I lay on the floor crying. What is this pain I feel? It's loneliness of course. Loneliness words can not describe. To the point I cry nonstop for hours on end. I want out of it. To just be free from it. To be held and loved. To know someone cares, and there's someone for me to trust. It all seemed hopeless. I am just another hopeless romantic in this world. No different from any of the others. I watch while there are people, hugging, kissing, laughing, and having a good time. I don't ever have that. Because I am alone. I stand there watching everything that goes on around me, there is nothing for me. I'm just a bystander. No one acknowledges that I am even alive. Suddenly, there is arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. I'm home at last. Not the way most people would think. I bury my head in those arms. Not wanting to ever lose the feel of it. Just being held in someone's arms, steady and sure. Knowing all that I've been through, the thick and the thin. Sympathy coming from everywhere. I can feel it. I'm assured it's all okay now. Nothing bad would ever happen. I lift my tear stained face to look around. I wasn't on the floor anymore. More like a soft pillow, just sitting. With arms wrapped around me with an embrace that I am unable to describe. There is sounds of music coming from somewhere I can't tell. I can tell that it is beautiful though. I felt home. Like I belonged. Nothing could ever hurt me again. My heart had been broken for the last time. The last time. I am home. Here in the clouds. Forever. I love it here. Everything is as it should be. I am loved. I am held. I can feel. I don't have hurt. I am known. Everything I have never had. But the most important to me is the love that I am now given. It is very special. I don't miss anything. Nothing at all. I just wish this could have happened sooner so that I didn't have to live in that horrible place for as long as I had. It is over now. Home is here, and I am home.
August 25, 2010