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Hurt Every Time

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Every time I fall for someone, I get hurt. Let’s think back to sixth grade. A time when feelings were fleeting and relationships lasted for two weeks. I had liked Peter since we were five years old, but with nothing in return. One night I received an IM, simply saying, “I like you, be my girlfriend?” with a smiley at the end. Of course, I was excited as only a young girl can be. I ran and told my mom, my constant confidant, and she was happy for me, although looking back now, I think she knew it wouldn’t last. We went on our first “date” to the beach, with my parents, our chaperones, in tow. Back at his house, watching TV, he gave me a quick, small kiss, and my first, as I left. My heart soared. Three days later, our middle school romance was over. I was devastated, crying into my pillow for days.
But, eventually I got over it. The summer before freshman year, I went to visit a family friend in Canada. While there, I met my next “love”. James was great. I had never thought myself attractive, and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He was sweet, insanely cute, and liked me for who I was. We stayed only a week, but I thought I was in love. Back in New York, we talked online almost every day, sharing our feelings, and our regrets about not being able to see each other. He called for my birthday, and no other present made me happier. But, when high school started, we grew apart, and stopped talking. I would try to start a conversation, but all I received were one word answers, and eventually I gave up. My pillow became soaked with tears again.
But, eventually I got over it. I had somehow managed to become friends with the popular crowd, and that entitled me to lots of parties and all different groups of friends. This is where Pat came into the picture. He was a bad boy, known for lots of drinking and smoking. I didn’t care. He was hot and interested. We went out a few times, and he was actually a nice guy. He didn’t try to grab my boobs the second the movie started, and we had good conversations. We talked every day until late at night. He knew all of my secrets and fears, and comforted me about every bad thing happening in my life. However, we were both young, and he lived too far away for us to easily see each other, and that faded away. I sulked to my friends about him being a jerk for days.
But, eventually I got over it. The rest of the year and the summer were full of small flings that didn’t go anywhere, but I had never started any of them wanting them to. Around Christmas of sophomore year, my best friend got a boyfriend. We always hung out with him and his best friend, Chris. Unfortunately for me, Chris had a girlfriend, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. He was always complaining about how she treated him badly, and sure enough they broke up. We spent almost all of our time together, laughing about everything and doing stupid things. I think he was my first real love. It was perfect. We never ran out of things to talk about, and had an amazing time no matter what we were doing. But, one snowy day, he didn’t talk to me all day, which was unusual for him. I got a call the next night, and he told me that he had hooked up with his ex during a snowball fight. I couldn’t believe it. They got back together, and I was left alone. I cried almost every night for three weeks over that one.
But, eventually I got over it. Another summer passed and more guys who didn’t really mean anything. A relationship wasn’t really what I wanted when junior year started. And that sure isn’t what I got. I had on and off been talking to a guy, and we started to hang out more and more. Keith was a smooth talker. He could make you believe anything he said, and I fell right into his trap. His lies about not seeing other girls were so well laid that even now I don’t see how he did it. We went out with his friends and their girlfriends, and he always hinted that he wanted us to actually be in a relationship, but it never happened. We went to homecoming together, and we kissed and held hands and danced in front of everyone. But he played me. He had two other girlfriends from different schools, and I had been too blinded by his dimpled smile and reassuring words to see him for the snake he really was. I promised myself I wouldn’t waste any tears on him.
Eventually, I got over it. Now, the summer before senior year, things are going great. I might have gotten slightly hurt by more guys since Keith, but it’s taught me something: Any guy that hurts you isn’t worth your time. So, when it does work out, you say “Oh well!” and move on to find someone who really deserves you. Now, I’m talking to a guy who really does care about me. We don’t live too close, so maybe it’ll be hard, but if its meant to work out, then we’ll find a way. If it doesn’t I can promise you my pillow will be dry, because any guy who’s worth your time will never make you cry.





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