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The day's ruined by 8am

She’s ignoring me, she’s ignoring my clothes and my hair, and my silence. At first she questioned me, “what’s wrong?” “is everything okay at school?” but soon she realized that she's not going to get any real answers so she just stops asking and pretends that nothing happened. She didn't like my lack of motivation and drive so she just gave up. Now, she acts as if I’m not there at all. When she thinks I’m not listening I hear her talking about me, she’s worried.

The drive to school today seems longer than usual, maybe it’s just traffic. As we pull into the school parking lot I feel my stomach drop, I don’t want to get out of the car, I don’t want to feel their eyes on me or hear them whispering my name. I glance at my mother, she stares straight ahead. Anything is better than this, I open the car door and feel a rush of cold wind as my boots touch the ground. I grab my bag and get away from the car as fast as possible, some creepy guy whistles at me as my skirt blows up, when I turn around he double takes. I suppose from the back I must look like hot or something, ripped tights, plaid mini skirt, leather jacket, combat boots and lace gloves. But from the front all you see is tired eyes, heavy makeup, dirty unbrushed hair, and loneliness. I resume walking to my first class and as I turn a corner I run straight into the very person I don’t want to see, I instinctively put my head down and clutch my books. She’s wearing a bright outfit thats a little to happy, her hair is a little to perfect and her smile is just plain fake. Out of everyone I know her best and to the average person she looks fine, but I can tell how hard she’s trying to keep her image up after she destroyed mine. As I pass her I can feel her eyes on me, I glance around and for a second I think she’s about to cry but instead she grabs her boyfriends hand and leans up to kiss him, all the other girls look a little jealous. I remember when they looked at me like that.

It seems the closer I get to class the worse things get, one hundred feet away; A guy sneers at me “‘sup goth girl” he says. fifty feet away; a group of girls are walking towards me laughing but as soon as they see me they instantly fall silent and appear to look right through me. Ten feet away from the class room, I’m almost safe and then, out of nowhere this guy I don't even know runs up to me, yanks up my sleeve, and yells ‘Emo’ at the top of his lungs. Everyone stops what they’re doing and looks at me, thats a new insult, they hadn’t thought of that before. Everyone stares at my wrist. Thankfully the guy pulled up the wrong sleeve so there aren’t any cuts visible, but that doesn’t stop everyone from staring and whispering that terrible word over and over again, like they’re playing a game of telephone, the insult getting worse with each telling. I push through the crowd and run to the bathroom, I start to tear up before I even get there.

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Raiko said...
Oct. 21, 2011 at 9:59 am:
I relate to this so much,when I just moved to a new place,without a face I know.But I do believe that I`m starting to learn that it`s okay to be unsure and insecure because that means that you`re really thinking for your own.I learned to deal with depression through music,through the small beautiful things all around if you really look.
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