October 27, 2010
By , Hagatna, Guam
Well, last night..was it. It was the night, our night, the end. I just wanted to set things straight, set things right, but it never seemed like it was getting there....I always made it worse. Always always always. Stupid stupid me, stupid girl. I did what I could to find his happiness. To set him free, because he needed it. He still needs it. I know I drained him, I know I drove us apart. It was all me. But all I really really really wanted was: Romance, Honesty, No hidden secrets, To feel wanted or included, Too much

It was too much to take in, I know. And I know was so needy. I knew where this was going though. But I still kept on and kept on and kept on. A part of me felt like...it was too late to act upon it. Too late to fix things. To mend the pain that we both caused. We were both so unhappy, yet we loved eachother with the hugest passion. What is worth holding onto? Happiness or love? Ask me. Both. But if I didnt have happiness or love, HE WAS ALWAYS WORTH IT. He always did the deed. I was needy, impatient, argumentive, clingy, and all the above. I know this, I'm aware of this. I always wanted things my way. And I know this now. I know I cant always get what I want. I know now, that I'm the one who drove us apart. It's all my fault. My whole world fell apart, through a DVD. How does this even happen? Because..now, it really is hitting me. Oh, this isn't a lovely feeling. I tried to wonder WHY. Why i couldn't just stop arguing. Why I couldn't just stop being silly. Why I couldn't just make him happy. Because I'm selfish. And I know this now. I need to stop, and I have. It is a lesson learned. Believe me, it is a life lesson learned. Because through my actions, I lost the love of my life, and the only happiness that ever made me feel alive.

But, I could tell him this now. But it still won't fix anything. Because..we still can't fix this, its too late. Because we can't mend this, the pain that we both caused. IT'S TOO LATE. I am willing to work through this, but we won't. So, goodbye the love of my life, and the only happiness that ever made me feel alive.

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