I’m going to write something as long as a goodbye should be. Goodbyes are naturally the most unsettling encounter ever in a person’s life. A goodbye is to say your farewell, forever. Goodbye to you my dearest bird. Is there a chance I will ever see you again? No, you’re free, you’re not chained to the sky like everyone tries to believe. You’re out there, all the way out there and you are flying, and you are going. I’m watching you from the ground and I’m smiling because you are the most beautiful creature I’ve seen all day. And as the cold winter air brushes my cheeks, I see that you are running away, flying away. What are you going away from bird? I glance down at my feet as you become a small dot in the sky, I can’t see you anymore you bird. I sigh a heavy sigh and I kick a rock into the metal gate. I dig my feet into the ground and dirt flies everywhere. I slowly walk myself to the grass and lower myself into a laying position. I’m laying there watching the blue sky, looking out for another bird that could grace me in there presence. But I get tired and my eyes get dry, so I shut them for a while and my hands stroke the grass strands gently, they feel so natural against my fingers that have been calloused from playing my guitar too much. I cough softly because of the singing I’ve been doing in the shower. Am I happy? I feel content right now. Even though I’m alone laying in this grass, it feels magnificent. I don’t have anything to complain about and in that moment I just wanted to stay right there forever. Nothing to keep me, I wanted the grass strands to extend and wrap me around and pull me into the earth. I wanted to become one with the earth and I wanted nothing more then to feel at peace. I felt so calm and serene as I turned to my side to watch the strands sway against the wind and the blurred background of the mountains and hills that moved for no one. I felt my eyes blink slowly as I was taking in all the beauty of that day. My chest went up and down as I tried to quietly breath to not disturb the silent beauty of the surrounding nature I was enveloped in. I couldn’t utter one word for fear that I would ruin such a perfect moment. I took a breath and I got the smell of earth running up my nose and making my entire body limp. I was okay. It the earth had done nothing, still as it was when I first got there. I just opened my soul to the surrounding beauty and it took me, it took my soul and it touched my heart, cleansed my body and cleared my mind. It worked for that moment. And as I got up to walk home. I realized that I needed to do this often to keep myself functional. This needs to be a daily thing.
March 6, 2011