Secrets

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Every thing was topsy-turvy, to all of your teachers and classes to your home life. Every part of it has its ups and its downs. It's just a part of life, but all of it becomes to much and you can't take it anymore. Every thing turns on you and you don't know what to do. Your friends know that there is something wrong and ask, but you can't find the strength to tell them. You know you want to, but you just can't. You end up going crazy. Every thing spinning, turning, up and down. The worst part of every thing, there is nothing you do to stop the topsy-turvy world your in.

Every day you wake up. Same thing each day. You don't want to get up, but you know you have to get up and face the world, no matter how hard the day that fallows will be. You’re scared of the world, of your life, of every thing. You’re scared for your friends, your family, everyone, mostly yourself. You wish you could just stay in bed and let the day slowly pass by. You would love that so much, but you just can't. You do the same thing each day, you wish you could change that.

"Just get up and leave," you tell yourself. Once again you can't, you want to but you just can't. You know that if you do get up and go the world will get even more topsy-turvy. So you don't. As you lie in bed, forcing your self to get up, you think, "What would life be like if I wasn't here?". You want it so bad, but you can't have it.

You get up. You try to hide the pain you’re in. To put on a 'Happy' face. Trying to forget everything that is going on in your life, you leave for school, half of your problems. Once again you wonder "What would my friends think if I just didn't show up to school?". Once again, it would just add more topsy-turvy in your life. "Would they be happy? That I was gone. So they can just stop all of their worrying." You try to get yourself to stop thinking. You try so hard, once again you just can't. "What would my teachers think? Do they really care? Does anyone really care anymore?" You feel your eyes start to burn. A hot salty liquid fills your eyes. You try to stop, you can't. Can you do anything anymore? Your body come the cross way. One way to freedom, another to your world. You don't know what to do.

"Hey! Over here!" You hear from some where. You ignore it. Something you can do. One thing. The only thing, that you think. You walk, step by step. Slowly approaching your world. Your last chance to run. "forward" You tell yourself. You don't know what to do, again.

You enter your world. Walking up to the door, you see that you friends were all there. You walk the other way. You can't…won't face them, not right now. You take the long way. To your locker, messy, but neat for you. Looking up at the locker next to you, you see him, your 'locker buddy'. He looks at you, puzzled. You look back, you puzzled even more than him. He smiles. You smile. Nothing more. Just a friendly, but some what sweet, smile. "Nothing but a smile." You tell yourself. You close your locker, but just before that you really smile, the first real one in a long time. You don't know why, but you just did.

As you walk in to your first hour, your teacher looks and you. Not just any look, but the look. She knows, what you can't admit. "How? Who? When?" Your mind goes through a million things, just in that one second. You feel your eyes fill with that horrible hot salty liquid. You wipe away a tear, then another, repeating until she comes over and gives you a hug.

"You have to remember to stay strong. Every thing will be fine as long as you stay strong." she says in a whisper. Everything will be fine. You run that though your head so many times. Every one around you says that.

"Will it?" You ask her, unwillingly. Once again you put on your happy face. Slowly people fill the room, with cheers and laughs. Every one around you is happy. You want that so bad, but you just can't seem to find it. Deep down inside of you, you know there has to be some sort of happiness. Deep, deep down. You try so hard. People start to sit down. You go to your unassigned seat.

"Please tell us what's wrong. All we want to do is help, that's all. Please." One of your friends asks. She is one of your best friends, she followed by four of your other friends. You trust them. Why wouldn't you?

You open your mouth, trying to talk, you can't. Not won't, but can't. You do want to tell them. You just don't think it's the right time, that's all. You will tell them, just not now, that's all. Every thing you wish for, every thing you want, is right in front of you. All you really want is to stop the world you’re in and just get off. Nothing more, just that.

You sit. The teacher starts to teach. What ever it was, science, you think, you know. Time to focus, you tell your self. The time flies by. The bell rings. Back to your locker, back to the same thing. You close your locker. Your friend comes up behind you.

"Hey, you ready?" she asks, sounding like the world was normal.

"Um, go on without me. I'll be fine." you say, lying. She knows your lying. So she waits for you.





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