Falling

October 21, 2010
I carefully place my foot on the jagged rock above it. I grab the ledge, stretching my arm as high as it will go. Breathing heavily, i use all my strength left, it seems, to pull myself up. While the tears stream acrross my face for 2 reasons. 1 being with joy and anticiapation of almost reaching the top, and the other reason with the pain inside and out. I've gone through so much, its almost inexplainable, and i guess right now, crying is the only way i can express the hurt im still feeling. But i have the assurance it will end when i get there. Somehow i seem to pull half myself up, i peek over the edge and...

Thats when i fall.

It happened so quick. It was like i blinked and next thing i knew, it was all gone. Free-falling, I felt and displayed no emotion. How is it that i felt an overload of, well, everything when i was almost there, and then suddenly-nothing. Absolutely nohting. I mean, I was doing so well, I'd thought i had almost made it to the top of that mountain. The top being so close, yet so far away. And like the snap of a finger, all gone. And i have no idea how it happened. I guess i could've slipped by accident, or someone could've pushed me on purpose, or i could've jumped-given up. Somewhere inside me i knew it was coming, i should have felt the implications. Free-falling, and there is a descision i must make:to grab something along the way, hoping its in my reach, and to start climbing the rest of the mountain from wherever i caught myself. Once again, start the neverending journey. Or, to continue falling, and enjoty the adrenaline rush, and wind on my face while i can.

But either way, it seems like i lose. If i do miraculously catch myself and even make it up the mountain, chanches are, eventually i'll just fall once again. Part of me feels there is just not enough room on that very small peak. Or, if i continue falling like i am now, i'll hit the bottom. and who knows what, or who, is down there...

Time is running out. And fear- of whats down there is overtaking me. I start to panic. Getting closer and closer to the bottom, the wind is pounding on my face-not the slight breeze i expected. Im starting to give up, to let myself fall, my faith has lost its strength again.I brace myself and close my eyes. But then something like i've never felt before made me close my eyes even tighter. Almost as if i was slowing down, more and more, now it feels like im falling as gracefully as a feather. And then, I stop.. But instead of the cold, hard, ground, that i expected, i feel warm hands supposrt my back, they hold me tight and i feel safe, secure. I open my eyes and peek. looking at the sky, i know im somehow flying up. I see a face shining so bright, that i have never seen before, yet i know exactly who it is. My heart beat settles down. i let out a quiet sigh of relief mixed with awe. Im sure a smile is stretched across my face as he wipes the tears away.

While falling, never once did i think "HE will catch me when i fall" ,but HE did. HE caught me. And now i lay here, safe in HIS arms.





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