The Job Application

I walk into the store.

It looks exactly the same. But it feels different.

I usually get a fun feeling when I walk in here. I always head right over to the clothes, excited about finding a good deal. Something I like.

This store is known for it's great deals. They have designer clothes sometimes, for 85% off the original price. That's better than a garage sale or the Salvation Army, because these clothes are new!

If I'm with my friend, we'll laugh and exclaim over things, maybe making fun of a piece of clothing we think is really ugly. I'll feel light and happy and self-confident.

But I don't feel any of those things now. Especially self-confident. I feel a lot more self-CONSCIOUS than self confident. Insecure. Anxious. Not happy and giggly. Serious. Off my game.

And to top it all off, I'm worried about how I look.

Maybe I shouldn't have worn these two clips in my hair. Maybe people think they look dumb.

My dress seems wrong. Too young. Too casual.

My shoes are a little dirty.

I look around at the people working here. Today, I am seeing them in a whole new way. That older woman behind the cash register in the woman's department looks kind. Sort of motherly. I bet she would be nice to work with.

The two younger,overweight girls behind the jewelry counter seem obnoxious. They're laughing loudly about something. I swear they're looking at me. Are they laughing at me? Maybe they're laughing at the clips in my hair. I bet they would be snotty to work with.

I walk over to the sales racks, to stall for time. Suddenly,I've lost my nerve.

Why couldn't I have been born rich? Then I wouldn't have to worry about getting a dumb job. I could have that fun feeling back, instead of this anxious one. Then I could go for pizza. I wouldn't have to care what people think. I could be above all that.

I hunt through the summer clothes, which are now 70% off.

That's a cute top, I think. But my heart isn't really in it. That's because I know what I have to do.

I might as well just get it over with.

I head over to the human resources office to fill out a job application.





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Lorelie said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 8:48 am
I can relate to this story!  One time i went to apply for a job at a store.  But when i saw how great everyone else was dressed, I totally chickened out and didn't even fill out an application!
 
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