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Behind The Submissions

I am nineteen and I live in a small town and I am writing a blog. Why write a blog all of a sudden? Aside from the fact that people write blogs all the time and the results are incredible outcomes. For example, Julie Powell decided to cook through Julia Child's cookbook - blogged the entire thing - and a movie was made. Meryl Streep was an Oscar Nominee all because of a blog. I am not hoping to get Meryl Streep nominated for an Oscar by my blog though.

I'm just you "average," "normal," "everyday," whatever way you want to put it, kind of girl. But I have seen things that are not average, not normal, and not everyday. I was just your typical eighteen year old girl - inhabiting isolated darkness with headphones and a notebooks and...a piece of glass. I gave myself up to a self-destructive life phyisically and emotionally and I was the one doing it. In the midst of this, I went walking and was hit by a car.

I was flung into the air and hit the pavement face first. I have no recollection of the event whatsoever. I remember waking up in the hospital and being informed of the situation. The damage? Brief memory loss, brusies/scrapes, facial fractures, and a brain injury. It has been six months since it happened.

Six months and I'm still breathing. Six months and I'm still standing. Six months since the accident and the therapy that followed - the mental, the physical, the cognitive. Six months since I cut myself. Six months since I felt part of a life with broken relationships. Six months and I'm still standing here. Six months and I'm still getting better, still getting stronger. So why am I blogging?

Because. I know what it's like to feel alone, depressed, frustrated, despairing, self-mutilating, looking back, to be hanging on so tightly, scared, forgotten... My broken heart didn't kill me and the car didn't kill me either.

What happened to me since? I literally wanted death. It didn't happen. I'm alive. I really do want to be. Because I've been saved in everyway a person can be saved. When you let go of everything, you get it all back. But that's not the point right now.

I am not religious, I have a relationship with Jesus. I have a faith that is much bigger than me. I am plugged in2 the creative + loving + free + happy + saved + constantly being restored life24/7. I'm alright now, because in my broken life, God steps in, and says, "I love you." I asked God how can I be sure and He showed me Jesus Christ crucified for me to carry me in. And that is what I am, being carried in, closer, every single day.





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