Goodbye, Sunshine This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

August 12, 2010
I don’t know why I fall in love.

I don’t choose to, I kinda just land in it.

Under the moonlight, we stand close together. My fingers comb through the wavy falls of her hair. Her eyes glittered with the reflection of the crown diamond of the night. The waves crashed like muted cymbals, creating the overture of our last moment of embrace. Sinking in the sand, I feel my heart between my toes. She spread the sand over my feet as she stepped on them to kiss me. She walked on.

The flirt in me kept me happy on the outside, but the dread steadily built. I was disintegrating emotionally, each step another atom splitting off. Her vines grabbed my lattice, not wasting a minute of the last few seconds. The tighter she grabbed, the more I crumbled. More and more, I was becoming the sand. Dust and debris was my fate, and there was no way to prevent it. The smear of light around the gem revealed nothing.

Insanity is having a family reunion on the beach in the dog days of summer. Chaos is going to a restaurant without a reservation for thirteen people. Embarrassment is knowing the jokes told by aunts and uncles a bit tipsy are heard by others. Luck is catching the smile of the girl sitting on a stool next to an umbrella. Courage is feeling the beads of sweat as I sweep across the deck to stand next to her. Anxiety is the hair sticking up on the back of my neck as I feel her presence. Excitement is the sound of her voice as she voices her opinion about crabs and their feelings.

Luck. Well, luck is on my side sometimes.

Her name is Kristen. She’s from the city. She sings and steals hearts. Especially mine. We exchange numbers after exchanging stories. She’s on a random vacation and didn’t think she’d have any fun. I’m at a family reunion and think that my family is amazingly nuts. But they’re family, so I love them.

We have to go now. Both of our tables have been called. What a coincidence. We walk into the restaurant together, and my heart races as I wave goodbye. Her pale skin is so inviting, and when we shook hands outside, I didn’t want to let go. A soothing melody drifting from her mouth every time she opened it. A soprano solo for me, and only me, as long as I kept her attention.

Phones are useful means of communication, in calling, texting and sending messages back in forth in backseats. I talked to her all throughout dinner, and far past that. The shrimp was delicious, but the steak could have been better. Drawings of fish and rabbits and other people and creatures inhabited our tabletop, made of Crayola clay in two dimensions. A universe all my own existed in one seat near the end of the table, and I was the only one to exploit it.

A night on the couch spells out nothing to do but text a girl I just met. Thor pounds the sky with his hammer, handicapping anyone stupid enough to be outside. The houses speak out against the wind’s abuse, but no relief is given. Pounding bullets on the windows created a raucous loud enough to wake the drunken relatives. And I’m oblivious to all of it, because of the girl on the receiving end of my half-parentheses coupled with colons. Until the thunder grabs hold of the house and shakes me asleep.

I sit upon a seat made in a mold. The mold should be thrown out, as no rear end looks like that. Sweat rolls down my torso and catch on my shirt. Ironically enough, there’s a faucet on it. A mile and a half down the round is a circle where no one knows what to do. I turn right and pull into the parking lot of an ice cream where several people stare. I sit down besides my bike and wait for the princess to arrive. Envy seeps out along with sweat, knowing that there are people inside the ice cream shop are cooled by manufactured air. Batteries not included.

Trumpets blast, and a royal decree is made: the beautiful pale princess of the beach has arrived. Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I am dead and only that angel can bring me back. She does. She helps me off the ground and we saunter into the creamery. Birthday cake ice cream is ordered in two small bowls, accompanied by three spoons. The train has come off the tracks and is crashing and burning, yet none of the passengers notice. Oh, well, I guess we all die sometimes.

Regrettably, I follow the princess and her sister out the door in a trail of rose petals, only visible to me. I ride in circles on my bike around her, seeing every angle of her clumsy elegance. Mumblings of nonsense which I will never know float carelessly within the bubble, teasing me. The palace! An amusement park, a beautiful mess of metal poles, plastic slides and fake tire swings. Over the fence to this playground of new beginnings we go.
Proximity is gone here. Touching; for the first time really feeling her. My arm draped around her, saving her from falling to China in the hole beneath us. Spinning faster and faster still, slowing when she’s had too much. Idle chit chat clouds the atmosphere around us until there is enough to ignite if passion should show up.

Boom.
An explosion of not only feeling, but immense emotional release from months of tension; a supernova of solace, completely coating my conscious mind with blissful ignorance; the falling of the first domino in a sequence where neither of us are aware enough to count how many more will fall until the end; and the beginning of the uncertainty of the end.
In other words, we kissed.

Fascination filled the night air. It also coated my feet. They felt the same that night as they did earlier tonight; sandy, and numb from doubt. Is this real? Does she actually like me? Did we just kiss? Am I free of my previous chains?

Yes.

I am gone from anything before this moment, and from everything after it as far as I’m concerned. I have had a moment of true and perfect happiness. I need no more out of life. I have lived through far more than many others have. If I’m to die, so be it, and so it goes.

But, that wouldn’t happen. Life is never simple.

More happiness will come, and with it, suffering. Sadness with laughter, love with anger. Nothing in life comes without a price. The price for my happiness was love.

The shadows cast across the sepia sand hid our shared moment. Even her sister failed to notice the relief heavy in the air. Or maybe she did, and just ignored it. Regardless, there was no more hesitation restricting us from doing anything. Feelings erupted in my heart, feelings that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Slides and stairs and only one swing. We pass these things by, using them or abusing them. They are aids in our passage of joy. With each touch of our lips, a spark left over ignites the air. Waves of laughter and teenage love spread through the clear night. The moon smiles down at us as if the sun will never chase her. My arms squeeze into her sides as I pull her close and say goodnight moon.

Rushing through the night air, I felt invincible. My chariot beneath me obeying any and every command as its metal frame shudders. A long way home, but it was no trouble. Flying through the night, made possible by Teenage Hope.

I see her again the next day.

We made wishes at 11:11a.m. Mine was to see her the next day, before she left for the city. I was completely wrong when I guessed what she wished for.

A man can dream, can he not?

She goes off to my town to see the campus. I was left thinking I won’t see her. No one was home but my brother and parents. The house was deathly quiet, almost sighing with relief that it did not feel bloated for once. The sirens called my name, and the beach was my home for the day. Windblown hair and salty skin still lives within me.

Our mob of thirteen went to a posh, stiff-upper-lip seafood shack and was served terribly. Human instinct in the form of envy proved itself real among the young children as milkshakes were dished out. Continual textual relations gently soared through the air waves from my machine to hers, miles and miles away.

Do you wanna hang out tonight…?
Of course.
(:
I’ll be there soon enough.

After an hour of horrid service and food, we leave the massive establishment in search of ice cream and infatuation. Sure enough, I appear next to the responsible sister of the beautiful girl I began to fall for. Out of thin air, I was there.

We left the creamery to find romance at the flooded desert we call a beach. The dunes gossiped as our feet sifted through the fine rubble. People passed and we lay down. Sand was everywhere, from our hands to our lips to our shorts. Pressed against my chest, I felt the world in my arms. The ocean dust blew over us, attempting to hide the feelings emanating from our flirtatiousness, deeming it childish and fake.

A wish came true that night: a romantic kiss beneath the moonlight on the dry ocean. Of course, I had no idea any wish came true until the very next day. Something was born from that, whether it be stupidity or something more noble, I have yet to see.

A walk lasts eternity when you don’t know how long it will be. Left in the dust of affection, I was completely okay with it. I slipped off my Chucks and walked down Causeway. My shoes didn’t need any additional wear and tear, as they were already surgically repaired with duct tape and shoelaces. Treading upon gravel and tarmac, the only things I recognized were the flash of headlights as they swerved away.

Where am I? Doesn’t matter to me. I’m content with life.

Thrown to the ground, my shoes felt content to lie down and watch human life unfold. They saw a boy slowly fall through time, ignorant to anything that didn’t concern her. Lights flickered on and off, indicating the rotation of the Earth and how much the boy missed nothing at all. All that was seen was a blossom, and it’s slow expansion into the universe.

Drawn into sleep, he forgets about everything. Even her. All he does is dream of everything and nothing. Especially her and not her. Nothing and everything matters. So what is there to worry about? Nothing. What is there to love? Everything. Goodnight then.

Hello, again.
The day was Thursday, and Kristen’s last day. We were to hang out early, so we could spend more than an hour together for once. Before I can do that, though, life calls for mini golf. The time was 11:30a.m. The universe then demanded lunch. The time was 1p.m. Wings were consumed, shutters snapped, and insults were written upon funny paper hats. Even after all of the chaos of lunchtime, Mother Nature called for a torrential downpour. The time was 3:30p.m.

The rendezvous was a gift shop right off of the bridge. Again, I appeared from nowhere to hold her from behind. It was an embrace that anyone could recognize as one of longing. Why would I want to let go? I may never see her again…

We walked about the store, taking shelter from the machine gunning from the sky. Exploring the shelves and each others’ eyes and lips. Blurry pictures and immense amounts of air-conditioning abound. Sitting on a stepladder, she looked up at me and smiled. I saw everything a boy could want in a girl in that smile. And I stoop down to smile back.

I tried on sunglasses and plotted mischief with smoke bombs. She laughed and said she didn’t trust me with them. She sought out a good-looking glow-in-the-dark shirt, while I wondered what if, what if? She bought ice cream, and she stole my heart. No charges pressed, she can have it. But, please, never let it go.

Several beach chairs folded up sat outside. We sat on the wooden racks they sat in. We watched liquid life drop from the roof into puddles on the ground. I held her close, knowing that very soon, she’ll be gone. The dread just built and built, but I dared not let it show. I just kissed her and smiled.

Everything will work out and be okay. Right?

A blue vehicle appeared out of thin air. It is a signal that our time is dead and gone. My heart wrenches from my chest, stuck in her hand as I walk toward the car. She ended up walking the same way. One final brush of our lips, one last flare before the fire dies. Not sadness, but dissatisfaction washes over my body and mind. If only we had more time…

I needed one more chance to see her. To hold her. To smell the delicious coconut and vanilla scent she wore so well. To make her smile and giggle. I needed another encounter to really conclude the whole affair. I wasn’t desperate, just longing for a real goodbye.

Quickly, my fingers danced upon my phone, making a plea for us to meet again tonight for one last adieu. I could ask no more of her, and I figured she may want to as well, since she seemed sad when we last parted ways. The plan was accepted and we were to meet one last time.

I dressed up; white slim jeans, an orange cotton shirt wearing a penguin for decoration, decrepit sneakers. A last impression on a girl I could never forget so we’d share something else besides the memories. Golf carts and blondes passed the house. Honk honk. I waved at them and smiled.

The beautiful girl I’d come to know pulled up in front of the house. She wore a v-neck tee shirt and jean shorts. To me, it didn’t matter what she wore: she was dazzling regardless. Immediately, I noticed we were alone. For the first and last time.

Complimenting back and forth, flirting and teasing, the car was filled to the brim with teenage romance, that lovely feeling of perfection and happiness and ease of living. Suggestions of going off alone and climbing into the back seat were made, and laughs accompanied them. Another beach walk was on the agenda for the night.

We ditched the car in a parking lot, and made off without shoes. Soon, the nerves in our feet told us about the cool, loose sand beneath us. Our ears whispered about the peaceful crashing of Nature’s self-punishment. Our eyes only saw each others’, and were silent. Nothing was needed to be said, as everything was known on the subject already. Matching smiles were worn over darkened faces.

We stood in the sand for at least an hour. I held her close for what could never be enough because of how much she affected me. Our kisses started to all meld into one, the fiery passion building up in a crescendo of the unexplainable feelings I felt for her. And when that crescendo hit the highest point, I knew one thing, and everything else was settled.

I fell head over heels. I felt love at first sight, even if it took a week to figure it out. Nothing could prepare me for that fact. Not even if someone had told me before. There was no way I would have believed it if I hadn’t learned it myself. All the affection, all the banter, all the unexplained feelings were explained in one fraction of a second.

I would never be okay with letting go, but at least I knew why. And that was enough to stick through it.

Clutching her hand in mine, we walked back from the beach. Barefoot, we snuck through the store, hoping we wouldn’t get in any trouble not having any shoes. In the parking lot, some guys had a dollar bill on a string and she caught it. They wouldn’t let her keep it. We just laughed and kept walking.

She ended up leaving me stranded again. That didn’t bother me in the slightest. What did was her almost leaving with my shoes and vitamin water. I pulled both out of the passenger side and walked around to her side.

Get over here.

I pulled her to me and kissed her. One last kiss to end all of this.

Goodbye, for now, but never forever.





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

passionate-romance said...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 4:29 am
guess who (:, i've already told you this but i feel the need  to let you know one last time, your writting is beautiful, i have read this story more then once, and i get shivers each time, you can make words come alive.
 
jeanie2277 said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 2:34 pm
I am an old lady of 43, but when I read this, it brought me back to my younger years. The times when a smile, a look, a touch made me feel like the only girl in the room. Thank you so much for sharing your first love with everyone. Please keep writing.
 
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