothing you can do about it, dying your hair jet black just makes you stand out more.

• We don’t need fancy gifts for us to know you love us.

• You can only turn twenty-nine once.

• Wait, wait, wait, you don’t know how to copy and paste?

• My friends really don’t want to see naked baby pictures of me, I am sure they would like to keep their eyesight.

• Sure we don’t like when you discipline us, but at least we know you care.

• If you’re friends say you haven’t changed a bit since high school, it’s not a good thing. Times have changed, maybe it’s time you did too.

• Yes, you may know the words to your favorite tune, but please don’t belt the song in a public place.

• No, talking in text abbreviations does not make you cool. (OMG That’s so funny LOL)

• We have completely different ideas on the definition of “Cool”, ours is right, yours is wrong.

• Sure, you can dance, but only in private. Please don’t decide to start seizing on the dance floor at a social event.

• No, the jokes you see on Laffy Taffy wrappers are NOT funny, please don’t feel the need to repeat them.

• Remember, when we have company, “Pull my finger” is not an appropriate ice breaker.

• It’s okay mom, everybody sags.

• Just because the recipe says “Pumpkin Crisps” doesn’t mean you have to burn it.

• Dad, boxers or briefs is not really a question; it’s always boxers… always.

• If your pants rise higher than your belly button, its time for a trip to the mall.

• Bodily functions, fiber needs, aches, and pains should not ever be included in any public conversation… period.

• For your information, Twitter is not a bird, and Facebook doesn’t mean your child is studying.

• I am sure you thought by this time that everything would be voice activated, but screaming “On” multiple times at an IPod will do you no good.

• You’re too old for PDA. Period

• Nobody cares what it’s like ‘back in the day’

• We know you walked up hill both ways in the snow to school, but do we have to hear it, every time?

• Playing air guitar to your favorite band does not make you a rock star.

• Finally, if you look back at your yearbook and notice you still have the same hairstyle, it may be time for a change.

Love, Your Teen.

P.S. Of course, no matter how many times you make us hide our faces in shame, or wish we could melt into the nearest wall, remember that we still love you and all your crazy antics.

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