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Stronger Than I Thought

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What if I get lost? What if nobody likes me? What if I don’t make friends? What if my teachers don’t like me? Why won’t these butterflies in my stomach go away? These were the questions gliding through my mind, as my sister and I approached my freshman year of high school.

I drifted through the doors, stuck like glue to my sister’s side. Our arms interlocked, with a look of fear and excitement that spread to my whole face. My sister then says to me, “You will do great, and remember to be yourself, and stay positive.” I was glad my sister was looking out for me through this jittery experience. Going from a public school in Mt. Washington to a private school in Louisville was a huge transformation for me. One thing I was positively sure of was that I didn’t know anybody. This terrified me the most. Who was I going to sit with at lunch? Who was I going to talk to now at school? I had to leave my best friends behind because they were going to a public school in Mt. Washington. I remember sharing every moment of laughter, happiness, friendship, and sisterly love with my best friends. I didn’t know how I could ever let them go.

Before I left for school that morning I remember my mom saying, “Everyone will love you! You will do great, and make friends in no time!” At the time I believed her, because I knew she was right. She never told me that it wouldn’t happen all at once though.

When I first walked in to my high school I felt like I had stepped off a boat into another country. I saw girls scrunched up tight in their little groups, speaking to other girls from their grade school. It was like they were speaking a different language everyone knew, except for me. By next week our first week of school started. I started to get to know some people, but the big problem was that they were not in my lunch. On Monday I walked into the cafeteria and stood in line alone. I looked around for some friendly faces to get an idea of who I could sit with. There were tons of girls in the cafeteria and it started to become a bit too overwhelming just to look around at all of them. I could smell the taco wedges wafting through the doors of the kitchen. The smell of taco wedges and the fluttery butterflies in my stomach began to mix together in a queasy combination. I got my lunch and went and sat down at a table where there were girls with smiling faces. (I’m A quiet girl so it takes me a while to open up to people I don’t know.) I thought maybe if I sit down here I won’t be alone, and girls would just start talking to me. Little did I know that that would never happen.

I started to eat my taco wedges and fruit. I had just started eating, but the girls across from me were done, and decided to put their trays away and leave. As I watched them leave, I felt a hole in my heart start to grow bigger and bigger until finally it just burst. I sobbed right there at the table, but I hid my face so nobody could see that anything was wrong. I finished my lunch through wet, salty tears, and got up and put my tray away. I tried to hide my face as I was standing in line to throw my trash away. I lady in the lunchroom (I would later know as Ms. Boughman) noticed my tear stained eyes. She pulled me aside and said, “Sweetheart, what is wrong? Why are you so upset?” I told her about how I had come from a public school, and how I didn’t know anybody, and how I felt so alone in the world. She comforted me, and told me she would tell Ms. Deweese to come see me at the end of the day, to help me with my problem.
By the end of the day I had felt a little better, and Ms. Deweese did come to see me. She comforted me and said, “I promise things will get better. I was a quiet girl, and I went to a public school myself when I was your age.” This made me feel better knowing that someone else felt the same way that I did.

After a few weeks, Ms. Deweese and my parents were right. School and making friends did get better. I have made a lot of new friends that I have never felt closer to. They are like my rock; my support system, and I love them for being there for me through everything.
From this experience I’ve learned to be more open to be people around me, stay positive in everything I do, and to stay true to myself, even if people try to change me.
"Never let your fears make your decisions. You make them."

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.”





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DifferentTeenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 10, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Very relatable! I had the same problem the beginning of this year; it was also my freshman year. I only knew one person going into the school which was my best friend. I was lucky that she got into the lottery system school with me, but I doubted I'd be lucky enough to have lunch with her on both odd and even days. Lunch is one of those trivial things most people wouldn't see as a social problem going into high school. But frankly, it was what terrified me the most. I was lucky enough to have lu... (more »)
 
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