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"It just didnt make sense, why would he take her away like that? What did she do to deserve to go like that?" These questions were repeating in my head over and over again. . .

My grandmother, Gail,(or as I call her Mama gail) was a simple lady. She lived life not caring about what others thought, she never wanted much and never asked for much. She was always happy and satisfied with what she got, and never asked for more. She always told me she had what she needed in life and could never possibly ask for more. She liked everyone she knew, and always had a smile on her face. She cared about everyone and never put her self first. She was always willing to stop what she was doing when someone else needed her.

I never really got to see her much, and when I did, she and I would make the best of it. She was only alive until I was 11, so we would color and play with play-dough, cook, paint, bird watching, study flowers and do whatever we liked doing together.

This is the story of the last few months I got with her. . .

My grandparents house is located in Wetumpka, AL. It has a bunch of woods behind it and my dad and his little brother, Greg would go camping back in the woods as a kid. I thought it'd be really neat to go backpacking back there, especially with Mama Gail and my grandfather, Ellis being in the house close to it. I can't exactly remember why, but she was on chemo at the time. On one night we went in to go grab a couple of blankets from the house, and my dad and I could easily tell she didn't feel good. My dad started talking to her and Ellis, and I am 10 years old at the time and I don't understand all the talk but I hear my dad say these exact words ". . . they could shut down and you could die." I don't remember what he said would shut down, but it scared her into going to the hospital. So what fun weekend I was supposed to be having quickly turned. At the hospital (which is no fun place for kids) I sat and talked to Mama Gail the whole time. She told me when she gets out of the hospital we were going to go somewhere fun. I didn't get to go many places traveling with them aside from Florida or Gatlinburg, but my brother as a kid went a lot of fun places with them, but I never did. By this time it was getting late so my dad and I headed back to the house, and my dad had a headache and didn't feel good so I think he and I slept in the house that night. I can remember all I could think about that night was the words I heard my dad speak. We finally got back to our house in Phenix City and a couple of weeks passed. I don't know exactly what went on in the hospital and I really try not to rememeber, but then she was moved to St.Francis at one point, we visited her a lot, and it was just like what happens everytime someone you know is in the hospital; surgeries, visisting, other people visiting, the flowers, the "get well" balloons you see. Eventually She got moved to the rehab center in Phenix City by Chick-fil-A, which was an amazing thing because now she was in our area and only about 5 minutes away from our house and we could visit her more often. My dad and I would always visit her after school, and sometimes my mom would come with us and sometimes my brother. I cried a lot about it, because I just didn't get it all. I saw all the medication bottles, the rehab, the pain in her eyes I just didn't understand what she did to deserve this. I didn't get what it was all for. After the rehab center she came and stayed at our house. I think she came there in late January, early February. She stayed in the room next to mine in the house and I would spend all of my time in there. She didn't really eat much, and didn't get up to go to the bathroom because she was really weak, but I always wanted to do something for her. I'd try to do everything i could to get her to eat, I'd make cookies to see if shed eat one just because I made one (good plan huh?) I drew her stuff, I'd make anything I could, just anything that came into my head I did and gave it her. She had never seen the movie Robots, so I cut it on for her and she didn't make it halfway through the movie before she got sleepy and wanted me to cut it off. On my birthday she was still at the house and I asked if she wanted to blow a balloon up and she told me she was too weak, I told her I believed in her and that she could it. She tried and tried and tried and finally got it. I saved that balloon and still have it. It's deflated and wrinkled and torn in one spot, but I still have it after two years, and I will always have it. Toward the end of February, things had started to go downhill with her, she got worse. I was kept up at night to hearing my grandfather cry. I hated it, that broke my heart. It didn't bother me seeing my dad, mom, brother, uncle or anyone else cry but it killed me hearing my grandfather cry. The last week, about March 12 the doctors told her there was nothing else they could do for her and she'd only have a week left. I was never told that so I am thinking there's still hope. March 17 at night she's perfectly fine nothing seemed wrong. On the 18th I wake up and hear deep breathing, and I thought it was Ellis snoring meaning he finally is getting some sleep, so I am happy about that. It wasn't Ellis, it was my grandmother gasping while breathing (that sounded harsh, but it's the only way for me to word it). I was on my way to lunch at school and one of the teacher's comes to me and says "Get your stuff together I have to take you home" I knew right away it was Mama Gail. I come home and my grandfather, brother, Uncle Greg, mom, and dad were in the room she was staying in, Everyone's crying. Mama Gail turned her head and looked at me, and I'll never forget that either. It wasn't a certain expression she had or a face she made, it was just a simple look but she couldn't speak, she could barely breathe and it was just the look that told me she knew who I was and knew I was there with her. My brother, and his girlfriend (at the time) and I were eating lunch an dad was in the room with Mama Gail and it was only him and her. He was telling her we'd take care of Ellis, and be sure he was ok and not to worry about him. Then he said after he said that her eyes closed and she stopped breathing. He came in there and told us and mom went in there and they were checking her pulse and sure enough, it was gone. I was 11 then when she died and didn't fully get death, and never cried when someone died as much as I do now. I didn't cry a lot then but I did some. The whole family packed our stuff up and headed over to Wetumpka for the funeral and everything. A week later was the funeral. It was one of those times where you have all the friends of your grandparents, and all the relatives, and all the friends of your parents and you have no clue who anyone is and they come up to you and are like "Hey! You've gotten so big" and you try and act like you know them, and they just sit there and hold this long conversation with you. Also, those times where everyone introduces themselves to you, and you can't remember anybody's name for anything. But anyways back on track, at the funeral I tried my best not to cry, and I didn't really do a good job of it. Once the funeral and everything was over and we went home things settled down and I didn't think about it as much.

Later on was the time I soon realized how upset I am about it. It never really got to me this much until about a year after her death. I got so mad at God and blamed him for it. I just wanted to know why he did that to me, why would he take her away? especially in that condition she was hurting and in pain, it didn't ever make sense to me. I blamed him and was so mad at him, yelled at him. When I cried about it I'd scream "How could you do this? What did i ever do to you that made you take her away from me?" After a while I realized he helped her, He took away her pain, and made her better and I sat there and yelled at him and was so mad at him for it. I look back and never understood how I could be so mad at God to where I yelled at him, and blamed him.

I learned some stuff through her death

1. Never take for granted the people you have; cherish the little moments in life, and be thankful for small favors

2. Never blame God for anything. He's done it all for a reason, and most of the time we get blinded from the good he's made out of it.

it still gets to me a lot, I still yell at God, I still wonder why he did this, I cry I wish it'd have never happen, but she promised me when she gets out of the hospital we'd go somewhere fun, and she's kept that promise. She got out of the hospital she went to heaven that's the fun place. I will be with her one day and that wasn't the last time I would have seen her. I will be reunited with her in heaven with Jesus!

When I say cherish the little moments and be thankful for small favors I mean the smallest things. I cherish the little moment when she taught me how to make a rose out of play-dough, I cherish the small favor when she taught me to tie a bow. Never take for granted anything like that because the smallest things like that may seem stupid to you, but to me they mean the whole world.

She was beautiful. She had an amazing soul, and a heart for God

. . . and I cannot wait to see her again when I go home to my daddy <3

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