Smiling face. Brown hair falling into brown eyes. Arms I’ve felt around me a hundred times, arms that I’ve felt safe in.
Arms that were currently wrapped around another girl. Samantha.
In that one second, I hated her. Hated her because she had what I could have had, if I had said yes to him when he asked me out the first time.
Or the second time. Or the third. The fourth. The fifth.
But I hadn’t. And now he had moved on.
How could I make him understand? How could I make him believe that I hadn’t been ready before, that I had needed to realize he was so much better that other guys? I was naïve to not see it when I had the chance, but then; who did I have to compare him to? He was the first boy to really pay attention to me that much, to want to get to know me as more than a friend or someone to flirt with.
Everything that had happened to me so far this year had made me see that he was probably the best guy I had ever had the fortune of meeting and getting to know.
And I had let him get away.
I lay my head down on my keyboard. Looked back up at the picture. Put my head back down. Sighed.
I exited out of facebook and scrolled down my Christmas list. So far it mostly consisted of things like ‘lip gloss from bath and body works’, ‘perfume from Sephora’, and ‘clothes from Abercrombie’. At the bottom, I added a note.
P.S:
Dear ‘Santa’,
The one thing I want most this year, I doubt you’ll be able to bring me, but if you can, I promise to be good for eternity.
His initials are J.D.F. and we are perfect for each other. we like the same music, we both act in plays, and we never fight. Help him see that please.
Love,
You know who I am.
I printed two copies of my list. One with the note, and the other without. The 1st one I kept in a drawer by my bed, and the second I gave to my mom to ‘mail to Santa’.
Now all I could do was wait.