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God Found Me

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“You will stumble into the path that will lead your life to happiness.” That is what a fortune cookie I opened a few months ago read. I kept it in hopes that it may come true someday and stored it in my jewelry box. I’d come upon it every now and then and would read it, thinking of a day when I would genuinely be happy. And to think that it’s what I wanted most; a truly happy life. It just seemed at the time like I couldn’t even remember the last time I was truthfully happy. However, I kept the fortune note in hopes of one day looking back to smile at it all.

Though the days kept the same, I still stared at that little piece of paper for my future and what it may bring. I knew one day I would say, “Now, this is what it meant!”, or something along that line. It seems like I had just enough faith on that little piece of paper to keep me dreaming and hoping. Of course, I didn’t know it was faith at the time because I barely even knew what faith was. Somehow, I know God had it planned for me to read it as a form of letting me know to “hold on tight, something good is coming.” I didn’t know God then, but I know him now and I see what his message was.

I came in and out of depression along the months and barely even wanted to live. I felt like I just wanted to fade away. It was mostly for no reason at all. Sure, I did have problems at home but it wasn’t that what made me lose hope and die in spirit. I just had this emptiness I couldn’t fill, this void in my heart I did not understand. I didn’t know what it was that I didn’t have and desperately needed. I didn’t know what could make me happy. I felt more alone than ever and the irony of being surrounded by family and friends all the time felt cold. I felt like I needed someone in my life and soon because I didn’t think I could take it any longer. Loneliness was consuming all of me. There was this hole in my body, this unbearable gap and however I tried to fill it, I failed miserably. It never went away even when I thought I was decently “happy” enough. I felt just a mere “okay” from time to time but that was it, just okay. I was never truly happy and I was never hopeful. I knew it was time for change.

One Sunday night, my grandmother who is truly faithful to God and goes to church every week, invited me and my mother to her church. I was not a saved Christian then. So, you may assume that I didn’t want to go to church. Indeed, I didn’t. I felt like it was the most boring place in the world and the ministry would go on interminably. I whined and complained to my mom then but I now give thanks to God that I went because if I hadn’t, I’d still be a lost and insecure soul. I’d still be that girl who doesn’t know God and has no aura of hope in life. Fortunately, that girl remains in the past and I grew in understanding and in faith. Most of all, I found love in the Father and in Jesus Christ. I found love where I didn’t know I could find it. It wasn’t through just one night of course, but through weeks of getting to know God and his goodness. That Sunday night, I met my grandparents’ church brothers and sisters and had the pleasure to meet the pastor. The church was a small group of people and they were so kind, I thought. The pastor preached with this vigor, this passion I recognize now, not then. It was a good night although I wasn’t yet spiritually awoken. I didn’t know what was in store for me and what I’ve been missing for the 16 years of my short life. Anyhow, that night was the beginning of my journey to meeting God. It didn’t take one night to spiritually awaken me like I said, but God planted in me a seed of faith every time I sat down on that chair hearing his word. Little by little, I gained a little more faith each time I went to church. I still had my doubts and my faith fluctuated, but nevertheless, God called me to be close to him.

One day at church, the pastor called up my father to the front of the church. He was told by the Holy Spirit to pray for him. He called our family up. So, it was me, my parents and my two brothers up there. As you know, I wasn’t experienced with the spiritual world and didn’t know God. As I walked up my knees were shaking and my heart wanted to jump out of my chest, pounding at me. I wanted to go up there for the calling a few times before but I didn’t have the guts to as I didn’t know what would happen. I could feel the Holy Spirit urging me before but I hadn’t out of fear and nervousness. And there I was, yielding myself to God and not knowing what to expect. When the pastor put his hands on my forehead, I broke. Not literally, of course. I cried and I cried and I cried. I just couldn’t stop the tears from running even as he moved on from person to person and the Holy Spirit touching each and every one of them. I felt like I was so detached from God that the touch of the pastor’s hands was the closest time I ever felt to God. It was so emotional. I knew I didn’t have God in my life and that brought me to tears. It was a realization that pulled at my heartstrings, a feeling so overwhelming that I felt I had to become closer to God. It was a realization that took me to God.

I decided to leave my old ways of thinking and take a leap of faith. I was very pessimistic and at the sight of difficulty, I would instantly give up. I stopped trying to overcome my obstacles because of the fear of taking risks. I thought a sacrifice was too much to give up, to lose. I was the type of person determined for failure, always expecting the worst. Negativity settled in my mind and chose to overcome my heart. It was like bad things happened because of my devotion to seek the possibility of things turning out bad. Like most, I viewed my glass as half empty instead of half full. But after my experience at church, I felt like I touched God, or rather, God touched me. He found me. I then began to think positively and declared things as if they were. I began to trust God with my life and I had this desire to be with him all the time. I needed to be close to him. I felt like a small child at the discovery of finding the secret hiding place of his/her older brother during a game of hide and go seek. I felt like God was my discovery. I discovered who he was and who I am to him. I learned that he knew me by name and loved me simply because he does. I started to pray daily and seek him through the bible and began my relationship with God. I asked Jesus into my heart and accepted him as my one and only savior and asked for forgiveness. I felt God’s abundant love all around me and I didn’t doubt it one bit because it was a sensation I’ve never felt before. It was bigger than me. It was God. I Felt like I discovered him but the thing is that God wasn’t hiding; I was just not looking for him. Every time I thought God was so far from me, I wasn’t trying to seek him, to know him. I was struck back when I found this out for myself.

That is when I found out what I’ve been missing. I had this emptiness in my life because of the absence of God. He was that hole in my heart and the unbearable emptiness in my soul. I learned that everyone has a void they cannot fill because only God can fill it. If you don’t find him, you will stay with that void. People try to fill their lives and bodies with unimportant material things and human love. But human love is not like God’s love. God is different and his love is different; it is unconditional. Humans are way too shallow to ever fill that gap in your heart. Only God can because he just can. He is love; what we all need. I don’t feel that emptiness anymore because God has found me and I feel closer to him. I know to trust my life to God because he is in control. I gave my heart to him and asked him to take care of it. I asked him to use me when he wants for whatever he wants. I gave all my troubles and future worries for him to handle because I know alone, I cannot do a thing. With him I am capable and I am new.

After days of discovering God, I encountered that little piece of paper again. “You will stumble into the path that will lead your life to happiness,” I read again. I smiled and thanked God. It was a little piece of faith from God. He knew what would happen. He knew it before I even met him. Little did I know, that paper would bring me to this; writing my spiritual journey down. God told me to do this. I felt an urge to write how God found me. It is the most beautiful thing in the world and nobody should miss out from him. Everyone should open their hearts and put it in the palm of our father’s hands. I did it and I was just like so many others; doubting God’s very existence. I used to have a very distorted and wrong perception of God. But thanks to him, I am here and forever grateful. Forever changed.



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writingchick This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm
This was not only a well written article, but a heart-warming story. I'm filled with joy to know that God has found you. As far as the writing, you did a very good job of getting me hooked. Typically I won't read something this long but you did a good job of keeping me interested. I like how you started and ended talking about the fortune cookie too. Great job! (:
 
jaygonz replied...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm
thankyou soo much! I'm happy someone found this heart-warming, it's my only intention. Thankyou! :)
 
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