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Sitting

Sitting in my dorm room, not sure what to think. Not sure I'm ready to face the world, not yet. The awkward moment when you and your roommate realize you just don't get along, and can't, so you both agree that one of you would move out. Since I brought pretty much everything, we decided it would be easier if she did was the one to move. There aren't many open rooms, not for second semester freshmen at least. So she moved kitty-corner across the hall. She had a J-term class, and I wonder how she explained the move to people...

My new roommate hasn't moved in yet. It's quiet. It's nice. But lonely. My stuff is neatly on one side, and on the other, a bare lofted bed with an empty desk underneath it. Empty, no signs of life on that side of the room. Once people start coming back, I know I'll be fine.

You see, silence scares me. It forces one to look at oneself, and to really examine ones conscious and thoughts. I am determined. I will not turn on music. I will face myself. The ghosts of my past, let them come. Let me confront them. The friends who've gone, let the bittersweet memories come. The ones I hold near, let me treasure the laughter and the tears. Let me think of the one's I've hurt, with my actions or with my words, let me think of the ones who've hurt me. Then, let me forgive, first myself, then others. Next, I will pray for the strength to seek forgiveness.

No, no, I'm not quite ready to face the world. Because to face the world, I must first face myself.




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